I knew a farmer once... He had a pretty good celery.
[EDIT] Here's another one. I wanted to enter a giveaway on Steamgifts, but it was so pointless... So I waited a bit and entered once I had enough.
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So a cop goes up to a clown and says can you tell me a joke. the clown puts his hands around the cops neck and strangles him. Then the clown says the chokes on you.
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Who will be footing the bill for the damaged goods?
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The insurance company's investigation is already afoot.
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They'll be done after they finish tying up some loose ends.
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Letโs talk about rights and lefts. Youโre right, so I left.
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A guy liked to hop trains to get from one side of town to the other. One time he slipped and lost part of one arm and one leg. After he healed up and got his prosthetics, he started hopping trains again, just like before.
I asked him why on earth he hopping trains again. He said gas prices just cost an arm and a leg.
(This is actually based on a true story, but the idiot isn't smart enough to come up with this joke on his own.)
ALSO: If you like puns & fish themed puns, this song is FULL of them. Classic.
Wet Dreams by Kip Adotte
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I don't think I can handle any more of this pun-ishment, so I'm going to plant my contribution here and leaf.
Did you hear about the Sea World trainer who tried to sue after being dunked in the pool? It turns out he dolphin the water on porpoise, so there was no point in whaling about it.
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My favourite one will always be this one right here:
What does one cell say to its sister cell that just stepped on the first cell's toe?
...
...
Mitosis!
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Did you hear about the gymnasts that fell during their act? It was pretty hairy.
I didn't even mean to do that, it was a slip of the tongue.
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I had a bad experience at a BBQ party recently. The cook was this gambling addict who kept raising the steaks...
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It was sole crushing...
(please give me more i really need good puns to use)
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