This topic needs to be discussed more! I had these problems myself and went through a couple of tough years at school. By now I left all of that behind me but it still hurts and I wish I could do anything to help prevent this from happening to other people today. Society is just messed up and hardly anyone at all realizes how much words can hurt other people.
I'd just like to reach out to everyone who is currently in such a state and say that it's going to get better if you stay strong and remind yourself that they're the bad people, not you! Being different is completely normal because no 2 people are completely alike!
Don't give bullies a chance!
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Kids are the most stern judges you'll find. They don't care about your feelings. They'll judge you, no matter your reaction. They'll find someone different than them? They'll judge them and make fun of them. They're wild animals and their parents are the only ones that can tame them. Sorry, but it's true. x) I used to be a unit leader in a camp for kids and they'd only listen to the adults, including me. But they would mock anyone else, even people that were working there if they were minors.
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Kids will bully because someone is obese or skinny. Not-manly enough or not-femine enough. Isn't good at sport or singing. Any reason is good for people that like to abuse others.
Worst thing is that adults often don't care, or say that "they are kids, it's normal that they need to put hierarchy between them". So they stand idle when bullies ruin lives of their victims.
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I think bullying begins in the family. Parents are stubborn or dont care for their children or even are abusive. This makes the kid feel bad and tries to show dominance to others like their parents show to them to feel powerful over others.
The lack of caring and educational parents are the main cause for this. Not only the bullies should be blamed and receive punishment. The parents should also receive it.
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Your update also missed out if the boy is not clear of fault either. The rumor is the bullied kid had said the N-word to someone or a group of people that resulted him being bullied. As of now, nothing is solid on whether if the bullied kid was a bully or not. The popular video only presented one side of a situation and specifically after the incident had happened.
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Because this is the first time i heared it, however what i did read yesterday that his father is in jail also for racist stuff, this boy has been grown up in a racist environment from both sides, if you are being bullied because of how you look and a scar (people will pick on you if you look or are different), pushed to the limit i am sure certain bad words can come out of you at one point (not saying it's right though) but this kid already been in ways bullied/abused by his parents too.
Whatever the real story is behind this boy, there is still plenty others that face it too, daily.
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Everybody's getting bullied once in a while. It was always a problem and a real one, leaving psychological (if not physical) scars for life, that make you the person you are later on. I was bullied and I also bullied myself, and feel really bad about it, of course, wishing I could deal with some situations in life differently.
That being said, I kinda don't understand why this kid is so special? Just because his sobs were filmed on camera? Seriously, there are far more horrible cases of bullying deserving a shed of light.
But then again, it just won't stop. Until parents start to pay more attention to their children, this will never stop. People are shit, it's in our blood. And kids just do what they do, cause it's natural, and they haven't learned anything about humanism, morality and the needs to tame the "beast within". I might be wrong about these statements, but that's how I feel about it.
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Because most think (especially bullies) oh it are just words, grow a few. I was bullied (a long time) and this video yeah touched me on how i felt back then, but he was also asking why people do it and he would rather be picked on then let others go through this, that i found special.
The whole story about that came after it (with his parents) that we only got to read afterwards. It's about awareness (not just this boy) so nothing stopping you from showing some more horrible cases that deserve a shed of light.
As to why media picked this up (was even on a dutch news site) and other stories not? Dunno.
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Well.. I was bullied too. For being too quite, for being an outsider, for being smart. Ive had fights too. I tried no to take it too hard and just get on with all that shit. Found some friends, esentially moved away and went to vocational school at 16. Moved again and went to Uni where I am now.
Completely different person that was molded by such life to become a bit anti social, but caring person. Kids have and will always bully others. Those who are bullied should just realize this. If this gets to a point of physical abuse or day in day out bombarding you with offenses - that should be treated as crime, I think.
What Im getting on about - its just something that you cant obliterate. Its in human nature. I know I have laughed and talked behind someones back about others since forever. So has everyone else about others and about me too. Grown ass people with bachelor and masters degrees.
And kids dont have such empathy, they dont understnd that bullying leaves pshychological scars so they dont talk behind someones back. They scream it right to your face and maybe even hit you after watching all those dumb ass cartoons.Parents should talk to their kids. Teach them not to bully others and teach them how to approach those who bully you. Stop treating your kid as some special little snowflake, because h/she isnt. Your kid isnt the center of the world. And that someone says a bad word to him doesnt men the end of the world.
There is no point in babbbling on about and blaming everyone people havent yet blamed. So what parents step in ? So what teachers step in ? Bullying doesnt stop. Once their backs are turned your still being bullied. Kids should be thought respect towards others. And maybe even to work on themselves. Why do we assume every kid is so special and perfect ? They are not. If your kid is bullied, maybe he is weird - talks weird, dresses weirdly or whatever. Such people are bullied even when they grow up.
I dont really have any direct advices.. Im just saying - of course everyone knows its bad and should stop. But it never will. People who bullied me and others when I was kid still are the same pieces of shit when they grow up. What do you want to do ? Lock them up when they are born ? They dont change, their morales dont change. They dont bully someone for the sake of it. But they are still aggressive and angry people. Even if they are happy and relaxed they are low key crazy. And the cycle continues.
Teach kids to step up for themselves. Not by crying on phone to your mother to get donations and sympathy from people that wouldnt drop a tear of you died, but to the people who bully you. They abuse you physically ? Well, call cops. Thats a crime. But other than that - not doing anything and bottling up emotions and anger is never good. Teach your kid to talk out their problems with you or fix the relationships and things that led to bullying of him.
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with this thing called communication.
If its that serious that the kid cant even talk to the bully without getting wailed on then thats probably time to involve the idiot parents who raised up a fucker like that or police, dont you think ?
I would suggest the kid to find out whats the problem. Also, if kid cant stand up to the bully it definitely wont stop. They love it when they can be submissive.
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"Stop treating your kid as some special little snowflake, because h/she isnt. Your kid isnt the center of the world. And that someone says a bad word to him doesnt men the end of the world."
Maybe I'm misunderstanding you here and we are totally on the same level, if yes, I'm sorry in advance. But this is exactly the reason why kids become bullies! Because the parents act powerful and not loving. Bullies don't believe in themselves. They feel weak and unloved. That's why they use violence to gain power. If you treat your kids like a little snowflake, with care, love and empathy, let it feel, like it's the center of your world and don't say bad words to it, the kid won't become a bully. I can promise you that. I'm working professionally with kids who didn't respect other kids and one thing they all have in common is that they felt heavily powerless at one point in their life or all their life. I guess a pretty good example for that is "Billy Hargrove" in Stranger Things Season 2.
So, how to approach bullies? The first step is, that they need to understand, that there are rules. If you cross a line, you have to take responsibility for your actions. Consequences can help when bulling happens in early stages and are rarely. If there is a more constant behavior of crossing the line, no matter what, the kid needs help! It can help to bully the bully, but you're just moving the problem here. It needs people who rate bulling as a problematic behavior and that the bully needs help and the person who became bullied. But this is one of the hardest tasks EVER! This is the most frustrating part of my job: to explain other grown-ups that bulling is bulling and that this kind of behavior is not ok.
So, to all the Keatons here: it's not your fault. You are right, how you are. People love you, how you are. And you are not alone. Talk to people. Find people who are/were bullied too. Get together and search for support in your school, work, social services, unions, social movements etc. It will get frustrated as f***. But the little steps are the ones that are counting the most.
peace
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Yeah, I think were on the same page ;)
All that talk about treating your kid as a snowflake I meant about kids that dont really have any grasp on what life is and how it works because they are spoiled and pampered. Lack of attention does definitely affect kid badly. To recap, lack of attention creates kids who wail on those who have it too much.
Of course, if that spoiled kid doesnt have a huge ego and to some extinct empathy towards others because of that.
I think you can raise kids in good conditions and still make them understand how life turns around. Most parents these days substitue raising their child by buying them everything they want and ignoring the parenting part.
I definitely agree with your proposition of dealing with bullying. Hard to figure out myself, not being a professional in such a field.
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Yeah, I agree with your last sentence. That's why I recommend to search for professionals or trustworthy adults.
Spoiled or pampered...it doesn't really matter. Neglecting is the word that counts here. And yea, you can be neglected even if your family is prosper. Which means that your family care more about themselves, their work or your future plan than your actual needs. But statistically there are more bullies who come from social and educational weaker families. Lack of stability, structure, financial resources and a less positive future are heavy factors for kids to become bullies.
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Oh, no doubt. Listening to opinions in this thread would be as if I, mechanic and soon to be engineer, would listen to all those "facebook mechanics" how to fix / build car. You know it just will go wrong.
Basically everything comes down to parents. How you raise your child. If we want to make the situation better, we definitely have to include parents in the picture here.
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Thank your for your appreciation!
You are totally right. Parents need to be included too. In the end, you probably need to include the society, too. Only if a society is sensible for bullying, they can see bullying and do something against it.
Thx for the good discussion by the way! :)
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The truth about bullying is that you never know when one bully ends and another begins.
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I was bullied in school. I got tough skin and I dealt with it. I feel kids now are pampered and they can't handle real life.
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sarcasm on
I'm so happy you were bullied in school and got a tough skin now. I guess you know how to handle real life like motherf*er now! You must be such a tough son of a b** that nothing can hurt you anymore.
sarcasm off
sorry dude, but the "suck it up" attitude helps this many people: 0
To pamper kids means for me the be sacred too much about them. To give them the feeling, that they can't handle on climbing on that tree or can't care for themselves. To become bullied can give you the feeling to be helpless and worthless and further more: powerless. I'm glad you could overcome this feeling but I guess you could get there because important people in your life gave you the feeling that you are loved or strong. Someone could say, you were pampered. I would say, you were loved. Raising a kid with fear is something different than raising the kid with love.
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sorry dude, but the "suck it up" attitude helps this many people: 0
Sorry, dude, but you are totally wrong. Dealing with bullying requires action on all fronts, and that includes the victim. Parents are supposed to teach their children respect for others so they do not become bullies, and also how to handle it when they meet bullies. You do not throw your kid to the sharks, nor do you coddle them. You raise them to protect themselves and treat others fairly so that they can carry on after you're gone.
Bullies are bullies because of their own personal problems, often being bullied by their own parents. Bullies seek out victims whom they think they can successfully bully, and they avoid bullying those who fight back (in whatever manner). In this day and age, it is not always feasible (or possible) to fight back, and that is when you need to "suck it up." Knowing how to do that without becoming a victim is an essential life skill. Most often, it is your father who prevents you from bullying others and teaches you how to protect yourself. At a time when so many families are broken or dysfunctional, it is not surprising that Bullying has become a hot topic.
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I totally agree with you. But sentences like "suck it up", "get over it", "it's not that bad" doesn't help you to cope in any way because the person who is saying that doesn't see your feelings and that is so disappointing and sad. But let me put the sentences in a context.
Kid became bullied. Goes to father and tells him. Father says: "suck it up and get over it. it's not that bad. I was bullied too. Now grow up and stop acting like a special snowflake."
Kid became bullied. Goes to father and tells him. Father says: "I'm sorry son that you had to make such a hurtful experience. But I hope you can get over it because I love you and you are a great kid,no matter what other people say or do to you. Suck it up, because I'm here for you and I'm going to talk to person X. I got bullied too and it made me stronger. If you want, I can show you how I did that because in the end, you can say: it wasn't that bad, it made me stronger"
can we agree, that the 2nd one is waaaaay better than the first one? :)
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can we agree, that the 2nd one is waaaaay better than the first one? :)
Umm... Are we dealing with a language barrier, here? I'm not sure if those two examples came across the way you intended. The first makes the father sound like a jerk. The second one sounds like a mother rather than a father. In any case, I think we agree in principle. Bullying is not something to be taken lightly, and kids should be taught how to handle life's difficulties.
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Well, I didn't know there is a specific way of how a father and a mother should sound like.
There is no specific way, but surely you have noticed that men and women generally have different styles of interaction? There are differences from one culture to another, as well.
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You could just fight back you know. You don't even need to get physical. Whining on the internet, on the other hand, will certainly not do any good. My philosophy: Don't give bullys a chance by fucking them up yourself. Man up!
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This is what I meant in saying "You don't need to get physical".
There are other ways.
Just.. don't ever put up with bully's shit.
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I don't think self-confidence is what's missing. I'd rather say it's the rejection of violence and maybe the belief that words can solve anything. It's just being intelligent. Bullys are dumb people. They are stupid morons who hate themselves so much that they have to vent their steam onto "helpless" beings.
However, nobody's gotta put up with their shit.
If you can't beat them physically, make them miserable some way else.
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Whoever is being violent to other people cannot be intelligent. I'm not sure if this is just my opinion or if that is a fact. If you ask me, violence is a "trademark" of extremely unintelligent, subhuman beings. Even fucking monkeys deal with issues w/o resorting to violence ffs.
However, IF you ever met "intelligent bullies", I guess those were rather sadists than real bullies.
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well, let me put it that way. Most people know what they are doing is wrong. But they still do it because they think their positive outcome is bigger than the negative. That's simple psychology because you wouldn't do something that YOU believe is pretty stupid and useless for YOU, would you?
With the knowledge that you are doing something stupid, like hitting a person or saying something mean, you need to convince people that what you are doing is not that stupid. So you start to think about arguments for your actions: the other person is a moron / He or she started it / and stuff like that.
If you do this a few times, you won't have much success with it. That's why you need to be more intelligent to find a better way of doing it. You watch out for adults, you try to get people on your side, you find ways to shut-up your victim, you think about better arguments: it was a game we are playing / I tried to defend someone else / I will never do that again,I'm really sorry...
As UlverHausu mentioned before:
"The truth about bullying is that you never know when one bully ends and another begins."
Bullies are testing! They test who can be bullied and who don't.
And if bullies are so stupid, how do they get away with it so often? Yes, there are really stupid bullies, but they are mostly easy to handle and soon gone. The intelligent, the subtile ones are the dangerous ones because they can bully you over years.
You know who is stupid? The ones who follow the bully!
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You can stay quiet and get beat up, or fight back and get beat up. Either way, you are going to get beat up. The bare minimum you should do is to fight back. (Pressing charges counts.) Not only will it dissuade people from picking on you, it will earn you respect from others and yourself. The worst part of being a victim is the self-loathing attached to doing "nothing" in response.
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It doesn't matter how little is said online, words hurt.
It happened on this very site where someone committed suicide. Kids these days have to suffer in school and at home
Bump
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According to a federal study released on Tuesday, one in every five middle and high school students has complained of being bullied at school, while the number of reported incidents of sexual assaults on college campuses has more than tripled over the past ten years.
The anti-bullying video of a Union County middle schooler went viral over the weekend, garnering the attention of the Tennessee Titans and the University of Tennessee Vols football teams.
Kimberly Jones posted the video of her son, Keaton, on her Facebook page Friday shortly after 12:30 p.m. She said she had just picked Keaton up from school because he was too afraid to go to lunch as a result of bullying.
Despite some other media reports, Keaton is not a student in Knox County, according to Carly Harrington, Knox County Schools spokesperson. Rather, he attends Horace Maynard Middle School in Maynardville, in Union County. He used to attend Knox County but left in July 2017, according to Harrington.
"For the record, Keaton asked to do this AFTER he had me pick him up AGAIN because he was afraid to go to lunch," Jones wrote in her Facebook post.
"My kids are by no stretch perfect, and at home, he's as all boy as they come, but by all accounts he's good at school. Talk to your kids. I've even had friends of mine tell me (their) kids were only nice to him to get him to mess with people. We all know how it feels to want to belong, but only a select few know how it really feels not to belong anywhere," she wrote.
In the video, Keaton, crying in the passenger seat, describes having milk poured on him and ham put down his clothes.
"Just out of curiosity, why do they bully? What's the point of it?" Keaton began. "Why do you find joy in taking innocent people and finding a way to be mean to 'em? It's not okay."
Keaton said kids at school make fun of his nose, call him ugly and tell him he has no friends.
Jones, in another social media post on Oct. 18, described one such incident. At a birthday party, she wrote, another boy said he knew Keaton by his scars, one that "goes all the way across his face."
Jones wrote that her son was born with a tumor.
"It's not OK!" Keaton cried in his video. "People that are different don't need to be criticized about it. It's not their fault. But if you are made fun of, don't let it bother you. They suck I guess. Hard. But it will probably get better one day."
Within hours, the post had thousands of views. By Saturday night it had been viewed more than 11 million times and shared by nearly 250,000 people.
http://www.knoxnews.com/story/news/2017/12/09/crying-east-tennessee-boys-viral-anti-bullying-video-attracts-attention-vols-titans/937967001/
Clip
Obligatory giveaway
[Update] So now there is a story about the boy's mother that is a bit controversial, as in being depicted racist but also trying to collect money for herself, someone else had 50000 raised for the boy but now waiting to hear more about the mother.
Anyway this topic is still be about the boy, who's situation is real, and about all those others that suffer(ed) from it, i been there too.
Just felt this boy's story really reflected how one would feel being the victim of a bully.
[Update2] Someone here said the kid (only) got bullied after saying the n word to someone, offcourse no way to condone that, but apparently his father is also in jail and a racist, if you get pushed daily to your limits, then imagine you just lose your control at one point.
And as people are, this boy also most likely got picked on because of his scar and how he looked, if not for being bullied at school, his parents bullied him into raising him this way. Offcourse there are plenty of other examples, maybe some that didn't have such a "drama" afterwards, but this came to me to attention even in the dutch media, and being bullied myself, i understood this boys feeling of helplessness, and the way he said "i rather have them bully me so others don't have to suffer the same" makes him in my eyes, the hero.
Most that do bully most likely will often think "oh it are just words" and they don't see or feel the pain it can cause, and some will be suffer from it the rest of their lifes. The target (the bullies at school), there probably won't be many of them here, but even in today's society people even get bullied at their work, this topic is and wasn't just about the boy, it was just an example of the outcry of someone suffering (daily) bullying, but the topic in general is just awareness of bullying in general, and if you have your own story, or know someone around you, feel free to share them, maybe your story can help atleast 1 person here, reading this.
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