sorry I didn't think about making it neat, I just kind of typed it up in one go
sorry
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You sound depressed. Stop being depressed. Sorry, not a therapist.
Also, work on paragraphing. Makes tl;dr into something people will read.
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sorry I tried to make it neater
I don't know if I'm depressed because I usually don't really feel anything at all and I don't know if that's bad or good
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Take it from somebody who has been clinically depressed for years: you're most likely depressed.
It's not that you feel sad all the time. It's often an inability to take joy in things you once enjoyed, or an inability to feel any emotion. It's a lack of motivation, a lack of desire to improve yourself or your surroundings. It's a disinterest in going outside or doing things. It's a numbness to being alive. It's apologizing for things you have no reason to apologize for so you can avoid conflict.
What you wrote strikes me very similar to me in my teens and 20's. If you're going to be up late tonight, promise me you'll take the first step towards reaching out to somebody to talk to. Find a number for a therapist, a counselor, even a help line of some sort. If you're going to sleep soon, do it in the AM. Call them and they'll help you start getting to where you need to be. Also: start reading up on clinical depression. Know thy enemy.
It's a long road, and it can be a tough road. A couple tips:
1). The first person you talk to may not help you. The second might not. The tenth might not. Never give up. If you're not happy with who you talk to, keep looking till you find someone you feel comfortable with. I never found someone who I was comfortable with for over a decade.
2). Force yourself to interact with people. Talk to the cashier who's checking you out. Start simple, "how's your day going?," stuff like that. When you get comfortable with it, try to engage them the whole time they're ringing you out. You'll be surprised by how easy it becomes and how much you actually start to enjoy human contact. Force yourself to smile when you make eye contact with strangers. It will actually boost your mood a bit when they smile back.
3) Get out in the sun. You don't have to become outdoorsy, but make sure you start running your errands while it's light out. Sunlight helps your body manufacture things it needs to function properly.
4). Eat well. This is very important and something I had to discover for myself. If you eat junk food and fast food all the time, you begin to feel crappy. Depression is a chemical issue in the brain, and your body cannot produce what it needs if it is not supplied these things in the first place. Exercise also helps you feel better and builds confidence, which also mentally helps you feel better, but I'm a slouch about exercise, so if that's not you, don't try to force it, you'll end up hating it.
Bottom line: You are NOT alone, even though you may feel it sometimes. You're had a lot of setbacks in your last few years and that can take the fight out of anybody, but you will only truly be defeated if you stop trying to move forward. I won't lie, it can be a very tough road sometimes, but determination will make it a road you can travel. It probably feels like your life is on pause right now. Hit that reset button tomorrow and start taking charge of your life again.
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+1 from someone else who struggles with depression. Good advice. One thing I would add is in connection to #2. When you're depressed, you don't want to deal with other people, but that is exactly what you need to be doing to get out of the hole which is depression. Remember that Depression is a liar, so don't believe the negative thoughts that come with it.
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Another +1 here. I struggled with depression for a while and eventually got over it through other methods, but this is really good advice anyway. It can be a really tough thing to go through, but I just want you to know we're here for you.
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this is actually really good advice and indepth, thanks. I guess I'll consider it but I'm not entirely sure if I'm depressed. I guess talking to a doctor(the only close type of person to talk to in town) could help, I know I have anxiety issues at least
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+1 For the thoughtful commentary and also for the great response. Seeking help does not make one inferior any more than seeking a doctor's help for a broken limb.
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im also in the same situation. guess we just have to go out there n try stuff till we find something right for us
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I'd read your thread, but I have trouble reading long text without line breaks. Not wanting to sound like an ass or anything, I genuinely have trouble reading it. :(
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You're 21?
Don't sweat things so much. At your age, it's normal for one to be trying to figure out what one wants to do with his/her life, and jump from job to job or change fields of study. It's an awkward age where you're expected to be an adult even if you're not quite ready to be one or lack the tools yet to be one. Switching jobs or fields of study can also make finding friends with common interest a little more difficult. Nothing you've said seems unusual or "weird" to me. It seems pretty normal, in fact.
Take your time figuring out what you want to do for the rest of your life. There's no rush. You have a job meanwhile (even if it seems pointless, it's a start), so you can try studying different things until you find one you enjoy (or at least like a little). Hopefully you'll find something you enjoy doing - it took me forever to figure out what I wanted, and then I changed fields completely - and then, because you're feeling better about yourself, the friends will come.
TLDR: Be patient with yourself. Take the time to find something you like, and everything else will come eventually.
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but I have no idea what I want to do at all and there's so much stress. I have slight anxiety and stress issues and trouble dealing with certain situations, I don't even think I can succeed in most academic environments and I used to think I was pretty academic but a lot of my life is just a bunch of failures. I did talk to a couple counsellors in schools(college and highschool) about this stuff and I came to the conclusion that I have no idea what I'm doing and that I can't really do anything by myself, which is a pretty sad and pathetic conclusion to come to.
I feel like I don't really have a lot of time either, I'm going to be alone without family in this country in five years(they are moving away to the uk) but I don't think I can make something of my life in 5 years and it's not a great situation right now
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but I don't think I can make something of my life in 5 years and it's not a great situation right now
Five years is a long time, so don't count yourself out just yet. You sound like you're being your own worst critic and not willing to cut yourself a little slack. Believe it or not, that means you haven't given up completely, and you want something better for yourself. That's a good sign.
(In my opinion) Work on having a little faith in yourself and just keep trying. Simply being able to recognize the problems or issues means you're aware and provides you the opportunity to make changes. Giving up on yourself is the worst possible thing you can do, and you're worth more than that. I believe (and I mean this) that when you get that taste of success, it's going to snowball into something great for you -- and honestly, you'll probably appreciate it more than most, because it was especially difficult for you. :)
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I can recognise my flaws and failures because I've had my whole life to think about them but I have no idea what to do about them and i feel like there's no one I can trust to help me with that, and issues like self-esteem and figuring out what to do when there's a problem isn't usually something people ask for help with, so I feel kind of alone in this area
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For some, the hardest thing to do is talk to someone else about your problems, but that sounds like something that could possibly help you, at least with the desperation and despair I'm sensing in you, and maybe even with the self-esteem issues.
I'd start with talking with your parents or other family members, and if you're not comfortable doing that (it won't be comfortable regardless, but if you can't do it at all), then perhaps see a doctor or therapist and talk to them about all the things bothering you. No one can take the first steps for you, but maybe a doctor or a family member can at least help point you down a path.
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What you think about medical help? You seem depressive. Psychiatrists and psychologists never helped me with anything, but they help some people.
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DAMNIT! I think I broke my nose walking into that wall of text!
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You're still a kid. In a couple of years time, you'll think "fuck those clowns and their formatting bullshit" instead of apologising to each one. You'll mature and realise that most people are idiots, and it really doesn't matter what they think. Enjoy yourself.
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My mother alway says "everything can be solved, except death".
I think she is right, try to don't stress too much.
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Hey, let's start with biology... the human brain takes until age 25 to fully develop so give yourself some room and time.
Next, you sound depressed to me but I'm not a doctor but I suggest you talk to one and tell them how you're feeling - it couldn't hurt and it might help.
As to work, you never know what is going to click so try a lot of different things. I had no idea that I'd like accounting and business mgmt until I got a job in a restaurant and they asked me to do inventory and then the books shrugs (I'm terrible at math but I love organizing things).
Lastly, be patient with yourself - give yourself small, achievable goals to build up your self-esteem, maybe go volunteer at the local animal shelter or some other charitable organization - doing something for others tends to take me out of my own misery so that might work for you too.
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I feel really detached from my local areas, I have no idea what's going on ever and what opportunities and areas are out there for me to go, really small town I live in too so I can't really be private in what I do more or less. Not many opportunities in general from what I've experienced this last year
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Ok, a quick google found some animal rescue organizations fairly near you ... even if you cannot afford to have a pet of your own, you can foster one and take the foster to adoption events. It's a nice, low-key way to meet people outside of your small community.
http://www.adoptapet.com/adoption_rescue/73163.html
http://ckanimalrescue.com/volunteer-requirements/
http://eriewildliferescue.ca/volunteer/
You might need to try different places to see if it suits you. Most charity org's are desperately in need of people to do a lot of different jobs. If you don't like animals, then try something different:
http://www.charity-charities.org/volunteering/Canada-volunteers/ON.html
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Usually I don't even know where to start, I just do what others tell me I should do, and I don't really have a starting point to begin at. I'm completely stuck at wherever my parents support me from, currently, and even they aren't anything to compare to or seek help from
I just feel entirely on my own and independent but I have no idea what to do at all, even if I was able to finally figure out what I will end up doing
I mean at my age I should already be at school and know what I want to do with my life right?
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Not really. You are very young (21), I don't think many people know what they want in life at that age ( I sure didn't :P), and some people think that they know but then realise that they were wrong . I have friends that discovered their vocation quite late in life, and they had the courage to follow it and they live happy lives now.
You can start with little things, there must be something you are good at or you enjoy doing. (sorry if my english is a bit shite today)
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Social life is really important. You don't need a lot but at least some friends that you could talk with online or in real life. This is really helpful. I understand how difficulty it is especially for a gamer because I am, too. However, I think growing up means you have to do something you don't like but do it in a way that people think you are really enjoy it. Cheer up! You are a great gamer at least.
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I had problems with social life too, when I my university started I joined Students Council. In which I met a lot of people I work with them to creato events for the students and in the process it's inevitable to create friends. This worked for me, also I would suggest finding a hobby aside from gaming.
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How do you create friends lol xD You mean to make friends.
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You can snatch some dead bodies, cut them to pieces and create any friends you would like to have by making Frankenstein monsters.
This is how you create frems ;D
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Sounds like the plot of a bad horror movie on VHS.
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Thanks for sharing you thoughts. I'm worried about you internet friend. This sure sounds like major depressive disorder. Often when life gets this hopeless, it may not make sense to continue living, but there's always hope and help. You need help from people that you don't have to worry so much about and are trained to help people out of depression. Millions of people have been through what you're experiencing and made it through the other side stronger and better for it. There's a wealth of experience out there in treating depression. I'd be happy to help you find these resources. You're already doing something right, which is sharing your thoughts and organizing them with written words.
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It's really brave of you to confess something like that. Rest assured you are not the only one feeling this way and try not to compare yourself with others cause people tend to show only their happy side. Just take it easy, don't be so hard on yourself.
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My only advice: Make new friends :D either online or IRL, set aside your self esteem, approach people and talk to them. I can be the very first experiment subject if you want, but making connections is essential if you want to stop the train of depression
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I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so bummed, but trust me when I say you have nothing to be bummed about. I'm actually pretty similar to you. I never had any friends growing up and always just wanted to be the person people liked who could blend into the background. I had a really hard time talking to people and still do at times, but I've found it really just depends on who I'm talking to.
I'm 24, still in community college, live with my mom, and guess where I work? A grocery store just like you. I still don't really know what I plan to do in the future except that its going to have something to do with computers. You just need to take a step back and ask yourself "Is there anything I enjoy learning more about or hearing about?" Thats how I got my general direction when I realized how many hours I spent online looking at pc parts and news. I don't even have my general AA yet so still a long way away from where I might like to be, but hey. Thats okay. Its my life and I'll dictate how fast it goes.
As for the difficulty you have talking to people, don't try to force it. Don't feel like you have to talk a lot, just try to make sure that when you do say something that its noteworthy. Start with talking to your co-workers about the job, ask about what kinds of things they like to do after work, and see if you can find some common ground to build on. Everyone loves a good listener. Try to say hi when you pass them and show them you're friendly and that you're there. Its hard to build a friendship overnight, but once its built its almost impossible to tear down. And I think you'll find that people at your work will be a bit more open and friendly overall than those you may have known from your school days.
You say that you feel bad about yourself. I used to have long months of depression and feelings of disappointment in myself a lot too and still do at times. Whats important is that you realize in your head that its not true and that you will rebound from it. I would actually joke about how pathetic I was with my co-workers, and as it turns out it works as long as you don't do it to a point where you look like you want to be pitied. Basically what I mean is you need to learn to laugh at yourself more often and realize there are a lot of people out there facing that same kinds of problems you are. Some facing even worse problems. Unless you are purposely being mean to people, I guarantee that they like you even if they don't say it straight out.
The last thing I'm going to say may be a bit blunt, but I can't think of a better way to phrase it: stop giving an F. It can be hard, but once you learn to ignore all the little details and frustrations that come with everyday life and realize that they make no difference at the end of the day, you will breathe a lot easier. Say a customer at your store gets mad at you and starts talking down to you. Who cares? If they want to go though that trouble and time to make you feel bad thats their problem. Its not going to affect how others view you or how the rest of the day goes right?
Sorry for the uber long message, but what you said there really resonated with me. I know you feel pressured and feel like others your age are more ahead of you in life, but don't. Everyone has their own pace. You move through life as fast as you feel comfortable doing and not what you think is "normal" because there is no normal. It may take you a while to get where you want to be, but if the faster way just brings you pain and stress than whats the point? Life is meant to be an enjoyable experience. Enjoy it! You will get through this, and you'll do it your own way. Not the way the world tries to make you think is right.
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thanks, maybe I've just kind of been too hard on myself, I have no idea. With the failures in my life in the last few years I guess I've just slowly started to give up and feel useless, especially with how I had no idea (and still don't) what I was doing the last few years.
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The only thing you need to know is: everybody around you, everybody you try to talk to, or try to do something with are just humans, just like you. They also eat, shit and fail. If you ever think you try too hard, or gonna feel embarrassed, or anything else, just think like they also have their bills, and there are more people in bad conditions. If a Syrian could continue his life with running away from continuing war, so you can.
Be my man, proud the sg.
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Ok, I've read your rant :)
In my opinion, deep in your mind, there's something that you're blocking from going out. It might be some fear, it might be a dream you'd like to realize but you're afraid of it. Anyway something's blocking you. I'd suggest to get a coach that will help you find out what it is. I mean REAL coach. Real coach is someone who, paradoxically, don't know how to help you - it's you who know how to help yourself (it's your life, your thoughts, your emotions and you know yourself the best), real coach will only assist you in discovering what you really want and what will make you happy. A fake coach on the other hand will give you some advices or will just feed you up with some motivational talk that will give you a massive boost of energy but it's not long term "solution" and it won't really solve your problem. It will just make you feel better for a short period of time until you'll need another bunch of crap to be told to you.
Social skills and self-esteem are a matter of practice. Trust me, I've been there too. In my case improv classes were a huge help and they've changed me completely - from awkward hater, to a lovely, caring optimist. You might give it a try. Don't worry if you think you're not going to be good at improv - I thought it too. Many people think this way. Actually many of people who thought so are now great improvisers.
And you should definitely fall in love with yourself (in a healthy way) - that's where everything starts. Be aware of your weaknesses. Accept them - they've been in you for years now and you are still alive so they are practically harmless, right? :) Don't worry much about them because it stops you from doing things. You can do something about them later, when you'll feel good with yourself, once you'll feel a worthy person again :) But also be aware of your strenghts, even if it something little you'd consider not important at first glance. They are your ways to improve. Remember that you should be active. If you do nothing, nothing happens, simple. Let me tell you a few stupid anecdotes:
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It was in winter. There was a guy playing GTAV who wanted a tea. He reall really wanted it. He thought how much he's thirsty and what a relief it would be to drink some hot tasty tea. It would change everything. He would feel warm, he wouln't be thirsty. Yes tea would be good for him. He was wondering how it is to drink a tea. It sure would have been fantastic. He felt sad because he didn't drink tea right now. He felt his life is shitty because he's thirsty and cold right now and there are some other people who are drinking a tea right now. He wanted the tea really bad. THE END.
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It was in winter. There was a guy playing GTAV who wanted a tea. He went to a kitchen and poured some tea for himself. THE END.
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It was in winter. There was a guy playing GTAV who wanted a tea. He went to a kitchen to pour some tea for himself but all the tea has run out. He decided to go to the shop. He went outside. It was so cold there was no way he could went to a shop. He went back home and put his jacket and shoes on. He went outside again. Now it was way warmer and the mission seemed possible. He went to a shop. Unfortunately they didn't have a tea. He was sad about it. He wondered if he should go back home but then he decided he will check another shop on another street. It turned out they had a tea, yay! He came back home and poured himself a tea. THE END.
Do you want a tea? What you're gonna do about it? What is your tea?
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I feel you, man. But i'm terrible at giving advices so have this kind of a bump.
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thanks to all the replies, I slept on what I read last night and then read the replies today, I don't know if I feel any better but I appreciate the responses and suggestions on my thoughts, but I honestly don't know if I will actually use any of them, I guess I can try and get out to talk to someone or something
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Acknowledging you are actually depressed is a big step. The next step is to get into therapy. Yes, it's scary to do something you've never done before but it's exactly the thing you need. Therapy is a lot of what you asked for in this thread; someone with an outside opinion giving you an unbiased perspective on your life.
Realize that you are not alone in feeling "lost" at your age. As many have related here, this is a large part of life-- not knowing what to do, but simply doing something anyway. Find a professional and make an appointment, you are literally the only force holding yourself back.
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For those of you who know me(so basically no one maybe), despite my intense lurking and occasional cowardice(and overall stupidity/ridiculousness) in commenting over the last few years, you'd know I've been one hell of a whiner in my comments(and one specific drunkenly-made thread of which I cringe at the thought of) but I've seen a lot nice and supportive threads over the years on these forums so I've always come back despite how weird and stupid I always feel thinking strangers on the internet will care at all. I'm not good at talking/typing my thoughts. I'm more or less here to rant a bit.
Over the last couple years I've been feeling sort of terrible about my life as a whole. I don't know why, but it's this feeling I've had for a chunk of my life and it's sort of gotten "worse" in recent years. Maybe it's because I feel like I haven't done enough to consider myself worth caring about, or interesting enough to put any effort into, or maybe I'm just unsure of what I'm doing day-to-day and don't know how to continue my life. What I do know is that I have no idea what to say on my thoughts about my future, my emotions, and my life overall and it's such a weird but also scary feeling to just feel "pointless" all the time. I have stuff to say but it doesn't mean anything to me, and I don't know why I even bother to say it. I more or less have no idea what I'm doing with my life and I feel like I'm walking down a pointless path leading to nowhere but feeling terrible about everything I do. I'm still relatively young, at the age of 21, but I just feel like I've wasted a lot of my life already.
To summarise the last 3 years, I stayed for an extra year in Highschool to try and get into any university at the pressure of my parents and... failed. I got my first job ever at 18, worked for a year, and then quit because I was taking a 1 year pre-health college course to try and get into university... and... failed. The third previous/current year was spent feeling useless, lost, and more or less forced to look for a job while I participated in a youth employment program at a local employment agency while also getting help with education. Just recently, I finally got a job at a local grocery store after just over a year of looking for a job and I'm supposed to have a meeting next week for this "mentor program" for a college course that I may or may not be interested in. I have no idea. So, things are sort of looking up... I think? I still feel empty, terrible, and pointless.
My social life is pretty much non-existent but it's always been non-existent, so I don't know what to think about that beyond, why bother try to "grow up" and try to meet new people?. I'm pretty socially inept, awkward, and have very low self-esteem(I think) but I have no idea how to change it, how to grow as a person, or even how to really "meet" new people. I can't honestly say I've ever really been able to talk to someone and create a relationship of any kind, and I always feel like an outcast in that I don't fit into anywhere. I always just feel alone and weak and it's kind of gotten to the point where it's a normal feeling to me. Education and employment wise, I'm not really going anywhere, and my parent's support goes as far as "as long as you succeed" but I think I'm at the point where I don't even see a reason to try and succeed. I'm terrible at everything I do, in my experience. I have pretty much no friends, no employment aspirations, no educational direction, no emotional attachment to anything, no hobbies or anything I particularly like a lot. I don't really have a great relationship with my family and yet I can't find myself to actually care.
I feel like everything I do is pointless and I feel lonely all the time. In many cases, I feel like I try too hard to force something, such as trying too hard to talk to someone, or enjoy something, or trying to hard to succeed in education, at my job. I don't even know at this point if I actually want to talk to people or if I'm just forcing it because it's something I think I need. Ironically (is it ironic?) I can't force myself to cry and I don't think I've actually cried in years. It's a weird thought. I don't even know if anyone really likes me as a person or likes to talk to me, and I try really hard to be likeable. I think I also beat myself up too much when I fail at something or when I'm just plain bad at something. I haven't even been caught up on playing my wins from this site and I feel terrible about it. It's got such a selfish and greedy feel to it. Do I even deserve anything I have in my life currently? I don't know. I probably don't have anything to really complain about but I just feel terrible all the time and it's a terrible feeling to experience.
Even typing this now I feel really embarrassed, ridiculous, and weird. I feel so melodramatic and pathetic. I feel so stupid. In a week I'll probably forget I made this. Sorry to post this on these forums but I just kind of needed some people to talk to and somewhere to throw down a wall of text containing my extremely disorganised thoughts, regardless of whether not people read it. I have nowhere else to go, truly.
tl;dr I feel useless and terrible in life
Giveaway because I guess I want to contribute to something.
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