Dark humour you say? All I can offer is wholesomeness, for my family is like my greatest treasure! Without a map and a shovel, you'll never find them...
My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister’s panties. I don’t quite know why he was mad. Maybe it was because she was wearing them, or maybe it was because his whole family was watching. In any cases, it made her funeral a bit awkward.
A skeleton walks into a bar. He asks for a beer and a squeegee.
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.
A cannibal walks into a bar. The barman says: "sorry, we don't serve people here".
Why are priests called "father"? Because it's way too suspicious to call them "daddy".
I will always remember my grandpa’s last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you fucking cunt!"
I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a homepage.
Yesterday was the worst day in my life. My ex got hit by a bus and I lost my job. I loved being a bus driver.
Dark humor is a lot like food. Not everyone gets it.
Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them. I've been doing that, and it's been working so far, but I've started to wonder: should I keep the letters?
A guy and a young boy are walking through the woods. The boy says, “mister, it's getting dark out and I’m scared”. The man answers, “true, but how do you think I feel? I'll also have to walk back alone.”
If you don't laugh, or if you laugh so hard you want more, I'll tell you the one with three Europeans in a primitive tribe.
Thanks for the heartlist! :D Have one for yourself as well.
Alright, so here's the promised one:
Three Europeans are exploring deep into the jungles of newly-found Central America and encounter a primitive tribe. They all get captured by the natives, who want to kill them as a sacrifice to their gods. The Europeans manage to convince the natives that they will be more useful to the tribe alive, but the natives have one condition: they must prove their worth in a trial. The trial is, to the Europeans' surprise, simple: they must go into the forest and bring back a fruit; upon their return, the natives will tell them what to do with it. The first guy comes back with a peach. The head warrior among the natives says: "Shove it up your ass; if you laugh, we kill you." Resigned to suffering that humiliation, he shoves the peach up his ass, but he can't contain the weird feeling and laughs. The native, true to his word, beheads him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The native gives him the same order. When he's almost done, he cracks up into laughter, and the native also kills him. The two dead Europeans meet again in Heaven, and the one who died first, puzzled, says to the other one: "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. You had a grape. What the hell happened?" His friend replies: “Well, I was doing just fine, but then I saw the other guy coming back with a pineapple!”
https://goo.gl/images/WZudpg
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<3
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http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ma7m4vesnz1rdiecno1_400.jpg
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https://fallinpets.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/cat-funny-600x548.jpg
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<3
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I love cat videos and dark humor too!
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<3
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<3
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Dark humour you say? All I can offer is wholesomeness, for my family is like my greatest treasure! Without a map and a shovel, you'll never find them...
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thats a new one for me ^^
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;D
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Let me try:
My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister’s panties. I don’t quite know why he was mad. Maybe it was because she was wearing them, or maybe it was because his whole family was watching. In any cases, it made her funeral a bit awkward.
A skeleton walks into a bar. He asks for a beer and a squeegee.
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.
A cannibal walks into a bar. The barman says: "sorry, we don't serve people here".
Why are priests called "father"? Because it's way too suspicious to call them "daddy".
I will always remember my grandpa’s last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you fucking cunt!"
I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a homepage.
Yesterday was the worst day in my life. My ex got hit by a bus and I lost my job. I loved being a bus driver.
Dark humor is a lot like food. Not everyone gets it.
Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them. I've been doing that, and it's been working so far, but I've started to wonder: should I keep the letters?
A guy and a young boy are walking through the woods. The boy says, “mister, it's getting dark out and I’m scared”. The man answers, “true, but how do you think I feel? I'll also have to walk back alone.”
If you don't laugh, or if you laugh so hard you want more, I'll tell you the one with three Europeans in a primitive tribe.
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+1 for effort
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Thanks for the heartlist! :D Have one for yourself as well.
Alright, so here's the promised one:
Three Europeans are exploring deep into the jungles of newly-found Central America and encounter a primitive tribe. They all get captured by the natives, who want to kill them as a sacrifice to their gods. The Europeans manage to convince the natives that they will be more useful to the tribe alive, but the natives have one condition: they must prove their worth in a trial. The trial is, to the Europeans' surprise, simple: they must go into the forest and bring back a fruit; upon their return, the natives will tell them what to do with it. The first guy comes back with a peach. The head warrior among the natives says: "Shove it up your ass; if you laugh, we kill you." Resigned to suffering that humiliation, he shoves the peach up his ass, but he can't contain the weird feeling and laughs. The native, true to his word, beheads him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The native gives him the same order. When he's almost done, he cracks up into laughter, and the native also kills him. The two dead Europeans meet again in Heaven, and the one who died first, puzzled, says to the other one: "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. You had a grape. What the hell happened?" His friend replies: “Well, I was doing just fine, but then I saw the other guy coming back with a pineapple!”
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Not OP, but I laughed so hard I want more!
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See above. :P
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How about gifs? Saw this one the other day and cannot get over it xD
https://gfycat.com/PoshAmusingIzuthrush
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congratz u played yourself ^^
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What'ya mean? The cat did?
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Cats, you say? (First one won't play if I link it as a .gif and SG can't handle its .gifv format, so you have to visit the link instead, sorry.)
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And here's some with cats and dogs cause why not.
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