I was shocked at how bad it was, really does feel like a coffin. Unfortunately not, head and two parts of spine. One of the spine I'm getting in the private clinic, I can at least have my head out, as they have the fancy machine that opens at the back. So grateful to have insurance, which I know is not something everyone has.
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My doctor is kind of a pain to get a hold of, but I can try. Sadly most anti-anxiety stuff seems to have no effect on me, I'm super medication resistant (except medical marijuana, for some reason that gave me hella side effects). I think they'd need to super drug me up to relax me, buy which time I would probably be way more trouble than I'm worth, lol. I can definitely do it, I think the second time will be easier, now I know more what to expect. The hardest part is trying to keep my eyes closed, I get anxious I'll open them and then freak out.
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Thank you so much! If everything with your health goes good, it's unlikely you'll ever have to, so hopefully that trend continues. That's a pretty good song, it is from my era though :P
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Great accomplishment...
I also experienced claustrophobic anxiety in MRI machine... I had to stay perfectly still about 10 minutes for scanning my brain. They gave me a shot of Valium that relaxed me tremendously and I’ve never felt so awesome!
It was like the feeling of being closely cuddled as a newborn baby. I have another scan in a week and I’m looking forward to being cuddled again!
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Mine was 20 minutes, although even getting in was difficult, but I definitely wish it had been shorter! I had valium once at the dentist, but I didn't feel like it relaxed me, I was doped on the outside, but screaming inside O_O
Sounds really nice though, I'm glad it worked out for you, though sad you have to keep having them, hope everything comes out clean or with an easily solvable result!
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I made it to my first MRI and couldn't go through with it because of the claustrophobia issue, as well as ocd/anxiety about walking around half naked in a hospital gown.
The next try they gave me some strong sedative (not sure which) and it went great, just like for Jeff :)
I'm very resistant to drugs though; it was supposed to knock me out and they said I was going to need an hour or two to recover. They were a bit surprised when I swung my legs off the table and walked past the wheelchair they brought in.
I felt great though xD
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Well, frankly put, I'm fat. So in a way I'm lucky, cause they told me right away about the double gown trick. Doesn't feel good being braless in front of strangers though, so I definitely get it :/
I'm also very resistant to drugs, I think it's the adrenalin we get from the panic, at the dentist they usually need to give me a lot of numbing stuff. I should definitely ask for something from my doc, but I just get so nervous that it'll make me more panicky or 'trap me inside my head' like Valium did for me. It's silly really.
It's good to hear that I'm not the only one who had a freak-out though!
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Reminds me of when I had dental surgery for some really dangerous infection(s?), they gave me something to help me sleep and relax before the surgery I think, I don't remember asking for anything though. Anyway, I woke up, went to the bathroom, went back. Soon after that they come get me with a wheelchair and I'm like I'm fine, I went to the bathroom, I can walk and they laughed and looked at me like I was crazy and made me use the chair :|.
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I know this isn't much solace, but I know loads of people who hate MRIs because of the claustrophobia even when they're normally fine in tighter spaces. I'm sure it's a lot more common than you think. So even though it sucks, I try to tell myself "they've seen it all before" and focus on meditation/getting through "just one more minute". I also like relistening to my favourite podcasts/audiobooks beforehand as a comforting distraction. Often doctors will allow you to have earplugs during or earbuds until right before, can be worth asking!
One that comes to mind is getting several nerve blocks and a spinal cord stimulator implant put in without any anesthesia. With the latter I wasn't allowed, because I needed to tell them exactly what I was feeling throughout the entire procedure to make sure it was working correctly. The surgery was insanely painful and difficult to endure and my body reacted (but I didn't faint like I often do!! and focused on breathing) and felt like a total badass after despite everything?
Moments like those make me proud of myself and realise just how strong I am, just like you said. It's amazing what people can push through, regardless of setbacks. And I'm really proud of you too! Glad you took the steps needed to move forward, including finding a private one that made it bearable. Keep on kicking anxiety's butt and best of luck with your results. :)
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It definitely is solace. I felt so embarrassed when it first happened, it was truly awful. I read afterwards that it's really common, but it certainly doesn't help it was a late night MRI so everything was very quiet and weird...I guess in a way it's better than lots of people being there though!
They did give my headphone things, so I didn't really mind the noise. The first place didn't even give me a panic button though...having that helped me out a lot, because I didn't feel like I'd be 'trapped' if I panicked.
You should be super proud of yourself, because that surgery sounds hellish to me, like I don't know that I could do that, but you made it through. You should definitely feel like a badass.
Thanks so much for all the support! I'm going to try and focus on my breathing next time, for me a large part of the difficulty comes from being on my back, so because I'm chesty, I feel like I can't breathe well on my back. For the spinal one I will ask them if I can turn my head slowly if I have trouble breathing, or if that will interfere with the scan.
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Thanks! It definitely helps when doctors are vocal about being there for you and mentioning speaking up if you need to stop, makes it feel like you have more control. That's great that there was a panic button.
I feel you with struggling to breathe, lying down flat often makes me more anxious as lungs feel heavy - more than the machine itself. Thankfully diaphragm breathing is easier. Fingers crossed you're able to look sideways, that's what I've done several times in the past which was more comfortable.
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Thanks :)
I'll definitely ask them about turning my head, I feel more at ease to ask questions now they know I'm a freak-out risk.
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Glad you got through it. )
People are a lot tougher than they think they are, but the only way to learn your limits is to push yourself past your "breaking point." It is at times like those that you find yourself amazed at the fact that you are "still here." I am a religious man, so I believe it is God who inspires me to persevere and continue on despite "insurmountable" obstacles. Every amazing thing that people have accomplished, they have done so after refusing to give up.
P.S.(Yes, I have my own stories, but I felt the above was more beneficial than relating my trials and tribulations.)
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Thank you!
While I'm not religious myself, I do think faith can be a huge comfort and help in trying times.
From my own personal experience, I can say that probably the number 1 problem people with anxiety in public have, is the worry of what other people think and how they are perceived, or how they have to act to 'save face'. I really wish people were more compassionate and relaxed with others around them as we need to remember we are all human and many doctors lack that ability to put people at ease. After I struggled to get in, the private clinic doctors were very good at reassuring me and making me feel like I wasn't the only one who had this problem and that I could try again. While it wasn't perfect (He kept talking about his dog and I didn't really care at that point, haha) it helped show me that he was trying and was aware I was struggling, I didn't feel I had to hide it and was more at ease, if that makes sense.
I definitely feel more able to face the second MRI, having gone through this one.
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Good job! :)
MRI can be particularly unpleasant if prior patient had strong perfume or cologne / hair spray / scented deodorant on; that stuff sticks inside the machine and then it makes it hard to breathe for people who are sensitive to VOC's (yes, VOC's are same stuff as in car exhaust -- manufacturers bind their fragrance molecules to VOC's in order to "float" their scents up to people's noses and across the room, and to have the scents "stick" to things). Many fragrances apparently contain toxic chemicals (which fragrance manufacturers never have to disclose to the public, we can only find out after testing it in labs), formaldehyde, or worse -- would be completely unsurprised if these "anxiety" reactions were caused by one of those chemicals inflaming the lungs and causing difficulty breathing. Basically, it's like breathing unscented rubbing alcohol. I had to put the blanket over my nose just to filter out that stuff (which thankfully stuck to the outside of the blanket); the smell was also non-existent to me (you know how after a while of smelling something, or just having overpowering perfume in your face, you just get used to it and are unable to smell it -- or anything else -- anymore), I've learned to just look for the secondary symptoms of air pollution poisoning.
Suggestion: try to get MRI appointment in morning, before any other (possibly highly fragranced) patients come in; request a blanket and pull over nose & mouth -- and breathe through it. Can also pull blanket over eyes if would like to go to sleep during MRI. They should also provide special, metal-free pillows (plastic zippers) to put under knees & head to make the hard table more comfortable, just make sure they're positioned right before starting!
Regardless of the reasons, great that you were able to pull through! Here's hoping you can make the next experience better! :) Hang in there!
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Thank you so much for the suggestions! For me the most uncomfortable is just being on my back where I feel like I can't breathe very well (like being at the dentist), they did provide the knee pillow. I guess it's a part of whatever issue I have, because I didn't expect to be so sore after the scan. It was only half an hour, but the next day I could barely move.
I definitely think I can get through it next time, though I'm a bit worried because it's an hour next time. I just try and keep reminding myself that half of that is with my head out of the machine, so probably easier.
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Oh yeah, right there with you. I used to worry constantly about people judging me, then I realised that maybe they are just staring at me like I do at people. I look at people and I'm usually thinking 'cool hair' or 'they seem really interesting'. I can't tell what people's thoughts are. And second, I realised...maybe those people are asses, do I really care what they think? That helped me a lot.
It's funny, I was never physically sick in my life, always mentally, until I was, it's rough, but I'm still here :)
If you haven't already reached out for help with your anxiety, it's better to try sooner rather than later. I was never able to find the right treatment, but I know a lot of people who did, but it can take an absurd amount of time and you really deserve a life without the constant worry.
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Thanks. Not much to do about the anxiety (meds haven't been a success for me), but once I fix everything else I can refocus and try and find some help for it, it's actually much less bad than it was a few months ago, or maybe I'm just too tired to care anymore lol.
I think it's normal for it to come and go, just keep an eye on it and if it gets bad, try and deal with it sooner rather than later!
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I don't know what it's like where you are, but stores here can't legally search you or your bags when leaving. They used to have a person at the exit that would ask for your receipt and root through your stuff, but once people realized it was an illegal search and started refusing, I've noticed stores don't bother to try it anymore.
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I just want to say that I have the exact issue. I have very bad social anxiety and situations like the one you described goes through my head anytime I go anywhere alone.
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Same! I'm never anxious when with other people. My partner goes almost everywhere with me. But it'd be nice to have my own life, you know, without having to stress.
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MRI is stressful for many, many patients, to the point that it's one of the first things we learn about it in med schools, so doctors are used to it. I once saw a radiologist actually go into the room hold the patient's hand during the whole scan. Pretty dedicated 👀
However he forgot to put on earplugs and was making us signs about how nosy it was 🙃
On a side note, I used to play this very chess game when I was a kid, I don't know how many hours I spent on it :o (I don't remember the board being so yellow though...)
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I read afterwards that a lot of people don't realise they will have the reaction before they go, it was very eye-opening. My husband ended up having to come in and hold my knee during the scan, he almost forgot to take off his wedding ring ^_^;
I also remember playing this game as a kid, of course I loved the Queen, because she was so badass. I accidentally bought a duplicate bundle, so I thought it'd be nice to offer it up to people!
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Way to get through it. It's always a nice feeling or at least a sense of accomplishment when we are able to do hard things.
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Indeed! I hope someone else reads my experience and realises that they are not alone for panicking, and conversely that the shame of that reaction shouldn't keep them from feeling proud that they made it!
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When I had my MRI they told me about the panic button BUT I got so scared and stressed and panicky that I was to afraid to push the panic button... so I know your pain, those things suck!
Glad you managed to do it in the end!
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Oh noooo. :(
The first MRI they didn't even give me a panic button, which I think definitely made everything worse, but honestly no matter the circumstance I don't know that I could ever have done that really close one. I had no idea it would be so close to the face, eesh.
I'd fully recommend going private if people had insurance. Hopefully one day the world will upgrade to those sitting MRI's, but those are super rare.
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No panic button? wow!
Not that it would have helped with me because I am an idiot who is scared of using those things but still :P
I think you can't use the sitting ones for everything, maybe it depends on what part they need to scan? Or they are just more expensive?
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Yeah, I was really shocked. I read up on it before going up and heard there'd be one, so it made me even more nervous.
Naw, sometimes the things we get nervous about are out of our control and we mess up things that seem 'easy' so don't beat yourself up too much <3
I think they are slightly less clear than the tube ones, but when a person has severe fear, often they move and mess up the scans anyway. But yeah, they are also crazy expensive.
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I mean didn't know it was allowed to not have a panic button, some people need it, even if it's just to give them a conform feeling so they can stay more calm.
I get stressed about close to everything, so am used to it, but it's still very annoying XD
All I know is that I am glad I was done and hope I don't need it again, but would really suck if you mess it up because of stress and need to get in again, I would feel so bad for that person :(
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It definitely helped me feel more calm, knowing that I could squeeze it twice if I really couldn't take it. I only ended up squeezing it once to ask if I could have a break or if it was better to run the test all the way through.
I know that feel. It's so annoying when you can't control your stress, you feel like you should be able to, but can't. I personally believe (from my own experiences) that anxiety is the result of the brain misusing 'fight or flight' and triggering the fear/panic response over mundane normal stuff all the time, as it's the same feeling I get when confronted with something very scary, even though I know it's dumb.
That would be awful, but it's over now (for you at least! And I only have one more to do), so try not to worry too much about it!
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Well in the end I was glad I never used it because that would have ruined the test but I hated myself for being to scared to use it...
I think mostly the same way about it, like we got stuck in the 'unsafe mode' and that's why we stress about everything, as if we live in a world that isn't safe and we have to be careful all the time, it sucks!
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Never had a MRI, but just looking at those machines makes me nauseous. I have pretty bad anxiety and a recent PTSD diagnosis. and I know how awful it is when anxiety hits or a full on panic attack. from the sound of it, you did very well :) I'm honestly happy for you
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After I got out of the first MRI, not joking, I got in my car and ended up screaming because I was totally out of it and didn't realise I wasn't still in the machine. Felt absolutely ridiculous afterwards, but you clearly know how it is.
Sorry about your diagnosis, but I hope it can help you move towards some good treatment and getting your life back. <3 Thank you so much for your kind words.
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That machine also made me claustrophobic, but I was able to endure somehow. I had shortness of breath and panicked at first. I went in for a checking for an abnormality in the liver and respiratory system. It's definitely tough when your a bit claustrophobic and the doctor tells you to hold your breath a number of times and the loud machine sounds are unsettling too. Well the doctor was nice so that helped calm me down too. Well done.
If its any consolation, right before I'm on the way to be transferred to the surgery room, I start uncontrollably shivering each and every time. So you're not alone in your apprehension.
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I'm not sure how I made it through either. My doctor counted down every few minutes saying how long the next set would be, that definitely helped, but having my partner in the room probably made a huge difference. If they hadn't let him in, I might not have been able to try again, despite the kindness of the doctor on the second test.
Thank you! I think a lot of people are anxious these days and especially when facing surgery or a scary medical test, it's totally understandable. Hope your health improves and you feel better!
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Been there, done that, I had several brain MRIs that I had to have under general anesthesia.
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While not being claustrophobic, as I have been through an MRI, I fully understand the feeling.
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I didn't consider myself to be claustrophobic either, it was definitely the bad kind of surprise :/
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I'm so glad you made! I hope the second one will go as painfully as possible!
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I'm sure It'll be much better, though I imagine I'll be so sore afterwards as this one is an hour!
Such cute kitties! Yours? Or random net kittens?
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Ouch! An hour! That does sound painful. I hope you will treat yourself to something after your done though :)
Those were random kittens as I was after hugging ones. I hope you don't mind :)
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Pain is one of the issues I'm dealing with, so I doubt that helped. Not sure if a healthy person would be sore after. Thanks, my partner treated me to go buy some things at Pharmaprix after, haha. I bought some makeup and some for a giveaway I want to do on my Instagram, all in a nice trip if not extravagant (I'm a frugal sort).
I don't mind at all, no kitten is a bad kitten! I just wish there more kittens in my arms right now!
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Well, makeup is a good way to cheer up, but maybe a dinner together or a cinema trip? :D
And I know how you feel about kittens! I often visit family that has some and I feel bad when I'm not there right now. They are sooooo sweet! Here is a pic showing similar ones :D It helps me when I can look at cats, I hope it helps you too :)
PS Nah, they are totally different... Well, the cats we know are always the prettiest ones and incomparable! :D
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I'm desperate to see Deadpool 2, but have been so sick I've been trying to go for like 2 weeks. Hopefully soon!
So cute :) Always cats help. My three are so sweet when they want to be too.
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Glad you survived!
Fortunately I've only had MRI's for my knees.
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Yeah experienced that a few weeks ago, i thought well maybe i could focus on the music or even sleep but the radio turned into commercials and i had to in and exhale on command but the commercials distracted from the hospital guy.
And your whole body feels sort of tingeling, your nose itching (but you can't scratch).
May you get good results.
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Yes! Afterwards my hand had pins and needles like crazy, a really weird and unexpected side effect.
Same for you! More than anything, I'd just like a diagnosis, but hopefully it's something easy to treat!
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I have leg spasms, so I feel you on that. Luckily though my body played it's part and there weren't any twitches during the scan, I can only imagine going through all that and then having the test be too blurry.
It really does feel like a coffin, even the bigger MRI is surprisingly close. It's such a hard experience, give yourself kudos for getting through it.
Me too, thanks :)
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The first MRI I had I was unconscious, so obviously I don't remember it, but I've had three more since then. I guess I'm weird, but I feel comfy and relaxed in there. They always put a warm blanket on me because it's kept cold in the MRI room. The machine's I've been in have this warm glowing light and a fan that blows a gentle breeze across your face. All that makes plus the rhythmic buzzing of the machine me want to fall asleep.
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That is a bit weird, lol. But not overly so, I think it's slightly over half of people who have problems with it, so the other half might be loving it, who knows!
My arms were pretty comfy, but I just really don't like the tube being close to my face. I tend to run hot, maybe I should ask them to forgo the blanket ^_^
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Though sometimes I get anxious during, I totally get what you mean. I've fallen asleep during one for 45 minutes and I usually struggle to sleep haha. Was the equivalent of ASMR. :P
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Ehh... do you happen to live in a city or near places that make a lot of background noises even at night or something? The machine I used was kind of loud.
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No, I live outside of a small city. It's very quiet here, except this time of the year with crickets and tree frogs and other things, but in the winter it is dead silent. I'm a pretty light sleeper and I get used to the summer noises, but when they stop, the silence wakes me up. A few weeks ago it was the usual summer noise when I went to bed, only to wake up at 3am. I didn't know why I was awake at first, then it hit me. It was just dead quiet. The only thing I could hear was the ticking of a mechanical clock in another room. A storm rolled in later, and I guess all the creatures took shelter, and the silence woke me up.
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Oh it's nature background noises. I typically sleep with a fan or some kind of white noise. I can sleep really well in dead silence or its raining outside.
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So, yesterday I went for my very first MRI. Well, that's not strictly true. This is something I've shared with very few people, but my first MRI...well it didn't go so well. Truth is, I freaked out. Big time. Like hyperventilating, couldn't go through with it big time. I don't consider myself claustrophobic (used to hang out in small cupboards as a kid), but I had no idea it would be like 2 inches away from my nose.
So I booked another MRI at a private place with a bigger machine. It was still taxing and I was only able to get one of the MRI's due to the pain of lying on the hard machine for half an hour, so I have to rebook the next, after a little rest.
But here's the thing. It was hard. So difficult. I didn't think I could, the whole time I was whimpering and barely able to keep it together, but I SURVIVED. I did it, I completed it. And that's...well that's not nothing.
Frankly, it's embarrassing, part of the reason I have anxiety (as well as a brief stint of agoraphobia) is that I was so afraid of anyone seeing me vulnerable, that I started to stay indoors all the time. So to break down in front of a bunch of doctors in a public setting...that's a special kind of hell for me.
I know there are others out there, struggling with mental illness, physical and chronic illness and many who were simply born with a disability they never signed up for. So please, feel free to share your embarrassing stories, real life struggles, or just a word of support and love in this thread. I'm about to pop to bed, but will respond tomorrow as my energy allows!
For getting all the way through this, here's a giveaway that I feel is aptly themed (first invite-only so please tell me if I did it wrong or missed something):
Battle Chess
And never forget, you made it. Even if it's just one more hour, or day, or second at a time; you got through it and you're still here. I'm so happy we're all still here.
Oh and feel free to bump or make your own survival/illness themed giveaway links!
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