What do you prefer?
I try to find some random encounters so I can get some gold and exp.
Comment has been collapsed.
You look around trying to find trouble. You spot a cow grazing in the distance.
Comment has been collapsed.
I kill the cow because it's evil. I can't let the cow's evil ways spread around the world.
Comment has been collapsed.
You approach the cow and reach for your weapon. You realize your sword is missing. You turn around to see a gnome running away it. The cow headbutts you and you roll down a rocky hill.
Comment has been collapsed.
Takes 200 damage. "ouch, that hurts", I say. I go to the nearest town to buy a new sword.
Comment has been collapsed.
You flee from the cow who goes back to grazing. You enter the town and go to the blacksmith. You wish to buy a new sword but all he has are hammers.
Comment has been collapsed.
I buy a hammer, and start level grinding until some monster drops a sword.
Comment has been collapsed.
You attempt to buy a hammer but realize that the gnome has taken your money as well. The blacksmith offers you alternative payment methods ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).
Comment has been collapsed.
I assume one of the methods is playing a card game. If I win, I get everything I want.
Comment has been collapsed.
I fight him with my bare hands and my protector spirit, whose name is Bloody Rose, and is a humanoid thingy that shoots roses and thorns.
Comment has been collapsed.
The blacksmith, a burly fellow with an assortment of weapons. He easily defeats you and calls the police. In hindsight, it occurs to you that he asked for sex, he did not force. He is a gentleman.
Comment has been collapsed.
I try to run away before the police arrive. I avoid the most crowded streets.
Comment has been collapsed.
You try to run but you are injured. The blacksmith tackles you. He won't let you get away that easy.
Comment has been collapsed.
I try to break his kneecaps and summon Scanty & Kneesocks.
Comment has been collapsed.
You try to break his kneecaps with your fists but he is wearing metal ankle guards. Your hands are fractured. Your summoning fails as Scanty and Kneesocks are a figment of your imagination.
Comment has been collapsed.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO. Scanty and Kneesocks, why have you betrayed me?!" I shout, while a few tears roll of my cheeks.
I look for possible solutions to my problem.
Comment has been collapsed.
You look for possible solutions but your situation seems bleak. You can see the police arriving. The blacksmith whispers into your ear, asking you whether you want to change your mind. He offers you one last choice.
Comment has been collapsed.
He says you already know the choice. Pleasure or Prison.
Comment has been collapsed.
The police arrives. The blacksmith advises you not to drop the soap and as the police look away, he kisses you on the cheek. The blacksmith talks to the police. You know what he said was not in favor, because you are cited with public indecency and prostitution. You are thrown in a jail cell.
Comment has been collapsed.
You see a barred window, but you have nothing to saw it with. The door is made of solid, steel bars, which can only be opened from the outside. The guard has the keys.
Comment has been collapsed.
No stick. But there is a pile of hay in the corner, your bed.
Comment has been collapsed.
You insult his mother. He angrily comes at you with his baton.
Comment has been collapsed.
I grab his baton when he's about to hit me, I counterattack by kicking his crotch and try to knock him out.
Comment has been collapsed.
You grab his baton. You try to kick him in the crotch but your leg gets stuck, the bars are not wide enough. He punches you in the face causing you to stumble. He opens the cell and enters, swinging his baton.
Comment has been collapsed.
I assume my leg is still stuck. Desperately, I try to kick him with my other leg.
Comment has been collapsed.
You manage to connect with his shin. He tumbles and falls on you. Your breath is knocked out. The baton lies next to you.
Comment has been collapsed.
You look around the battlefield. But the only mount you discover are dead ones. You begin to wonder about what you are trying to escape, considering that everyone around you is already dead.
Comment has been collapsed.
"I want to escape reality!" I shout at the top of my lungs. Summon ghost rhino spell
Comment has been collapsed.
You do not know this spell. Your shouting attracts a nearby horde of orcs. They ride towards you.
Comment has been collapsed.
"Well poop..." I say. Wait a minute, I remember now! The spell I actually learned was: Summon a well of poop
Comment has been collapsed.
You successfully summon a well of poop. You run towards it to pull out a bucket of poop, only to find that the bucket is deep inside the well, sitting on the feces, and is not attached to the rope.
Comment has been collapsed.
I close my nose with one hand, step over the wall and start climbing into the well. On my way down I try to scrounge for items lodged in poop bits in the walls.
Comment has been collapsed.
You attempt to climb down the well but due to the slipperiness of the well, you slip and fall straight down. You get stuck in fecal matter up to waist, with a schluck sound. You cannot move.
Comment has been collapsed.
First, I check what's inside the bucket. Then, I try to look for something in my surrounding area to grab onto that I can use to pull myself out.
Comment has been collapsed.
The bucket is full of feces. What did you expect?
Everything around you is slippery with poop. You can hear the band of orcs coming closer, their cries of bloodlust becoming louder and louder. It is only a matter of minutes before they are upon you.
Comment has been collapsed.
I try to craft a weapon out of the feces. Crapapult, shitana. Anything that can keep me safe for when the orcs arrive.
Comment has been collapsed.
You use your high dexterity to craft fecal weapons. You succeed, at first. However, due to lack of binding material, they fall apart. The orcs are seconds away.
Comment has been collapsed.
I take a deep breath and burrow completely into the fecal matter. I hide motionless and hope they don't discover me
Comment has been collapsed.
You hear the orcs approach. They exchange words that you cannot hear. They leave. You cannot hold your breath any longer. You gasp and poop fills your mouth. You start to choke as the rancid stench fills your nostrils.
Comment has been collapsed.
I try to perform the Heimlich maneuver on myself using the wall.
Comment has been collapsed.
"Well if it ain't coming out then..." I swallow it all. "It's gotta go in".
Comment has been collapsed.
You try to swallow the tons of poop. You manage to swallow enough to pry your head out. As soon as you do so, you vomit. You are not stuck in a well full of poop, vomit and regurgitated poop.
Comment has been collapsed.
I've noticed a switch. on the wall next to me. I try to blow onto it hard enough to trigger it. The sign next to it says "Trap Door"
Comment has been collapsed.
Your breath is insufficient to trigger the switch leading to the conveniently placed trapdoor. You wonder what a trapdoor is doing inside a well.
Comment has been collapsed.
"Well I did learn to cast this spell from a drunk mage the other day. The random trap door must be related to that." I try to headbutt the switch
Comment has been collapsed.
The trapdoor opens and rocks fall onto your heads.
Comment has been collapsed.
I was unaware of the fact that I had a second head. I try to climb out of the well using both my legs, arms, and heads
Comment has been collapsed.
You manage to climb out but are bleeding to the landslide on your 'head'.
Comment has been collapsed.
You began with and you still have nothing, excluding a gash on your head. You wonder why you did not loot the many corpses on the battlefield.
Comment has been collapsed.
The battlefield has already been scavenged by the orcs. Too late.
Comment has been collapsed.
Frustrated, I sigh. I travel towards the closest village in hopes that something interesting will happen
Comment has been collapsed.
Your journey is uneventful. And long. You get blisters on you feet.
Comment has been collapsed.
I sit down to rest a bit. I start to lick my feet and hope to heal my wounds
Comment has been collapsed.
Your tongue is like sandpaper. You are parched. Licking your feet only aggravates your wounds.
Comment has been collapsed.
"The entity that is in charge of my destiny really loves giving me a hard time" I whimper to myself. I pee into my cupped hands and drink it to try re-hydrate myself. I sprinkle a bit on my blisters too because I hear that helps.
Comment has been collapsed.
You drink your urine. It tastes oddly... refreshing. Your blisters feel better.
Comment has been collapsed.
"Thank the divine duck!" I shout to the heavens. I start rummaging around to try find some objects fit enough to make an altar with which I may worship my divine duck god
Comment has been collapsed.
I create a "D" for duck, and get on my knees to pray for some sort of sign. "What must I do? Where should I go?"
Comment has been collapsed.
A gust of wind causes the D to swing, pointing north east.
Comment has been collapsed.
North East is where I travel. I take the D sticks with me and burn them for light during the nighttime.
Comment has been collapsed.
You burn the monument, angering the divine duck. It begins to rain again.
Comment has been collapsed.
I try to extinguish the flames using the rain and recreate the D.
Comment has been collapsed.
You have nothing but ashes left. The sky roars as lightning flashes and thunder booms. The winds pick up. You are now in a full-blown storm.
Comment has been collapsed.
"If walking hasn't worked this whole time, then maybe I must FLY!" I spread my arms and legs and let the wind pick me up.
Comment has been collapsed.
You are too heavy. You jump and fall to the ground. Way to go, fatty.
Comment has been collapsed.
"And all these years I was told that I'm thin". I do a rain-dance and see what happens
Comment has been collapsed.
You jump around on your fat, knobby feet. You slip and break your ankles.
Comment has been collapsed.
I pee on my broken ankles. It worked last time and maybe I have healing powers.
Comment has been collapsed.
Your pee does nothing. You now have wet, broken ankles that smell like asparagus.
Comment has been collapsed.
I crawl as far as I can, hoping that I find something, or something finds me.
Comment has been collapsed.
As you crawl, you see a man wheeling a cart through the rain.
Comment has been collapsed.
The man stares at you, as if you were a retard. He tells you that the cart is too small to fit you and he won't be lugging around a grown-ass man as fat as you, unless it's worth it of course.
Comment has been collapsed.
I don't take kindly to bribes. I bite off his legs and attach them to my torso
Comment has been collapsed.
You try to crawl towards the man, trying to nibble his legs off. He kicks you in the face, bloodying your nose. He runs away with his cart, after pissing on you.
Comment has been collapsed.
If he did, he probably wouldn't be wheeling around a cart in the storm. The pee leaves an acrid taste on your tongue.
Comment has been collapsed.
"I should probably stop trying that". I go to sleep and anxiously await the next morning.
Comment has been collapsed.
You sleep restlessly due to the pain. You wake up the next morning. The storm has stopped.
Comment has been collapsed.
Since I can see more now, I crawl to the closest landmark looking object.
Comment has been collapsed.
You crawl to the giant tree 2 feet to your left. It isn't very remarkable.
Comment has been collapsed.
I climb up the tree and look for some food and objects to make shelter.
Comment has been collapsed.
Your broken ankles prevent you from climbing the tree.
Comment has been collapsed.
I violently shake the tree in hopes that something useful will fall out of it
Comment has been collapsed.
You shake the tree violently. A man screams and falls on top of you. It is the cart vendor who denied you a ride.
Comment has been collapsed.
"Listen, I'm so sorry about what happened earlier". I reach my hand out in hopes of a hand shake
Comment has been collapsed.
You apologize to the man before realizing that the man is unconscious.
Comment has been collapsed.
I unzip my pants. "Hmm... maybe I shouldn't try urination again". I start to yell at him and slip his face gently.
Comment has been collapsed.
"Oh God! Why am I peeing sand? I just said I WOULDN'T try to urinate". I continue to slap his face gently and wake him up
Comment has been collapsed.
He wakes up and starts yelling as he sees you peeing sand. The sand enters his mouth. He freaks out, flailing his arms and smacks you in the face.
Comment has been collapsed.
I make a sand cage around him with my "pee" and start to interrogate him. "Where's the cart I saw you with before?!"
Comment has been collapsed.
The man destroys the cage with a simple wave of his hand and gets up. He tells you that his cart got stolen.
Comment has been collapsed.
I extend my hand as an offer of teaming up. "Let's forget about what happened between us and work together". I offer to help get his cart back if I can hitch a ride with him.
Comment has been collapsed.
The man stares at you. He asks how you plan on getting back his cart with broken ankles?
Comment has been collapsed.
"First I'll find a way to fix my ankles, then I'll help with the cart" "Any ideas?" I'm basically just putting my faith in the hands of the duck god once more for some sort of stroke of luck.
Comment has been collapsed.
Nothing happens. The man starts to think that you're crazy.
Comment has been collapsed.
"Away we go!" I crawl forward and signal the man to come with me
Comment has been collapsed.
"Do you have any ideas that might help transport us faster?" I asked the man
Comment has been collapsed.
The man states that he had a cart that you broke. He can't think of anything.
Comment has been collapsed.
I snap my neck in hopes that there is an afterlife and I travel as some sort of spirit and might be able to resurrect myself in the future with the help of some sort of mage. Or maybe I'll just die, but at least this endless journey will be over.
Comment has been collapsed.
You snap your neck and die. You awaken in hell and you see a demon lubing up a pitchfork for special reasons. Another endless journey begins.
Comment has been collapsed.
Thanks for the really fun and funny RP. It was my first one, and one to remember. Congrats on being the first to enter my whitelist :D
Comment has been collapsed.
Glad you enjoyed it! If you ever want to start another one, you know where to find me. And thanks for the whitelist!
Comment has been collapsed.
You move toward a sign reading, "FREE SPEECH" and yank it out of the ground.
Item added to inventory
You then proceed to yank another sign out of the ground. You turn it around. It reads, "WET PAINT ON SIGN". Your hands are now coated in lead-based red paint.
Comment has been collapsed.
You attempt to eat paint but discover that it is quick-drying paint. The scent of it gives you a headache.
Comment has been collapsed.
You look around and see many dead bodies. You also spot a town in the distance.
Comment has been collapsed.
Checking all the bodies would take weeks. You do not have the provisions to survive for so long in this barren wasteland. Are you sure you want to proceed?
Comment has been collapsed.
I have paint on my hand and I want something to get rid of it. Everything else is irrelevant. Proceed.
Comment has been collapsed.
Get angry, since that's all I found after searching all the dead bodies.
Comment has been collapsed.
Angered, you try to combine the hilt and the sign. You end up breaking the sign and injuring your hand.
YOU ARE BLEEDING
Comment has been collapsed.
Oh sorry, I was trying to create two universes with two different commands.
Comment has been collapsed.
You attempt to mess with the balance of the universe, angering the DM. Suddenly, a giant zombie hoard appears.
Comment has been collapsed.
The zombie leader does not understand you. He sinks his teeth into your flesh, removing a large chunk of meat.
Comment has been collapsed.
You try to pout but your lips have been torn off by the horde. You are left on the ground disemboweled. You slowly feel yourself slipping away.
Comment has been collapsed.
You close you eyes and feel miles away. You wake up in a dream.
Comment has been collapsed.
You try to determine your current status.
- Health: 1
You are alive. Just barely.
Comment has been collapsed.
You try to dream up a sexy healing slave. You succeed. HE tends to all your wounds.
Comment has been collapsed.
Wise choice. The slave is astonished at being thanked. He is not accustomed to hearing thanks, considering he is a slave and all.
Comment has been collapsed.
I just realized that I typoed slave. I meant to dream up a healing salve. Very interesting turn of events though. My next action...
Free slave
Comment has been collapsed.
You free the slave. He calmly thanks you and proceeds to leave.
Comment has been collapsed.
You contemplate life and how short it is. How you help people and still they leave. While you are pondering over this, the slave sneaks back and steals your equipment.
Your inventory is now empty
Comment has been collapsed.
Prays that Karma spawns to slap him silly. Then again, he only stole a sign. Oh well, vengeance!
Comment has been collapsed.
You look to Karma for justice but realize you ripped someone's signs out of the ground. This probably was Karmic justice. You plan your vengeance.
Comment has been collapsed.
Stalk slave. Hopefully my sneak skill is high enough
Comment has been collapsed.
It isn't. You trip over your own feet and attract the slave's attention. He unsheathes his sword, the metal one that is, and rushes you.
Comment has been collapsed.
As you wonder, you realize you never really took a close look at him. And as you wonder, he stabs you.
Comment has been collapsed.
Kick slave in the nuts, I honestly don't know what else I can do right now
Comment has been collapsed.
Your foot connects with his jewels, he screams out in pain and falls over.
Comment has been collapsed.
The slave sees you approaching him. He digs into his pocket and retrieves a tiny orb. He mutters something and vanishes in a puff of black smoke.
Comment has been collapsed.
The slave did not leave his sword inside you. The sword vanished with him.
Comment has been collapsed.
Head to town to study magic, because I clearly don't know what the hell is going on
Comment has been collapsed.
God dammit, there was on the battlefield but it didn't carry over to my dream!
Channel Philosoraptor. If I was stabbed, and the man and sword disappeared, am I really hurt?
Comment has been collapsed.
Yes, yes, you are. You are facing the other way. Turn around and look.
Comment has been collapsed.
The DM does not dictate my life! I don't turn around and continue to move forward. Keeping mind of anything interesting in the surroundings.
Comment has been collapsed.
You walk forward leaving the town that you wished to go to, behind. You see mountains ahead.
Comment has been collapsed.
Well, shit. Pinch myself to check if I'm still dreaming.
Comment has been collapsed.
You pinch yourself quite hard. You are not dreaming. You lose a health point.
Comment has been collapsed.
One health? Clearly my strength is weak. Train strength.
Comment has been collapsed.
You start lifting rocks. As you do so, you wonder if you hit yourself and it hurts, does that make you strong or weak?
Comment has been collapsed.
I'm not going to fall for that shit again. Play it safe and keep lifting rocks.
Comment has been collapsed.
You keep lifting for 5 hours. You strength increased by 1.
Comment has been collapsed.
Check vitals for signs of tiredness, thirst, or whatever the hell else I need to stay alive.
Comment has been collapsed.
You are thirsty, hungry and tired after your rigorous exercise.
Comment has been collapsed.
Climb the mountain anyways. My inventory is empty and I have nowhere else to go. Hopefully there's some food up there or something.
Comment has been collapsed.
You find a spring of fresh water and some unknown herbs.
Comment has been collapsed.
Contemplate whether to sniff herbs or not. However, since I know the water is fresh, I'll play it safe and quench my thirst first. Then I sniff the herbs. Hopefully, it's not some evil herb that uses H20 as its source of evil power.
Comment has been collapsed.
You manage to break the 4th wall but only for a few moment. You find that Ducky has gone for pizza. The wall repairs itself.
Comment has been collapsed.
You are busy admiring the ducky, when you get impaled by a spear. Pay attention.
Comment has been collapsed.
Cry over failed attempt for completionist achievement.
Reload save to start of battle, before deciding which side to fight for and not follow advice from forums to "yell ducks suck to have both armies walk away." Regret having watched a swirling mass of black death in the form of clouds that literally shit lightning spewing rubber ducks that burst into incendiary shards upon contact with any living being or ground; somehow managing to leave only yourself unscathed.
Realize upon reloading that both army leaders firstborn sons were raped by me. Pray to rubber duck god of war how to proceed.
Comment has been collapsed.
After this long senseless tirade, you are left breathless and faint. You wake up to find yourself in a cave.
Comment has been collapsed.
Shout praises to the stalactites for escaping the millennia of torture that would surely have happened if caught by the armies.
Check inventory.
Examine cave.
Comment has been collapsed.
You have:
- half an apple
- 2 coins
- empty water skin
- broken dagger
- dismembered member
Comment has been collapsed.
Use broken dagger to stitch open empty water skin to hold both coins, and attach dismembered member. Wear new water skin underwear with attached faux genitalia.
Use apple half as a retainer and make menacing faces at cave wall.
Comment has been collapsed.
You do so and take off your pants to don your new underwear. You then see that you are already wearing underwear. You put on the double layer of underwear.
You use the half the apple and manage to draw some faces on the wall. A 10 year old could have done better.
Comment has been collapsed.
Hahaha, that second line... I don't even. That's priceless.
Uhhhh...
Strut around in new double layer underwear, flapping member against stalactites to teach them who's the real sedimentary king of this cave.
Begin conversation with worse than a ten-year-old drawn faces on cave wall due to horrible depression of being alone in the cave and never having a friend ever other than the long-lost rubber ducky bath toy that was lost to time and space, as the evil bandits had killed the rubber ducky's parents and rubber ducky decided to go on a life-long never-ending quest to save his girlfriend.
Comment has been collapsed.
As you walk around slapping your member against the stalactites, you realize are located on the ceiling. Gravity does it's work and fall to the ground, breaking your leg. Driven into a hallucinatory state due to the pain, you converse with your painting. At first, the conversation is amicable. The painting then insults your mother and tells you the rubber ducky prefers him over you. You weep.
Comment has been collapsed.
Wonder how you lost your ability to fly.
Make amends with the painting; offer to draw a suitable attractive mate for the faces, starting with an orifice to practice on.
Question the painting why rubber ducky would even be concerned over such a person as I; dismembered member underwear wearing, stalactite slapping, lonely flightless person in a cave.
Comment has been collapsed.
You wonder but can find no logical answer to your query.
The painting rejects your amends, stating that they already have enough mates without you adding more ugly ones with your half-witted hand.
The painting laughs at how you can even think of comparing yourself to the rubber ducky. He is far better than you in every way.
Comment has been collapsed.
Acknowledge brevity of situation.
Ignite the internal sequence of spiraling negative emotions, until lost in the abyss of apathy.
Comment has been collapsed.
You start to lose your grip on reality, slowing slipping into a state of catatonic insanity.
Comment has been collapsed.
You are woken from your stupor by a flower vendor who inquires about your current state.
Comment has been collapsed.
Ask the flower vendor if he has the lyrics to oddllama's NSFW Let It Go song.
Comment has been collapsed.
He slaps you on the face and tells you to shut up. He whispers to you, chiding you for taking the Dark Lord's name in vain. He tells you that his song cannot be mentioned for it brings pain and misery to everyone, when he sings it.
Comment has been collapsed.
The vendor gives you nothing. He works hard for his wage.
Comment has been collapsed.
Disagree as mouth is full of a foreign salty liquid.
Comment has been collapsed.
He starts to leave, discovering that you are nothing more than salty beggar.
Comment has been collapsed.
Commit the black sacrament on the vendor to summon Black Duck of Rubber War.
Comment has been collapsed.
Your calls go unheeded. Afraid, the vendor starts to run away.
Comment has been collapsed.
Follow the undead vendor after the black sacrament.
Comment has been collapsed.
You sprint after the LIVING vendor after your failed black sacrament.
Comment has been collapsed.
Give up chase to contemplate the laws of time as nothing makes sense anymore.
Comment has been collapsed.
You stop, panting for breath. You try to contemplate the laws of time but you realize you have no idea what they are. It starts to rain.
Comment has been collapsed.
You quench your thirst with rain. You feel refreshed.
Comment has been collapsed.
Rub body sexily in the rain whilst taking shower and washing clothes all at the same time.
Comment has been collapsed.
You may return to the cave where you drew your drawings.
Comment has been collapsed.
Disregard the thought of returning to the cave of ill-mouthed drawings; you don't wish to hide out from the rain by being picked on by animistic drawings.
Examine surroundings for landmarks.
Comment has been collapsed.
Walk jovially to town, with a skip in step, careful not to slip in any rainy mud patches.
Comment has been collapsed.
You slip and fall. You get up, dust yourself off as best as you can and continue to skip until you reach the town. Everyone has gone home due to the storm.
Comment has been collapsed.
Wonder how people have gone home in a town but not in the town.
Survey the empty buildings for sweet loot.
Comment has been collapsed.
You see many stores with sweet loot but all are locked or guarded.
Comment has been collapsed.
Inquire with guards as to how to acquire sweet loot or making a living in the town.
Comment has been collapsed.
The guards refer you to the doctor. He is in need of a nurse.
Comment has been collapsed.
The doctor pushes you away, telling you to immediately leave.
Comment has been collapsed.
Apologize for misreading the situation but offer anecdote referring to nursing skills after awkward prostate examination. Suggest to doctor I would perform future prostate examinations so doctor wouldn't have to "dirty" his or her hands.
Comment has been collapsed.
The doctor hesitantly accepts. Though, any lapse or attempt at sexual harassment will land you in jail. You are sent to clean up the operating theater.
Comment has been collapsed.
Don nursing scrubs.
Examine operating theatre mess.
Comment has been collapsed.
You don your scrubs and enter the OT. You see blood, guts and bones everywhere. It looks as if a cow exploded.
Comment has been collapsed.
Inquire with the doctor if a cow exploded.
Begin cleaning the operating theatre.
Comment has been collapsed.
The doctor tells you that it was a goat.
You start mopping up the mess.
Comment has been collapsed.
Ask what the doctor did to the goat to cause such a mess.
Continue cleaning the remaining goat.
Comment has been collapsed.
The doctor tells you that the local farmer brought in his goat that had become bloated due to excessive hydration. You can guess what happened next.
You manage to clear a corner of OT.
Comment has been collapsed.
The doctor tells you to stop. Your whistle is shrill and painful to the ear.
Comment has been collapsed.
Cease whistling and finish cleaning operating theatre.
Comment has been collapsed.
It takes you an hour to completely clean the OT. The doctor is impressed and gives you the job. A patient has arrived. The doctor asks you to tend to him, while he gets ready.
Comment has been collapsed.
You tend to the patient until the doctor arrives and performs his checkup. It is evening now. The clinic is closing. The doctor pays you your 1 coin for the day. He locks the clinic and sets off home.
Comment has been collapsed.
Head to the local inn to arrange sleeping quarters while working in town.
Comment has been collapsed.
You get to the inn. You find a room. The fee is 1 coin for 2 nights. Do wish to stay here?
Comment has been collapsed.
Pay the fee and rest for the evening, for work at the doctor's office tomorrow.
Comment has been collapsed.
You spend the day in your room. The next morning, you return to the doctor's office for work. It is another normal day.
Comment has been collapsed.
Enjoy the normal day; assisting the doctor with patients and ensuring a tidy office.
Comment has been collapsed.
You do your job superbly and the doctor gives you an extra coin as a bonus. The clinic is now closed. It is evening.
Comment has been collapsed.
Rub the two gold coins together.
Consider the good fortune a sign to spend the extra coin on a drink at the local tavern, but store other gold coin back in room before hitting the bar.
Comment has been collapsed.
You hide your money in your room and get yourself a beer.
Comment has been collapsed.
Enjoy the beer and the atmosphere of the tavern.
Scan the room for anything interesting of note.
Comment has been collapsed.
As you nurse your beer, you look around. You see two men sitting in a dark corner, whispering, and counting a bag full of coins. You see a cloaked woman fiddling around with a charm.
Comment has been collapsed.
Let the local constable handle these matters or to real adventurers to search out these mysterious figures.
Finish the beer, and return to room to rest for the evening.
Comment has been collapsed.
You leave a possible adventure behind, chug down your beer and return to your room. You sit there doing nothing as you stare at a wall for 7 hours until dawn approaches. It is morning.
Comment has been collapsed.
You get to the clinic. You deliver a baby and perform an enema. It is only noon, when the doctor tells you that he needs to leave early today. Though he says he'll pay you your full price. You are free for the rest of the day.
Comment has been collapsed.
You walk through town. But as you're still a relative stranger, people are wary of you. No one lets you into their homes.
Comment has been collapsed.
You reach the tavern to find it empty except the bartender. You take a seat at the bar.
Comment has been collapsed.
Converse with the bartender; attempt to find out some of the local happenings and dirt on some of the locals.
Comment has been collapsed.
The bartender doesn't have much to report about the local happenings, except the war happening. Regarding the dirt on locals, he tells you that the blacksmith is homosexual and single.
Comment has been collapsed.
Express interest in war; the sides involved, the reason for the fighting and who's winning.
Comment has been collapsed.
The bartender notes your interest. He tells you about the Incidium war. Two nations having vying for power over the lands. This power can only be guaranteed by the bearer of the Incidium, a clan of mages, the members of which bear the symbol of one of the elements. These mages have the ability to bend the 6 elements (the normal four including light and dark) to their will. Both nations have set out to find these mages, Their quest is now a race with no one coming ahead.
Comment has been collapsed.
Inquire about the town's stance on the war; which nation is favored by the locals.
Also, ask the name of the town. And bartender. And warring nations. The doctor I work for. Maybe some other things I should probably know by now.
Comment has been collapsed.
The bartender tells you that town is unhappy with the war. Though it may have boosted business, they have lost friends and family. The locals favor whichever nation they relate to, however, they favor peace the most.
The town is called Mavenwood. The bartender is Artrom. The two nations are Centiria and Valorna. The doctor is Villian. The bartender stares at your neck.
Comment has been collapsed.
Thank Artrom for the information and head back to room to rest for the evening.
Comment has been collapsed.
You thank the bartender and get up. You can still feel the bartender staring at your neck. You get to your room and rest.
Comment has been collapsed.
Report to work the next day and inquire with the doctor how he feels about the war.
Comment has been collapsed.
The doctor tells you to get to work. He has no time for useless prattle.
Comment has been collapsed.
You do your daily work and the time passes. It is evening.
Comment has been collapsed.
Ask the doctor if he needs any assistance with night visits.
Comment has been collapsed.
The doctor tells you that he doesn't have any night visits for today. So, no. You are free for the remaning day.
Comment has been collapsed.
Start a journal and read books to increase learning.
Comment has been collapsed.
You open a book. You realize you can't read this language.
Comment has been collapsed.
Looks for the boss and asks how many experience I would get.
I'm that badass.
Comment has been collapsed.
You attempt to talk to the boss. He tells you that if beaten, he would give enough experience to level up your grand-kids to 84. You fight. The epic battle continues for days. Finally, you win. Bruised and battered, you feel relieved.
Then you wake up. You are in a farm. You hear a masculine voice telling you to milk the cows. Apparently, your name is Butterbee.
Comment has been collapsed.
I wonder if my Nokia ExpressMusic could still be used as a camera. I try and take some pictures of what seems to have been a battlefield.
Comment has been collapsed.
You successfully take a few pictures before it starts raining. Your cell phone short-circuits and electrocutes you. You are unconscious. You wake up in the same field with a shining sun.
Comment has been collapsed.
You look around but fail to find any signs of the living.
Comment has been collapsed.
I use my l33t necromancy skills to reanimate one of the fallen.
Comment has been collapsed.
You try to reanimate the undead but fail to do so. You are hungry and thirsty, thus low on mana.
Comment has been collapsed.
I scavenge for food and look for any nearby bodies of water.
Comment has been collapsed.
You fail to find any food, unless you want to resort to cannibalism or have a desire for rotting orc flesh. You look for water but all you see is the... sea. So much water but not a drop to drink.
Comment has been collapsed.
I take out my handy-dandy teacup and scoop up some water. Then I use my remaining mana to use a basic fire spell to boil the water until its safe to drink.
Comment has been collapsed.
You boil the water for too long. It evaporates. The intense heat breaks your teacup.
Comment has been collapsed.
Your salty tears parch your throat, making you even more thirsty.
Comment has been collapsed.
I check some of the corpses for an intact water bottle or mana gem.
Comment has been collapsed.
You see clouds gathering nearby. It might snow. You also spot a small village in the distance.
Comment has been collapsed.
I walk towards the village, checking for edible plants along the way.
Comment has been collapsed.
You find only shrubs and bushes. You arrive at the village.
Comment has been collapsed.
I look around the village. Do I see any people just randomly standing around, RPG style?
Comment has been collapsed.
No. Unlike you, everyone else is busy doing some sort of work.
Comment has been collapsed.
I look around for helpful buildings (Shops, inns etc.) and I check my inventory.
Comment has been collapsed.
You see a blacksmith, farmers market, hospital and a pub.
You have:
- 16 coins
- dagger
- leather strap
Comment has been collapsed.
Is the waterskin filled with seawater not in my inventory cuz I have it equipped or...?
Also I wrap the leather strip around my crotch so I won't be completely naked.
Comment has been collapsed.
For some reason, you are holding the water skin in your hand, exempting it from appearing in your inventory.
You were not naked before, but still bind the leather straps tightly around your crotch.
Comment has been collapsed.
I walk into the pub and ask how much a room and a meal costs.
Comment has been collapsed.
1 coin for a 2 nights stay. 1 extra coin for meals.
Comment has been collapsed.
I ask for a room and food, handing 2 coins to the bartender and waiting patiently at the bar for my first meal.
Comment has been collapsed.
The innkeeper asks for the money and takes your order. Your meal arrives in 30 minutes. Cold. This place does not have a very good Yelp rating.
Comment has been collapsed.
I eat the meal and go up to my room, being sure to lock the door behind me. I lie down on the bed and fall asleep.
Comment has been collapsed.
You eat your frozen dinner and head up to your room. As you move towards your room, a man bumps into you. He apologizes and leaves. You get to your room, lock it and sleep. You wake in the morning.
Comment has been collapsed.
I check my inventory to make sure I wasn't pick pocketed and look around my room, checking any drawers and the space under the bed.
Comment has been collapsed.
You check your pockets and find that someone slipped a knife into your pocket. How did you not notice that?
You check the drawers and find blankets and sheets. The space under the bed is empty.
Comment has been collapsed.
I equip the knife and proceed to eat breakfast at the buffet downstairs. When nobody is looking I sneak a ketchup packet into my pocket.
Comment has been collapsed.
You eat breakfast, knife in hand. You slip the complementary ketchup packet into your pocket. The waitress sees you and giggles at your stupidity.
Comment has been collapsed.
I leave the pub, and enter the blacksmith's, asking what he has for sale.
Comment has been collapsed.
You try to call the police but realize that you have nothing to call them on.
Comment has been collapsed.
I begin to search among the rests of the battle for something that I could find useful
Comment has been collapsed.
You search for hours but come across nothing but junk. You find:
- broken swords x 123
- broken axe x 102
- broken spears x 89
- broken shield x 131
- metal shield (intact) x 1
- shattered armor pieces x 312
- metal gauntlet x 1
Comment has been collapsed.
None of that is eaten, so I start walking in the direction where less rests of battle seemed to be, trying not to get tetanus
Comment has been collapsed.
You starting walking. Five minutes pass before it starts to rain. Find shelter or risk getting pneumonia.
Comment has been collapsed.
I look around searching for some kind of shelter. Then I remember the metal shield and go back, hoping that the shield could prevent me to get sopping wet.
Comment has been collapsed.
You find the shield and raise it over your head, it protects you from the rain. But you still need proper shelter to survive the night.
Comment has been collapsed.
I start running with the shield over my head. I know that I must find a shelter, although some food wouldn't be bad welcome neither. Soon the sun will set, but I also know that as darkens, it would be easier for me to spot any point of light.
Comment has been collapsed.
As you are considered all this, the winds pick up and and hail begins to fall. You start shivering as temperatures decrease rapidly.
YOU HAVE CAUGHT THE SNIFFLES
Comment has been collapsed.
Atchoo! I need to find a shelter! Atchoo! I need to!! Atchoo! And some food and a fire and a bed Atchoo! Ups... and some tissues. The sound of hail bouncing off the shield echoes in my head, while a stream of snot slides down my face. Isn't there a cave around? A tree? A townhouse with an opened window? Dayum! Atchoo! I keep running and searching for a shelter.
Comment has been collapsed.
You keep running until you spot a light in what seems to be a cave.
Comment has been collapsed.
I approach the alleged cave. Atchoo! If there is a light, it has to be a warm fire, and hopefully some food. Atchoo! Maybe I could befriend the fire's owner and he could share some of his groceries with me. Atchoo! I start to salivate.
Comment has been collapsed.
You run towards the cave hoping for a warm fire and some food. You stumble to see a group of orcs sitting around a fire consuming human corpses. They are as stunned as you are. You have a second to act.
Comment has been collapsed.
I fall back and land on my butt, still stunned. Somehow, I manage to say "H...Hi. Atchoo!"
Comment has been collapsed.
The orcs quickly manage to restrain you. It is clear that these orcs are not friendly. You sit there bound and gagged, chiding yourself for not listening to your mother when she told you that orcs are never friendly. You sit there, awaiting your fate, wondering what they will do? Will they devour you? Will they sell you to the slave market? Or will they take advantage of your weakened state for personal pleasure? That last thought makes you cringe slightly, though not nearly as much as it should.
Comment has been collapsed.
I try to get one of the charred sticks from the fire while orcs are busy eating human (but nourishing) flesh. My arms are tightly bounded but my mom always says that I have the longer fingers she has ever seen. If I managed to get one of those blazing sticks maybe I would be able to burn my bindings and sneak off during the night
Comment has been collapsed.
You reach and grab the stick with the tip of your fingers but accidentally fumble, setting fire to the pile of hay that was inconveniently placed next to the fire. The fire spreads. The orcs notice and quickly flee taking their stuff with them. You are trapped.
Comment has been collapsed.
I start praying for help to all known (and some unknown) gods, while nervously try to burn the ropes that bind me before the rest of my body becomes a big steaming lump of coal.
Comment has been collapsed.
The gods, even if they are listening, fail to respond. Your eyebrows catch on fire.
Comment has been collapsed.
A demon emerges from within the flames. He is about to offer you a deal for your soul but the gods respond by smiting him. The lightning has left a hole in the roof of the cave, the rain outside puts out the fire.
Comment has been collapsed.
It takes me a moment to react. What just happened before my eyes seems like something out of the mind of a duck. Slowly I look for something to cut my ties and start rummaging through the cave in search of not-charred food, maybe some bottle of wine, and my common sense recommend me to get a weapon as soon as possible.
Comment has been collapsed.
You rummage through the cave but only manage to find burnt food the orcs were cooking prior to your intrusion. The orcs took everything with them, You do find a sword though.
Comment has been collapsed.
I firmly grab the sword, sit on the ground away from the big hole in the roof, and patiently wait for the rain to stop, without looking away from the entrance of the cave. My plan consist in running as fast as possible once it stops raining and find another shelter where I could spend the night without fearing for my life.
Comment has been collapsed.
The rain keeps on pouring. Hunger makes you sleepy . You dose off. When you wake up, you have been stripped down to your loincloth. Strangely enough, you still have your sword. Your clothes are no where to be seen. The rain has stopped.
Comment has been collapsed.
First of all, I check if my body has been profanated in any sense. Then, I go out of the cave with my new sword in my hand, I need to find a way to go back home. I start to walk southward guided by the sun. I am still fungry so I am ready to kill some small/medium animal with my sword if I have the chance. I am too much fked to care about my half-nudity.
Comment has been collapsed.
You check yourself and find that it too difficult to tell whether you have been used or not. You start walking southward, but fail to see any animals. The harsh sun burns your skin.
Comment has been collapsed.
I look for some green branches/leaves and improvise a cute hat. Searching for water, the relentless sun starts to make a dent in my vulnerable body. My mouth is pasty. Maybe I should try to use my water diviner skills.
Comment has been collapsed.
You manage to craft a cute hat using the foliage you find nearby, probably swept by the storm. You try to use you water diviner skills before realizing you have none. Maybe you should have saved some rainwater.
Comment has been collapsed.
I'm happy with my new hat :) I keep walking along the path of tiles to the floating castle guarded by centaurs. I feel lighter each second. Now I can only think about potatoes, yummy baked potatoes with oil and garlic sauce
Comment has been collapsed.
As dehydration makes you hallucinate, you walk into a tree and knock yourself out. It begins to rain again. You are unconscious with your mouth and are about to drown.
Comment has been collapsed.
Oh it's huge! No, senpai, it won't fit! *ahh* It hurts! What are you doing now? In my mouth? *Gggh* So much *gggh* so much love juicee *ggrhhh* moaar!
I regain consciousness, a bit disoriented but definitely not thirsty now. Had that orc incident also been a dream? My head hurts and I can feel a bump in my forehead. I stand up and use the tree as a shelter until it stops raining. I also look for any fruit it might have.
Comment has been collapsed.
You get up to find that your dream has made you ejaculate. The tree is bare of any fruit.
Comment has been collapsed.
Mmmm this tree is as bare as me
I take off my loincloth and wash it under the rain. My stomach growls again. With the help of my sword I separate a piece of bark, delete some rough edges with it, cut a couple of vines and make a cute sandals for my aching feet. It is still raining. I wonder why it rains so much in this place. When it stops, I'm going to keep moving southward, it's the only thing I can do. Sooner or later I should find some semblance of civilization
Comment has been collapsed.
Your sandals make your feet itch. It continues to rain for hours and shows no sign of stopping. The high tide is coming.
Comment has been collapsed.
I scratch my feet. Then I scratch my head. This wait is kinda boring. My sandals get stuck in the mud and their vines break. Definitely this rain sucks. I keep waiting singing dwarf songs.
Comment has been collapsed.
The rain intensifies. The high tide waves hit you. You lose your sandals.
Comment has been collapsed.
No more dwarf songs to sing. I'm all wet and shaked by waves. There is no reason to remain inactive so I start swimming towards some safe place, using a big branch as a float. It is funny, I was so thirsty just some hours ago...
I hope not to lose my loincloth. It's a bit hard swimming with the sword in my hand, but the branch helps me.
Comment has been collapsed.
You float against the harsh waves. A giant wave hits you. You lose your branch and pulled to the depths of the sea.
Comment has been collapsed.
I look around. If I see nothing then try to swim to the surface
Comment has been collapsed.
The depths are too dark for you to see anything. You break the surface of the water.
Comment has been collapsed.
I look around. If I see nothing then try to swim to the highest point. If I see a duck I try to kill it
Comment has been collapsed.
You see a duck flying high above the air. You think of killing it but realize you only have a sword.
Comment has been collapsed.
OOooooOOooooOOOooOOoooOOOooOOoo
So much waves :O
Trying to reach the highest point of land I see
Comment has been collapsed.
Looking around for food and shelter, or a duckslayer bow...
Comment has been collapsed.
You do not find a bow . The duck poops on as it flies above. You find a solitary tree with coconuts.
Comment has been collapsed.
I start climbing the tree in search of those suculent coconuts. After eating them I want to explore the island
Comment has been collapsed.
You manage to pick some coconuts but have no way of opening them.
Comment has been collapsed.
You break the coconuts open and nourish yourself. On inspection, you discover the island to be small and uninteresting.
(OOC: I forget you had a sword :P)
Comment has been collapsed.
Now that I have filled my stomach I feel more comfortable. If it is still raining I search some shelter. Otherwise I take a little nap under the tree. I want to keep going southward hoping to see some traces of civilization
(OOC: I don't know how you are able to manage all our roleplays at once xd)
Comment has been collapsed.
You sleep under the tree for a few hours. You wake up refreshed. You start moving southwards. However, there is no trace of civilization.
Comment has been collapsed.
I try to make some traps for catching some animal. I want meat!!! I dig holes and then I set some little branches and cover them with leaves. I also set a camp with a bonfire. I rub 2 sticks to make fire. I make some arrows sharpening branches, and make a bow too using hemp ropes
Comment has been collapsed.
You achieve all of this. You hear one of your traps spring.
Comment has been collapsed.
Nice!! Finally I'll get some real food! :D
I take my bow around my shoulder, my sword in my right hand and some arrows in my left hand and run towards the trap that was activated. When I am nearer, I stop and start approaching stealthily
Comment has been collapsed.
You sneakily part the trap to find that you have found a lizard.
Comment has been collapsed.
Hey, you, lizard!! Are you the king that was converted into a lizard by the evil court wizard?
If there is no answer, I shoot it with my bow
Comment has been collapsed.
I take the lizard and set the trap up again. Time to go back to the camp and prepare a tasty roast lizard :3
Comment has been collapsed.
You set the trap again and return to your camp. You wait for the lizard to cook.
Comment has been collapsed.
It is uncomfortable bringing arrows in hand, so I try to make a quiver. Mmm I should try to hunt some bigger animal and use its leather for making chothes. Where is all the people? What has happened? My head is full of questions. If i can't find anybody, mabye someone would find me if they see my fire.
Singing spicy songs.
Comment has been collapsed.
While you ponder your many queries, your lizard burns.
Comment has been collapsed.
The sword bounces of the tree and lodges into your stomach. Congratulations, you have stabbed yourself.
Comment has been collapsed.
I check if I'm dead. If not, try to put the sword off my body and.... joasfjs plug the wound
Comment has been collapsed.
You pull the sword out of your body but have nothing to plug the hole with.
Comment has been collapsed.
You strip naked and shove your dirty loincloth into your wound.
Comment has been collapsed.
I stand still. I don't want to bleed to death :\
I'm very thirsty for some reason. I can smell my own blood. Would this be The End? What a shame! I thought I deserved a better way to die.
Here I am. Trying not to die. Naked and self-stabbed.
Comment has been collapsed.
You lay still, not doing anything to prevent the bleeding or the potential infection you might get from your dirty loincloth. One more turn and you'll bleed to death.
Comment has been collapsed.
With my last ounce of strength I manage to reach my sword. I stare at it. Not a single creature was hurt by its edge but just me. It comes to my mind a famous bard's song that tells the story of a treacherous weapon. I name my sword "Stormbringer" and, despite the almost unbearable pain, a little smile escapes on my face, causing my pain to increase even further. It really brought storms into my life.
I push the sword into the fire and look at the sky, perhaps for the last time in my life from so far. The silhouettes of birds are drawn through the clouds and, for a moment, I want to fly too, being free, stopping this pain, but I have a reason in my life to continue fighting until my last breath... I grab the sword again with my right arm while my left arm discovers the deep slash in my stomach and put the bloody loincloth into my mouth. The edge of "Stormbringer" is now red hot, but in my mind there is only a thought, the face of a person, a person that I must find whatever it takes. As the blade comes into contact with my skin an intense smell of burning flesh penetrates my nose and the pain intensifies to the limit. I cry, I bite the rag with such force that each one of my teeth makes a hole in it, all the muscles in my body are tense, but I keep my arm firmly with all my strength. Before losing consciousness I throw the sword aside and I look at the horrible blackish burn scar. All sounds are off. Everything fades to black...
(OOC: sorry about the length and my poor English)
Comment has been collapsed.
Your eyes flicker open as sunlight falls on your face. You lie still for a moment, not remembering the painful ordeal you just went through. You try to get up, upon which you feel a sharp pain pierce your torso. Your eyes fall on the blackened scar. You fill dizzy and weak.
(OOC: I let you live because of the brilliantly-written piece above. :D)
Comment has been collapsed.
I don't know how long I've been unconscious. Actually, I'm surprised to be still n the world of the living. In my present condition I am an easy prey for the local fauna (not to mention worst enemies). I need to recuperate, I need to eat. I look around and I see some insects in a nearby trunk. Without thinking twice I catch one and stick it in your mouth... It doesn't taste as bad as expected. After all food is food :/
I take "Stormbringer" and, leaning on it, barely I get up from the floor. I need to go for wood to light a fire. By the way I also pick up some plants and fungi. This time I remember the advice of my mother and I avoid collecting those mushrooms with yellow polka dots. My sword weighs more than ever, but it is useful to make my way through the undergrowth. The next days I will be feeding me with what I can, and practicing with the sword. I need to loosen up my weakened arms. When I feel better I need also to check the traps. Hopefully some animal have fallen into it these days and I'll have some food (meat or insects among the rotting meat) and leather to make some clothes.
(OOC: Sorry again :S Next posts will be shorter I promise)
Comment has been collapsed.
You scavenge for food and stock up on edible plants and fungi. You practice with Stormbringer and your skill increases by 2. You check your traps to find 2 rabbits and a squirrel.
Comment has been collapsed.
I flay and cook the three animals. Cooked meat last longer. I try to make a new leather loincloth and a small leather pouch where I store the food. I think I'm ready to continue my search, so I grab my bow, arrows and Stormbringer and I go southbound again.
Comment has been collapsed.
You cook the animals and store them in your newly-crafted leather pouch. You don your loincloth, take your weapons and move south. The trees start to become thinner, the forest must be ending.
(OOC: Did you draw this yourself? XD)
Comment has been collapsed.
At last I'm leaving that forest behind. I walk during the day, trying to hunt a good piece if I see it, and camp at nights, my sword always near me and a bonfire protecting me. Some days I feel so lonely that I start talking to Stormbringer :(
Comment has been collapsed.
You find food and water. Enough you help you survive. You talk to Stormbringer. It talks back! Or maybe it's the blood loss.
Comment has been collapsed.
Am I delirious? Yes, it has to be that. For a second I thought Stormbringer replied me. Hahahha It had to be the wind. Or maybe I'm still too weak. Anyways I need to find the civilization and start looking for my lost brother. I promised my mother on her deathbed that I would find my little brother, whom my mother had to sell to a slave trader to avoid us to starve to death, years ago when we were children and my father had just died. I have to find him and repair that fact that traumatized my mother for the rest of her life.
Lost in my thoughts, I keep walking towards the warmer southern lands. From time to time I sneak a peek to my sword, still a bit suspicious.
Comment has been collapsed.
You sword is unchanged and is no longer speaking. You walk for a long time without any indication of civilization.
Comment has been collapsed.
The scar in my stomach still hurts from time to time, but the solitude is ten times worse. I need company, a friend to talk, or I'm going to become crazy.
My new hobby is trying to hunt some rabbit, some fox... some little animal to train it and make it my pet.
Comment has been collapsed.
Well, because my exams are over and people left a few replies. So it's only polite to reply back. If these adventures don't pan out, I might start another adventure but this time in SPACE! :P
Comment has been collapsed.
Time goes by so slowly... It feels like months walking in this wasteland. I heard a noise in a near bush, and I start my dance: I approach slowly, trying not to make any noise, and I peer through the branches of the bush.
Weeeeeeeeee :DDD I hope your exams were great :)
Comment has been collapsed.
You peer through the branches trying to find the source of the rustling. But before you do, you are tackled from behind by a hooded figure.
They went very nicely
Comment has been collapsed.
At last! Another human!! I almost cry of happiness and I turn to hug him/her
Comment has been collapsed.
You try to hug your assailant. He rewards you by swift punches to the abdomen. Every time his fist connects, you lose your breath.
Comment has been collapsed.
Why--- -a-gsasd----- do. .sda.- -this- sagh .-. I am --,m,m.m df friend .,ms-- aghh
Comment has been collapsed.
He punches you in the face to shut you up and continues to punch you in the abdomen.
Comment has been collapsed.
ok, he didnt leave me a choice... I unsheathed Stormbringer and hit him with its plain part
Comment has been collapsed.
As you reach for your sword, the assailant grabs by the wrist and twists it hard. You hear a cracking sound and feel an intense pain. He or she quickly steals your sword and runs.
Comment has been collapsed.
I grab my bow and shoot him/her lol :S What an unpleasant company
Comment has been collapsed.
You grab your bow but feel searing pain. You realize your wrist is broken.
Comment has been collapsed.
So that cracking sound and the pain was that? Damn!
Are there stones near? I have still one healthy hand... and he/she a sword... mmmm I have thought better that stone idea....
Maybe it is the best thing that could have happened to me. After all, Stormbringer almost killed me :/ I hope his/her new owner runs the same luck as me.
And about that... my abdomen hurts too, agh. I sit on the ground to take breath
The bush is next to me, I peek into it to see if there is something.
lol I can't reply your last comment :S There is no submit button
Comment has been collapsed.
You sit down and catch your breath. You look into the bush and find nothing.
Comment has been collapsed.
Well, no pet and no sword. This is not my day... And my wrist is broken :/ I grab some sticks and splint my hand, hanging my arm from my neck. With no sword, my only weapon is a bow I can't use mmm... I have to make some spear. Ouch my hand hurts. I'm pretty sure my assailant was a demon, that strength was no human :O Stormbringer, come back!! Pain... Pain temporary. But it doesn't make me feel less pain :/ I have to continue my journey. Luckily Stormbringer will kill that demon, like it almost did me. Did that person run in my direction? I would have to be aware.
I think we reached the limit of replies xD I can't reply your last 2 posts
Comment has been collapsed.
You are able to determine that the person ran to the south as you splint your arm. You look for items to craft a spear and find a branch, a sharp rock and some vines.
Yeah, that happened to me too. If you can't reply at all, just post your reply at the end of the thread and we'll continue from there.
Comment has been collapsed.
I try to make a little hole in the edge of the branch with the sharp rock, then put the rock in and proceed to affux all together with the vines. :/ It's ssomething.
I continue walking southward, but staying alert, I don't want another encounter with that human figure again.
Comment has been collapsed.
You craft a shoddy spear. You walk southward, alert, but have no encounter with anything living. Or dead. Or undead.
Comment has been collapsed.
After months walking southward, I start walking west. South is definitely more boring than I thought :/
Comment has been collapsed.
You walk west for two weeks until you reach the sea.
Comment has been collapsed.
I start following the coast line southward. Now I can eat fishes too hunting them with my spear :D
Comment has been collapsed.
You find that the fish do not swim this close to the coast line. You keep walking south and reach a fishing village.
Comment has been collapsed.
When I see the fishing village I start crying from happiness :D I start waving and yelling HEEEYYY!!! while I continue walking towards the village
Comment has been collapsed.
As you run towards the village, screaming like a maniac, you see people look at you and run away. In minutes, you reach the village and are surrounded by guards pointing sharp, pointy weapons at you.
Comment has been collapsed.
* Hands up *
Eehmm hello! My name is perrolijo, I have been walking for months looking for some village. I'm not dangerous, I just want to eat something in the tavern
Comment has been collapsed.
The guards look you over. The captain steps forward and agrees to take you to a tavern but you must surrender your weapons.
Comment has been collapsed.
Anyway I could not use against crowds of soldiers with my broken wrist...
I surrender my bow and my shoddy spear. Let's see that tavern, it seems I would be able to collect some info at last
Comment has been collapsed.
You are escorted to the doctor first to have your wrist examined. It is put in a cast and you are given some herbs to dull the pain along with clothes. You go to the tavern and get a sandwich. The captain asks you how you wound up here.
Comment has been collapsed.
I told him about the orcs, how I managed to run away, the big flood, the wound with my swo... (let's omit that humiliating part), the strange hooded assailant that stole my sword... Also I ask him if he knows of any slave trader around. I have to start looking for my little brother.
Comment has been collapsed.
The captain looks at you and wonders about your sanity. He tells you that there are no slave traders here, though you may find some near the city of Cortosh, a week's journey away.
Comment has been collapsed.
The captain looks at you and wonders about your sanity. He tells you that there are no slave traders here, though you may find some near the city of Cortosh, a week's journey away.
I need a new weapon and maybe some armor.And my wrist is still broken. I ask for a job in the tavern or some other place in the village. I can collect information about Cortosh meanwhile.
Comment has been collapsed.
The captain tells you that your wrist is broken and will not allow you to do any serious menial work. Best to look for a job where no heavy exertion is required. Perhaps, you'd have better luck in the library or church. As for information, the library is always an excellent source.
Comment has been collapsed.
The library mmm... it seems a quiet place to work. I doubt I could gain any money at all working in a church :S
And I can collect info from the books besides the tavern. Maybe some old slavery record. I ask for a job at the library :)
Comment has been collapsed.
You get one, stacking books. The librarian tells you that once the books are stacked, you can read books and await your further assignment.
Comment has been collapsed.
I start stacking books. When I finish, I search for useful info for my quest
Comment has been collapsed.
You ask the librarian to give you some books about Cortosh and the slave traders. She gives you 3 books detailing the history of Cortosh and the slave trader community. She tells you that the captain of the guard stopped by. He left a message for you to remind you that you should visit the doctor to get your wrist looked at and that temporary lodgings have been prepared for you at the inn.
Comment has been collapsed.
Agh just when I was going to start reading...
I ask the librarian what time the doctor finish his work (and what time I finish mine). If I finish first, I start reading the books and I will see the doctor when I finish my work. If not, I ask her for permission to go to see the doctor now. Can I borrow the books? If so, it would be interesting keep reading them before go to bed, at the inn.
I also want to go to the tavern later, to ask the barman about Cortosh.
Comment has been collapsed.
The librarian tells you that you can visit the doctor, since you can't really work with a broken wrist. And of course, you can borrow books. It's what a library is for. The doctor will leave in about 30 mins.
You plan on going to the doctor first, then the tavern.
Comment has been collapsed.
Thanks Mrs librarian! Then if I have finished my work here, I borrow the books and go directly to see that doctor. People in this village are so kind :) I'm really happy, after all the pain and suffering of my travel.
Comment has been collapsed.
You enter the doctor's office and she takes a look at your wrist. She gently applies a soothing balm that will repair the break. You feel better.
Comment has been collapsed.
- Doctor, how much time will pass until my wrist is completely recovered?
When I go out of the doctor office I go to the tavern. I order a beer and ask the barman about the city of Cortosh
Comment has been collapsed.
4 months. You have no money to order a beer. He tells you that the captain can give you more info. on Cortosh.
Comment has been collapsed.
Damn, they started to ask for money. I thought all in this village was for free :(
It seems I will spend at least 4 months here. I know it is a lot of time, and my little brother could be in Cortosh, so near... after all this years... But I cannot defend myself with the broken wrist, how was I going to defend my brother if I found him? I have to be patience.
To do list for the next days:
-Start reading the books (when in my room)
-Talk with the captain about Cortosh
-Find some transport that visit Cortosh in 4 months
-Continue working at the library. Ask how much money am I gaining
-Estimate how much money will I have in 4 months working on the library (earned money - food,room...)
-Visit the blacksmith and see the weapons and armors, see what I could buy with my saved money
Also, /check inventory and /check stats.
I have a hand that I can use yet, it would be nice if I can find someone to train with the sword (even if I have to train with a wooden sword because of the lack of money)
Comment has been collapsed.
- Your knowledge begins to increase with each book read.
- The captain tells you about Cortosh. It is a small city near the giant city of trade, Malor. The Malorian king has tried eliminating them countless time but their fortress is too well-defended. More than 300 slaves are moved and sold there every month. Mostly, into sex slavery, both men and women. Some are bought to work on farms. If your brother is a slave, you'll definitely find info. about him there. Though you may not like what you hear.
- The captain tells you that Cortosh is on a boycott, no carriages go there. But you can go to Malor, and walk the rest of the day. It's a day's journey.
- You're earning 100 coins a month.
- In 4 months, 400 coins earned. 100 coins for food, drink and boarding.
- The blacksmith has a wide variety of good weaponry. Take your pick.
Your inventory:
- Bow and 25 arrows
- Loincloth
- Shoddy, wooden spear
- Balm for your wrist.
Your stats:
Intelligence: 15
Strength: 9
Dexterity: 10
Luck: 4
Stamina: 8
Magic: 0
Comment has been collapsed.
It could be difficult to enter Cortosh mmm So 300 coins mmm I want some coins left just in case to bribe some guards and pretend I want to buy some slave. That leaves me with 250 coins I suppose. I will need some armor too, and a robe to cover them. I am trained with the sword so I should pick one.
I realize that reading books is not being productive at all so I spent my days working at the library and training without forcing my wrist. I like swimming in the sea, and soon my skin begins to tan. I suppose that makes me look less strange and people in the village start to befriend me. They love to listen the story about how I escaped from the orcs in the cave. it seems this small village is so boring that they find me interesting :D Of course I embellish a bit my adventures, and my blackish scar from my stomach gives me credibility :3
>You are escorted to the doctor first to have your wrist examined. It is put in a cast and you are given some herbs to dull the pain along with clothes.
Comment has been collapsed.
(OOC: You're wearing the clothes. Equipped itmes don't appear in your inventory)
A month passes, and a visit to the doctor confirms that your wrist is healing properly. Due to the excessive exposure to the sun, you are also sunburnt. A nice iron sword is available for 100 coins. The captain is quite proficient with the sword. May be he can teach you.
Comment has been collapsed.
Ask the doctor for some balsam for my sunburnt.
Ask the captain for some training with the sword.
Ask some single woman from the village for sex.
Comment has been collapsed.
- The doctor gives you balm for your sunburn.
- The captain tells you to come back tomorrow for training. Dawn sharp.
- You get slapped in the face.
Comment has been collapsed.
Well, I don't have a woman tonight, but at least I have balm ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
The next day I go to see the captain ready for a training
Comment has been collapsed.
After relieving yourself, you report to the captain. You train for an hour. The training is light, since you're still injured. However, you do learn how to properly handle a one-handed sword.
Comment has been collapsed.
I will need training with my bow too. And now I'm thinking about buying a shield too :O
I ask the captain and the barman in the tavern if there is some job I can do apart from the library
Comment has been collapsed.
The bow is a two handed weapon and you will unable to practice with it at the moment. The captain does not know of any other jobs. The barman is looking for someone to clean his basement.
Comment has been collapsed.
I can clean! If it is not too much work.. .I already have the library job and the daily training. Unless the barman pays me more money than the librarian. Free beer would be an incentive :3
I ask the captain if he has seen someone with a sword like Stormbringer.
I ask the herbalist (if there is any) if he/she needs help recollecting some herbs
Comment has been collapsed.
The barman will pay you 75 coins a month and 5 beers monthly. The captain does remember seeing anyone with a sword mentioning Stormbringer's description. The herbalist has all that she needs for the moment.
Comment has been collapsed.
How much hours of work cleaning the tavern? How much hours am I already working at the library?
I was expecting something like 5 beers a day, not monthly :/ If I can't handle both works I will keep in the library. I can read something about poisons too, maybe I can find some herbs that grow near.
Comment has been collapsed.
The library work isn't time consuming. The librarian requires you to be present from 10 a.m. to 3p.m. The library closes at 6p.m. but another person works from 3 to 6. The barman needs you report at 5p.m. and work till midnight.
As for herbs, the books on poisonous herbs have been checked out.
Comment has been collapsed.
Ok I start working at the tavern too. So boring village...
What means 'check out'? Have I already read them, or have they been borrowed?
If I already read them, I start exploring on my free time for herbs.
Comment has been collapsed.
All of them? That is weird :/ Mmmm let's check who borrowed them
Comment has been collapsed.
The books on herbology are quite few in number. They have been borrowed by the local nurse.
Comment has been collapsed.
Is the local nurse single? Is she attractive? Agff my wrist is aching me again, maybe I should see the nurse :3
Comment has been collapsed.
You go to the clinic to hit on the local nurse. What you find blows your mind. Red-headed, beautiful and smart. With a ring on her finger.
Comment has been collapsed.
I told her that my scar in my stomach is hurting me lately. While she explores me, I asked her about what she is doing in this small village, and not in Malor or another bigger city.. I invite her to stop at the tavern later.
Comment has been collapsed.
She tells you that she used to live in Malor but moved to the village for a peaceful life after her divorce. After checking your scar, she applies some balm and tells you that it is healing nicely.
Comment has been collapsed.
- What is your name? I am a foreigner too, and I know that sometimes one person can feel lonely even among a crowd. Go to the tavern later, I will invite you to something and maybe we can talk a bit and sharing some experiences :) <- my best seductive smile
Comment has been collapsed.
Her name is Sila. She thanks for your generous offer but she is busy.
Comment has been collapsed.
- Oh, Sila, what a sweet name. Well if you are busy maybe you can go when I finish my work, at midnight. I have a bottle of wine in my room ;)
Comment has been collapsed.
She looks awkwardly at you and tells you she can't. She has a boyfriend. She's dating the captain.
Comment has been collapsed.
- Is something wrong that 2 friends share a cup of wine while talking about their lives out of this quiet village?
I don't think so. My invitation still stands :)
Comment has been collapsed.
Sila apologizes for the misunderstanding and accepts your invitation.
Comment has been collapsed.
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
That afternoon I swipe a bottle of wine from the cellar of the tavern. I wait for her at the entrance. Then we go to my room while talking about how beautiful the stars are seen tonight. At home, we start drinking. I ask her for her life before moving to the village.
Comment has been collapsed.
You wait for her at the entrance. Hours pass by. She does not come.
Comment has been collapsed.
I go home. I drink the bottle of wine while using some more balm.
The next day I visit her again and ask her for a explanation
Comment has been collapsed.
After pleasuring yourself, you go to the clinic. It is closed. No one is there.
Comment has been collapsed.
I ask in the tavern what happened to the nurse. If nobody know, I ask the captain during my daily training
Comment has been collapsed.
The barman does not know. You go to the guard station to meet the captain but his deputy tells you that he hasn't come in today.
Comment has been collapsed.
Mmmm strange. I go to the nurse's house (asked neighbours about it) and call to the door. If not response, the same for the captain's house. If not response, I wait until the next day and see if they are back
Comment has been collapsed.
No response from the nurse's or captain's house. As you leave the captain's house though, his neighbor notices you and tells you that he won't be back for a while. Turns out the captain proposed. Both of them left to get married in the big city of Malor.
Comment has been collapsed.
Stupid captain! He had to choose that precisely day to propose :/ Well, there are more fishes, she lose, not me...
I ask the herbalist for a date
Comment has been collapsed.
You realize that you don't have any weapons, so you attempt to flee combat.
Comment has been collapsed.
Without choosing a specific direction, you start running away from the battlefield. After about 5 minutes of light jogging, you stop, badly out of breath. You realize you are in really bad shape.
Comment has been collapsed.
While catching your breath after this exercise, you understand that you're not in a position to run away. You carefully inspect area around you for some kind of escape.
Comment has been collapsed.
All you see are dead bodies and a deep chasm. You consider jumping, but that was not the kind of escape you had in mind. Or was it?
Comment has been collapsed.
That was a bad idea, after all. You move along chasm.
Comment has been collapsed.
You land on your back. Luckily, it wasn't very deep. Nothing is broken, but your back hurts. You get up and start walking along the wall of the chasm. You have a long, painful walk ahead of you.
Comment has been collapsed.
You look around but fail to find a tree. The plain is devoid of any tall vegetation to hide behind. You wonder what you're hiding from, considering that everyone around you is dead.
Comment has been collapsed.
I try to bury myself underground to hide from the dead.
Comment has been collapsed.
You attempt to dig with your fingers, breaking several nails in the process, but not managing to make any effective progress.
Comment has been collapsed.
I decide I'm not afraid of corpses after all. After checking my necromancy book, I try to raise a minion.
Comment has been collapsed.
You pull out a book out of your pack. It is an alphabet book. You wonder where your spell book went. You revise your alphabet.
Comment has been collapsed.
I remeber that that's exactly how you raise the dead. I recite the alphabet backwards while standing on my right foot and touching my nose with my left hand. The nearest corpse gets ups and looks at me.
Comment has been collapsed.
The corpse sets off away from you, despite your calls telling him to stop. You remember that you only learned to raise the dead but never to control them. Or maybe you're just repulsively ugly.
Comment has been collapsed.
I decide to follow the zombie to look what it plans to do.
Comment has been collapsed.
You follow the zombie around for 3 hours, but all it does is wander aimlessly.
Comment has been collapsed.
I decide I'm hungry and where could I find some yummy duck?
Comment has been collapsed.
You think about finding some duck. Then, you remember that you are a vegetarian.
Comment has been collapsed.
You decide to chuck 43 years of vegetarianism down the tubes and start looking for ducks to eat. However, any ducks that could have been near you, would have fled the battle that happened hours ago.
Comment has been collapsed.
Your magic cannot conjure up items that do not exist in your universe.
Comment has been collapsed.
You conjure up a flat doughy base with tomato sauce and cheese. You forgot to set toppings.
Comment has been collapsed.
Though strange that there would be pirates on a stream, you spot a ship , looking small in the distance. As it approaches you notice that the boat does not get any bigger. It is a gnome boat.
Comment has been collapsed.
I decide to kidnap them and ask the gnome princess for a ransom.
Comment has been collapsed.
The captive gnomes tell you that they are outlaws and the crown will not vouch for them.
Comment has been collapsed.
After getting dressed, I go to the city to sell them at the slave market.
Comment has been collapsed.
You arrive at the slave market but no one willing to buy the gnomes off you. Something so small can neither be used for pleasure nor for hard work.
Comment has been collapsed.
I trade them for a sniper rifle in the weapons shop. I'm not interested to know what the owner plans to do with them. I go hunting.
Comment has been collapsed.
You get a rusty old sniper rifle. The weapon smith sets them free. The gnomes decide to work for him, managing all his weaponry.
You run out into the forest to find sustenance. However, in your haste to do so, you forgot to buy ammo. You encounter a pack of wolves.
Comment has been collapsed.
I look around to check if Steve survived the battle.
Comment has been collapsed.
You look around, searching the bodies for a sign of Steve. You soon come across his head. It is safe to say that he did not survive.
Comment has been collapsed.
I stand above Steve's head for a minute. He was who you might call 'a good man' - not an awful lot of that kinda people left in the barrens. Never crossed the line. Never killed anyone. Never'd look for revenge. Steve was nothing like me.
I leave what's left of Steve to the coyotes and rattlesnake. The smell of burning land and broiling flesh eats into my lungs. I try to figure out the fastest way outta here.
Comment has been collapsed.
While you're trying to find your bearings, you hear a voice calling you from the battlefield. "Oi, you twat! You just gonna leave me here!"
Comment has been collapsed.
Is it Steve? It didn't sound much like Steve's thick Polish accent.
Comment has been collapsed.
You wonder whether you should go back to find out.
Comment has been collapsed.
I look for a weapon to defend myself, just in case. And pants. I must acquire pants.
Comment has been collapsed.
You search for a weapon. Meanwhile, the voice keeps on calling promising you a weapon and pants and armor!
Comment has been collapsed.
I don't give in to the voice's sweet promises of pants and start going through the ashes of fallen soldiers, trying to find something to defend myself with.
Comment has been collapsed.
As your search for loot continues, you again find yourself staring at Steve's head. You feel a sense of nostalgia as you remember the good ol' days, when you and Steve used to go to the lake and chuck rocks without any latent homosexual tendencies. As you stare, Steve's suddenly opens his eyes. He looks at you and yells, "Oi mate, why'd you leave me here?" You stare in disbelief at Steve's head. You can't believe it. You just cannot believe the fact that Steve had an Australian accent. You wonder why you never noticed it before.
Comment has been collapsed.
Suddenly everything start making sense. I should've realized something's off way earlier, when on one of the camp nights I've stumbled upon Steve, naked and covered in Vegemite, running through the forest.
I approach Steve. I look him in the eye. "Steve. You lied to me, ya dirty bogan. Polish mountain kangaroos were never a thing, right?".
Comment has been collapsed.
Steve looks at you and laughs. "Did you really believe that? And here I thought you understood sarcasm. mate?"
You wonder whether him running naked through the forest was on purpose. Again, no latent homosexual tendencies, here. No siree, nope.
Comment has been collapsed.
I look around. There is fairly undamaged knapsack on one of the bodies. It looks old; it smells like old socks and cold determination. I put Steve head into it. Aussie bastard is coming with me. He will tell me his secrets eventually, if we make it outta here alive.
I look for the path. Smoke makes it hard to see.
Comment has been collapsed.
You find a path. Inside the bag, Steve asks you to look for his body so that he may be whole again. However, since all the headless human corpses are in the same uniform, there is no way to tell them apart. Steve tells you to strip at the corpses naked. You can thus identify him.
Comment has been collapsed.
No, no body for an olde Steve, I like him better this way. When - and if - we make it out of here alive, we'll get in touch with Australians - they will rebuild him a new beautiful body.
I do strip a few corpses naked though. All of them look Australian. What even happened here?
I follow the path, even though there is nothing, but ashes ahead. Where does it lead us?
Comment has been collapsed.
Steve is hurt that you could not recognize his naked body, especially after all the tender, possibly non-sexual moments you shared.
As you follow the path, you see lights indicating civilization.
Comment has been collapsed.
I stop for a while and observe the lights. Steve is mumbling something in a sack. I told him to shut up, so I could hear if there's any suspicious sound around.
Comment has been collapsed.
The only sound nearby is Steve's. The lights seem some miles away. It will require a few hours of walking.
Comment has been collapsed.
I'm exhausted. I need to set up a camp, but first I need to get some food. Look around. What do I see?
And - BTW - have I found any weapon after all there, on the battlefield?
Comment has been collapsed.
You were distracted by Steve's head, you forget to find a weapon.
You see an apple tree a little ways off.
Comment has been collapsed.
I approach an apple tree and carefully inspect it. I also look around for a twigs and sticks I could've use for fire, shelter and - if I find one sturdy enough - for a makeshift weapon.
Comment has been collapsed.
All you find are twigs and small branches. The apples are high on the tree.
Comment has been collapsed.
You manage to do so and retrieve apples. The effort takes a heavy toll on you. As you descend, you spot rocks that you could have used to knock the apples off the tree. You wish you had seen them earlier.
Comment has been collapsed.
I curse quietly and look around too see what else is here.
Comment has been collapsed.
Apart from the rocks, there is nothing of much use. There are bushes, trees and some sort of herbs, though you cannot determine whether they are poisonous or not. You spot Steve, who manages to bite a mouth and eye holes for his bag. He laughs at you for not using the rocks to ease your task.
Comment has been collapsed.
I force Steve into trying the apple to make sure it's not poisoned.
Comment has been collapsed.
Steve forcefully takes a bite. He also manages to bite your finger, drawing blood. The apple is not poisonous.
Comment has been collapsed.
I take a closer look at Steven. Did he bit my finger just because he was angry at me or does he changed and feeds on blood now?
I also eat a few apples.
Comment has been collapsed.
Steve is just angry at you for not finding his body for him. You eat.
Comment has been collapsed.
I pick up twigs, branches, some leaves and fashion a small tent out of them. It's not much, but it will do. I check my pockets and the bag Steve is in. What do I have?
Comment has been collapsed.
You succeed in crafting a lean-to. You have:
- Steve in a bag
- apples x 3
Comment has been collapsed.
I gather some tinder and try to make fire by grinding 2 pieces of wood against each other. I try real hard.
Comment has been collapsed.
You tire yourself out but manage to get a small fire going.
Comment has been collapsed.
I gather some more dry wood and bake some apples to get some hot food. I eat a few myself and feed some to Steve. By the time we finish, the fire is almost out, so I try to preserve the last heat by surrounding it with rocks. I put a Steve in the bag into the shed and put some sticks into ground around him - I still don't trust him. Then I get some leaves under the shed, lie on them and try to get some sleep.
Comment has been collapsed.
After doing all this, you fall asleep. While you sleep, it starts to rain and high winds begin to blow. Your shed is blown away along with Steve.
Comment has been collapsed.
You run downhill. The heavy run makes it muddy and take a tumble. You land in a puddle of mud. You can hear Steve calling out to you. Hurry! He's drowning!
Comment has been collapsed.
I run like it's my own life that depends on it. Steve!!! Where are you???!!! STEEEEEEVE??
Comment has been collapsed.
You find Steve upside down in mud puddle. His mouth is almost submerged.
Comment has been collapsed.
I pull him out and perform artificial respiration on him.
Comment has been collapsed.
Both of you make out passionately. His mouth was almost submerged. ALMOST Not completely. But Steve does not stop you.
Comment has been collapsed.
Better safe than sorry. I look around looking for a place to hide from the storm.
Comment has been collapsed.
I stop performing artificial respiration on Steve and head to the cottage. I peek into the window.
Comment has been collapsed.
I open the door carefully. I get inside and look around. What do we have here?
Comment has been collapsed.
An empty cottage. Looks like no one's been here for quite a while. Everything is caked with dust. There is some old furniture lying around and a fireplace, though nothing to light on fire.
Comment has been collapsed.
I search every piece furniture thoroughly, especially in the kitchen (I hope to find some Vegemite).
What do I find?
Comment has been collapsed.
You find some old rotting vegetables but no vegemite.
Comment has been collapsed.
I look outside the cabin and check for the basement, looking for something useful. If it's a cabin in the woods, it sure has to have some instruments.
Comment has been collapsed.
You move towards the basement. It's too dark to see anything down there. Besides, who knows what manner of creatures may be hiding in the shadows. You require a light.
Comment has been collapsed.
I look around the cabin. Is there anything else in immediate vicinity?
Has the storm stopped?
Comment has been collapsed.
You find an unlit torch. The storm still rages on.
Comment has been collapsed.
I try to make some fire in the fireplace the same way I did it earlier. Furniture pieces should burn just fine.
I also break a leg of an old table to use it as a weapon until I find something better.
Comment has been collapsed.
You manage to set a fire going. The table leg gives way. You now have it as a weapon.
Comment has been collapsed.
Every weapon should have a name. I shall name this tableleg the Sick Stick.
I put the bag with Steve on my back, take Sick Stick and the torch in my hands, then proceed to light the torch.
I am now ready to enter the basement.
Comment has been collapsed.
You stand at the door leading into basement. You torch only illuminates a few feet ahead of you but you can see the stairs.
Comment has been collapsed.
I tell Steve to watch my back and down the stairs slowly,
Comment has been collapsed.
I slowly go downstairs, while thinking about what a douche Steve has become.
Comment has been collapsed.
As you think of Steve's douche-baggery, you realize that you may have earned it, considering you didn't help him find his body. You slowly descend the stairs, a sole beacon of light in the darkness. You hear shuffling of feet.
Comment has been collapsed.
I stop thinking about Steve being an ass for a second and listen to the feet shuffling. Is it menacing? Where does it come from? I raise Sick Stick ready to defend myself.
Comment has been collapsed.
You hear the shuffling feet behind you and then die down. Everything is quiet. You are poised to defend yourself. The storm has lessened in intensity.
Comment has been collapsed.
I explore the basement. Is there anything of interest?
Comment has been collapsed.
I collect everything, tie Sick Stick with a rope and put it behind my back. I put waterskin into the bag Steve is in. I take the sword in my hand, I shall name it The Sword.
After successfully naming the sword I leave the basement and observer weather.
Comment has been collapsed.
As you start leaving the basement, you hear growling behind you. You turn around to see a wolf baring its teeth.
Comment has been collapsed.
I try to cut wolf in half with The Sword while crying like a little girl.
Comment has been collapsed.
You swing and manage to nick the wolf on it legs. You cannot cut a wolf in half with a new, sharp sword; yours is old and rusty. The wolf pounces on you, biting down on your left arm.
Comment has been collapsed.
You repeatedly stab the wolf, causing it to retreat a few steps. You both stare at each other, waiting for the other to react.
Comment has been collapsed.
The wolf is bleeding from the neck through multiple stab wounds. However, it shows no sign of backing down. You are bleeding from your left arm from multiple bite wounds, your arm hangs limp at your side.
Comment has been collapsed.
I slowly back up the stairs, while holding The Sword in my functioning hand. I want to get out and shut the door, trapping the wolf in the basement.
Comment has been collapsed.
As you start to back up, your foot misses the step and you tumble. The wolf surprisingly does not attack. It limps into a corner, whimpering, tending to its wounds.
Comment has been collapsed.
I apologize to the wolf and offer to feed him Steve.
Comment has been collapsed.
The wolf licks your wound and becomes joyous. Steve woken by the battle, starts cursing you.
Comment has been collapsed.
I look at the wolf. Is there anything unusual about him?
Comment has been collapsed.
He seems bigger than normal wolves of his type. Steve continues to curse as the wolf sniffs at him, and steps back. Steve could use a cleaning.
Comment has been collapsed.
I go outside and gather some rain water into the waterskin, clean Steve, clean and tend to wolf's wounds to the best of my abilities. While he is resting I go around the basement, trying to figure out where did the wolf came from.
Comment has been collapsed.
The wolf falls asleep along with Steve. You discover that the wolf had been taking shelter from the storm in the basement.
Comment has been collapsed.
While they are sleeping I go outside and try to run away to Mexico.
Comment has been collapsed.
You manage to put some distance between yourself and them, heading to some place called Mexico. You find yourself near a town. Some minutes later, the wolf arrives with Steve's bag in his mouth. He tracked you down. Steve insults you for being a deserter.
Comment has been collapsed.
The wolf seems to stick around, if he'd like to be a part of the group, I shall - in the absence of better name - call him Bryan Cranston.
I take a look at the town. What do I see? Does it look like a place that would welcome a raggedy man with no pants, giant wounded wolf and Steve?
Comment has been collapsed.
It does not seem that they would care about you, considering that they have bigger problems at the moment, The town is on fire and under attack by orcs.
Comment has been collapsed.
Tell me more about the town. Is it big? What defenses does it have? What buildings do I see? How bad is the fire? Are orcs handsome?
Comment has been collapsed.
It is not a very big town. You can see a blacksmith and a hospital. Archers can be seen on rooftops providing support to soldiers fighting in the streets. The fire is raging, from building to building. You cannot see the faces of the orcs. Though judging by their size, they are quite muscular.
Comment has been collapsed.
I leave Steve and Bryan Cranston behind and sneak behind orcs the lines while the archers keep them distracted. I look around trying to find orc commander.
Comment has been collapsed.
You see the orc commander, slaughtering humans easily. You do not spot the orc sneaking up behind you. Luckily, Bryan followed you. He bites the orc in the leg, maiming him.
Comment has been collapsed.
I finish orc off quietly. I quickly check if he has something of immediate usefulness.
Comment has been collapsed.
I with a great sorrow leave The Sword behind and accept this scimitar as my new weapon of choice (I shall call it The Scimitar). I then take orc's blood and paint Wu-Tang Clan logo on my face with it.
I then really slowly and really carefully sneak to the cover nearest to the orc commander, who is busy slaughtering humans.
Comment has been collapsed.
You manage to quietly sneak up to the commander who has his back turned to you.
Comment has been collapsed.
I attempt to slit his throat with scimitar from behind.
Comment has been collapsed.
You try to slit his throat but his armor protects him from your scimitar. You run blade across his neck, shattering his armor but not injuring him. You now have his attention.
Comment has been collapsed.
You successfully roll. The orc is mesmerized by your grace and beauty.
Comment has been collapsed.
I bite my lips and assume sexy pose, showing off my assets, all while I look at the orc trying to figure out his weakness feverishly.
Comment has been collapsed.
The orc is interested and wishes you had met him before the battle for some sexy times. But for the moment, he must kill you. He swings his weapon, hitting you in the stomach. You fall on your back .
Comment has been collapsed.
You can feel a few fractured ribs. Your chest hurts.
Comment has been collapsed.
I pretend to be dead, while still holding my scimitar tightly.
Comment has been collapsed.
The orc stabs you in the leg to check whether you are dead or not. You scream in pain.
Comment has been collapsed.
With all that's left of my strength I stab orc in the neck, right when I shattered his armor earlier.
Comment has been collapsed.
Your scimitar pierces his thick hide, spurting a fountain of blood all over you. It even goes into your mouth. It tastes metallic. The orc commander clutches his throat and falls over on his back. The battle continues.
Comment has been collapsed.
I take the orc commander's helm off and cut through his neck, separating head from torso. I then raise his head in my hands and unleash the mightiest battlecry I am capable off.
Comment has been collapsed.
You hold the head in your arms, standing shakily on your wounded leg. You let out a roar but it is lost in the sounds of battle. As you stand in open sight, an arrow pierces the orc head and your uplifted hand.
Comment has been collapsed.
I hide behind nearest cover and try to make my way to the village soldiers carefully. I choose the long way, avoiding the heat of battle.
Comment has been collapsed.
You sneak around the battle, trying to regroup with the human soldiers. Your way is blocked by a battalion of orcs.
Comment has been collapsed.
I cover myself in the orcs blood still dripping from the head, so they won't smell me. I then carefully observe the surroundings and the battalion disposition. What do I see?
Comment has been collapsed.
You see nothing but red as orc blood drips into your eyes. It burns. You scream in pain, drawing the battalion's attention.
Comment has been collapsed.
I raise their leader head in my hand again. In the silence ensued, I shout "I defeated your leader, orcs! Lay down your arms and you will not be harmed!".
I do this not to persuade orcs, but rather to attract the attention of the human forces and give them chance to attack the orcs while they are distracted by me.
I then proceed to wipe the blood off my face to reveal Wu-Tang Clan logo I painted earlier.
Comment has been collapsed.
The orcs are distracted by your show. The humans rally their forces, but not before they stab you in your other leg. The orcs are driven back.
Comment has been collapsed.
When human soldiers approach me, I show them the orcs leader's head to gain their trust and respect. I ask for a doctor and a pair of pants. I tell them to find Steve and I tell them UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES to harm giant wolf they may encounter. I then finally give in to my wounds and black out.
Comment has been collapsed.
You wake up in a tent. You see Brian sleeping next to you. Your wounds have been bandaged and you have pants on. Steve is missing.
Comment has been collapsed.
I take the pants of with disgust. My nether regions will not be constrained by trousers! I tear the trouser-legs apart and wrap the cloth around my hands. I now have Handwraps of Survival. Do they give me any increase in melee skills?
Comment has been collapsed.
You rip up the pants that you yourself requested for. The self-named Handwraps of Survival do not give any melee bonus, since they are just pieces of cloth wrapped around your hand. They do decrease the noise from punching.
Comment has been collapsed.
This is exactly what I requested them for.
I examine mine and Bryan's wounds carefully. How are we?
Comment has been collapsed.
Your wounds have been stitched and cleaned. Brian is fine.
Comment has been collapsed.
I look around the tent, looking for my things and maybe some food. Then I go outside and look around.
Comment has been collapsed.
Your equipment is lying in a corner. There is no food here. Though there is a bowl of water that Brian is drinking from. You step outside and find a camp of many tents, with a fire in the centre where the soldiers are sitting. You see Steve telling jokes and the soldiers laughing. Steve has become quite popular and too your surprise, he is no longer just a head. He has his body!
Comment has been collapsed.
I approach the campfire and greet the soldiers. I sit by the fire and tell them some mildly funny and highly offensive jokes about orcs.
I gesture for Steve to come with me and have a chat alone.
Comment has been collapsed.
The soldiers laugh at your jokes. They have accepted you into their circle. You gesture Steve. He gets up and walks with you. He asks about what you want.
Comment has been collapsed.
It is the first time we've got the chance to talk normally after I've woken up at that battlefield. I have a lot of questions.
I ask him does he remember anything about how did we end up there at all.
I ask him why have he lied about being an Australian for so long.
I ask him what happened at the camp while I was sleeping and how did he get a new body.
I ask him why people cannot bend their pinky finger without bending their ring finger.
I ask him if he's mad at me.
Comment has been collapsed.
Steve is amazed at your curiosity and lets out a hearty laugh. He answers all your questions.
-
He tells you that after you fainted at the town, the soldiers brought you to the camp. They thought you were some sort of necromancer when they saw Steve. He convinced them otherwise and asked them to patch you up, after some offensive orc jokes, of course.
-
He says he never lied about being Australian. You just never noticed, nor did you ever ask?
-
He tells you that while you were getting some much, much required beauty sleep, he chatted up the soldiers. They took a shine to him and asked if he needed anything. He asked them to go the battlefield and search for the body. It surprisingly took them five minutes, there weren't many Australians in the army. A resident mage attached his body via a spell.
-
He tells you that many centuries ago, an evil mage cursed humanity, who are quite dependent on their fingers, to a life where their fingers could not bend individually. He wasn't a very successful mage.
-
Yes, he is.
Comment has been collapsed.
You see mounds of corpses. On your left is the sea, to your right lies an immense mountain range, the name of which escapes you. Behind you is flat land and a dark forest lies ahead.
Comment has been collapsed.
I see the sea and at once I know that I must build a raft and discover new countries. I walk towards the forest in search of wood to use
Comment has been collapsed.
You enter the woods but avoid going deep due to a lack of weaponry. You find twigs and small branches; neither are sufficient to build a raft that will carry you.
Comment has been collapsed.
I start punching the nearest tree waiting for the block of wood to drop
Comment has been collapsed.
You punch for 10 minutes. You don't get wooden blocks but you do succeed in breaking your knuckles and bloodying your fists.
Comment has been collapsed.
The minecraft guide i read obviously lied. In rage i set fire to it.
Comment has been collapsed.
You start a forest fire. Before you realize it, you are encircled by the fire.
Comment has been collapsed.
I use the blood from my knuckles to put out the fire. I decide rafts are overrated and head to the ocean to swim to new countries or an island.
Comment has been collapsed.
You manage to douse a small area, enough to escape. However, you used up a lot of blood and feel light-headed. You stumble onto the sand by the sea.
Comment has been collapsed.
I pass out on the beach. A few hours later I wake up in a hut. I notice someone has bandaged my fists and left me food.
Comment has been collapsed.
As you proceed to shovel the food into your mouth, you notice that it tastes sandy. Upon noticing this, you realize that it was nothing but a mirage and you have managed to eat 3 fistfuls of sand. You feel sick.
Comment has been collapsed.
You wake up to find a seagull chewing on your nose.
Comment has been collapsed.
I catch the seagull and tame it. I shall use it as a pet. Feeling better I start swimming towards a distant shape that appears to be an island.
Comment has been collapsed.
The seagull resists your training and flies away as you start to swim. You feel lonely. As you swim, you see sharks approaching.
Comment has been collapsed.
I attempt to tame the shark. I remember attending a shark taming course when i was younger. I'm very close to the island.
Comment has been collapsed.
You succeed in taming the shark but you do not have any shark riding lessons. You fall off and are attacked by the other sharks. You lose a leg.
Comment has been collapsed.
Sensing my pain my shark defends me and kills the other shark. I continue the swim to the island. Upon reaching the island I use leaves wood and the power of alchemy to make me a new leg. I explore the island and find ...
Comment has been collapsed.
Using the sand I build a house. After checking my pockets for useful items I explore more of the island.
Comment has been collapsed.
Your pockets are devoid of anything useful. It takes 5 minutes to explore the island, it's a small one. When you return, your sand-shack has crumbled.
Comment has been collapsed.
You weep like a child. The sea is more saltier now, thanks to your tears.
Comment has been collapsed.
I spend the rest of the day improving my animal riding skills
Comment has been collapsed.
You ride your shark around for a few hours.
Animal riding : +2
Comment has been collapsed.
I ride my shark to a new bigger island in search of something to do
Comment has been collapsed.
You reach the island at night. Too dark to search for anything
Comment has been collapsed.
I decide to logout for the night deciding to play again in the morning
Comment has been collapsed.
I wait for it to become morning before logging back in
Comment has been collapsed.
The sun rises from the east, like the magnificent ball of gas that it is.
Comment has been collapsed.
I check inventory in case some new item appeared. I then proceed to observe my surroundings
Comment has been collapsed.
You find new air in your inventory. You surroundings are the same as before you slept.
Comment has been collapsed.
I walk around the perimeter of the island searching for something of interest. I search for somewhere to set up camp. While exploring I scan the area around me for useful items
Comment has been collapsed.
You find some branches and fruit. You also discover a boat that must have shipwrecked on the island. Inside it, is an axe and some cloth. You find a group of trees that provide shelter from wind and rain.
Comment has been collapsed.
I pick up the branches, axe and cloth then identify the fruit (to make sure its not poisonous)
Comment has been collapsed.
You have never seen this fruit before. You cannot determine whether it is poisonous or not.
Comment has been collapsed.
I move the boat towards the group of trees and set up a small camp there. When I'm finished I start walking towards the center of the island.
Comment has been collapsed.
You see a giant hole in the center, leading into a dark abyss.
Comment has been collapsed.
omg this is the epicest adventure that ever adventured. I start runnin around in circles
Comment has been collapsed.
Ignoring the strange and bizarre people doing odd and ridiculous things I search the nearby corpses for valuables/eyeballs/hats.
Comment has been collapsed.
Returning to my cottage I throw all the eyes into a pot to make some eyeball soup.
Comment has been collapsed.
You return to see your cottage ransacked. Your pot is gone along with many other essentials.
Comment has been collapsed.
Moving any remaining items out of the cottage I light it on fire and use one of the hats as a makeshift pot.
Comment has been collapsed.
You feel regret as you use your elf-orc porn fan-fics to cook yourself eye-soup.
Comment has been collapsed.
Eating the soup I vow revenge on whoever stole from me and decide to become the demon lord.
Comment has been collapsed.
Due to my allergy to tears, salt, and soup I pass out and nearly die.
Comment has been collapsed.
I decide to read some elf-orc porn fan-fics in my cottage while I wait for the hallucinations to end.
Comment has been collapsed.
You have none. Even in your hallucinations, they are ashes.
Comment has been collapsed.
You have no shovel and you cannot wait. You poop your pants.
Comment has been collapsed.
You do so and fly in the wind. It is cold. You sneeze.
Comment has been collapsed.
I walk around looking for a new pair of pants. I see a tree in the distance.
Comment has been collapsed.
You do not find any trousers. You spot a tree. It is devoid of any fruit.
Comment has been collapsed.
I walk towards a town in the distance after breaking a branch from the tree.
Comment has been collapsed.
You start walking towards the town carrying a branch with you. It takes some hours. By the time you arrive, it is dark and everyone has gone home.
Comment has been collapsed.
I go find a barn to sleep in, preferably with chickens or cows.
Comment has been collapsed.
All the barns are locked. You find an open stable.
Comment has been collapsed.
I sleep in the stable and wake up in the morning to find townspeople.
Comment has been collapsed.
You sleep in the stable. You are kicked awake in the morning by a stable-hand, shouting at you to get out.
Comment has been collapsed.
Your enchantment only raises his volume higher. His voice causes your ears to bleed.
Comment has been collapsed.
I run away into a bar, and charm some ladies to buy me drinks.
Comment has been collapsed.
Your charm fails as it is social custom to buy drinks for ladies, not to have to them buy drinks for you. The ladies are disgusted at your oafishness and rudeness and leave. Everyone avoids you.
Comment has been collapsed.
You leave the bar and go towards the smith, weeping like a little girl.
Comment has been collapsed.
He gives you a shovel and tells you to shovel pile of horse manure in front of his shop. He says he'll pay you 1 coins a day.
Comment has been collapsed.
I shovel the manure, and go back inside to inquire about lunch.
Comment has been collapsed.
The blacksmith tells you that you are responsible for your own lunch.
Comment has been collapsed.
I tell him that I am hungry and have no food, and inquire about other jobs.
Comment has been collapsed.
He tells you that there is a farmer outside of town looking for help. The work is hard, but you get 1 coin per day, including food and residence in a barn.
Comment has been collapsed.
The farmer opens his door and greets you. He asks you of your experience as a farmhand.
Comment has been collapsed.
I reply that my father and my grand father were farmers, and I know how to farm.
Comment has been collapsed.
He tells you that farming prowess is not genetic but gives you a chance anyway. He tells you to plough the field for the new crops.
Comment has been collapsed.
I ask him where the ploughs are located, and the horse or oxen. I also check his house to see if he has a daughter I could marry.
Comment has been collapsed.
The farmer has a son you could marry. The farmer is very open-minded. He asks what kind of farmer doesn't know where a plough and animals are kept? He tells you to check the barn for animals and the shed for the plough.
Comment has been collapsed.
I plow the fields, and then I find the son who I can plow.
Comment has been collapsed.
The farmer is impressed and gives you the job. He shows you your room which is right next to his son's room. You find the son in his room reading.
Comment has been collapsed.
I knock on the door frame and introduce myself as Jim from next door. I ask him what book he is reading and his name.
Comment has been collapsed.
He returns your salutations. He introduces himself as Michael and he's reading a novel about the adventures of a daring buccaneer in search of treasure.
Comment has been collapsed.
I say cool, and then take a quick look at his room. I ask when supper is.
Comment has been collapsed.
His room is like a normal teenager's room. He tells you that supper is when the bell rings.
Comment has been collapsed.
You close the door behind you and go to your room.
Comment has been collapsed.
I start plotting a way to marry Michael and use the farm as a base for great evil.
Comment has been collapsed.
You think about your plans, you don't see them panning out. Michael barely knows you. And you don't even know whether he's playing for the same team as you. And you do not have the necessary skill in evil.
Comment has been collapsed.
The ring of the dinner bell causes me to break away from my scheming. I head downstairs.
Comment has been collapsed.
You get downstairs and find delicious food prepared by the delightful Mrs. Ross, the farmer's wife. You sit down the table beside Michael and eat.
Comment has been collapsed.
I make small talk with everyone at the table, hoping that they will like me.
Comment has been collapsed.
They do. The family finds you interesting and accepts you into their circle. Mr. Ross asks you about your life before you got here and how you got to town.
Comment has been collapsed.
I tell them that I was a warrior before I came into town, but because of head injuries I cannot remember a single thing. I express some interest in finding out my past life, but I would rather settle down first and make a living. I ask them about the history of the town and of their family. I also subtly check Michael out.
Comment has been collapsed.
The family is intrigued with your mysterious past. They tell you that this town is a trading post between the 2 larger cities. Due to the war, business has been booming but getting supplies to the cities has become more dangerous. He is glad you are a soldier. Your fighting prowess might come in handy. You discreetly look at Michael. Hard work at the farm has made him muscular. He's a good looking chap who could get any guy or gal in the town, though he is single for the moment. He is 19.
Comment has been collapsed.
I offer to train Michael in self-defense if he is interested. Those skills may be useful should the farm ever be attacked, and if he does not want to farm he could become a mercenary. (And who knows, I'll get to see Michael shirtless maybe during training !)
Comment has been collapsed.
Michael accepts your offer, though he says that while he may have no interest in becoming a mercenary, basic defensive skills are a must-have, especially in today's time. He asks you when you can give him lessons.
Comment has been collapsed.
I tell him before lunch is usually the best, as you're faster on an empty stomach. I tell him to come prepared barefoot and shirtless, as sparring with clothes on makes it easier to get injured.
Comment has been collapsed.
This is great. I wanna try to turn the tables, Ducky:
You wake up on the floor of a brothel. You are not sure how you got there, but you are missing 7 silver coins, 2 teeth and your pride.
Comment has been collapsed.
Along with the above mentioned, you find that you are also without your clothes and handcuffed to a pole. As your vision clears up, you realize you are not in a brothel, but in public. There is a large crowd gathered. You can see them buying rotten tomatoes. You are soon pelted and turned redder than a clown's nose. You wonder what you did last night to solicit such a response.
Comment has been collapsed.
But god damnit, put this one on hold, I wanna play it.
Comment has been collapsed.
Alright, fine, llama. I look around the brothel and check myself.
Comment has been collapsed.
You feel yourself from top to bottom. everything seems to be in place. As you look around, you realize that this is not the adventurers brothel. You are employed here.
Comment has been collapsed.
I wonder how I could have forgotten such a crucial detail. I look around and discover my bag. It contains a sword and artifacts. The evidence points towards me being an adventurer. What does it all mean?
Comment has been collapsed.
You look up and see a sign hanging above your head: "Adventurers needed". You confidently pat your bag and think of the possibilities.
Comment has been collapsed.
The bag is already yours, the locals wonder why you are stealing your own bag.
The bartender tells you that the local brewery has had a problem with rats. Seems easy.
Comment has been collapsed.
I unsheath my sword and look for rats. I tell the bartender that I shall take a lifetime beer supply as payment.
Comment has been collapsed.
The locals wonder what you are doing, as you "unsheath" your "sword". You didn't have one. You are also 5 kilometers from the brewery. You have made a fool of yourself.
Comment has been collapsed.
I wonder why I could not unsheath the sword that I found in my bag. I skip off to the local brewery, imaginary sword in hand. I check my inventory.
Comment has been collapsed.
Your inventory includes
-1 empty bag
-1 imaginary sword
-1 skipping stone
Comment has been collapsed.
You strut and work it. The locals are impressed by your moves. You have earned 3 silver coins.
Comment has been collapsed.
I go to the nearby blacksmith and ask him the cost of a halberd. Swords are overrated.
Comment has been collapsed.
The Blacksmith looks you up and down. He is unsure as to weather he ha seen such a creature before. Nveer-the-less, He offers you a halberd for 43 silver,
Comment has been collapsed.
You earned 15 silver for breaking your leg. the villagers were amused.
Comment has been collapsed.
I scream in agony hoping to attract a doctor and get some money from the locals via pity.
Comment has been collapsed.
The local's stare at you with unwavering pity. Doctors are unknown in these parts. You have earned no money.
Comment has been collapsed.
I drag myself to bar, use some alcohol and a rag, craft a health kit and heal myself.
Comment has been collapsed.
You are unsure how to craft. You fumble around with the limited supplies you have, but only succeed in making a torch. would you like to light the area?
Comment has been collapsed.
You fumble for a match, only to realize you have none. You attempt to set fire to the bar with your tinder but you do not have that either. You have not but an empty leather bag, An imaginary sword, and a skipping stone.
Comment has been collapsed.
I craft a torch using the rag and the alcohol and then I set the bar on fire.
Comment has been collapsed.
You craft a torch and set it alight. The corner of the bar you currently occupy is well lit by your torch. You see it is a rough hew wood that makes up the majority of the bar. Patrons have begun to stare.
Comment has been collapsed.
I scrape the gum from underneath the table. I place them on top the table. I role up my pant leg and correct the bone sticking out, I patch the wound with gum.
Comment has been collapsed.
You successfully bind your leg with gum. The spittle seems less than sanitary. You lose 4 constitution.
Comment has been collapsed.
I rub alcohol on my wound to sanitize it. Then I bind it with a rag. I walk around the bar, offering my musical talents for money.
Comment has been collapsed.
The locals begin to wonder where you got the idea that you have talent. You lost 2 constitution.
Comment has been collapsed.
I tell them that talent is a matter of perspective. I ask them whether they would like some music or not.
Comment has been collapsed.
The locals laugh heartily. A bard flings himself onto center stage. He is amazing.
Comment has been collapsed.
As he sings and dances around, I sneakily pour some alcohol near him. He slips.
Comment has been collapsed.
You attempt to trip the bard as he sings and dances. You succeed. The bard falls with a noisy THUD and TWANG, garnering the attention of the burly warriors around him. They are not amused.
Comment has been collapsed.
As the warriors are busy with the bard, I regale them with a story about how I used to be an adventurer before I took an arrow to my knee. Then I show them my knee.
Comment has been collapsed.
They glance at your feminine leg, as where it bends at the knee, and begin to lick their lips
Comment has been collapsed.
I tell them that for 30 silver coins I could raise my pant leg higher.
Comment has been collapsed.
2 men of considerable size decide that they'll have your coin and your body.
Comment has been collapsed.
Ignoring your babble, the first man pulls a 15" blade from behind his back and begins moving around to your left. The second man, weapon-less, moves to your right. A silence seems to fall all around you.
Comment has been collapsed.
Don't want to break the flow of this.. so I'm posting here.. but this story so far is amazing.. lol
Comment has been collapsed.
Ducky lost interest in mine which is totally fine.
Comment has been collapsed.
Don't worry. I'll reply but there are so many adventures running simultaneously along with my uni assignments, so it takes a bit.
Comment has been collapsed.
The armed thug laughs heartily. "You gone hurt me youn' lady?" He belches out in a strange accent, reminiscent of cockney.
Comment has been collapsed.
You begin to choke on the stone, realizing that this was not the best move to make. The last thing you see before things go dark is a 15" blade coming at your face.
YOU ARE DEAD.
Comment has been collapsed.
This did not work. SG has no power. Back to Fark, MF's!
Comment has been collapsed.
In Frustration, I stretch my anus until the point of bleeding
Comment has been collapsed.
Check my inventory, and then see if I can find a bandage for the deep penetrating wound I have inflicted on myself
Comment has been collapsed.
You have:
- 5 coins
- Piece of paper
- Branch
You do not have bandages.
Comment has been collapsed.
By looking at the sun, I check the time, If it is close to night then I build a fire with the branch and paper and
check around me for potential fuel for the fire and resources.
Comment has been collapsed.
You find some shrubs to keep your fire burning. You continue to lose blood from your anus.
Comment has been collapsed.
Use any left over leaves from the shrubs to bandage up my rectum
(edit)
I also sit on the fire to cortorize my anus wound.
Comment has been collapsed.
You sit on the fire for too long and burn your leafy bandages along with you anus.
Comment has been collapsed.
I run frantically looking for a source of water to dip my rear in.
Comment has been collapsed.
Knowing that the salt in the sea will sear my rectum, I still jump in
Comment has been collapsed.
You are still on shore by the sea. You anus hurts.
Comment has been collapsed.
I Strip my shit off and make an ass tourniquet, to stop further infection/blood loss
Edit: After I look for any life
Comment has been collapsed.
You see a sunflower nearby. You make an ass tourniquet, however, your wound is infected.
Comment has been collapsed.
I see if I can use the flower and any near by herbs to create some kind of potion
Comment has been collapsed.
It is an ordinary sunflower. You can probably ingest its seeds. There are no herbs nearby.
Comment has been collapsed.
I pick the sunflower and then head south in search for civilization
Comment has been collapsed.
As being dirt poor and having a sore anus the only option left is to sell my body out on the street.
Comment has been collapsed.
You do not find a suitable buyer, as no one likes a whore with a bleeding anus.
Comment has been collapsed.
I walk back into the bar and give him the flower that I had earlier picked and gave him a wink and kissy face and said
"You know you want to give me a HARD drink"
Comment has been collapsed.
He takes the flower, crushes it in his hand and gives you back the crumpled remains. He tells you that he doesn't care for you.
Comment has been collapsed.
Being rejected by my lover, I try flicking my 5 coins into the bartenders nose.
Comment has been collapsed.
The bartender decides to give you half a drink for your money. You got a frosty mug of beer, half a mug.
Comment has been collapsed.
I pour the beer into my anus hoping that the alcohol will relive my infected butt hole.
Comment has been collapsed.
You feel searing pain as alcohol pours down your anus. IThe pain abates. The bartender sees what you are doing and throws you out.
Comment has been collapsed.
As having a newer, cleaner poop hole, I proceed to sell my body out on the street, for no one can turn me down now
Comment has been collapsed.
You find an old, fat man willing to defile you for 7 coins.
Comment has been collapsed.
Consider his defilement done!
As he is occupied with my sweet, sweet love, I pickpocket him
Comment has been collapsed.
He has 7 coins. The exact amount he plans on paying you.
Comment has been collapsed.
I happily trade my body for coins and steal his clothing from him
Comment has been collapsed.
You try stealing his clothes but you cannot do so, because he is currently wearing them. He finishes inside you, pays you and leaves you.
Comment has been collapsed.
After he leaves I quickly poop out his "Souvenir(s)" and ask around for any local jobs (Preferably things that involve killing)
Comment has been collapsed.
You find a job asking you to get rid of a rodent infestation in a local bar.
Comment has been collapsed.
I ask If I could borrow a weapon for the job, if so (or not) I will still go to the bar and see what I can do
Comment has been collapsed.
Then I walk into the bar armed only with my fisticuffs, ready to fight off the rats.....
Comment has been collapsed.
You report to the bartender at the local pub. He laughs at you being bare-handed but decides to give you a chance. He unlocks the basement and warns you that if he finds anything missing from his stock, it will not end nicely for you.
Comment has been collapsed.
You descend the stairs to the basement. There are barrels full of alcohol around you. You can hear the shuffling of tiny feet.
Comment has been collapsed.
I pick up one of the kegs readying it as a weapon and i go looking for the rats
Comment has been collapsed.
You try to lift the keg, it is too heavy. A rat emerges. To your surprise, it is as big as you are. The giant rack pounces. It headbutts you in the abdomen, knocking your breath out of you. You fall to the ground and see the rat retreat, getting ready for a second charge.
Comment has been collapsed.
When the rat charges, I attempt to hop on its back and start to wrestle it like an alligator and break its neck
Comment has been collapsed.
You succeed and while you wrestle the rat, another charges into the rat you're on, knocking you off.
Comment has been collapsed.
While I stagger off, I try talking to the giant rats, hoping that they are magic rats (Not Magic the Gathering)
And I said "Please just leave rats! I will give you all the coins that I can muster (In my INV )
Comment has been collapsed.
They do not understand you. One of them headbutts you, sending you flying into a barrel.
Comment has been collapsed.
I take off my pants and use my long meaty man part as a weapon and try beating a rat over the head with it.
Comment has been collapsed.
EGO 75/100
EGO DMG -25
Awwww.....
then I just fisticuff them in their faces until they die
Comment has been collapsed.
You punch one of the rats into submission. The other is stronger though.
Comment has been collapsed.
With one rat defeated, I pick it up and throw it at the other rat, then proceed to punch the living crap out of it.
Comment has been collapsed.
You succeed but the rat manages to bite your fist before dying.
YOU ARE INFECTED WITH THE PLAGUE
Comment has been collapsed.
Dang,
I take what I can from the dead rats and return to the bartender.
Comment has been collapsed.
You find:
- fur of infected rat
- broken fang of infected rat
- infected rat's droppings
Comment has been collapsed.
I take all of it the return to the bartender for a reward
Comment has been collapsed.
The bartender gives you 10 coins and a free beer for your trouble.
Comment has been collapsed.
I drink the bear but leave just enough to pour some on my infected rat wound, then i ask the bartender If there is a doctor in town
Comment has been collapsed.
He tells that they usually have a healer in town but he has left for the city to tend to the wounded of the battle.
You put alcohol on your wound, it stings very much.
Comment has been collapsed.
He tells you that the blacksmith is past the healer's cabin.
Comment has been collapsed.
You arrive at the blacksmith to find that he has gone to lunch.
Comment has been collapsed.
I look around on the ground for something that could help me get into the house
Comment has been collapsed.
There is nothing useful. Maybe the guard standing nearby watching you trying to break in might be of some assistance.
Comment has been collapsed.
I hail the guard
"Perhaps you could be persuaded into helping me out with a problem?"
Comment has been collapsed.
I say
"As you can see, I am not outfitted for adventuring, so I will ask for you to help me gain a little extra supplies, assuming of course that you would like some for your self?
Comment has been collapsed.
The guard is not amused. He tells you to bugger off or he'll take you to jail. Meanwhile, the blacksmith returns.
Comment has been collapsed.
I hail the Blacksmith and say
"I am Lelson slayer of giant rats! I require equipment that best suits my name!"
Comment has been collapsed.
"And how shall you be paying, ya wee lad?", asks the blacksmith.
Comment has been collapsed.
After a moment of checking my self to make sure I was not indeed a "Lad made out of weeds" I show him my inventory and my 17 coins (Earned by things im not proud of)
Comment has been collapsed.
He laughs at your 17 coins and tells you can get a small dagger for 15 coins. Though he suspects you already possess a 'wee dagger'.
Comment has been collapsed.
EGO - 60/100
EGO DMG - 15
I take Him up on his offer for a dagger, then I modify it by attaching my infected rat fur and rat tooth to the dagger.
Comment has been collapsed.
I name it "Perry"
After I am done with the blacksmith I go out looking for the people who killed my brethren at the battle field
Comment has been collapsed.
You leave the blacksmith and find nobody but ordinary people walking the streets.
Comment has been collapsed.
I find the nearest man and throw Perry into his skull.
Comment has been collapsed.
(Perry is the name of my cat)
So I jump in head first into the well after Perry
Comment has been collapsed.
You land in a pool of water. You retrieve Perry. You have infected the town's supply of water. The people pull you out, preparing to kill you.
Comment has been collapsed.
Yet again I try throwing Perry into someone,
Immediately after I bend over and spread my butt checks facing the townsfolk
Comment has been collapsed.
Perry connects with a local's head, knocking him out. A burning torch enters your butt.
Comment has been collapsed.
As the torch enters my rectum I clench my Anus and take the torch/man into the well as I jump back into it.
Comment has been collapsed.
You stumble and fall into the well. The man pulls his torch out and bonks you on the head, You lose consciousness. You wake up in a dungeon.
Comment has been collapsed.
It is a normal dungeon. Iron bars. Hay for you to sleep on. Piss bucket. Hobo passed out in his own vomit.
Comment has been collapsed.
instead of peeing in the bucket, choose to go on the hobo
Comment has been collapsed.
You unzip your pants and pee on the hobo. He does not react.
Comment has been collapsed.
seeing that the hobo is unresponsive, I pickpocket him for all he has.
Comment has been collapsed.
He is a hobo, he has nothing but a plethora of diseases. Would you like one?
Comment has been collapsed.
I HAVE CONTRACTED HAPPINESS! because I relived my story once more by reading it and I thank you for a good time, it is a shame that I forgot about it though, If you would like to do it again let me know :)
Comment has been collapsed.
I do plan on starting again when my semester break starts. Currently in the midst of exam prep., so swamped. But rest assured we shall return to your adventure and hopefully it won't be too "shitty".
Comment has been collapsed.
I'd try to look for any survivors and probably a weapon.
Comment has been collapsed.
You fail to find a survivor. You find a spear and a wooden shield.
Comment has been collapsed.
As I'm walking to god knows where, I hear a loud cry not far from where I am. I rush to see what or who is causing this, to my surprize the noise was coming from...
Comment has been collapsed.
Nowhere. You realize it was all in your head. You realize you suffer from shell shock.
Comment has been collapsed.
I'm starting to doubt everything around me, I'm not sure if this is a dream or reality, as I try to calm my self I notice some kids running and laughing. I decide to follow them as I can't do anything else, they run so fast though, I can only hear their laughs. I keep following the laughs, I arrive at the start of a mountain. I hear their laughs, they come from a creepy cave, even though I'm scared, I go in the cave..
Comment has been collapsed.
You enter the cave. It is pitch black. You take a step forward, then another, then another. As you take another step, you find no ground and fall into the dark abyss.
Comment has been collapsed.
As I see fall into the abyss, I see a light at the far end, as I am falling, the light gets bigger and bigger, watching this light makes me so relaxed, I close my eyes and I accept my fate, my eyes feel so heavy, I close them, after some moments I open them again. I realise I'm in a throne room, I look at the throne, there is a skeleton sitting on it, holding a scepter, wearing his royal clothes and his marvelous crown, it's the king. I decide to get closer, I am a breath away from the skeleton, I look behind me, his followers are all dead, yet they kneel to him.
I wonder what happend here... I notice a dark figure at the end of the room, he whispers "follow me". He turns his back to me and leaves through the gates, I followed him...
Comment has been collapsed.
You see him enter a door. You follow him, as you cross the threshold, you are woken from your dream. You find yourself lying on the cold, stone floor. One of your legs is broken. You just took a trip to the afterlife and back.
Comment has been collapsed.
I try to crawl out of the room I'm in, my leg hurts so much, I can barely move, using all my strength I reach the doorway, as I struggle to open the door, I realise there is someone in the room with me... he has his back turned, I start realising that I have no memory of any of this, I don't know why I am here, where am I, or even who am I, but the question i wanted to get an answer the most was who is this man and if he is friendly, he doesn't look friendly... He looks exactly like the dark figure in my dream... as I get closer to him...
Comment has been collapsed.
As you slip back into your dream, you see the man running ahead. He stops. You start to catch up. But suddenly, he vanishes. You are left alone.
Comment has been collapsed.
I found myself scouting the battlefield looking for signs of what happened. Who were the warriors that battled here? And why has there been a fight here after so many years of peace?
Suddenly I heard a noise... I turned around and saw a vague black shape checking out a glowing artifact sticking out of the ground. When the "creature" saw me it vanished into the woods...
Comment has been collapsed.
As you stand there looking at the disappearing figure, you are hit on the back of your head. You lose consciousness. You wake up to find yourself tied and gagged in the back of a carriage. You overhear two men talking about you being a thief and the bounty on your head.
Comment has been collapsed.
My head is spinning and it takes me a few seconds to realise whats actually going on. After hearing what the men said I got really worried. Did my past come back to haunt me? These men actually knew who I was? I was struggling to get loose. I looked around me to find something to help me free myself.
Comment has been collapsed.
So many questions, but no answers. You see a pitchfork lying near the back of the carriage.
Comment has been collapsed.
I crawl to the pitchfork and try to cut the ropes with the sharp top of the pitchfork. I try to stay as quiet as I can be. I don't want the men to hear me.
Comment has been collapsed.
Your hands are bound behind your back. You accidentally cut yourself, registering a yelp in pain. One of the men hears you and stops the carriage. You hear footsteps approaching the back of the carriage.
Comment has been collapsed.
I instantly panic. Luckely the cut wasn't too deep. I hear the man coming. I need to free myself quickly. I start rubbing the rope against the tip of the pitchfork as fast as I can.
Comment has been collapsed.
I grabbed the pitchfork and waited quietly on the man to check on me.
Comment has been collapsed.
You wait and stare at the tarp. It is parted slightly.
Comment has been collapsed.
The man opens up the tarp and without hesitation i push the pitchfork in his face.
Comment has been collapsed.
Expecting this, the man stood on the sides. You pierce the tarp. The men grab the pitchfork and pull hard. You fall out onto the ground.
Comment has been collapsed.
You find yourself in an open plain surrounded by signs of an epic battle.
Comment has been collapsed.