I'm the Doc :<

Whiskey Soup.
1x 100ml Irish Whiskey
1x Glass
Ice for Taste
Stir

Vodka & Redbull

1 bottle of smirnoff
1 redbull

Bacardi Cuba Libre:

• 4-5 cl of rum (eg. Bacardi Superior)
• squeezed lime juice (two slices)
• 12 cl of Coca Cola
• Ice cube

• Take two graham crackers

• Spread normal-fat (not "lite") peanut butter over each cracker

• Sprinkle half a gram to a gram of ground cannabis sativa to the peanut butter

• Spread nutella over the peanut butter

• Wrap in foil (optional - if you do, place another cracker on top)

• Oven-bake at 310F for 20-25 minutes or microwave for 90-120 seconds at 20-30% power (don't use foil if you nuke it, obviously)

Warning: In case the ingredients didn't tip you off, doing this may be entirely illegal, and it will also likely make you completely useless for four hours (and fail a drug test for anywhere between 1 and 3 weeks afterwards). I am not advising anyone to perform criminal acts or behave irresponsibly. If you can't legally possess all of these ingredients in your area, don't do it. This is also not going to taste that fantastic, but these are called firecrackers and they have one purpose and one purpose only.

Edit after submitting:

It amuses me that every one of the recipe suggestions includes a drug of some sort, lol.

Admiral's Hummus:

2 1/2 cup canned chickpeas/garbanzos (about 2 cans worth, maybe a little less)
1/3 cup lemon juice
1/4 cup tahini (check a mediterranian/indian/middle eastern food mart if you have trouble finding it, it is worth it.)
2 cloves garlic, crushed
1-2 tbsp the best olive oil you can find (extra virgin)
1/4-1/2 tsp ground cumin
1/4-1/2 tsp ground cayenne pepper
Couple twists of ground black pepper
1 tsp salt
1/3 cup water  

Put half the lemon juice and ALL THE THINGS except the chickpeas and the oil in a blender. Blend that shit on medium for about 10-20 seconds, get it all mixed up. Drain and rinse the chickpeas, and add that shit too. Start blending. Now add the other half of the lemon juice (while blending if you can, in small doses between blending stints if you can't) until it looks like hummus is supposed to, or about like a light bean dip. Pour/scrape it all out into your fanciest bowl, drizzle the olive oil on top all fancy like, and serve with pita chips, veggies, or chopped peppers. Impress the ladies. Bring home the leftovers and try that shit on toast, bread, crackers, pretty much whatever you want.

The Admiral is a BIG hummus fan.

Cooked Potato:

1 Potato

Cook the potato. Bon Appetit.

Fruit Cake

Ingredients

     1 cup water
     1 cup sugar
     4 large eggs
     2 cup dried fruit
     1 teaspoon baking soda
     1 teaspoon salt
     1 cup brown sugar
     lemon juice
     nuts
     1 gallon whiskey

Instructions
Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again to be sure that it is of the highest quality.

Pour 1 level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares. Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.

Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again. Go to bed. Who the hell likes fruitcake anyway?

Blue Crystal

List of materials:

Anhydrous ammonia
14 boxes of Sudafed
Rooto drain cleaner (commonly know as sulfuric acid)
Free running salt non-iodine kind
4 energizer e2 lithium batteries
Fish hose (not used)
Coleman's camping fuel or Ozark trail fuel 2 cans
20 0z pop bottle (must be washed very well)
2 quart pitcher (plastic)
Wooden spoon (no exceptions unless u want a fire)
Zip lock bags (don't go cheap use zip lock)
Unbleached coffee filters, the brown ones (regular will work but tend to
change dope colors)
Wire cutters
Cooking screen or other fine screen

Oh wait... I might have watched too much Breaking Bad

Krabby Patty Recipe

Ingredients:

• 2 tbsp. finely chopped onion
• 2 tbsp. finely chopped celery
• 4-6 tbsp. vegetable oil
• 1 tsp. thyme
• 6-9 drp. hot sauce (in Karate Choppers)
• 1 lb. frozen imitation crabmeat, (defrosted and finely chopped in a food processor)
• 3/4 cup seasoned bread crumbs
• 1 tbsp. Dijon mustard
• 2 tbsp. mayonnaise (plus 1 cup for dipping sauce)
• 2 eggs, lightly beaten
• Salt and pepper (to taste)
• 3 tbsp. ketchup (for dipping sauce)

Start Cooking:

Step 1 - Sauté the onions and celery in 1 tablespoon of vegetable oil. Add the thyme, lower the heat, and cook until the onions are translucent.

Step 2 - In a large bowl combine the crabmeat, sautéed onions and celery, bread crumbs, Dijon mustard, mayonnaise, egg, salt and pepper to taste. Stir to combine.

Step 3 - Shape into rounds by using a small ice cream scoop, then gently pat flat.

Step 4 - Heat 3 tablespoons of vegetable oil in a large skillet. Working in batches (2 to 3 crab cakes at a time) place the crab cakes in a skillet and cook until golden brown, about 2 minutes per side. You may need to add more oil for the second and third batches.

Step 5 - Preheat the oven to 400°F. Transfer the crab cakes to the baking pan and bake for 10 minutes. The crab cakes can be kept in a warm oven for approximately 30 minutes, or they may be reheated at serving time. Serve with a kid-friendly dipping sauce. Mix 1 cup of mayonnaise with 3 tablespoons of ketchup.

I imagine half of SG cooks like this.

Fucking noodles mixed with fucking bacon, throw in some fucking soya and you got a fucking meal.

This is how I cook, bitches

ponies

1. Open freezer
2. Take out pizza
3. Open oven.
4. Turn on oven.
5. Drink some beer.
6. Wait.
7. Drink some more beer.
8. Eat your pizza with beer

Not much dude

1 take eggs and put in bowl

2. Add mustard honey salt and pepper
3. Add cheese, meat and any other ingredients you want
4. Stir
5. Put in hot pan
6. Cook it scrambled or omelette
7. Eat.
8. Use bathroom

Cheese sandwich. Take 2 slices of bread and a slice of cheese. Mix them however you want.

I fucking love this thread <3

Tuna Melt Recipe

clicky because copy-pasta takes too long

Nothing much Bugz..o0o post a recipe sorry got none :p, not much of a cook really.

Most vegetables are fantastic when roasted. Or, like.. anything grilled. -Anything-.