I'll write you a short poem!

The T-Rex and the Vera-raptor

T-Rex hated being alone,

But he could never make a girl moan.

He had small arms,

That could not please a girls charms,

Until he met Vera-raptor,

With the tiny-saur stature,

Little and large was always frowned up,

Until he stamped on her Dad and Mum,

Now they are together,

With hopes its forever,

Never underestimate the power of Forrbiden Dinosaur romance,

The only thing stronger than a Bromance.

Big Pink Dinosaurs;

Eating yellow dressers why?

They can't see a number 2.

EDIT: I read this as a Haiku incorporating all your themes, hence why the above is so bad! Jumping on an Invisible number 2 was more than 7 syllables so I panicked! haha

Titties and Beer.

Have you ever tried to unlock the mysteries of a bra drunk?

She once asked me if I'd taken the same vow as a monk.

I wanted them unsheathed,

A quest that I had bequeathed.

A quest that's still pending,

A task neverending.

Titties and Beer, a drink best served sober.

Jobless.

Read your wishlist, try to buy game, card declined.

Rinse. Wash. Repeat.

I died, I died!

You Lied, you lied!

You said this was fun!

Perma-deaths have begun.

I am about to beat the bo...oh, I died.

I imagined this as a Skyrim-esque tale. Clowns, Jesters and Bards sing the song of the Battle of Snailstance during the Light of the Shellmoon Shallister.

Samstar, oh yay! His silver starry trail into battle led the way.

Oh Yay! Oh yay! The Dark Knight of Snailstance stood soley in his way.

Twenty yards they stood apart, a mere 3 weeks march. Oh yay! Oh yay! Our hero Samster's proud march!

When they finally met, their shells in regret, as the greatest warriors met their fate. A giant Nike Air Max, crushed the dreams of a nation.

Oh Yay, Oh Yay! The battle of Snailstance gave us a new Villain to to hate. The dastardly shoe belonging to you, Satan of the snaillands.

A kiss by any other name would still taste as sweet, unless it was connected to your fartbox.

If God is a woman, she'll have a beard.

If beards where you, I wish I was you U2.

It's not a Beautiful Day when you don't have a beard.

Bono's one redeeming feature was when he had a beard.

Bono think's he's God, I don't know why this turned into a U2 hatred poem....I like beards.

O! Spaghetti Monster, hallowed by thy bowl.

Thy flying's fun, I want you in my tum. On Earth tum means belly.

Give me today my meatball stew but forgive me for using tins.

As I'll forgive those who serve me tinned food and not use it against them.

Lead me not into the temptation of eating you. Delivery boys are not evil.

ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD. THE END.

Have an evil cat Haiku written by a Flubber Monster in a volcano.

Cats with monocles;

Cute with evil intentions,

I can haz cheezburger?

Redhanded with a redheaded female friend.

Redrum painted on the red wall will this never end.

I got a red letter from my red mad boss, 'cause I shagged his bird.

Red is a funny word with connotations you've probably already heard.

The Jolly Rover waves his flag like a jolly roger on his merry way.

Looking for people, rats, cats, bats, a horse anything on his merry course.

The reality sets in, he will never win.

The mission is for him to never return, bloody robots, we'll never learn.

Cut my bloody finger on a bloody spoon.

Blinded my bloody left eye looking at the bloody moon.

Lost my bloody voice, humming a bloody tune.

Looking to end this bloody poem, too bloody soon.

Bloody this and bloody that, bloody miss my bloody flat.

Bloody dog is howling at the bloody TV.

Bloody teachers marking my bloody rubbish test.

Can't be arsed changing the same old bloody vest.

Bloody mistakes, bloody ball aches.

+1!

+1.

Panacea

The Ball Game

Sitting in my pyjamas and playing video games,
Met this cute girl who didn't have a shame,
First I were a little scared, if she had a dong,
Then I dumped her,cause she wouldn't stay turned on..!!!