ummm, funniest quote by dec 29th gets a free copy of a game. . . In liken to thier quote.

"Let's make like a baby and head out!"

~Abraham Lincoln

"No mom, please, I can do this on my own!"

-Aldof Hitler

A zombie has no will of its own, You see them sometimes walking around blindly with dead eyes following orders not knowing what they do not caring.

You mean like democrats?

-The Ghost Breakers (1940)

• "I had sex with my girlfriend last night. It was going pretty good, except the entire time she was screaming someone elses name... Anyone know who rape is?"

And a serious quote just for the hell of it:

• "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."
  -Winston Churchill

I remembered another quote that I heard a long time ago:

• "I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car."

And another one:

• "Two men walk into a bar. The second man should have seen it coming."

The list keeps growing:

• "I'm not racist; I hate everyone equally. What makes you so damn special?"

"You've gotta trust me here, I've been fined a lot for talking about the size of my penis. I mean, it is closely shaped to a tennis ball container. I'm just gonna leave it at that."

"A trash can may just be a trash can to you, but to a hobo, it is an all-you-can-eat-buffet."

• Me.

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
― Albert Einstein

"The angle of the dangle is inversely proportional to the heat of the meat."
Unknown

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."

"Episode 3 is coming out soon" - Gabe Newell

‎"Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times is enemy action, and four times is clearly due to bloodthirsty, intelligent apes." -Ian Fleming

I want you to know that everything I did, I did for my country.

• Pol Pot

Well, I looked in my mom's closet and saw what I was getting for Christmas, an UltraVibe Pleasure 2000.
Eric Cartman

I like how this ends on my bday lol

Also this thread is full of win

Want to make your computer go really fast? Throw it out of the window!

Inspiring historical quote: "Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and it looks like work."
Thomas Edison

And serious quote from my favourite politician of all time:

"A joke is a very serious thing." Winston Churchill

Statistics are like bikinis, what they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.

Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword never encountered automatic weapons. General Douglas MacArthur ( American General, 1880 - 1964)

"The thing with internet quotes is that you never know if they are legit"

• Albert Einstein

ummmm lemme think.....

"Decided to burn lots of calories today, so I set a fat kid on fire."

Also,

"Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?" - Derek Zoolander

"60% of the time, it works every time."
-Brian Fantana

" My wife video called me to say she was having a great time in Brazil and said that the beach was beautiful with lots of trees. I didn't know that Brazil had kitchens with beeches in them"

• Oscar Wilde

"I'm a magician now and i know how to make myself disappear, all you need to do is start calling me 'Dad'." -Eastbound & Down

"I don't do coke, i just like the way it smells." - Meme

"Only 70% of the population can do math, the other 45% can't" - My Psych Teacher (actual teacher from school, no idea where he got it from)

I personally liked this one:
"There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators."

• Stephen Wright

Although likely a witty social comment, that first one felt like more of a joke than a normal quote. So one that I actually find a lot funnier is:
"In my world, everyone's a pony and they all eat rainbows and poop butterflies!"

• Dr. Seuss

"I'd like to bend her over a barrel and show her the 50 states, if you know what I mean."

"Hello, Gamers. Look at your house, now back to mine, now back at your house, now back to mine. Sadly, it isn't yours,? but if you stopped playing overrated FPS' and started playing Minecraft, it could look like mine.

Look down, back up, where are you? You're in a mine that you built with your own hands!

What's in your hand? I have it. It's a pickaxe made from stone. Look again, THE PICKAXE IS NOW DIAMOND! Anything is possible when you play Minecraft!

I'm on a pig."