I F*cked Up

I've pushed away and/or made more depressed my few friends with the amount of depressing I have, I feel like I should break up with my gf so I don't ruin her too.

I don't get that. I don't wanna mess this up so sever the relationship.

Sleeping meds and alcohol wouldn't work as a way to suicide.
Any "painfree" or "easy" ways to do that, are alot harder then you think.

Me too, i fucked up

You have to believe better of yourself. You're not a bad person and people would like you if you just put yourself out there.
Don't forget internet friends are real friends

Have you looked into Theatre groups as an outlet? Because it sounds like you are already pretending most of the time.
I'm serious, it could be a great focus.

"It may not be easy or smooth but somehow it's all work out in the end and if it doesn't your dead so .... YOU WON'T die actually tho, so you, YOU ARE going to be okay," -Dirk Gently s02e02

Die with medicine? Failure, very sick, it hardly improves, it is painful.so very bad :(

You can postpone that the conclusion does not come out?
Generally it produces good results.
Take it easy. good. There is no hurry.

Like someone above said:You've got a partner, a job, and might even be getting a promotion.Doing better than a lot of people, including me. Try to focus on the positives.

Chill, I got a taco for you here too, do you really want to talk and discuss life, add me on steam, stop being like me 5 years ago.

My wife's lil brother shot himself in the right temple 7 years ago, he had a gf at the time, he did the deed with his gf and his gf mom in the other room. as his gf held a shirt to his head he kept saying sorry as she cried and he was bleeding out. the pain they all go thru i see and feel too, my wife still cries her self to sleep because of it, he was kept in a semi vegitative state for a week... life can suck is true, most people have thoughts of doing harm to themselves. get help talk to someone it is hard, but harder for those that do love you for the rest of their life

Well it's hard to make friends, especially if you're being yourself. There is a fine line between being authentic and being likeable and I don't quite know where it is yet.
Of course it always helps to befriend oneself first, since you're always the closest person to yourself. And if you don't like yourself how can anyone else?
I don't know...

Friend is a very strong word, but it's very misused because in our days there's a lot of 'profiteers' trying to exploit some advantage over needy people. As far i can say, we shouldn't be restricting our tastes for some kind of gang-approval, they don't worth your time, dedication and acting.

Love yourself, don't lose your time searching for useless meanings, because the best ones will find you by their own.

I don't mean any offense by this, but... Why are you posting this?

This is a website for giving away video games. The forums sometimes have alternate topic discussions, but rarely, and it's usually along the lines of "I'm going on holiday" or "I'm excited for Halloween".

A lot of people here are nevertheless offering their sympathy and advice, yet you are doing nothing but rubbishing their comments and arguing why your life is pointless. So, what are you expecting? Are you looking for someone to tell you that killing yourself is "totes a good idea, bro"? Or is your objective just to get any kind of acknowledgement from any kind of audience?

Look, I know what it's like. I am mentally ill. I get suicidal a lot. I go through all the same reasons as you in my head. I know that "other people have it worse" is never a valid argument against mental illness. I know that "it gets better" doesn't mean anything when you've been trapped in a cycle of depression for a lot of years. I know that sometimes advice isn't enough.

But what are you expecting from a place like Steam Gifts, for God's sake?

The thing about a promotion at work is that it is beneficial for your future. A future that you apparently don't care about. If that is the case, why do you care about holding on for the promotion? Why would getting higher wages mean something to someone who doesn't want wages anymore? Surely if you want to die, being paid more and getting a boost in your career means nothing, because you'd rather be dead than enjoy it?

No. Some of you wants to live. A lot of you, even. You are just being trampled by depression and you cannot find an alternative way to deal with your pain. You don't want to die. You just don't want to live feeling the way you do any longer. If a genie in a bottle snapped their fingers and POOF! took away your depression, POOF! gave you lots of friends and POOF! gave you lots of money, I guarantee you'd change your mind.

So, even though you clearly didn't come here for advice, here is mine.

Genies don't exist. Magical solutions don't exist. The world would not be better off without you, just as the world really isn't that bothered whether it has you either. The only person who can decide if you should die is you. However, making passive-aggressive posts on a gaming website is not the way to either suicide or recovery. You need to get professional mental heath help. If you already have some, get more. If you don't like your friends, get other friends. If you want that promotion, go for it. You think you can get it, and I believe that you're right.

Oh, but it's not that easy, right? Like I said, no genies. It's not easy. It's fucking hard and it sucks and you've been at it your whole life. So have I. Are you really going to put yourself on dialysis for the rest of your life (trips to the hospital to get your kidneys flushed several times a week forever)? Because that's where your little plan is headed. I know you think it's "foolproof", but overdosing is NEVER a good method, and believe me, I am basically an encyclopedia on suicide methods. Every human body has a different reaction to different amounts of medication. You could die, but it will be painful and violent, if you think that's worth it. Or, you could painfully and violently suffer, and then still end up living anyway, except now you have a damaged body and ruined health to deal with. Are you American? Hope your job has good insurance. Edit: Oh, and I forgot to mention! Know what's worse than several trips to hospital every week for as long as you live? Brain damage. Not the glamorous kind, the early-stages-of-dementia kind. Losing your long-term memory, having no short-term memory, extreme migraines, permanent tremors, loss of motor-function, destroying your own personality. These are real results from real people who thought an overdose on medication and alcohol was the answer they were looking for. Feel free to look it up.

Suicide isn't a toy to wave around in people's faces. Life isn't a game that you win or lose. Whatever you're doing, whatever help you're getting, it isn't working. The answer to that is to get more help, and better help. You don't have to do this alone. You don't have to give up. Continuing to live is hard work, but it can become less hard work with the right help. The part of you that wants that promotion wants to live, so listen to it.

I don't need to link you to helplines. You're a grown-up, you can find them. I do suggest imalive.org, though. It's often busy, but it can be just what you need when you're falling over the edge. Medication and therapy are the real answers, though. There are no quick fixes. Mental illness is something you cope with, not eradicate. Choose a better ending to your story.

Good luck.

I'm here to remind you to always keep fighting. Even when it's rock bottom, and everything seems hopeless. You have to always keep fighting. I'm gonna quote a previous message I left on another thread with a similar problem.
"There's this beautiful program to help everyone who is fighting against the struggles of depression. It was created by none other than Jensen and Misha (Dean and Castiel, from Supernatural). Please just go there and ask for help. If you feel like it, you can add me if you want. Please, always keep fighting."

So many people care what other people think. Stop doing that, just be yourself and don't make a big deal of it. You'll fall in to something you love and something you're good at.

Yeah, chronically at that. Sorry, but it is difficult to sympathize with someone who constantly cries and complains to seemingly no end (in the wrong place at that). You've gotten plenty of good advice here from people in the past but yet have, and continue to, squander it. Nothing has changed, nor will it until you stop blaming others for your woes and take ownership upon yourself to effect positive change in you life through your choices, actions, and mindset. You are your own problem (and also your own solution) and until you figure that all out then you will always be stuck where you are. Anyway I'm not going to spend any more time on this so I'll leave it at that.

Hey JenniferVanessa, I feel for you but this is not the place for these type of discussions. I implore you to seek professional help, so that you may be equipped with the proper tools and advice needed to push on through and experience the beauty that is life.

We so often get caught up looking at the past with regrets, or dreaming of big pivotal moments that will change our lives for the better but these are traps that keep us stuck in place. Life is not about the milestones we reach but the steps we take to get there. Every small positive change, no matter how inconsequential they may appear at first, is one of progress for it changes the dynamics of a given situation. They help create a strong foundation for us to stand upon and build from and it is through this long and at times painful process that we achieve our full potential.

Someone told me years ago "Change nothing and nothing changes". It sounds cliché as fuck, but it is true. We have to push for the changes we want in life and it is not going to be easy. Nothing worth having in life is ever easy.

Good luck.