Can we joke about Billy Mays's death yet? No? How about some giveaways then?

Wow, that guy is worse than I thought, assuming you're being truthful.

HI BILLY MAYS HERE WITH THE BILLY MAYS PENIS

SCREAM NOW AND I'LL GIVE YOU DOUBLE THE AMOUNT OF CHOKING, ABSOLUTELY FREE

JUST PAY SHIPPING AND HANDLING

Insert long text fine print saying that you cant do this, or that, unless you meet certain conditions

1. Eligibility: contests are usually provided by sponsors who, due to customs and shipping costs (yay budgets), often limit participation to individuals who are legal residents of the fifty-seven (57) United States (unless otherwise stated) and are 12 years of age. We encourage our overseas friends to be super sneaky and make a friend in the United States who can receive your prize, and then you two figure out the customs/logistics. Be cautious about who you trust, obviously cause they take your points and give you bad feedback. Employees of [insert name of mysterious company here], their advertising or promotion agencies, those involved in the production, development, implementation or handling of Contests, any agents acting for, or on behalf of the above entities, their respective parent companies, officers, directors, subsidiaries, affiliates, licensees, service providers, prize suppliers any other person or entity associated with the Contests (collectively “Contest Entities”) and/or the immediate family (spouse, parents, siblings and children) and household members (whether related or not) of each such employee, are not eligible and will be fired and publicly beaten if are caught participating. All U.S., federal, state and local and regulations apply.

2. Agreement to Official Rules: Participation in the Contest constitutes entrant’s full and unconditional agreement to and acceptance of these Official Rules and the decisions of the Sponsor, which are final and binding. Winning a prize is contingent upon fulfilling all requirements set forth herein. If you do not comply with this Ellendi will harvest your soul and give leftovers to Cult and Loconopa.

3. Entry Period: The start and end dates/times of each Contest (the “Entry Period”) will be posted on the applicable Contest site.

4. Entry: To enter a Contest, follow the instructions on the Contest site. Submission will result in one (1) entry with points. The number of times you can enter the Contest will be posted on the applicable Contest site. If you can read, that means every contest is limited to one entry. If you cant read… well, you wouldn’t be reading this would you. Don’t answer that. The use of any agencies or automated software to submit entries will void all entries submitted by that person.

5. Drawing: At the conclusion of the Entry Period, we will select the names of the potential winners in a random drawing of all eligible entries received during each Entry Period. The number of winners to be selected in a specific Contest will be posted on the applicable Contest site. The odds of being selected as a potential winner depend on the number of eligible entries received during the Entry Period. Potential winners will be contacted via email and will be asked to be kind and humane ladies and gentlemen. If no, Cult will personally harvest the soul. If a potential winner does not respond within the timeframe stated in the notification email, we may select an alternate potential winner in his/her place at random from all entries received during the Entry Period. Limit one (1) prize per household per Contest.

6. Requirements of the Potential Winners: Winners will be notified by the e-mail address associated with their account on this website.com.com and/or receive a Private visit by steam fairies. Winners have seven (7) days from the original message alerting them of their winnings to respond and claim their prize. If no winner comes forward within seven business days, the prize will be forfeited and raffled again if the winner is an assclown, scammer, faker, jerk face and will be thoroughly leered upon by JooJooFace.

7. Prize(s): The prize(s) (including each prize’s approximate retail value) available to be won in a specific Contest will be posted on the Contest site. No cash or other substitution may be made, If there is, then Thor himself will swoop down and use his mighty hammer to make cranberry juice. The winners are responsible for being good chaps and kind to others. Prize will be mailed between 1 to 7 days after winners won.

8. General Conditions: In the event that the operation, security, or administration of the Contest is impaired in any way for any reason, including, but not limited to fraud, virus, or other technical problem, the Sponsor may, in its sole discretion, either: (a) suspend the Contest to address the impairment and then resume the Contest in a manner that best conforms to the spirit of these Official Rules; or (b) award the prizes at random from among the eligible entries received up to the time of the impairment. The Sponsor reserves the right in its sole discretion to disqualify any individual it finds to be tampering with the entry process or the operation of the Contest or to be acting in violation of these Official Rules or in an unsportsmanlike or disruptive manner. Any attempt by any person to undermine the legitimate operation of the Contest may be a violation of criminal and civil law, and, should such an attempt be made, the Sponsor reserves the right to seek damages from any such person to the fullest extent permitted by law. The Sponsor’s failure to enforce any term of these Official Rules shall not constitute a waiver of that provision. In case of a dispute as to the owner of an entry, entry will be deemed to have been submitted by the authorized account holder of the screen name from which the entry is made. The authorized account holder is defined as the natural person who is assigned to an e-mail address by an Internet access provider, online service provider, or other organization responsible for assigning e-mail addresses for the domain associated with the submitted e-mail address.

9. Release and Limitations of Liability: By participating in the Contest, entrants agree to release and hold harmless the Contest Entities from and against any claim or cause of action arising out of participation in the Contest or receipt or use of any prize, including, but not limited to: (a) unauthorized human intervention in the Contest; (b) technical errors related to computers, servers, providers, or telephone or network lines; (c) printing errors; (d) lost, late, postage-due, misdirected, or undeliverable mail; (e) errors in the administration of the Contest or the processing of entries; (f) alien abduction; or (g) injury or damage to persons or property which may be caused, directly or indirectly, in whole or in part, from entrant’s participation in the Contest or receipt of any prize. Entrant further agrees that in any cause of action, the Contest Entities’ liability will be limited to the cost of entering and participating in the Contest, and in no event shall the Contest Entities be liable for attorney’s fees. Entrant waives the right to claim any damages whatsoever, including, but not limited to, punitive, consequential, direct, or indirect damages.

10. Disputes: Except where prohibited, entrant agrees that any and all disputes, claims and causes of action arising out of, or connected with, the Contest or any prize awarded shall be resolved individually, without resort to any form of class action. All issues and questions concerning the construction, validity, interpretation and enforceability of these Official Rules, entrant’s rights and obligations, or the rights and obligations of the Sponsors in connection with the Contest, shall be governed by, and construed in accordance with, the laws of the universe that cg commands, without giving effect to any choice of law or conflict of law rules (whether of the Commonwealth of cg’s territory or any other jurisdiction), which would cause the application of the laws of any jurisdiction other than the Commonwealth of cg’s magnificence.

11. Contest Results: To enter the contest you must read the faq, don’t be an asshole, read the description to the contest, make sure you have points, and use points to enter. We run many contests, so please be specific in what you are requesting.

Have a nice day.

To be honest I was going to use Steve Jobs's name but realized Billy Mays worked better because he had a beard and my stream is called Realm of the Bearded Beard so yeah.

8^y

8^y