Tell her not to lie about every little piece of shit. If she doesn't learn to admit (small) mistakes and you continue to have a gut feeling... well I don't see a happy end to be honest.
Comment has been collapsed.
Dude. I see three choices:
Trust her and love her and have faith that she's being straight with you. Stop worrying about what she's talking about with other people and enjoy every minute you have with her. Life is WAY short.
Tell her the truth about your suspicions/jealousy/etc., come clean and just tell her how it makes you FEEL. This would mean NOT being accusatory with her. Just keep it to what YOU feel, not what you assume she might be doing. Don't judge, and don't get upset if she's defensive. Be loving and understanding. You have to be in the right frame of mind to do this. It's hard to do, but worth it. You'll know more about yourself and what she thinks of you afterward.
Tell her the truth, be kind in letting her go, and move on. The person you're with should be your partner and confidant. Even in moments of conflict, you should know they have your back and that you'll always get theirs.
Good luck, and try and rise above.
Comment has been collapsed.
We love each other and all, and I do trust her its these little things I don't get.
Like for example... She put $20 on her star bucks card and liked I kewn about this. The other day she said her card had only $3 enough for her last drink, the next night she looked and had $14 and I seen and said "Howd you get all that money in there?" and she said she won a survey... really a fucking survey? just admit u put $20 in there I don't care lol, why would I care ffs.
Edit: She mentioned once that she lies because she is afraid ill get mad and leave her or hit her (she was abused by her parents for no reason and stuff) and I've reassured her I will never hit her from past experience with my mom and dad (dad beat mom) and that I would rather know the truth no matter how bad than be lied it (lieing would hurt me more and convince me to leave her)
Comment has been collapsed.
Y'all are still young and close to those formative family moments. Be patient with her in that regard. She may be telling God's honest truth.
If she is, you'll have to prove to her that you're a safe place for her and that she can trust you with your own temper.
Once again, do your best to listen to her (sounds like she's confided quite a bit in you already, which is a good sign), and be honest with her about how you feel without asking her to make any changes, at first. If she is receptive and empathetic to how you feel, try and come up with a solution that makes both of you comfortable.
If she's being honest, I suspect it'll bring you closer than ever.
If she isn't, then you'll know soon enough.
We all carry the burdens of our childhood scars, no matter how much we think we don't. Even things we don't think were detrimental still affect how we interact with other people and how we respond to conflict/failure/hurt/fear.
People have to take responsibility for their own actions, but often times in order to do that, they must understand WHY they are doing what they are doing to begin with. Maybe she's becoming aware of that.
Good luck, man. As someone who has been married awhile now, I know how tough it is to be down in it.
Comment has been collapsed.
It's easy to say that you'd never hit her/hurt her, but the problem is that she's no doubt heard that before, from her parents. Over and above everything else, she needs to know that you won't get angry or rage, and the only way she'll really, truly, know that, is if you trust her. Even if you don't rage at her about something, but just get angry about other people being stupid or getting killed in a game, she'll have grown up knowing the power that anger can hold. Make sure that she doesn't see you getting angry or annoyed, and she can learn to really trust people.
(All, obviously, imo)
Hope things work out well.
Comment has been collapsed.
This is wise and true...and sometimes hard to change about one's self. I know first hand. I would never hit a loved one, but I have (and sadly sometimes still do) raise my voice unnecessarily.
Comment has been collapsed.
I like this and it is really true. Sometimes she notices when I get a little angry (not her, other things in life, etc. and she gets pretty scared...) but I've learned to almost control it... I try my hardest not to get angry, or be irritated or anything like that.
Comment has been collapsed.
I know what you mean I see the same thing as you say, but im trying to regain the trust, because we both have no reason to not trust eachother. we are both loyal to eachother.
She is hard to talk with, with these matters cuz she gets all emotional and stuff and everything goes to shit (she does it unintentionally.) She doesn't know how to control emotions especially stress.
Comment has been collapsed.
Yet you don't trust her with her messaging habit: meaning, you are not sure she is loyal (loyal can be different thing, not just physical, also emotional, like that lingerie thing you said, you might feel betrayed there, while she might not feel like she betrayed you. And then there is a difference of each persons perception of loyalty).
Edit to your edit: never point the finger at someone else, what you are saying now, she doens't know how to control emotions. Well, no one is perfect, and IF she has that, there is no point in seeing that as a cause, as it will not lead to a solution. You can only change something about yourself (if you would want to) not the other. Meaning, you can not expect her to chance that if that is how she is, what you can do, is accept those quirks. That's a lesson I learned the hard way, and lost e relationship to I would rather not have lost to be honest.
Comment has been collapsed.
honestly, I do feel betrayed, why not just admit it? I would've just said ohh, okay.. but the fact that she lied hurts me... and everytime I catch her in little lies it bothers me and I try to guilt her into admitting she lies but nothing... she's like blocking her guilt emotion. Ive said:
"I have no reason not to trust you (she doesn't know I secretely doubt her sometimes). I trust you 100% because you know whats right and wrong, and if you lie then you have to live with knowing you did something wrong and unethical" doesn't seem to break her and admit lies ? :/
Comment has been collapsed.
We love eachother but she is convinced im going to leave her just because She's my first and "I want to try new things, and new people" WTF? its a freaking vagina, I don't give a crap lol and why would I cheat for new things, as long as she's willing to try new things (not extreme things) then it should all be good. right?
Comment has been collapsed.
She's been with I think 8 ppl including me, FWB's, One one night stand, and one relationship. So she tried her fair share of new ppl and things >.<
She TOTALLY HATES THE FACT that She was my first. totally haates it, it bothers her so much... I don't know why and neither does she, it just bothers her. I'm at the point where Im about to suggest that I fuck her best friend (sexy Asian) so I try "new people" "new things" and She wont me "the only girl ive had sex with" but that would probably end badly xD
Comment has been collapsed.
If you want to have sex with other people, why are you still wasting your time in this relationship?
Comment has been collapsed.
Did you not read what I said? Twas a joke you silly.
Comment has been collapsed.
I am at the same spot the, My gf was my first and sometimes she comes around with this same thing about that she worries about breaking up with her because of trying new relationships or having sex with another girls. I tell her the same answer all the time. "If I wanted to break up with you because of another girl I would tell you that before anything happens. I don't need to lie or cheat if that happens, I prefer being strait forward that being some prick. But I am with you right? You know that I love you and you have nothing to worry about". After that she usually stops and say that she is sorry for saying that type of stuff (but this particular kind of stuff only happens when we argue and really don't know why she says this things although she trusts me as I do trust her [we all hate argues but sometimes it's necessary]). Really talk about her your feelings and try to make her telling her feelings about all of this. If she want's to open up then the better, if not, at least you told her your feelings and you can take the best option after that.
Comment has been collapsed.
Be honest with her and tell her not to do that because it hurts your feelings.
Just ask her if she would like if you did the same to her, simply tell her to think about all the things she does if it was the other way around how would she feel about that.
How old are you and her by the way?
Comment has been collapsed.
If he's not normative about telling her it hurts his feelings (e.g. NOT telling her to stop it), she's going to be more receptive. That's proven and human.
Just FWIW.
Comment has been collapsed.
I = 22, she = 20 (about 1.5 yrs difference in age)
I trust her not to cheat on me, I believe she is very loyal, but she is gullable and I think she can easily be tricked by these guys that are "just friends" in her eyes but you can clearly see these dudes just tryna get in her pants and ruin everything for us lol.
Comment has been collapsed.
Tell her that, tell her to be careful around those guys because they may have second intentions.
I know these type of conversations are hard but in my opinion you just have to be honest with yourself and tell her what you feel about everything.
Like EephusSwift said, don't force her to stop doing those things, but let her know how you feel about it and ask her to think about you when she does those things, about how would she feel if it was the other way around.
Comment has been collapsed.
Well, I think every guy will grab the chance if it presents itself good enough. That's more of a given than a question IMO, so it's really more about whether she will just cut it off.
But really, as said, tel her how it makes you feel, adn that you don't mind her having guy friends, but that you don't like the feeling she is hiding stuff from you. Maybe if talk gets emotion, write it down in a letter or something, so she can just read it at ease.
Comment has been collapsed.
But you have to trust that she's wise/smart enough to recognize that when it happens. And you have to be confident enough not to worry about it.
If it does happen, then it's time to move on, and I assure you, if you stay honest, true, and trusting, then she'll regret that decision.
If you trust her, trust her completely to know that some cheap sex on the side isn't worth it to ruin your relationship.
Comment has been collapsed.
I trust her, I've even encouraged her to go grab a coffee with a dude she had sex with, because they used to be good friends and the sex was a drunk mistake which I believe. but instead of me beign the boyfriend that acts up and refuses to let her hang out with him, I brought up the idea of her going for a coffee with him to catch up. It does bother me a little bit because he still likes her, but I know she wouldn't do such a thing.
I just don't know how else to show her that I trust her and that she should try trusting me again. Cuz it is really hard to trust someone so much and in turn get told that they don't trust you. She knows I used to have trust issues and she knows I've been working on it and have been doing better ever since the FB snoop. Like I said that was acompleted mistake, my stupid curiosity got the better of me
Comment has been collapsed.
Just tell her to stop lying about insignificant crap. If she goes emo saying you don't trust her, tell her the truth tbfh. If you don't trust her, then that's her fault for acting the way she does. Everyone has secrets, nothing wrong with secrets as long as it's nothing big. If you feel uncomfortable with what she does, just tell her. You seemingly gave up your female friends for this bird, which if she doesn't do the same is stupid and you should just talk to them again. Don't be a beta faggot.
Comment has been collapsed.
I don't want her to get rid of her guy friends, but don't make it seem like your hiding shit you know... I need to bring these all up with her when the time is right.
Comment has been collapsed.
What I've learned from first 3 season of Breaking Bad (still didn't finished the series though):
But seriously though, if she's a cheater she will cheat you eventually because she got bored or something. Just be the good guy who try to keep the relationship intact.
Other than that, around here from where I came from, people would tell young people who's in boyfriend-girlfriend relationship to cut the crap and just get married. Or at least make her your fiancee, meet her parents and stuff. Goodluck man.
Comment has been collapsed.
Why do you think he doesn't, getting a gf isn't exactly hard, getting a decent one can be...
Comment has been collapsed.
Well I suppose you should just treat her with respect and trust her, request that she'll never cheat on you and if she does that she'll be kind enough to break it off. Make her understand you trust her, treat her well and if she's not a heartless monster she'll never do anything behind your back and will be honest with you in return, as long as you treat her properly as well. Apologize for all the times you snooped on her, stop thinking about it, let her have her freedom and just treat her like she should be treated.
Now I don't know anything really, so my suggestion might suck, an alternative suggestion would be talking it out, understand why she feels the need to have other male friends and why she doesn't trust you enough about these things. She might just be really private about them and it makes her uneasy, but it's hard to trust anyone's word, so perhaps best thing would be to just let it go.
Comment has been collapsed.
Have faith in yourself, Tac. This is amazingly wise advice.
Comment has been collapsed.
From what you wrote, it sounds like lying is second nature to her. You were in the wrong by snooping on her Facebook, though. Just because she deletes her messages doesn't mean she is intentionally hiding anything, some people are just OCD about that sort of thing and prefer their inboxes are uncluttere'.
Honestly, I would break up with her since all the trust is long gone, and start evaluating how the relationship went in your eyes. Each one is a learning experience.
Comment has been collapsed.
just to let you know she is cheating on you ... i can see your donkey ears from here
dump her and find someone else, being the good guy makes u the fool who stayed with a cheater
the simplest answer is usually the right one and that is she is def cheating or she would not have to delete the messages if she had nothing to hide but its up to you if you like to kiss what others also f
Comment has been collapsed.
How can you read a few paragraphs and be sure of this girl and her character?
Comment has been collapsed.
All above comments from omega guys.
Alpha comes here.
She already manipulates you. This means she already have an other friend.
Two ways
1) Don't try to learn about that guy. Never. It's worst that you can do. You just don't let her manipulate you. Don't feel guilty. Become prime.
2) Find another GF. Its easier because you nearly ruined dignity with this girl.
P. S. And please, if you start shout at her, just know that this is over. Only step 2 will help then.
Comment has been collapsed.
Um wow. Stop being paranoid. Girls have friends that are guys. I have tons of guys I hang out with and text and my boyfriend has friends that are girls he does the same with. Both of us are okay with it because we trust each other. We never stoop through each other things. The reason she deletes her text is probably because she doesn't want you to read everything she talks about with her friends. A relationship is about trust but that does not mean you get to read every single message or text she sends. Or any for that matter. If she wants you to you will and if not get over it and move on. The problem her is not her, but you not trusting her. If you keep being afraid she is hiding something you are going to ruin the relationship yourself. Trust me, I have done it before. She is most likely not hiding something and only deletes those messages when she uses her phone because its polite. I do the same thing if I use someone else's phone.Either that or she knows you will read them and get upset about what she talks about with guy friend. Guys and girls can be just friends. Okay. Calm down, and stop driving her away with being clingy and trying to invade her privacy.
Comment has been collapsed.
Honestly? As a girl, she is clearly isn't ready for a relationship yet. She's obviously immature (the way she manipulates you by constantly shifting the blame). My best advice is to break up with her and see how it goes from there. Maybe you'll eventually find your way back to eachother, maybe you wont. But I can't see this relationship last much longer the way it is now.
Comment has been collapsed.
I would rather try to work it out than dump her. Since I live with her and she kinda needs me in her life right now I would not leave. I'd try pretty dang hard to keep everyone happy and good. I do understand your decision of "time apart" but I don't think that would help atm, maybe if things get worse... but they have been getting better.
Comment has been collapsed.
Ok both of you are not meant to be, harsh sure, but its true.
You don't trust her, she seems like she hides stuff.
Bad combo.
Also always trust your gut when it comes to relationships.
Comment has been collapsed.
Oh, and as someone who has been cheated on before: trust your gut! If you get this feeling that something is off, it most likely is. I remember one night in particular, I was supposed to come over to my boyfriend (now ex, thank God!) and then we'd go see a movie together. Instantly when I got in the hallway I see some ugly cheap-ass Buffalo shoes by the door mat and it was almost like someone punched me in the stomach and I felt nauseated. Turned out that my best friend (now ex, thank God for that one too!) was already there and she said she had nothing to do and just wanted to hang out with us. I knew something wasn't right, I was furious but they made me out to be the "bad girl" and said I needed to work on my trust-issues and how I was fucked up in the head for being so paranoid. Later, in fact YEARS later, my so-called best friend told me she'd slept with my boyfriend just minutes before I arrived that night. If only I trusted my gut...
Comment has been collapsed.
If she really has nothing to hide then there's no reason to delete anything at all. My boyfriend knows I still fool around with my guy friends "jokingly" (through text/speech, of course) because he knows I love him more than anything else.
YOU as her boyfriend has the right to be jealous and you're fully aware that what you did was a huge mistake. If she really understands that you regret doing what you did then there's no reason to hide shit any further if she really trusts you and love you enough to make that change.
It's already been said but yes, talk to her and tell her about your feelings. If she's willing enough to listen and make a change slowly then be with her. If not, then break up with her or put up with having to deal with her lies for as long as you can stand.
Comment has been collapsed.
Thank you. that is what I mean. Plus I've told her that I am FINE if she flirts with her guy friends, its normal. but PLEASE tell me you do so, so I don't find our some other way and be like wtf? you know what I mean.
I think she is just really scared to lose me so she tries hiding things that she thinks might hurt me?
Comment has been collapsed.
I'm not going to do that. I said that as a thing to show her what she is doing is making me uncomfortable and it just makes things seem suspicious.
Comment has been collapsed.
I know her password, I choose not to snoop anymore.
Comment has been collapsed.
Ohh, Well I don't really want to do that... I don't want to be that insecurity faggot guy that ruined everything cuz he was a jackass and had to use such a software for no reason. Like I said I do trust her, It just seems like she hides things, and I don't know why.
Comment has been collapsed.
28 Comments - Last post 32 minutes ago by IronKnightAquila
211 Comments - Last post 3 hours ago by yannbz
318 Comments - Last post 5 hours ago by CelticBatman
557 Comments - Last post 7 hours ago by jiggakills
15,423 Comments - Last post 9 hours ago by GeoSol
44 Comments - Last post 11 hours ago by ColdOut
1,163 Comments - Last post 11 hours ago by magicmase
87 Comments - Last post 8 minutes ago by sonatamyasa
700 Comments - Last post 14 minutes ago by Fenchurch
16 Comments - Last post 29 minutes ago by s4k1s
122 Comments - Last post 32 minutes ago by llsnowll
72 Comments - Last post 37 minutes ago by DeS3InY
26,528 Comments - Last post 41 minutes ago by MarvashMagalli
107 Comments - Last post 1 hour ago by PanTsour
Okay, so I just want to know what you guys think of this. Its probably me being paranoid but lets see your thoughts.
Okay this may be long but please bear with me.
So, my GF constantly deletes her text messages/fb messages which bugs me because I don't think we should be hiding stuff from eachother (I never delete txts/msgs). KK, so Ive been dating this lady for 7 months, almost 8 months now.
When we were dating for about 1.5 months I snooped her fb and she found out through browser history. Only reason I did it was because she constantly talked to like 4 guys friends and she never mentioned she talks to guy friends (I shouldn't have snooped, my stupidity on that one). Till this day she doesn't trust me... I caught her texting her good guy friend about lingerie shopping (when I was there buying her lingerie) and wen I asked, she lied and said it wasn't a guy (I knew it was 100%) Then she did the whole sad thing then making it my fault. I apologized just so I don't have to deal with bullshit. Now my gf constantly deletes her text messages and stuff. We switch phones often so she can use my phone data... I will notice her texting her guy friends/girl friends and when she hands it to me 1 hr later all messages deleted except mine. I asked her this and she says becauase she doesn't like all the messages because she has OCD. Ive snooped like once or twice to see what they talk about when they are not deleted and I didn't find anything bad.... So I don't think she is hiding anything but it just feels like that in my gut. I've tried bringing it up but she just get sad that im asking her and says I don't trust her and gets depressed and stuff. I've learned not to really care now but I still have a gut feeling that she's hiding something. I got to the point where I don't care cuz im the best bf she ever had and if she wants to fuck things up and ruin her life then so be it lol... I'm thinking of talking to lots of my girl friends (so she notices) and constantly deleting all my messages to get back to her (give her some of her own medicine) but I fear this may push her away from me and ruin our relationship little by little.
A relationship is nothing without trust. I am trying my hardest to trust her but I've caught her on white lies so is there other bigger lies? I could easily trust her if she isn't so secretive with some stuff... like she lies about the most stupid things... no reason to lie lol. And I know she doesn't trust me because of me snooping and she is very insecure she always thinks im gonna leave her for someone else because she was my first. to make her more secure I stopped talking to girls (only once in a while to catch up like hey how ya been hows work, etc..) but she still doesn't trust me.
Anyways, I went on for so dam long lmao wouldn't be surprised if no one reads it... it was more of a venting thing xD
Thank you steamgift community, I lovez you guys!
Comment has been collapsed.