How did you meet your significant other?
The thing is: A lot of people are on Tinder just to get a quickie, not to find love.
Also, the 30 euro is to see who already have swiped right to you. You don't need to pay it, if you aren't in a hurry [I guess, I never used Tinder]
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Tinder occasionally works and is great to extend your chances, but may very well lead to more frustration when it fails. Luck is an important factor too, as with most aspects of life.
Many couples meet at workplaces or through friends and when you lack these parts it's not an entirely bad idea to try out some dating portals as well.
I guess it's easier and less risky for men to use them as women naturally have to be more careful.
I'm single for about 2 years now and am enjoying my freedom so far, but it's not my wish to stay alone forever, though I'm not sure if I ever would use Tinder. It depends on my feeling, I guess. xD
However, those successful love stories do exist and it's encouraging to know.
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Luck? Then i can forget about it. :p
Workplaces can work, but sometimes it's kinda forbidden by companies or like me when you only have male coworkers, doesn't work either.
Well atleast you can't get harassed by pm's in tinder (that i know of) can always try installing it and see for fun. ;)
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Because things never ever worked in my favour (yet)? :p
Like there is this girl where i "work", that is single, lives one block from me, but she can't have children while that is my biggest wish and yes there are still some options maybe but they are hard, and thus i am blocking myself for a possibility with her.
I always joke i fall for women that either have something or someone.
I dunno going through the whole dating thing feels a bit of a bummer, the whole endless chitchat (am not always a talker) before a women actually wants to date with you.
Meant tinder as suggestion for you to try, i actually am trying, i got one mutual like which opened a possibility to say something (dunno if it remains free) but scared. :P
And dunno am not in a stable situation yet either, maybe i should just wait, but i feel a biological (the kids part) ticking.
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but she can't have children while that is my biggest wish and yes there are still some options maybe but they are hard, and thus i am blocking myself for a possibility with her.
This is weird.
I dunno going through the whole dating thing feels a bit of a bummer, the whole endless chitchat (am not always a talker) before a women actually wants to date with you.
This is also weird. It's pretty difficult to have a relationship if you don't get to know the person in the first place. It sounds like you find this exhausting because you are putting on an act, instead of being your genuine self. You don't have to be a chatterbox.
It really seems like you are ruminating on select aspects and not dating as a whole. Defeatism is a major turn off.
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If a woman has a big children wish, and does anything for it, it's normal, if it's a guy then it's more weird.
And trust me women will go very very far for it.
It's not like i got this big crush on someone and then hear oh she can't have children.
Aren't most of us selfish anyway in a relationship? If a partner gets sick and the other leaves him/her?
etc etc etc.
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You completely misread me. It's not weird to want children. It's weird to be fixated on physically creating your own child, inflaming an imaginary scenario to the point where you will completely disregard a relationship with another person before even going on a date.
Aren't most of us selfish anyway in a relationship? If a partner gets sick and the other leaves him/her?
etc etc etc.
This is what I meant about being defeatist. No, people in healthy relationships do not act this way.
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I did not misread you, it's about being such a strong wish (you call it fixated), which most guys just don't have, that yeah it could lead to such decisions beforehand.
Such as i know an example of a couple where it didn't go well in conceiving a child in that that woman was even so desperate in her wish, she started thinking even to try it with some other guy she knew.
But we are all selecting beforehand when selecting a partner on his/her criteria (looks, even job) so why would it be any different if i choose that as a criteria, if this is mine so be it. for everyone different things work or not.
It's being a realist, it's just what happens a lot, how about 1 out of 8 kids or something that have a different father? Most humans are just like that, and yes THAT is defeatist.
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I know two couples (one married recently) who met on Tinder. They are great.
I dated lots of girls I've met online (mostly in not typical ways, like travel forums, photography boards), but none of them was as great as my wife is. And I met my wife as a friend's friend on a student mountain group getaway.
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You all survived the mountain group getaway? Was it like Until Dawn, or more like Kholat? Or maybe like this Frasier episode "The Ski Lodge"? https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0582556/ (Oh man, one of the best 20 minutes of comedy TV history...)
Your mentioning of the mountain group getaway setting seems to have tripped me off... what was the question again?
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never had one. because i dont go out and dont interact with people that often. its totally my fault and i blame myself for it. if i tried i would definitely have found a person. i want a relationship but at the same time i am to lazy to bother or do something because it requires work. dont want to deal with shitty people until i find the one who is exactly shitty as me. lol
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I have been using Tinder on and off for around two years but had little to no success. I have been on dozen or so dates but you have to be really lucky to actually find someone you will click with, which is not really surprising since you are mostly matching with people based on looks, possibly couple of lines of text. Some of my colleagues have found partners there but I don't think any of those relationships lasted for more than a few months (kinda get the feeling that was what the guys were going for though). My sis 'found' a husband through it, though with a bit of a twist as he was a room mate of a guy she was actually on a Tinder date with. :)
I kind of feel that the way of finding a partner 'naturally' be it at workplace, friend of a friend or some social gatherings is more likely to happen than actually 'clicking' with someone on Tinder, though even that might be a long process (3 years and counting :>).
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My 6 year long relationship ended around half a year ago, right now I am single and ready to mingle!! But because I don't go out much and I am sick at home from work I don't meet many people, someone told me to try stuff like Tinder as well, but as far as I understand most people usually use that more for quick hookups than a relationship + I find dating hard because you actually have to go out and meet the person and I suck at that so yeah, it's hard! I would love to have people to do stuff with, even just friends would be fine because I don't even really have those but finding people can be pretty damn hard!
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I'm in a similar situation to that to be honest. Except my relationship ended more than 2 years ago. Then I ended up unable to work, go out, or do anything really. I'm not fully back to myself yet, I still have days of pain but it will get better... but yeah, I am kinda not liking the thoughts of having to basically put myself out there again to actually meet someone. lol
I'm into musical theatre, so when I'm fit and able to dance and jump around the stage again, I'll be able to go to social events and parties relating to that. It's a good way to meet new people at least. Some of my so-called friends abandoned me when I wasn't able to go out on weekends, except one... so there's that too. XD.
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Yes, stuff like that can be hard, I mean, putting yourself out there, what does that even mean? Even when I am out, I hardly talk to people and when I do it never goes further than just a nice chat, how do people do that? I really don't get it!!
Right now the only reason for me to go outside if grocery shopping and appointments and that's not something to meet people at, my hobbies, as far as I am even able to get myself to do them, are all inside as well.
Social events are something I can never get myself to do, maybe if I have someone to go with, but not alone, I would get so stressed that I end up not being able to even go, I hate that so much!
Glad to hear you are getting better, hope you are able to do your theater hobby again, it's nice doing stuff you enjoy doing!
Sadly 'friends' sometimes do that, it's to bad really, it mostly just means they were not really your friends anyway, else they wouldn't have done that!
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Yeah, I'm not able to do any of that yet. Still not physically able to. But hopefully, during the 2020 season, I'll be able to join in with the main show.
As for "putting yourself out there," I guess it means to put yourself in a position to make new friends and meet new people. The reason I started the theatre hobby in the first place was so that I could meet new people after my family moved house. I was about 18 at the time. I can sing (at least some), so I used that. It could have been any hobby though. So now, whenever I move to a new area for a job, that's exactly what I do. I go sign up for the local musical theatre group. It's that one thing I have as a constant, I suppose. Last time, it took about 6 months to form some friendships with the girls in the group. Then we used to go around to different shows together and so on.
I do know what you mean about the social gatherings. If I didn't already know the majority of the people there, I couldn't go either. With the musical group, it's more a case of "Hey, we're all meeting for a drink later, everyone welcome" and I show up. They do cast bonding nights like that and I think it's really cool.
I do believe that we all meet one, maybe two true friends during the course of our lives and that's it really. The one friend has been my friend since we were 14, so she's the real deal. The others are friends when it's convenient lol.
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Theater is something I would never be able to do, I feel way to insecure for that stuff, the idea alone that people are looking at me makes me feel horrible :( I wish I could be more open and myself around other people, but I just can't get myself to do that....
Social gatherings are not my thing but it could be fun with the right people and I would love to meet such people, but how do you meet them if you don't go somewhere? and then you end in some sort of parallel loop you get stuck in that you don't go anywhere without friends but you don't meet anyone if you don't go somewhere....
Friends can be really great to have, my best friend is an ex of mine from many years ago but to be honest, if he wasnn't so pushy that we should sometimes hang out, we never would because I have the motivation of a potato... but he is fine with that, just to bad he doesn't live close to we don't see each other more than a few times a year, but it's something, I am happy I have him.
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In musicals, you can just be in the chorus and no one really cares or notices you. That's me, chorus girl. People with my vocal range (1st soprano) generally get lead roles, but I don't have the confidence to even try out for that. So there I am happily singing and dancing away as part of the chorus. I don't push myself out of that comfort zone, maybe I should, but I would probably die.
One time, I was forced to audition and I was such a wreck. Hands and knees shaking, voice came out all terrible. Then the producer brings someone else in and says "sing it with her." Then I could do it. They were like "Why are you like this? You should try to shake that nervousness." I can't explain it. It's just the way I am. Hahah! So no, I'm not some pillar of confidence who does these things. XD.
BTW, he sounds like an amazing friend. ^^
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The idea to be in a room and someone might look at me or hear me sing is enough to make it hard for me to do, so even what you are doing is wow to me XD
Being nervous sucks, I have it all the time and I hate it, I wish I could just turn a switch and BAM now I can do this shit! But sadly it doesn't work like that, so I am trying to try new things but damn that can be hard as hell and as soon as you thing 'I want to try it' your brain thinks of at least 100 reason why you shouldn't, the brain can be so great and such an asshole at the same time :(
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Well, that's a sad poll. And yes, I've totally voted for the winning option.
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I've been single for ~3 months now after a 13-year relationship. I'm trying the whole Tinder thing, but, wow, it is a bleak, shallow place.
Haven't even gone on a date yet. I've gotten a few matches, but after a few texts, people just stop talking.
Tried a few other apps - there's a few lesbian ones - but keep getting scammers on them. (Fake pictures, asking for money, etc.)
Someone recently offered me a good suggestion which I'm now pursuing. I've joined some groups on meetup, with the hopes that I'll meet some new people that way and expand my social circles, and maybe something will come of that.
TL;DR: I hate app dating.
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My friend met his wife via MeetUp. The nice thing about MeetUp is that in the worst case, you still meet some new people and do something you enjoy. :)
Also, wow, a 13-year relationship is pretty serious and required commitment. I'm sorry to hear that it didn't work out. Did something happen? I realize a public forum isn't the best place for personal questions and answers, so feel free to ignore me.
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Exactly. I just moved to a new city, so MeetUp is a great way to make new friends so far.
I'm a pretty open person, so I don't mind talking about it, or just about anything. As with anything, there's two sides to the story, so I'll try my hardest to present an unbiased account. Also, I realize this is going to be a lot of text, so, you know, sorry up front.
When we got together, I was pretty insecure from a couple of relationships with women who cheated on me. So, it didn't help when I found out she had kept some ex-boyfriends (she's bisexual) as friends and lied to me about it, and even went so far as to plan meeting up with one of them (an older married man) in his hotel room when he came to a nearby city for a work trip. It triggered something in me that I'm not proud of, but I got pretty paranoid and controlling for a while, and I think that really sowed the seeds for everything to come. For clarification, I wasn't extremely controlling. I just wanted to know where she was going, who she was with, when she'd be back, etc. I was threatened by her having male friends due to her history which caused a few fights. I occasionally checked her phone. That sort of thing.
We had kids, planned on getting married, but couldn't for financial reasons, and lived together all but 6 months of our 13-year relationship. In the last few years, I managed to let go of a lot of my insecurities, and honestly became a better person. I used to be so paranoid about her friends, but I realized that I had been a shit person, and I apologized to her. Of course, she never really let any of that go, despite my apologies and changing things about myself.
However, as I improved, she went the opposite direction. A combination of gaslighting, verbal abuse, and withholding affection marked the last couple years of our relationship. We hadn't even been intimate for two years. She'd come up with things I had supposedly said or did that I have no memory of - stuff that made me really feel horrible, but now that I'm out of the relationship, I have serious doubts as to whether any of that truly happened the way she claimed. All that time of pushing me away just finally broke something in me, and I realized I didn't love her anymore.
Near the end of the relationship, I had brought up counseling (multiple times, actually) and she said that as she worked through that stuff, I'd have to apologize for a lot. I explained to her that I can't do that. It's all in the past, and I have apologized for it. (It was a very emotional apology and very heartfelt.) She basically told me that there was no point in trying to work through our problems then and that I hadn't apologized for HER, I had apologized for myself. Honestly, I'm not sure what that even means. A heartfelt apology is an apology, and I feel like if she knows that I know what I did was wrong, then that should be all there is. She doesn't have to accept my apologies, but I don't really get where she's coming from. Keep in mind, I don't think I ever have received a single apology relating to any of the things she did.
Admittedly, I could have tried so much harder in the relationship, but I suffer from depression, and, frankly, it's hard to give something your all when you feel absolutely worthless. She had me convinced I was a narcissist, and that I felt no empathy. I went to some pretty dark places. If it wasn't for my daughters, I might have actually done something harmful to myself, but I could never do that to them.
Maybe worst of all, she managed to turn an old friend against me. Now they're "besties," and he thinks I'm this raging narcissist. He blocked me on social media and sent me this detailed hand-written letter "explaining" everything. It's been hard for me to accept that I've lost his friendship, and while there were things I did wrong (he observed a fight I had with a mutual friend over something petty), I blame her for manipulating the situation into what it became.
So, yeah, I don't know when our relationship really started to "go bad." Maybe it was doomed from the start, and we were so determined not to put our kids through the whole broken home situation that we just ignored it. (We both came from broken homes.)
She was the first real love of my life. It bothers me that I can't say that I'll always love her. She honestly killed whatever I had for her. I don't wish anything bad for her. Quite the opposite. She's my daughters' other mother. I want the best for her. But, if she begged for me to come back - which she'll never do - I wouldn't.
So, yeah, here I am now, a single woman in her mid-late thirties living in an apartment with a roommate and constantly striking out on dating apps. For all the misery that entails, I suppose I am happier now, even if a bit more lonely.
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"that I hadn't apologized for HER, I had apologized for myself"
Wow. I have not heard that nuance. To you they seem to be one and the same; so it confused you.
My guess is this: Your former girlfriend believed that you had apologized that you had done something wrong and had felt remorse for doing it. She believed that this was internal to YOU, relieving yourself of the burden of the wrongdoing by admitting you had done something wrong.
The nuance is that she believed your apology did not included enough of your understanding how much she had been hurt by the consequences of your error.
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Interesting. I understand the concept you're explaining, but I guess I don't understand actual application of it.
If I did something bad... and I felt bad... wouldn't it imply a degree of empathy? To feel bad requires the empathy, doesn't it?
Not trying to argue here. I'm more than happy to get some feedback to help me look at things from another perspective.
The phrase "relieving yourself of the burden" is an important phrase, I feel. I could see where she might be coming from if I look at it in those specific terms. I suppose it's worth evaluating just how important the timing of an apology is. There's certainly no requirement on her part of WHEN she works through the hurt that she may have felt. But is there a requirement on my part of waiting for her to be ready for that apology?
I guess what it boils down to is that I felt a lot of guilt and regret for some of my actions, and I came to terms with it. For all intents and purposes the person who acted that way is dead and gone. I haven't denied my responsibility for it. I apologized - more than once - with tears and empathy. Am I expected to relive these moments, re-experience that guilt, shame, and regret at her discretion for the rest of the relationship? And it was hard for me to come to terms with in the first place. Very hard for me.
All I can do is apologize and if there's a way to make amends, do so. I don't believe in forcing people to re-apologize. Of course, I'm also open to the idea that maybe I'm wrong, and I'm just being a bitch.
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I was pretty insecure from a couple of relationships with women who cheated on me
Wow, you've had some terrible luck with your partners. :(
she had kept some ex-boyfriends as friends and lied to me about it
Yeah, that's not good - both in terms of lying, which is almost always bad, and in terms of her feeling like she needed to lie about it.
plan meeting up with one of them (an older married man) in his hotel room when he came to a nearby city for a work trip
Um, you were right to be concerned. That is not something you do unless you're looking for a sexual encounter. There's just no reason to do that unless you're looking to cheat.
Thanks for sharing all that. It sounds like there were issues for quite some time, before it finally came to a head. I totally understand not wanting to put kids through that, but you have to take care of yourself, and I think if you explain that it's between you two and not anything to do with your daughters they may understand (how old are they?). I can only imagine how hard it must be to break off a relationship when you have kids, but it sounds like you did the right thing. I'm glad you didn't do anything harmful to yourself - as bad as things seem sometimes, they're never bad enough to justify that.
My SO went through something similar - got married young, had a kid, was constantly unhappy, then finally realized a year later that her husband was completely worthless. She also suggested counseling but when he said that the issue was her - that she never cooked or cleaned anymore, that all she did was go to work and take care of the baby (while he was unemployed and spent his days playing WoW) - she realized that there was no point to counseling. Years later, he's still bitter about the divorce, and even tried to turn their daughter against her by telling their daughter that the divorce came out of nowhere with no provocation and that she basically screwed him over in the divorce (which was pretty ugly, but fair and equitable). Not a great situation, but something that had to happen, because the alternative was to go on being unhappy all the time.
My worst breakup was after 4 years together. We started dating in college, went long distance after graduating as we moved to different states, and on the way back from an awesome weekend holiday she broke up with me. She wanted to be treated like a princess, like what she saw in romantic comedies, and felt that I wasn't doing that - nevermind that I didn't have the means to take her to fancy restaurants, or that it was pretty one-sided and that she would drop the ball on stuff like birthday gifts (one year she got me a cheap watch-band, another she got me clothing that was neither my style nor my size). The best part was that we broke up 2 weeks before our 4 year anniversary, and 2 weeks later she got pissed that I didn't wish her a happy anniversary. I'm like, "Uh, we broke up, remember? You should, as you're the one that broke up with me after a great weekend together."
How are your daughters handling it? Are they living with you?
Again, as awful as it must have felt to break things off, it sounds like you did the right thing. And don't worry, you're not that old (even if it may feel that way sometimes), and I'm sure you'll be able to find someone. I think being happier is the important part, and when you're happier other people will pick up on it and hopefully you'll be able to find someone. At least now, you and whomever you date know what you want out of life and a relationship, so you can get right to it and not waste your time - as opposed to dating when young, where you date for 4 years and then realize you have completely different expectations and life goals and are not compatible at all. :)
I wish you the best of luck!
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Wow, you've had some terrible luck with your partners. :(
Yeah, tell me about it. I don't know if she cheated on me, but assuming she didn't, half my partners have cheated on me. Not something I would brag about at all.
--
I'm sorry your SO went through that. That's really tough. Household responsibilities were kind of a point of tension with me and my ex. I'll admit, I didn't always do my fair share. She was a stay-at-home mom, while I worked full time. I should have been better about that.
2 weeks later she got pissed that I didn't wish her a happy anniversary.
Whoa. What a needy person. You can't celebrate an anniversary after it ends. I don't even know what to make of that.
How are your daughters handling it? Are they living with you?
They're seven years old. They've handled it surprisingly well. They live with her. I moved out - even though I own the house - and I visit them three days a week. She's saving up enough to get her own place and then I'm either moving back to my house or selling it. When I finally am in a place with more than one bedroom, we'll change up the custody somewhat. Probably with me one day a week during the school year.
At least now, you and whomever you date know what you want out of life and a relationship, so you can get right to it and not waste your time
That's true, although now that I'm on my own, I'm trying to figure out who I am as a person again. After 13 years of being an us, I feel like I've kind of lost myself, you know?
I wish you the best of luck!
Aw, thank you. The same to you, of course. You sound like a very nice person. I hope your significant other knows that and appreciates that about you.
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I read through this whole thing and just wanna say I wish you all the best. I don't really know why, but your story resonated with me, despite not having experienced any of this sort.
maybe it's because I just binge-watched Grey's Anatomy for the very first time and it broke my heart a little but I don't know. aaaanyways
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Aw, thanks, Elunes. I'm honestly glad you haven't had any shared experiences to relate to.
Also, I've not seen Grey's Anatomy. Maybe I should?
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If you want to have your heart played with, then I'd say yes, check it out. Your story just reminded me of it because one couple that I loved and supported very dearly was going through essentially the exact same thing. (...to stay as vague as possible, if you ever do decide to check it out.)
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Aw, thank you. The same to you, of course. You sound like a very nice person. I hope your significant other knows that and appreciates that about you.
Aww, thank you, that's very sweet. :) You sound pretty nice yourself.
Household responsibilities were kind of a point of tension with me and my ex. I'll admit, I didn't always do my fair share.
Well, there's not doing your fair share, and then there's not doing any of the share. If someone's working every day, they're obviously not going to be able to contribute as much around the house. My SO and I don't have set divisions, and if we see something that needs doing we just do it, but we also try to take split things where it makes sense - I suffer from chronic mid-back pain and doing the dishes usually causes me pain, so she does the dishes 99% of the time while I take care of the laundry 99% of the time.
I used to live with some guys who would never run or empty the dishwasher - one time I ran a load before going away for 4 days, and came back to find the sink full of dirty dishes and the dishwasher still full of the clean dishes from when I ran it. I later had a roommate who wouldn't take the trash out until it was literally overflowing, and I do mean literally. But I didn't have it nearly as bad as my sister-in-law - she used to live with 3 guys who would never take out the trash. She went away for 2 weeks once, and came back to find bags full of trash hanging from every drawer knob in the kitchen. Instead of taking out the trash when their trash bin filled up, like normal people, they started hanging bags off the drawer knobs and putting trash in those - each time a bag would fill up, they'd leave it there and hang a new one. /boggle
But when you don't work, and you don't cook, and you don't clean, and you don't take care of the kid(s)... what exactly are you doing? If you're looking for someone to work and cook and clean and take care of your kid, then you're not looking for a partner, you're looking for a mother.
I'm guessing you moved out to make it easier on the girls? Did your ex get a job now? I honestly don't know what I'd do in that situation - going from being a stay-at-home parent to suddenly on your own and having to get a job sounds like it would be really hard, and kind of terrifying.
For the school year, once you have bedrooms again, I would suggest a Friday-Sunday split - so they're with you Friday after school until Sunday afternoon, and with her Sunday afternoon through Friday afternoon. That seems the least disruptive to their school and sleep schedule, while giving you the most time with them. Do you two have a similar parenting style, so that it would be consistent? Or is one of you the fruit and veggies with every meal and water or milk to drink type, while the other would spoil them with soda?
now that I'm on my own, I'm trying to figure out who I am as a person again. After 13 years of being an us, I feel like I've kind of lost myself, you know?
I think I understand. I haven't gone through a transition as shocking as the one you just went through, but I still realize that I am not the person I was 10+ years ago. Even outside the relationship, I'm sure you've grown and matured considerably since then, so this is a chance to get in touch with yourself again.
You may even discover or re-discover something about yourself. For example, I recently rediscovered my love of playing guitar - and while I no longer have the time to devote to practicing that I did when I was younger, I'm approaching it with a focus and determination that I lacked in my youth, and as a result I feel like I've made more progress in the past 6 months than I did in years as a teenager. Though I also learned that I no longer have the body of a teenager, and my body does not like the physical strain I'm placing upon it. Youth really is wasted on the young. ;)
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Yeah it's like the rest of the interweb I guess. Lots of trolls, lots of fakes, and quite the industry trying to make money off anything.
I've joined some groups on meetup, with the hopes that I'll meet some new people that way and expand my social circles, and maybe something will come of that.
Yup. It seems like such a simple thing, it almost feels like there's not a chance but apparently most people still meet through friends so meeting people with no expectation of dating, in just a relaxed setting is a great way to expand your circle.
My best friend met her now wife through a meetup group. She was just tired of the dating scene and just gave up altogether but she wanted to meet people so she joined a few events.
The obsessive and frenetic "dating" scene promoted by those apps and sites is not really conducive to romance or even discovering each other. I always tell my friends that the time they spend scanning profiles and attempting chats would be better served volunteering for a charity or an organisation. You get to meet a lot of people that way, I can speak from experience. And they're usually very kind and open to new people.
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The obsessive and frenetic "dating" scene promoted by those apps and sites is not really conducive to romance or even discovering each other. I always tell my friends that the time they spend scanning profiles and attempting chats would be better served volunteering for a charity or an organisation. You get to meet a lot of people that way, I can speak from experience. And they're usually very kind and open to new people.
That's a very wise way to look at it. Plus, meeting people though apps seems so disconnected. I'd rather experience a person's personality first-hand and see how I feel about them. I get tired of asking and answering the same old questions through text.
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my husband and i met on a wedding. the groom was my relative and his friend. also our families already knew each others (our grandparents, my dad and his mother, were neighbors in their old village).
we have been each others first gf/bf.
after 9 years of being together we finally married. that was 2,5 years ago. <3
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mirror?
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Never tried a dating app, probably wouldn't use tinder from the stories I have heared from the persons around me.
Tinder is like shopping.
-- female friend of mine
Well she never got something beside fuck buddies and strange dudes out of it. Most apealing might not be the best product.?
Like two post above said above meetup.com might be a good way to find people which have similar interests as you but it's not aligned for dating by design.
Went to my first one yesterday by chance. Not for a dating reason, well maybe dating a company^^
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I know lots of couples who met thru Tinder, and none of them used the paid version (because we live in Argentina and it's pretty much expensive here). It's just a matter of luck and keep-on-trying.
I've met my girlfriend three and a half years ago, working at a night club. She used to go there every Friday and Saturday, with friends at first and then alone (bc she knew she would find someone there to have fun with). I was the bartender so we just talked to each other there, as I did with all the regulars, and then one day we tried to organize an after-party but it kinda failed and we ended up drinking coffee at a gas station; there we got to know each other deeper than ever before, so we started to hang out and, eventually, date.
It's been two years since we've moved together, so I guess it worked alright.
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Several of my friends found their significant others on OKCupid -- one (really smart) friend told me they liked OKCupid because it uses machine learning to figure out a good match based on something like the Meyers-Briggs personality test and past user match outcomes. Apparently OKCupid creates an environment where the expectation is finding someone nice to be with for a very long time rather than just one night -- which might be easier for less dominant people to go along with (i.e. try their best to fulfill that expectation) and have a happy outcome vs. trying to fulfill the expectation of just getting one night out with as many people as possible (with each date generating more income for the match website, and the longer you stay single and use their web services the more money the website makes). Of course, OKCupid probably gets most of its money from you via your user data -- logging your questionnaire answers and tracking your successes with their recommendations, then feeding all that info into their artificial intelligence algorithm to make a matching service that's better than anyone else's.
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The other think nice with okcupid is the description you can put and the way you can describe yourself. And the description of others will give you some precious indications.
The only bad thing as I a m french it is very used by English-speaking and in France we are not good at foreign languages... ๐
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I haven't yet. I'm a 28 y/o man and I haven't even the faintest idea how to even find a girl who is single. Every girl I meet already has a boyfriend. I feel like it is inevitable at this point that I will become a grumpy old forever alone weird uncle.
I tried Tinder, but after 3 years of zero matches, I deleted the app.
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I don't mind 1-2 kids, 3 is starting to be a bit much, personally my biggest wish in life is 1-2 kids of my own, and usually those women come out of a broken relationship and are often reluctant to get more kids because maybe they break up again and are left with more kids. Also our houses aren't that big, so with 2-3 kids the rooms are already full unless you can afford a big house.
Dogs or cats are a problem. :p
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Believe me if I have found at 43 years so you should find someone at your age. Use some others apps and be really precise on your expectations and honest. Girls knows quick when you lie and you will have lost your time at the end. Good luck ๐ ๐
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Never had one, mostly because I had one unrequited love and person that I was in love, wasn't really like I thought it was, or at least she changed, but then again it was also my mistake, first when I was in love with her, I was kinda affraid of losing her even as a friend incase she reject me (I loved spending time with her, making her laugh, going for coffie, and talking with her, she was nice and not like top sexy girl, more like cute and nice) , but I was blinded and stupid, without trying to go for it, I lost her anyway, lost contact as we become older.
Still altho I did lived my life normaly, I would every now and then think about her, so after 2 years without contact I tried to make conact, again just at the very least get in touch.
I didn't have facebook back then and I created it so I can contact her and other friends, also many of them that I didn't talk to for quite some time and also some that I never been super close but still they were okay. And to my surpise everyone but her accepted my friend requested, she accpepted it last, after like 2 weeks, then I just said hello, and I appologised for not trying to get in touch with her earlier...just some normal stuff, I dind't push anything knowing how much time has passed, but she didn't even respond, while people that I didn't even consider friends back then, all responded, wanted to meet, talk, even message me first when they see me online on fb, but that one person, one that I shared laughs, spent lot of time with her, she changed or she wasn't telling me something, still nothing I could do since she wouldn't even respoind to simple "hello", since it was like 2 years since we lost contact, I thought that maybe she doesn't trust that it's really me, so I posted old video from us where she was like filming me with phone at same time I was filming her and then we both like moved to film guy that was talking some jokes and there were other people in video and guy that was making jokes was funny, most people were filiming just him, she liked that video, and I tought that was sign that she will talk to me, again I tried and nothing, she read message but didn't respond, I tried few more times over few months, even completely putting my "pride" down and putting some love songs on fb like idk even know what some guys and girls do there, she liked some songs, and also I liked few of her pics and commented on it, she would again like my comment but never respond to my simple messages, she wasn't person I remmembered and that silience in messages hurt more than anything she could ever say....after that I never met one that would make me feel like my first and so far only love, sadly unrequited and since I don't have that feeling that I had for her with other girls who knows maybe that scarred me for life....
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Met my girlfriend at a Japanese language course, so dunno, I guess it qualifies for 'other'? We're together for 6 years now, but can't seem to find a good time to get married despite willing to. :)
Had a brief relationship with a girl I met in an online game a few years before that (like, 12 years ago or so), but never used any dating apps.
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IRC of Slay Radio :D She even is from another country. Now married for over 6 years.
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So after months i signed up with this tinder thing, then took another month to actually try it, just to see you have to pay 30 euro to being able to do most stuff unless you find a woman who likes you, come across her profile and like her too.
Had a colleague that apparently found a girlfriend through tinder, but i wonder how much isn't just fake, so many pictures of women that looks like they wouldn't have any problem finding someone without an app. Anyone else had success stories with it?
Or through something else.
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