So..
Nothing wrong with admitting you are not comfortable with something. If she can't accept something as little as that - move on immediately.
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Don't even question your answer. You have the right in your life (i am not even count the fact of the relationship) to deny something that makes you uncomfortable.
You should not second guess a second, no, a millisecond something like that. Your question was correct by all counts.
You will find another person who understands you.
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Do not even mention it mate. You are a real person with wants and needs. No one has the right to make you do something uncomfortable.
I hope you can find a person who understands and loves you.
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This is really important, it's not you the problem.
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I want to say Yes,Yes, No. :p And ask what kind of selfie and why would call it "little", but i am giddy at the moment.
But if you already question that why even bother thinking it further along?
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Depends if you are 18y old or younger as kids these days want to have pictures with someone to show to others.
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No I'm actually 32 years old and simply do not want to send pictures of myself. And no, she didn't request nudes, just a selfie.
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No she is 34 years old. Mentally ill? I do not know.
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Well maybe she was just being cautious since she has had bad experiences beforehand.
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So she never saw you before and all this was internet relationship?
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No we actually met up and we had a good evening, but it seems like it wasn't enough for her.
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So you don't send a selfie and she ignores you. Looks like a mentaly ill person.
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I told her multiple times how I dislike photographing myself. She kinda ignored that fact. Friends tell my I dodged a bullet right there but I'm kinda sad how all turned out.
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She could have just pointed the idea if hanging out again and then she could make a photo of you, that would work right? Find it a bit weird that she says that while she already saw you and everything, if you enjoy being together, who cares about a selfie!? (to her, not to you, not sure why you didn't just do it but that;s your choice to make and she should just accept a no)
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I imagine something like this:
friend of girl : "So, do you like him?"
girl: "Yeah, I guess..."
friend of girl: "Do you like him, like him?"
girl: "I dunno, maybe, I'm not sure if he's serious or not. I don't want to waste my time with another guy who is just after 'one thing'."
friend of girl: "Okay, here is what you do: If he really likes you he will gladly do something outside of his comfort zone for you. Is he afraid of something? Heights? Ask him to go to the top of the Fernsehturm with you. Does he hate clowns? Ask him to go to the circus. Doesn't he like shopping? Go to Alexa! So, is there anything like that you could try?"
girl: "Well, he doesn't like taking photos of himself..."
friend of girl: "There you go, ask him for a selfie."
girl: Ew, but what if he sends a dick pic?"
friend of girl: "Well then at least you will know what he'll use to get your 'one thing'."
girl: "Haha! Oh my gosh Julia! Okay I'll try it."
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Way more thought went into this than I would've expected.
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Yeah... She already saw you before, so what's the point of a selfie? She was a weirdo
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This actually made a big difference.
Even if it was a little extreme reaction I can’t say I didn’t understood her at first sight. You can have so much (bad) surprises with internet and maybe she is someone for whom physical appearance matters a lot.
But now that I’m reading this, I don’t understand anymore her reaction. It doesn't make sense to me.
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When I read your initial post, I thought it was purely an internet friendship and that you had considered meeting. IF she had asked for a photo in that case, then it really wouldn't have been unreasonable of her to want to know what you looked like. It's a safety concern for someone meeting in cases like that.
The fact that she lost it over a selfie AFTER you guys had spent an evening together sounds weird to me. I say just move on and say good riddance. You may definitely have dodged a bullet with that one.
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A simple life lesson; If one can't take a no for an answer, they want to control your life (more or less).
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lol, good god. You like a girl and won't send her a selfie.
Sure, she's being a tad dramatic. But, so are you.
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She is, you ARE NOT. If she cant respect that, she can FO.
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You are not dramatic. Don't underestimate yourself. You have value. If someone wants to be with you she need to respect you.
If not, there is the door let her get the fak away.
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+1
Absolutely. Pretty much everything what needs to be said about this.
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I don't think he's being dramatic. It was a short relationship and he told her that he hates selfies, so her reaction was out of place. And I understand him, as I hate being photographed as well (24-year old female here). It would actually creep me out, if a guy was demanding my selfie after a single date. It's a good thing that the relationship ended so soon, that woman sounds like a big drama queen at least. What did she need so desperately his photo for anyway?
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I kind of understand her - she wanted a relationship and it is kind of normal to have a photo of the partner.
BUT: When you tell her, that you don't want to take a selfie for whatever reason and she would be an understanding woman, she would be fine with it. She won't tell you that it's a reason to split up (before a relationship is there).
So, it's not your fault.
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Well it kinda bothered me how I handled the situation.I could've sent her a selfie but that would violate my principles. I wouldn't ever feel good about that and isn't that something you need to stick to?
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That's exactly the point. If she won't accept your decision she won't accept other decisions - even if you two would start a relationship in the future.
And - you also have to feel good, not just she. I'd act like you, too.
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Thank you. Maybe I just put way too much hope into the whole situation. Yes, I am single and kinda desperate, but this..well.. I felt offended actually.
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You're welcome! :)
I know how you feel, and you always think that it's your fault or that you should have done it in another way. She has shown no respect for your feelings, and that's a basic thing for me in every relationship.
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So you think that it is not completely my fault for behaving such as I did? That would give me hope, actually. I'm actually a person who can talk easily to girls, but she raised so much doubts to myself, it's immodest.
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I think it's none of your fault. You have told her before that you don't like to take pictures of you, so she should also know that she doesn't get a selfie from you. What could you have done more? Give her a picture and then hurt your principles and you wouldn't feel good?
Even if you gave her a selfie you would project your bad feelings onto her - and that would make you feel bad again.
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It was a similar app to be honest. Didn't expect her to be so evaluative though.
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Awwww come on. Tinder was designed for hooking up. Now ask yourself how often you had sex with people you never saw before! She was probably just looking for a lover and not for a relationship, so of course she wanted to see a picture to see where this was going!
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She was actually looking for a serious thing, not just sex. So did I. I know how Tinder is not even remotely fitting for love, but manyjudge people might judge such apps differently.
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Maybe she wanted to have a picture early on to see if this was going anywhere. You know, having a relationship can be hard if there is no attraction at all. Maybe she was hurt/fooled before and isn't keen on wasting time....
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That might just be the case, but she saw enough pictures of me beforehand and requesting a picture might not appear as such a big deal to you, but as I've posted, I hate doing selfies and she should've respected that fact.
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I hate dong selfies
Okay, I know this is a typo and you meant "doing"... but this is an awesome typo. :D
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Happened to me actually through steamgifts even, met this girl, talked with her a few times until she wanted sex, i was cautious (also because of fakers) and told her sortof no, she then removed me from steam/facebook, which i also not expected she would do, and maybe atleast let me knew her a bit better, i still wonder though how she would be doing now as she had a phsycial illness (i don't remember her steam name anymore).
But yeah some are just out for that and if they can't they will find it elsewhere and just cut you off.
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Wow, dating on SteamGifts, I'm getting a great idea. Maybe someone wants to host a Dating Show - SteamGifts Edition! XD
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:D
It's not a bad idea, I assume there are many singles on SG. ;) That would be fun.
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Or awkward!^^
"Hey! I am Cronos and I like video games!" "What now - you too?" XD
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Wow, I like video games too! We have so much in common! ;)
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While I'm sure there are many singles on SG, I have a nagging suspicion that Dating Show - SteamGifts Edition would be like walking into a GamesWorkshop store - 12 guys in various states of cleanliness nervously eyeing the single female.
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dating on SteamGifts
Sure- just change the site name to "Bundles of Joy" and then wait for most every male on the site to start commenting on how they have a huge package to give away. After all, what's life without the regular addition of new regrets?
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Bundles of Joy
Sounds more like an adoption show for shelter animals/kids. This could actually be successful here. Win-Win!
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This could actually be successful here. Win-Win!
"Win this copy of Minion Masters, and you'll also get a free copy of Half-Life 3 or a small human child!
[Disclaimer: No Half-Life 3 available.]"
..yeah, that sounds.. that sounds.. like something, yeah.
But, as a passing thought, maybe we can consider something else, instead?
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Did you meet her in real life?
It sounds a bit strange, but yeah it's indeed possible that also females are desperately searching for a sex adventure.
Personally speaking it's a complete turn off when girls are rushing those things.
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No, because back then i also didn't have (much) money even for someting simple as a train ticket, but i also had my share of fakers so i was hesistant, she had a physical illness in that she didn't know how long she would had to live (2 or 70 years) that's why she was seeking someone, and some girls just want the pleasures without the attachments.
If i met her in real life and a girl would still be willing offcourse i wouldn't have been so hesitant.
Way before that i also had contact with an older woman with 2 kids, she thought i looked like George Michael, also asked me to come over in which i was hesitant and she also just cut off contact.
I always seem to fall for women that either have someone or something.
To be honest i don't know how real some girls (or are most also fake?) would be on a tinder, my Phone is so old, i can't install it because it says google doesn't support this app (nor pretty much any other).
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Aw, maybe she already passed away due to her illness, who knows. :(
In my experience you meet potential partners randomly and not forced by a dating app or site.
Getting to know each other is also taking its time, so I would always be suspicious when my crush is pushing too fast. When real emotions are involved you're pretty cautious anyway, just to prevent getting hurt.
I have no idea how many users are actually fakes on Tinder, it's simply not my usual playground. But at least you have to try before making a judgement, but clearly I'm not interested in such dating portals so I will probably never know. :D
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Yeah but you are also restricted sometimes as in if you sit in your room behind a pc all the time you are less likely to meet someone, and sometimes you can meet a girl at work (but if you only work with male colleagues..), also easier if you got friends (sometimes they got a cute sister).
I am not persueing because of the money thing, but when i do i wouldn't really know where to start ,and if like a girl in a store would flirt or just is doing small talk, i couldn't tell the difference.
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Right Lugum, that's exactly the point. Where should we start? By meeting randomly I don't necessarily mean encounters in stores :D It can be everywhere, also on the web.
It's also very true what you say about meeting girls in your working place or in your circle of friends, that's exactly where most of people find their partners, and when you lack those parts you're quite limited. :/
One could easily assume that our internet age would help us get together, but sadly enough the complete opposite is true. As far as I know the rate of singles is as high as never before. Dang!
Edit: Wait, did you just say you look like George Michael? :D Hey, not bad, I suppose. So what are you waiting for? :D :p Yea I know there are other hurdles, but money is not what love is all about
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Now I will hear Last Christmas every time I see a thread of his... :(
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Well the supermarket (one in our town but isn't closeby) has different colored baskets for those that are single, makes it easier, i need to get those in my supermarket. :p
But no i mean when a cashier f.e randomly talks to you, like last week i was getting a lottery ticket and she went like oh did you know 1 million fell closeby etc etc.
And a very long time ago i had this new food product and cashier went like oh i never tried it, and i was like me neither, but instead of going well want to try it out with me? :p
If you miss such things as friends/work then you are kinda bound to just meeting someone on the streets, in a store, else i don't know, you got dating sites but so much fake and it cost a bunch.
The guy that kinda created the World Wide Web isn't very pleased how it all turned out either, instead of coming together we grow further apart (also with people trolling).
Well i guess it was the beard and long earring i was wearing on the picture i sent. :p
Money is not what love is about but what if you want to ask someone out and then have to go uhm but can you pay? That's not gonna work, and some will say go have a picnic or something but unless my situation changes i have to depend on that other person and that's not me (unless she has a good job like a doctor or lawyer).
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I see you know how to interact and to engage with ladies, and can't really argue against how having no money is hindering a relationship, cuz it's somewhat true. It restricts nearly everything in life.
Additionally wealthy ladies who are longing for a George Lugum are pretty rare, I suppose. Bummer. :o :D
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Because being in the wrong circles don't help either, but what if you rent a tuxedo, mix yourself in higher society. :P
Bit like Leonardo Dicaprio. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0264464/
And she is single https://www.beaumonde.nl/royalty/charlotte-casiraghi-weer-alleen
I hope you mean George Lugum, else it looks like Michael Jackson and that's a bit touchy at the moment. ;)
Oh you already changed it, sneaky. :p
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I cant believe that people who look like george michael struggle finding a girl, come on that guy was pure awesomeness. By the way have you tried going for a coffee/ drink with a friend? There are a lot of chances a cute girl may sit next to you and from what i understand you know how to approach ladies so it wont be much of a problem if one of them is looking at you.
By the way my tip is to never force trying to to find a girl as its not gonna happen, dont stress too much about it and you will meet a girl.
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What i told Heyday above, I don't really have friends left (well 1 female one but she lives far away and it's complicated and then they think you're already taken anyway) and i did had more female friends (but that watered down as they lived in England).
You can't force it but if you stay inside mostly or don't get into situations some do with work or friends, basically they don't come knocking at your door either like that.
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If she cant accept your decision even at those pointless things there is no point to keep going with her. In order a relationship to work both members need to respect their partner no matter what. You cant force your partner do what you want. Plus telling someone that you want to break up for a photo propably means she wasnt that interested in having a serious relationship with you in the first place or she was spoiled.
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Thank you for your kind words. I actually think that it's understandable that you want to see your potential SO, but we haven't known each other for so long so it was really weird to me.
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My pleasure, have a nice day and dont waste more time on her, instead spend quality time with people that really love you.
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Well, what do you expect when she actually is rushing a relationship after this short amount of time? Yeah right, you cannot take it serious. It doesn't really surprise that she is kicking your butt so quickly as well.
Try to get over it. ;)
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Well you didn't anything wrong, she is the weird one here..
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Everyone has their own baggage and interprets things differently. If it's meant to be then she will be back in contact with you, if not they you have lost nothing by standing by your own morals.
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Had you met her face to face yet? If not, it's not unreasonable for her to want to see a pic of you, and your refusal may have seen a bit sketchy to her. If you have already met, then the whole thing is a bit silly and you probably dodged a bullet there.
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Yes I actually did, so it was a weird experience as I received those messages.
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not worth it, it can hurt a little but in a long term its a win for you
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oO I totally understand you. I hate selfie too.
Just a strange girl :D
How many follower she has?
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She overreacted, what you did was not such a big deal, you deserve mutual respect
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no worries. it is her. that is the kind of drama you do not need. count yourself lucky that you are not wasting more time on her. life is too short.
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I was going to suggest maybe she had a previous experience of being catfished but then I saw your comment that you two had actually met already. With that out the way I concur that you've dodged a bullet. If she already held that as something of a "weapon" then it would've been likely for her to hand you other "do this or we are done" tasks in the future.
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I told her "No, I won't comply, I don't feel good doing that".
That seems like a strange thing to say. "I won't comply"? Are you a robot? What's wrong with a simple, "I don't really feel comfortable doing that right now."?
I can kind of understand where she's coming from. You apparently could see her, since you described her as cute, but she couldn't see what you look like? If so, I can understand her wanting to know what you look like. And when you refused, she may have become concerned that you're trying to hide something, like that you're really a robot pretending to be a human. I actually commend her for just breaking it off when she decided that it wasn't going to work out, rather than wasting both your time.
That said, if you're not comfortable doing something, you shouldn't be pressured into doing it by your SO - that's not a basis for a lasting, successful relationship. So it sounds like you two just weren't compatible, and she did you a favor by breaking it off quickly and not wasting your time.
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You apparently could see her, since you described her as cute
I did not catch that when just reading his post. So yeah, I think it depends a lot on what came before here. Like if OP asked for pictures, and did not want to give any in return, then that would be a big no-no. But if she just sent pictures without being asked for it, she most likely over-reacted. Also, if she's repeatedly asked for it, and it's the big "stopping block" for the relationship to go anywhere, she might just have got frustrated as things progressed too slow, and decided to seek out greener pastures.
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OP said in a reply to another comment that they have met before.
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Those weren't the actual words I said to her, I simply posted something similar to make it more clear. I wasn't being disrespectful.
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Why do I feel something's lost in translation or a few parts of OP's story were withheld? Like I'm not seeing the complete picture here.
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What's weird to you, then? I can elaborate if you want.
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I'd say that she's got a problem. If she wanted a photograph of yourself, she could have taken one when you met.
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(IF IT'S TL;DR TO YOU; GA IS AT THE BOTTOM)
Hey guys,
so I got to know a kind of cute girl and after a short amount of time, she already considered a relationship. Earlier this evening, she requested a selfie from me. No biggie, right? Except I hate taking pictures of myself and told her beforehand, that I hate to do so. So naturally, I told her "No, I won't comply, I don't feel good doing that".
I expected her to be like "Okay, maybe some other time". But instead, she sent me "Ok so this is the last we ever talk again" and deleted me. So ever since I wonder if it's really my fault or if the girl was weird. You know what I am thinking about? If she's so stressed out about something so "little", how would serious arguments end up if we were to be together?
Thanks for anyone who reads my stuff. Here's the GA:
https://www.steamgifts.com/giveaway/3877B/doom-3
Also, I know this is a gaming forum but I do not know where to turn toright now. I apologize.
Best regards
t0b3
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