Was this my fault? Am I too dumb? Please help me!

I'm a woman and you know what? If what you say is true, I think you did nothing wrong. This would be kinda-sorta almost understandable if she never saw you before, since she could have thought you weren't who you pretended to be. A girl's gotta be careful with internet dates. But she's already met you in person, so her reaction was really weird.

If she's this upset (probably) and could delete you over a selfie...I won't even bother wondering about other things.

You dodged a bullet there mate, don't feel bad.
Also, thanks for the ga

IF she hadn't seen you before then it would be reasonable for her to get upset. But since you say you met in person then she overreacted to say the least.

People always try to interpret the other person's words and responses, and often get it wrong. When they are early in a relationship, they are evaluating the other person which can make them more judgemental.

It may be that from her point of view having a selfie of you is an important part of building a relationship, because she likes you and wants to look at your picture occasionally. I don't know your relationship, but it may be that things aren't moving fast enough for her from your side and your refusal to even send her a selfie makes her think that nothing will come of the relationship.

It's really hard to tell. All I can tell you that with my wife, I felt that she was about to stop the relationship after a week or two, so called her, and after a long talk about what we really felt we stayed together and have been in a loving relationship for years. Indeed part of the problem for her was that she didn't get enough positive feedback from me that I like her and want to be close to her both physically and in spirit. It may be that your friend has the same problem, that your refusal to send a selfie plays a part in a growing image of you not really being interested in a relationship.

I honestly don't know what the case is here, but I think that's the problem. Second guessing people is really hard. People tend to judge others more quickly than they judge themselves (which is natural, because we know what we think, but can only guess what others are thinking), and I think that would be true for both your friend and for you and most posters here. From my point of view the best thing would be to talk to her and try to truly understand what she wants and make it clear that you like her, because that worked for me and because in general I feel that openness and honesty are important for a relationship. I don't know if that option is open to you, but I think that if it is, there's nothing to lose there and potentially a lot to gain.

I cant help but wonder how you met without her seeing you ever, most have a picture of themselves at facebook today , but anyway first you have the right to decide for yourself things like that and noone should do anything they dont feel comfortable . On the other hand you said cute girl so she must have a picture for you to see or sent you one from her point of view you knew how she was and she wanted to know how you looked cause i guess she has feelings for you from texting.
Also this is my opinion but if you were talking for a short amount of time like 1 or maybe 2 weeks then i guess you dodged a bullet cause that way to early to ask for anything since you hardly knew each other ....if its like a month and this seems to be going to a relationship i think its a fair request to ask you for a photo .

edit, i thought you were underaged kids when i was typing my post but i saw a post saying you were over 30, going out, had a nice evening from your end at least, so i changed what i said and here it is. You dodged a bullet , she clearly wanted an excuse to end things or she is a drama queen or something

Bump and thanks

I haven't read the full thread. Sorry if I'm covering something you've already addressed.

Off hand, it sounds like there may have been a few warning signs you missed prior to this or didn't post. Her strong "I'm out" attitude seems out of place. If there were no other signs, she may have been offended by the "I won't comply" of your comment. It's a pretty strong rejection to a request, and overly formal for most English speakers that I know. I could honestly see someone internalizing that as "hell no, you're not worth it". Granted, I don't think you meant it that way.

If you two were younger, I'd point out that snapchat is actually a really important aspect of teen life in most of the US. Not being willing to send a picture of yourself is pretty much a faux pas. With her being in her 30s, I doubt this really ingrained into her social code.

There is something to be said about insecurity. She may have had prior relationships that ended poorly due to her other partners having self worth issues. Being unwilling to take a selfie for a potential lover is pretty serious. It suggests having serious body image issues. This could hint to deeper and more serious issues such as ofoverwhelming anxiety, suicide, self-harming, eating disorders, etc. These can take a serious toll on a relationship. (If you have any of these issues, and are not already receiving help, I urge you to talk to someone about getting help. If you don't know who to talk to, I'd be happy to help point you in the right direction.) Even if /you/ don't have any of these issues, if she came out of a previous relationship where she had to deal with any of these, she could be hypersensitive to warning signs and overreacted.

I personally don't have strong body image issues, but I also dislike taking pictures of myself. For me it's mostly about not knowing how to take a desirable picture. I'm not sure what the other person is looking for and I didn't grow up taking gigs of them every day. What's helped /me/ in my personal relationship is to ask for a pose to mirror. It's def an awkward conversation at first, but when I explain most people either back down on the pictures or are willing to work with me. Them taking a photo in a pose they want gives me something to aim for. It helps me feel better. I still feel insecure about doing it, but I'm willing to at least try because they're asking for something specific. It's sort of like the difference between someone asking "Tell me about yourself" and "What's your favorite book". The first one can feel impossible to answer properly because it's so open. The silly poses with filters are especially challenging, but I feel better after sending them because they really do make the other people happy.

I know this may not be much help for this situation, but maybe it helps for the next. If you think you may have missed other signs from her and want a more detailed analysis of the conversation, I'd be happy to look it over. Tag me and we can work out where to send it privately.

Best of luck! Hope you feel better about the rejection. Rejection's always tough.

Her fault to delete you. Now she can't join doom 3 giveaway.

Everyone saying its not yor fault is an idiot in my eyes... Pretty weak words to cheer you up without any effect of help.. Step above the childisch point of asking whos fault it is and analyze what happend...

Next time try this: "I feel arkward but maybe we can make a selfie next time together."

People that now try to blame her and saying its better because maybe she wants controle you etc should just should up, facebook kids... This is pre-judging without any background intel... Solution for this...: NEVER ask internet folks for such serious stuff, they all tell you a solution basing on their own experience wich is pretty useless and maybe dangerous...

And when a bunch of people tell you things - you may start to believe just to feel better, thats our brain protecting us...

In short: Stop asking Internet folks about this, it will make it more worse because of stupid tips...
START to learn how to analyze situations, maybe with help of a Doctor or psychic help group...

You both maybe have could do something to avoid this but rushed into an imprudent decission/situation.

Would have wrote more but im on phone, maybe adding and correcting later.

Schöne Grüße nach Berlin aus dem stürmischen Moers... o7

PS: sorry if it sounds pretty direct, no offense... :p

You did the right think,
but don't worry probably she will understand that has been oddr and will contact you to apologize.
So be prepared to:
1) NO apologize to her, you did things right, be strong on this point.
2) Be opened to her apologizes, say calmly and kindly that you remained a bit surprised by her reaction but don't point finger or make her unconfortable

its kinda your fault ,because if you dont do such an easy task [atleast for some womans out there]
They think "he dont even wanna do that for me"He absolutely dont like/love me .
but overall you probably dodged a bullet there .
Most of these kind of woman are controll freaks or need a boyfriend to have something to talk about with their friends .
And if thats the case they mostly dump you ,after you arent interesting anymore for them .
Also mach dir keinen Kopf ,sie ist es im endeffekt eh nicht wert .
VIel Erfolg auf der Suche nach der richtigen .

dont worry. you dodged a bullet right at the beginning. if little things like this freak her out. i dont want to see her if something serious happens. stay away from crazy.

If this story is completely the way you said it was, then it's like 10% your fault and 90% her fault. The reason you even get that 10% is because of the way you said no "No, I won't comply, I don't feel good doing that". If someone told me "I won't comply", I'd immediately think that you thought I was giving you an order or something and that I'm basically forcing you.
But the way she responded was pretty damn ridiculous. The quick, extreme affection as well. Obviously you two weren't on the same wavelength.

From what you've said though, it's pretty clear that she didn't have all her screws tight. But also we don't really have the full and clear story, I'm guessing. So I can't say definitively. I can only give my opinion based on what I've been told.

I'm pleased to see how unanimous the vote is. Good job forum! :)

She may use your selfie to scam you if you do so.
Good move.

NO bro.. You are fine, she is a crazy b*c. Maybe if you are a 5 months relationship..or maybe a lot more you will feel comfortable to send a selfie if you want. Like feminist says "NO is no", the same applys to us men. SO don't worry, you didn't nothing wrong.

Well i would not encourage others to do things that they dislike. If your pounding whether what you did is wrong/ rude that caused the aftermath, i would say its not ur fault and nt in the wrong. Just move on and have a better partner :D

You are both weird.. . you are right from your point.. when she cant understand that you dont like selfies..she is not worth the trouble,,forget her...but i can understand her too...when you even can*t make a selfie with her..what will come next..so she ended it..before it got more complicated between you two, very pragmatic. :)

If you don't feel comfortable with taking pictures, it's ok. But don't just leave it like "she has problems"; if you really care, ask her what made her so upset about you not taking a selfie. You guys may need some better comunication.

Also, I want to add, also from my personal experience with my wife, that her up front behaviour when judging you isn't necessarily an indication of how she'd behave one you've settled down together. As one example, my wife tried for a few months to get me to wear some scents (perfumes, colognes). I don't like that, but I tried to 'comply' while still making it clear that I don't like it. Eventually she apparently decided that she can accept me the way I am.

I have to say that if you're unwilling to compromise in any way, that is, even suggest an alternative, then she justly sees you as inflexible, which would justly be seen as a problem. It may be her judging you, but as I said in my previous post, you're also judging her. You say that she considered a relationship with you, and you not being willing to send her a selfie is possibly a big red flag for her.

Your response to her and your post show no consideration for her needs and desires, and though she obviously also disregarded your desire here, I'd still say that you're in the wrong in that you're not even considering what she needs, only what you need.

anyways, it's your decision if you want to share pics of yourself to ppl you barely know so . i'd say don't stress too much about it

Nope, you did nothing wrong. You should never feel obligated to do something you're uncomfortable with. Sounds like you're better off without dealing with that kind of behavior.

Depends on if you know her irl or met online. If you met online she might think you are a catfisher. If it is irl, there is no problem with you not doing what you don’t want to do. It is also perfectly fine for her to not want to pursue further however small the issue is for whatever reason.