Have you found the love of your life?
In terms of how I deal with it, hobbies and other sources of love. Luckily, I have very few, but true friends and very supportive parents. The main problem lies in the fact that the stuff I enjoy doing are mostly indoors-y. I don't do activities where I can meet like-minded people face-to-face and more stereotypical socially desirable meet-ups end up draining me, while most of the people I get to know aren't in the same page as me. I've been dealing with personal issues and losses, including romantic failures, that, funnily enough, slowly led me in somewhat more niche communities such as this to get some sort of dopamine boosts, i guess. That's why I'm not so sure if it's a good idea to ask people here for their experiences, as it could tamper with your hopes without it being representative of how things really are.
Personally, the most effective step I took was seeing a psychiatrist that understood me and, through psychoeducation, I'll hopefully get back in life.
Comment has been collapsed.
Well, who knows, maybe you'll find someone in this community. You never know! The thing is, all of us here understand what it's like to go through those awkward situations. I’m not saying you’ll find someone in this specific thread, but maybe by talking in other topics with people who share your interests and tastes.
It's always good to ask for opinions and be open to listening to others. In my case, I’ve seen that both for myself and for others, it really helped to realize that love is hard to find, but it's possible. Sometimes it just doesn’t happen, and if that’s the case, the only choice is to be happy anyway. But what I do think is important is that we try, no matter what. Without thinking “it’s never going to happen for me”.
I know what I’m saying sounds super cliché, and there are tons of books out there about "think positive”—I don’t believe in those books at all because I feel like they just take advantage of people's emotions to make money. But still, I do believe that at least trying to keep a positive attitude is important—first and foremost for yourself. If you don’t love yourself, how can you expect someone else to?
Seeing a psychiatrist can help in some cases, and often it’s good to combine it with a psychologist. But both psychology and psychiatry have different approaches, so you have to find what works best for you. I’ve been to both psychiatrists and psychologists for many years because I’ve had a lot of struggles. Right now, I’m seeing a psychiatrist, but I don’t really feel like it’s helping me—I just can’t change due to financial reasons.
However, what really helped me a lot was taking a trip. I was feeling completely unmotivated and stuck in my life since the pandemic, and that trip made me realize that there’s life outside the computer too. I still love being on my computer, but doing outdoor activities is amazing, especially when you’re with people you feel comfortable with.
Beyond love and relationships, I’ve also struggled with feeling down because I’m 31 and still live with my parents. Most of my friends already live on their own, and many are in relationships or even have kids. The truth is, I have very little work experience, and that makes it really hard to find a job. Even for the most basic jobs, they ask for experience. And the older you get, the harder it becomes.
When it comes to relationships, I also feel like no one would really pay attention to me because I’m currently unemployed. But I’m actively looking for a job, and I have a lot of faith that I’ll find one. I’m really scared of job hunting, and it’s really hard for me to motivate myself—not because I don’t want to work (I really want to work), but because I’m scared. Since the pandemic, I haven’t worked, and that made me isolate myself a lot. Plus, my last job was in a call center—not exactly the best job out there.
But I’m going to keep pushing forward because I want both things: to find a job and to find a partner. Also, working helps with mental well-being. Having your own income, especially as you get older, is really important. It doesn’t matter if someone else can support me—that’s not what I want for myself. I want to be "normal." I put that in quotes because I hate the idea of normality—it doesn’t really exist. But in my head, I feel like I’m not normal, like I’m less than others because I don’t know how to socialize well.
I wish I could just fit in without having to constantly think about having to fit in. And I know there are a lot of people who feel this way, who think they don’t belong. If anyone reading this feels like that, I want you to know—you’re not alone.
Life is hard for everyone, no matter their personality. But the important thing is to find something that motivates you enough to keep moving forward. For me, falling in love has always been something that motivated me. And for a long time, I just couldn’t feel that for anyone. But then this person made me feel motivated again. Even though I know now that she doesn’t like me back, I’ve accepted it. But in a way, she still helped me because she brought back the motivation I was missing.
Sorry for writing such a long message—I might have gone into too much detail. But anyway, I really hope the psychiatrist you’re seeing continues to help you, and that you can move forward and find a partner. You might need to step out of your comfort zone. It’s great that you have a few good friends and loving parents, but you need to meet more people.
I don’t know—if you have a dog, take them out for a walk. Go buy bread at the bakery. Say hi to people you see regularly. Little by little, all of that adds up, and it will help you feel more comfortable going out. Maybe you’ll even discover a new activity that helps you break out of this vicious cycle.
I wish you the best, and no matter what happens—don’t give up! We only live once.🍀
Comment has been collapsed.
Believe it or not, it was on Tinder. The thing is, that app isn't taken as seriously as in the USA, for example. People use it mostly to show off themselves, to chat, to have one-night stands, and so on.
Three years ago I moved out of my city into a bigger one, and got a new job after just learning how to walk again (more background lore on that here ) and redownloaded Tinder out of boredom. When I say redownloaded it, I should clarify that I would usually use Tinder every 6-8 months as a joke, like I would speak only in Spanish with girls or try to pitch them my idea of fast food boneless chicken (where you'd have a restaurant that would take out all of the bones from the chicken and then prepare it), stuff like that.
2 days before moving and starting a new job (which was a crazy gamble now that I think of it, I had a bare minimum IT background and I just finished learning about CNC - more info on that lore here as well) I got a Tinder match. We chatted for a bit, exchange numbers and nothing came out of it (by my choice, I wasn't up for a relationship or anything since a lot of things happened in my life in a short while so I was kinda overwhelmed) but one day my shift was canceled for that day in the morning so I just texted her to grab a coffee with me, thinking that I would at least kill an hour or so and that would be it.
Anyway, that was our first date that lasted more than 18 hours. She has a PhD in architecture, she's cute, smart, has great taste in music, and laughs at my jokes like there's no tomorrow. I could write books about her but if there is only one thing I regret about this relationship now is that I wish we met each other sooner. We're both happier than we've ever been in our lives. Life is good.
Comment has been collapsed.
I totally believe it! I have a friend who's about to get married, and he also met his fiancée on Tinder. It doesn't always happen, but it can. I'm sorry to hear about your accident, but I'm so glad you were able to recover and walk again! And it's incredible how quickly you got the 'CNC Operator & Programmer' title!!! Congrats!!! It's amazing how fate works, thinking that you messaged her just to pass the time, and then that date ended up lasting over 18 hours! Don't regret wishing you had met her earlier; it happened at the right time because that’s when it was meant to happen. What matters is that you found each other and are happy together!!! I wish you both all the best in your relationship!!! Hope it lasts forever!!! And thank you so much for taking the time to read the post and share your personal experience!!!🙌🙌
Comment has been collapsed.
I love this thread!
In 2015 I was working in the eastern USA and I was introduced to a new person. I immediately felt an attraction to her, but I was going through a divorce and she didn't really seem interested, so nothing came of it. We talked here and there but just normal work stuff.
In 2016 I moved to the middle of the country to work from home.
In 2017 I took a road trip back to the east, and I stopped by the office to work for a couple of days before returning home. While we were talking, she mentioned that my hotel and her house were pretty close together, and we could meet up for dinner if I didn't want to eat by myself.
Well, that was our first date, and 7.5 years later we are still together. She moved to Texas to live with me and she is my best friend and my partner in every sense of the word. Can't imagine my life without her.
Comment has been collapsed.
I absolutely love seeing stories like this, and I’m so glad that people feel encouraged to share them. I think it's a beautiful way to motivate others who might feel alone, showing them that it's not impossible to find someone, and that if it's meant to happen, it will, at the right time. Thank you for sharing your story! I'm so happy you found someone with whom you're both truly happy!!! Congratulations!!! Wishing you both an eternity of happiness like that!!!! All the best to you!!! 🙌🙌
Comment has been collapsed.
All of my GFs I have met either at school (during teenage years), or at work (after I have graduated).
In total, I had 5 GFs before I met my wife, while the shortest relationship lasted 2 months and the longest 7 years and the longest period between them (without any GF) was 4years (when I was 23years old - 27years old). Now I am happily married to the most amazing woman and I have two beautiful daughters.
I was never a model and I was not confident with my looks (started balding at 21 Years), but I was always friendly and it seems that many girls liked my sense of humor - and this was the easiest way to get to know/get close to girls I liked.
There was a 2year long relationship, where after 2 moths of being together, she had to move to another country and we had a long distance relationship almost for a year (bear in mind, this was back when the Internet was still new and I had to go to net-cafe so i can call her via MSN or ICQ) and then I moved to her country and we lived together for another 11months.
Important thing is:
Bottom line is, take your time but never allow yourself to get desperate. You will find someone you will love and it will be up the two of you, how you will take care of your relationship. You both will have to probably sacrifice something for the other. And although I understand that today is a different time, there are still girls/women who will gladly fight for a meaningful relationship.
Comment has been collapsed.
I like what you mentioned—everything is a learning experience, and this applies to life in general. Everything happens for a reason. Confidence is key, and it’s something one must work on. As someone who tends to be shy, I know that we often put ourselves down with our own thoughts. I say this from personal experience, yet it's something I work on every day to improve.
The idea of not forcing things is absolutely true—things will either happen or they won’t. Rushing to make them happen makes no sense. With the girl I was talking to, I rushed things too much, and that ended up pushing her away. Eventually, I decided to stop talking to her, but I made it clear that I was still there if she ever needed someone to talk to. Because loving someone isn’t about possessing them—it’s about accepting that they might not feel the same way. And as painful as it is, you have to accept it. I would have liked to at least remain friends, but we are in different stages of life. Even though she replied with a simple "thank you," I doubt she’ll ever write to me again. But I take it as a sign that we simply weren’t meant to be.
That being said, I want to question myself here—sometimes, it’s not about rushing or not. When two people feel a strong connection, things will naturally flow.
At this point, I have moved on and decided to start getting to know someone else who unexpectedly came into my life. This time, I’ve decided to take things slower and not rush. Time will tell what happens, but for now, I’m just looking for friendship, and if something is meant to happen, it will. I don’t want to force anything—I want things to flow naturally. From the little we have talked, she seems like a really kind person, and I like that. Plus, we share a few common interests.
It’s true that times have changed, but as you mentioned, there are still people willing to fight for a meaningful relationship.
I really appreciate your words—they are helpful not just for me but for anyone who reads them. They show that finding a meaningful relationship doesn’t happen overnight; it can take years. But in the end, it will all be worth it.
I hope your relationship lasts forever and that your daughters grow up surrounded by all the love you and your wife share! Sending you a big hug! 💪💪
Comment has been collapsed.
I met mine online dating, first time I had tried it, now been together over 22ish years and celebrated 20 years of marriage on Valentines day just gone, we picked valentines day as its an easy day to remember, and celebrated it the same way as we did when we got married by getting a kebab.
Comment has been collapsed.
Hahaha lol. So glad you managed to get it back! Everything happens for a reason—the famous butterfly effect. As Isaac Newton would say, every action has its reaction… and it seems like destiny had already calculated the force that would bring you together. I hope your relationship keeps growing day by day! 🙌🙌
Comment has been collapsed.
I managed to get it back because I fought for it, since what they did to my account was so extreme that I wasn't unable to get any help from Meta, so I had to contact a lawyer and so on...
I wouldn't say it was destiny but the butterfly effect was strong, since I couldn't even create another account (and I didn't want to) I don't think I would ever spoke to her without my socials, and who knows, maybe she wouldn't have contacted me if I didn't lose my accounts in the first place (she just wrote me to ask what happened).
Now it's been more than 2 years, we live together, we even do livestreams together!
Comment has been collapsed.
I can't stop disappointing people, latelly. When you just show a pic after they request one and they stop writing or those things.
It makes me hate myself a bit more.
Comment has been collapsed.
Yes, you are right. But the thing is, there isn't always a romantic thing clear. So I was expecting maybe to be friends. :/
I don't always mind, but this is happening so suddenly I just don't know what to think, specially cause they seemed to be not that type of people. So I would say they also disappoint me.
It depends a lot in what moment you are, if you are in a sensitive moment, it hurts more.
Comment has been collapsed.
Of course it hurts and is disappointing, because so suddenly + because not expected and of course it wouldn't be the way you would pick if you could pick but on the other side you don't lose more lifetime with such people because they sort themself out.
If someone want only to be friends with a person that look a special/good/for them fitting way, then something is wrong with them.
That someone have "wishes" how a partner (gf/bf) look, ok but some people are flexible and say "a lot fit when love is involved" and other people have not only wishes and demand, mostly, body things and first after this they would consider love (i have such friends too. And if someone clearly communicate this i think it's ok, only when someone hide it, i don't think it is ok/fair).
I am the type that have clearly wishes for the gf, like long hairs, not biten finger nails, a impish smiling, small or middle t., in general not with a weight that is written in three digit kg (prefered below 70kg) and perfect would be green eyes.
But as examples, one gf that were 18 years older (when i were young) and one that were 21 years younger (when i were much older), [most of the times only +/- 5 years age difference], had 100 kg, big t, only shoulder long hairs and none of them had green eyes.
Which means, as soon as love kicks in, a lot fit for me and don't feel ""lesser ok as what i wish when i could order "the perfect" woman"".
Of course it give some "must haves" but they are, for me, not optical things.
For me is the character much more important because a good looking woman will lose the optical stuff at some point but a good character will not change to the worse.
If she isn't honest it's a nogo for me or if she and i can't laugh together about "all" (us included).
Friends and special a gf must hold out my dark humor, my sarcasm, my irony (i make jokes about absolute everything, myself included) and that i am sometimes very impish (special when i had eaten potatos -don't question me why, i don't know-), which is sometimes a bit exhausting for her ^^. I do then such stuff like bringing her a tea/coffee to the bed when she is a long sleeper, cuddle her or softly touch her face when she open the eyes, speaking softly with her and then grabbing the bedspread/comforter and run away with it. You should see how fast a long sleeper gf can be after this :-DDD (laughing). I can't control such situations or my imp, they aren't planned and this "stupid impish idea" is then very spontaneous.
How a friend, male or female, look is absolute unimportant for a friendship and if someone don't want a friendship after he/she seen a picture, because the other person don't fit into his/her "optical liking", i would say he/she wanted more as only a friendship but hadn't the balls to say this from the begin.
In the end, be you(rself).
Don't change to fit for people as friend/partner/gf, because you will never fit for everyone and you wouldn't be happy with it.
Someone will be attracted from exactly this person (aka You) as friend/partner/gf.
It's very late, my english sucks, more as usual :-D, when i am sleepy, but i still hope you get what i mean.
Comment has been collapsed.
Don't worry, I fully understand what you wrote. I'm not denying the importance of physical attraction as a key element in approaching someone. I think it's completely natural. In fact, there are certain biological reasons behind it.
Comment has been collapsed.
"In the end, be you(rself)" I love singing and when i'm feeling bad singing this song help me a lot.
Be Yourself - Audioslave
Comment has been collapsed.
If they get disappointed, that's their problem, not yours. You are how you are. And most people nowadays don’t even know what they want. At least, that’s what I see.
Anyway, I understand that you might feel disappointed, and that’s something you’ll have to work on so that you stop caring about what others think of you. The most important thing is that you feel happy with who you are. If you don’t accept yourself, it’s hard for others to accept you. And I said ‘hard’ because it’s not impossible either.
In my case, it happens to me regarding being introverted. I mean, I can talk here, but it’s not the same as talking in person. In person, I tend to be quiet, and that’s something I have to work on—accepting myself as I am. Being quiet doesn’t have to mean something bad. In fact, I’m quiet, and some people like me for that, just as there are people who think I’m not intelligent or interesting because of it. And that’s what bothers me the most—people thinking that being quiet makes you less intelligent or mocking you for it. The most annoying thing is definitely the mocking. Because I don’t go around making fun of anyone—I respect that each person has their own way of being. But unfortunately, there will always be people or groups of people who make fun of others for who they are. That’s why we have to learn to accept ourselves as we are and be happy with it.
But by nature, humans are social beings, and it’s normal to feel bad when we don’t fit in. However, everything happens for a reason. Life has a path that we can’t see—it’s an invisible line guiding us in some direction. Unfortunately, we can’t know whether it will be good or bad, but just like in a game, we don’t know the ending until we play. The difference between life and a game is that we only get one life, and we have to live it and make decisions without being able to go back. The important thing is not to give up. And the fact that you wrote about how you feel shows that you haven’t given up, and that means a lot!
Crazy fact: We are from the same country! xD
Comment has been collapsed.
I'm not an extrovert. In fact, I'm one online. In person, I have no problem talking, and I like to make funny comments to make people laugh, but I'm not at all social. In fact, I think I've made my sense of humor my armor.
Instinctively, there are people I've gotten close to and formed great friendships with. Others have gotten close to me, and a great bond has also been created. I understand what you're saying about being quiet. My best friends are mostly like that, quiet or calm people, or people who used to be very withdrawn. And they're the deepest and most honest people you'll ever meet. Personally, the most introverted people are the most attractive, because they have something that attracts many of us: mystery. So I don't see anything wrong with your personality. But I do know that there are trashy people out there, making fun of others. I suffered a lot of bullying when I was little; it eroded my self-esteem a lot, but it also shaped my character, because I don't like being bothered.
I really appreciate your words, and you made me smile when I read that we are from the same country. :D :D
Comment has been collapsed.
Humor is everything. It's good that it's your armor. And honestly, I appreciate your comments about quiet people—you made me feel much better, and I really appreciate it. I'm sorry that you went through bullying :( At least you managed to overcome that obstacle, and that must not have been easy at all.
About the country thing, hahaha, I also found it funny when I found out. The craziest part is that I'm using a translator to communicate, and we both speak the same language, hahaha. It's not that I don't know English, but I feel more confident using the translator.
Comment has been collapsed.
Ahh what a lovely tread.
I don't know you, don't know the other person or even relationship in between. But you are right about you should stop overthinking. The more you think about it the more chance you'll belive yourself into this situtation and if the things won't go in the same direction as you think, you might get a huge dissapointmet and sadness. I geniuinly hope it'll go the way that you wish but time will tell.
As for my story: back in college when i was alone for a long time and dating few girls all different than other, to see what i like and dislike about a partner, a friend who knew the situation introduced me with a girl. He said "just spend a little time together, i think you may be a good match."
We have never met before with her. And the mutual friend also told her about me. So we both know what was going on. We met, go out together few times then started dating. It was not sth like 'love at first sight' but as the time went by we started know each other. Love gradually developed between us in the time of dating (yeah thats odd).
After few month i was loviing her very deeply but i still was not sure if she is -the one-. As days, weeks, months passes by the connection and love between us greatly increased. I dont know when exactly but i remember thinking to myself if she was the one and if there would be anyone out there that suits me more. But when thinking that i realized how happy i am with her and how she makes my life better a lot.
Well, it almost been 8 years. We are married for 6 months. I am sure about there is no other person in earth that can make me happier.
Interesting part is the college we both went actually was not the college i applied for. I was in different one in my first year but than that university forcely closed by goverment (some political issues) and i moved to that college on my second year. I also met that mutual friend because of this. So i dont know how to call it but there might be some 'destiny' thingy in here.
The point in my story is I put in so much effort trying to find a relationship, going on dates with different girls, and then a friend randomly suggests someone—and in the end, I decide to spend my life with that person. Life is really weird, you never know what you'll come across.
Comment has been collapsed.
Hahaha, I think I should modify the thread a bit because I've already moved on from that person. In the end, she was in love with someone else, and they're actually dating now. And even though I felt bad, I won’t deny it, I'm happy knowing that at least there's someone else who can make her happy...
Wooow, I love how you two met! And on the contrary, I don’t think it’s strange that love developed gradually. In fact, that’s the purest kind of love that can exist. Because it was getting to know the other person more deeply that made you start seeing her in a different way. And I think that’s amazing. It’s so beautiful that you two got married, and I’m sure that with the connection you mentioned, you’ll continue to be together!
And what you said about "destiny" is something I genuinely believe in. Destiny is such a strange thing, but I think everything happens for a reason, and it’s precisely because there’s already a defined path. I loved how you ended everything: "Life is really weird, you never know what you'll come across." I couldn’t agree more with that sentence. And hopefully, one day, I’ll end up finding that person I long to meet.
What’s crazy is how everything can change completely in just a matter of seconds. Thanks for sharing your experience with everyone—I hope it helps them all!
Comment has been collapsed.
25 Comments - Last post 6 minutes ago by lostsoul67
41 Comments - Last post 11 minutes ago by MeguminShiro
6 Comments - Last post 29 minutes ago by ricardobrat
64 Comments - Last post 29 minutes ago by Lessmessino
3 Comments - Last post 31 minutes ago by ricardobrat
13 Comments - Last post 1 hour ago by snow0815
321 Comments - Last post 1 hour ago by Golwar
28 Comments - Last post 6 minutes ago by Sakakino
8,647 Comments - Last post 15 minutes ago by Ad4m
214 Comments - Last post 17 minutes ago by s4k1s
92 Comments - Last post 19 minutes ago by SnowFaith
33 Comments - Last post 20 minutes ago by s4k1s
55 Comments - Last post 43 minutes ago by Oshyer
138 Comments - Last post 46 minutes ago by Hallowly
I don’t talk much here, but I love listening to love stories—how people met, those little twists of fate that bring two souls together. It makes me believe that one day, I’ll also find someone who becomes my everything and fills my life with color.
Some time ago, I met someone special, but I have no idea if she feels the same way. And to make things more complicated, distance separates us. I met her in person, but since I’m introverted, we ended up talking more on Instagram, even when we were physically close. Now, I’m no longer near her.
At some point, I told her I liked her… but only after I was already far away. She said she didn’t feel the same way. However, sometimes she posts things that make me wonder—subtle hints that seem to say otherwise. As if deep down, there’s something there. As if the fear of distance is holding her back. Or maybe I’m just seeing signs that don’t exist. In the end, I guess destiny will decide, and I should stop overthinking it.
Love is complicated, isn’t it? How do you deal with it? What do you do when you feel this way? For me, video games have always been my escape. They help me disconnect from reality, immerse myself in another world where worries fade away—at least for a little while. Of course, I enjoy them for fun too, but that escape is what I value the most.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope you have an amazing day, no matter when you’re reading this.
Comment has been collapsed.