Take up another hobby for a while. I went into comics and scanlating for years, some started watching television series or reading. Take a good long brake from gaming until you feel like playing again.
Or, if you don't want to get too far away from video games, try some ultra casual genre, like taking up a match-3 game. Button Tales is around 11 cents in the DIG trade-your-bundle-in store right now.
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Work out, get jacked, eat healthy, listen to uplifting music you like, listen to Patrice O'Neal's Black Phillip Show and Corey Wayne on YouTube, meet new people, focus on improving yourself, get a new gf, don't dwell on the past and don't pity yourself.
Good luck man
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Thanks. I'm already working out, and that is one of the things that I'm still able to do. I guess staying in good shape is one of the things that helps keeping you sane.
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Maybe taking up a new hobby for awhile would help? Couple years ago I had a bunch of personal shit go down all at once (a couple of days before my birthday too lol...) and for a good month I couldnt stomach gaming, so I decided to start drawing and writing again, and got back to my photography. After a month or so, I started wanting to game again.
Not sure if that would help you or not, but a break and switching up your hobbies for a bit might help you get back to enjoying it again. Either way, I hope things get better for you :)
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While I can't say I have experienced such feelings, I can say I understand.
But for me it's similar, but of much lesser magnitude. Lately, I haven't felt like playing anything, and when I do I lose interest quickly.
So, I've turned to other methods, and I'm currently taking up another hobby, similar to what talgaby has suggested.
Please drop me a message if you wish. While I can't promise you I can help, I can damn well try.
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- Not the solution you are looking for, but quit gaming for a while. Find another hobby. Watch movies and TV or some shit.
- Learn something (a new language, coding, juggling... it doesn't matter as long as it sounds interesting to you).
- Try an entirely different genre of game. Even one you would usually dislike. Maybe you aren't bored of games in general, but of the games you usually play.
- Find someone, or a group of people, who are willing to play multiplayer games with you. Maybe even play over Teamspeak. If you don't usually do that, it'll be a refreshing change and you may have more fun just joking around and doing stupid shit than to play seriously (and alone).
I don't know if this will help even if a bit, but yeah. That's all I got. :P
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I'd agree with all of these.
Some advice for #3 especially though. You're probably associating the games you have with the situation you were in or the way you felt when you got them. Happier times, better memories. The games haven't changed, just how you feel about them. Taking a break from those and picking up something totally different might be refreshing.
But also, you need time. Wounds need to heal and nothing is going to feel "right" or "normal" for a while. Good luck!
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i feel sorry for you man.. i can recommend cave story+ , i get over something like your situation thanks to that game. I found that game relaxing for no reason.
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It's not like you stopped enjoying games, it's just that you can't focus your mind on them currently because of the recent happenings. I'd suggest travelling instead, you need to fill emptiness with something new. Open a map and pick a place you haven't been before, even if it's somewhere near.
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Pretty much everything in your life is going to suck for awhile, that's unavoidable.
Exercise often, read books, go to social events that you would otherwise not attend.
Play Crusader Kings II.
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Playing Crusader Kings II would leave no time for any of the other things you mentioned.
The world will never see em' again.
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Yeah, I suppose I should have offered that as an "either, or" suggestion >__<
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Play Crusader Kings II
Best advice in the whole thread, right here. There is a collateral effect, though: he may never stop xD
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Yep, I'm pretty sure that will be the case. I'll make sure to do at least two of the things you suggest (exercise, social events), the other two I'm not sure I'm up for right now.
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Sorry to hear about your girlfriend, that's sounds very rough. I think most people have felt similar kinds of loss, and been in similar situation where their everyday lives they've lived for years, just suddenly feels empty and hollow. The sorrow just takes over. Been there myself. I think that for me, in such a situation, I usually turn to binge-watching movies and/or tv shows. I personally just need to escape reality for a while, until I can put some distance to it. Same thing can be said for games of course, but with movies/tv-shows I feel I need to put in less of an effort. Reading fantasy novels is also something I an recommend. Other then that, I can only advice you to get out as much as possible to visit friends and/or family. It might not feel like something you want to do right now, but it's the best medicine if you ask me. As the others have suggested, find another hobby for a while :)
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For me allways the fastest way to handle bad feelings about a girl, is to find new girl.
Also for me it was never a good idea to be be alone at these times. Try to be around with some people, call your parents, things like that.
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wow *speechless*
the same happened to me 5 years ago but it was a huge problem/drama because we were a large group of friends, and i lost a lot of them in the process since they sided with the guy or wanted to remain neutral (tip: you can't remain neutral when one friend cheats on another!).
i don't know how you will react to it but you will probably need to change your routine. i got into another community (streaming music) in 2013 a few months after it and it cleared my mind since i chatted to others online, and of course i also started hanging out with people in real life and changed my groups.
time doesn't heal all wounds, but at least in this case it did for me. 💝
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Aye, I've been through something like that myself...distance can separate people if there isn't dedication on both sides, it might be a challenge, but not an impossible one. I've been depressed almost a year and a bit, I pretty much lost interest in life/everything, almost dropped out from college as well. As others here suggested, you'll have to find something to keep you occupied/distracted, working out, eating healthy, friends/family, volunteer work, artistic/creative/productive stuff, maybe, and usually games (for me, for us all) would have been the go to, but it would seem, from what you've said, that isn't really the case at the moment. Have you tried some new games, new experiences, new play styles, different from your norm? It might sound a bit silly, but what helped my get over such rough patches (which were more than one), was actually working towards increasing my backlog, in a way, making me having something more to look forward to, because I still have the feeling that I will return to the games, even if I lost interest in everything, to the games I will always return, and I am sure that is why you opened this topic, because of your love for games, because they helped in the past and you'll want them to keep doing that, which they will eventually imo . Take care, stay safe, and do know people around here do care and empathize with you.
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Many more of us have been in your shoes then you would think. You may not think this is true right now as you may feel devastated but there is truth behind the following.
- Accept that things are over. Even if for some reason you think there is a chance to get back with her, it will never be the same so do not.
- Time heals. It is important that you fill this time with something, preferably with something that involves interacting directly with people
- Don't Spiral out of control. Be careful not to take up some harmful habits, use this time to grow physically and mentally
- Avoid being a recluse. Do not hide inside feeling bad for yourself, get out and hang with friends and start making new ones.
- There will be someone else. Yes you will meet someone else, and they will be even better for you then she was. There are over 3 billion females on earth, do not think you managed to find 'the one' already.
- Learn from what happened. Do not obsess over it, but think back to the past 15 years and think about what was different 14 years ago vs this year. There may be some life lessons in there that you can use to help improve things with your next relationship that you WILL have :)
- Let her go. This is similar to my first point for a reason as you really need to do this and it will be the hardest part initially. If you do not, you may risk not meeting that next ideal person because you are honestly no over the first. You will not see this now, but the faster you get past her the better... also any new girlfriends will not want to hear you talking about the last :)
I wish you well
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as someone who did spiral out of control in a similar situation... i would remark that point, dont let yourself get trown into missery for the terrible things that someone else did. and dont obsess over her... you will miss her, a fricking lot but erase everything, photos, messages, and try to atleast hide the mementos of your time together, atleast until you need it.
be happy. you deserve it.
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I agree with everyone who has already replied, this is some really good advice.
As you say, the hardest thing will be letting her go, and yes, I'm unfortunately seeing her as "the one", or at least very close to, and she is probably very hard to replace. We've had some extremely good times, always being able to talk and be each others best friends, and I never felt desire for others since we had everything so good almost all of the time.
I would say that the only bad side she had was when she started looking for faults in me. She could get obsessed over having the "perfect" guy, and I was always willing to improve for her. This is something that came in small doses every now and then (not something constant through all the years), but a bit more towards the end compared to the early years, even if we were still having good times, and had many things better towards the end compared to early. My first thought was that with those standards she would have a hard time finding someone else, but apparently those things only applied to me, since the guy she met has some things she would never have accepted in me.
This is probably the most important lesson I learned from all this and can bring with me in the future (the lesson you write about in your second to last bullet point). Very important that a person loves you for who you are (which I did with her), and that they don't have "rules" what you have to do for everything to be good (apart from standard stuff one does anyway). Like I would never require her to wear makeup, but for her it could sometimes be super important that I had the right clothes (I dress properly all the time, but I'm talking a specific pair of jeans, a specific shirt etc) and that my hair was just right, that I didn't do my (trademark) bad puns, and other small remarks. I'm talking at home now, not at special occasions. Other times it wasn't important at all, but as I said earlier, these things came and went, and I think that was the root of the problem, the strive for unobtainable perfection (always something new that could be improved). Don't know how we got there.
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The problem isn't the gaming addiction or gaming interest, it's most likely losing both friend and/or gf that probably matters more.
This might be considered rude or improper, but
'get a new girlfriend'
If you had one, then sure as hell can get another. Just don't talk about the ex(es) in front of the new one(s).
If gaming does not interest you, then it's fine. It might be back (the interest) one or another time... or not.
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Find an MMO and play that >.>
When we had a break up with my ex , i was depressed for couple days ... then started playing Lineage 2 again ... literally sank all my spare time into that and eventually forgot bout her ...
15 years is a long time tho , everyone takes break ups in a different way ....
Tho im a retard , so i literally was over it after a week , even tho we ware together for about 8 years >.>
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Doesn't sound to me as if you lost the joy you used to find in playing games but rather you're not enjoying them as much as you used to because you're currently sad.
You can do other stuff for a while, but you won't enjoy them as much as if you had been happy neither.
Or to put it into a South Park analogy: If you're sad... you're gonna have a bad time.
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Thanks, this really hit the nail on the head. Had to put it in the original post.
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Glad I could be of some insight :) Definitely not as strong as you're feeling it right now, but for me it's pretty normal that I'm only motivated to play games when I'm in a good mood and when I'm in not that great of a mood I'll rather watch a show or a movie or do something else more passive, so it was easy to guess that not gaming itself is the issue ;)
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Get a gym, hit the facebook and delete your lawyer.
On a more serious note, I'm real sorry that happened to you. That's really rough to hear.
I'm not sure if you're not feeling the joy of gaming specifically, or you're feeling a general numbness to everything. If it's the latter, I don't think anything will help except for just letting time heal the wounds. Probably get some friends to talk to about it or a therapist. If it's the former, then yeah, just find another hobby to do in the meantime. Maybe something that will totally consume you, like photography, mountain climbing, forming a band or professional wrestling.
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I have to ask -- are you recommending that he start watching professional wrestling on TV, or that he try to become a professional wrestler?
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The latter. Haha. Watching it on TV will only take your mind off it for like a few hours a week. Trying to become one takes sooo much training. Haha
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That sucks man. As other are saying, it's not the games, but just your emotional state of mind that is making them not so fun to play. Maybe a bigger change in your routine is actually what you need. Go grocery shopping somewhere else, go and visit an attraction in the next town over, take a weekend holiday to the mountains, learn a musical instrument. Just something to get your brain out its rut and think some new thoughts.
But for the gaming, I find sometimes when gaming gets stale for any reason, it helps me to switch up genres. If I'm playing a lot of big open world games, I'll find a small indie game made by one guy and his cat. Sometimes it will take a few games to find one that clicks right, but when it does then it helps me get back into more of a zone and I'll find I can go back to those other games I stopped playing after a little while. You already play a good mix of genres, so you will probably be able to find something you enjoy if you try a few different games.
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All of the guys recommending working out, getting more involved in your work, getting out there in the world, meeting new people, reigniting friendships are right.
When it comes to games though, I have one advise: Forget the backlog, get one game that you've been eager to play even before the whole shitstorm in your life happened. A title, that you know you'll enjoy. Buy it, run it, play it. Get immersed, drown in that one title.
Good luck.
We can endure more than we think.
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it's hard, i know it it's & i'm sorry to hear
- keep your mind occupied with doing some work/studying
- you can watch some TV Shows/series,. it's might help to forget thing for a while & bypass time.. ; some good list you can find from here
- time will heal..
english isn't my first language, so please excuse any mistakes
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Well, I know I like working out, and I know I want to put more effort into a (non gaming related) project I've been working on. Both can be hard to start in this mood (especially the project), but it feels good while doing it, so I'm starting there. Also going out, meeting friends more often.
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Lots of good advice here already - in particular the part.about socialising, not expecting things to go back to how they were, and exercise. Things will get better. For now, it's all about waiting for the pain to subside.
In particular, exercise and spending time with other people. A lot of hobbies you do on your own your miss can wander back to her. If you're exercising or playing sports, you need to focus on what you're doing. It won't magically stop the hurt, but it will mean you focus on something else for a few hours at least.
I personally would avoid jumping straight into another relationship. It's unlikely to end well and even if you're fine with a quick fling, the other person may not be. You might get some happiness, but don't let your standards drop or hurt someone else in the process. Just focus on yourself, the best relationships aren't forced.
May not work for everyone, but you can try reasoning about what happened too.
It would've been worse if it happened after another 15 years. If she didn't appreciate you, you can do better...etc.
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If she didn't appreciate you, you can do better...etc.
I would refrain from this type of rhetoric.
Throughout 15 years, I imagine they ran the entire gamut of emotions two people can feel for another. It's not "wrong" for one person to move on to something else, just as much as it isn't "right" for the other person to be left in pain. Nothing is ever black and white, especially when it comes to relationships. The best both of them can do is appreciate the time they had together, and utilize the lessons they learned as a couple to be better people apart.
No experience is time wasted, it all accrues into the human being you are today.
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Well, for me it was almost only positive emotions for her, and she was never upset with me either, but maybe she didn't feel as strong for me as I did for her. We were the best of friends all the way through, and I still want to be her friend, I think she wants the same, but because of the very tough situation right now, she think it's better if we don't talk so I'll have an easier time getting over her as a love interest...
Well put.
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tso184 carpe diem! I wrote a comment here 232423 times and deleted, not good at advices. You should travel, interrail this summer, new people, new places. Just feel good about yourself and do what makes you happy, life will bring you good things. <3 we are all stardust
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To expand on "travel, interrail this summer": Plan a route across Europe to visit other SG users!
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yup exactly. Im in portugal and I know a lot of stuff going on here in the summer.
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That's a really interesting idea actually. I've been toying with the idea of meeting up with other SG users if I go abroad. A trip dedicated to only that - I'm very curious about how that would turn out.
Can't do it now though, but I'll keep the idea in mind.
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That's a lovely idea!
And if you put Italy in this new Grand Tour of yours, feel free to come to Rome and give me a call :-)
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I was in Rome with my parents on their anniversary 7-8 years ago. I loved it, and said I had to go back some time, so maybe I'll have to take you up on that offer if I'm able to make such a trip during the summer :)
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Absolutely, please consider it!
I am glad to hear you liked Rome so much: I am used to criticize my own city so much that I forget how much lovable it can be :-)
If you come up here around, send me a message here on the forum and I will put the beer in the fridge :-)
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I'm sorry to hear what you are going through those days, the best advice and tip I can give you is to not overthink about her so much, and I know 15 years... But what you have to do now is to give yourself time, the time to heal all your wounds, go out, with friends,family, take time for yourself, and do not force anything. There's a reason for everything and not everything is in our hands, but in this case, you have the key to your happiness, and maybe one day someone will arrive and will change your world again in ways you can't imagine today, so keep the good memories, learn from those and don't be sad... And if in 15 years she doesn't even want to talk about it, I know there's someone out there who's the right for you... I send you a big hug
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Keeping the good memories is very good advice. Someone else said "don't be sad because of what you lost, be happy because of what you had", and I had the best time in my life so far, that's still something to be happy about.
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In the end of everything what remains are the memories, so a good thing to keep the good ones and learn from those :)!
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Ok, this is going to be a bit personal, so those of you who don't like it can skip this topic.
When I've had bad times (which I had quite a lot last year), I've always been able to look forward to coming back to the computer, playing a good game and still make a sucky day end in a good way. Games have been my main source of entertainment for the last few years, and I've had so much fun playing lots of excellent games.
Well, all that just changed. Long story short: My girlfriend since almost 15 years is working abroad for a few months, and she met some other guy. She was also my best friend, so I lost that at the same time, since she thought it was best if we don't talk for a while after this...
Well, everything feels so very empty right now, and I remember how much I was looking forward to playing the games in my backlog, now I can hardly bring myself to launching a game.
I'm sure I'm not the first person to have experienced something like this, so if you have any good tips, I'm all ears.
edit: Thanks for all the comments! It's been really helpful - I've been reading all of them and I will be replying to some of you... but two things I really realized
The problems I had last year, even though it was very stressful stuff, weren't really depressing. That's why games worked well as a way of getting in a good mood. Sundance's South park quote puts it in a pretty good way: "If you're sad... you're gonna have a bad time.". Maybe I considered games to always be a way to cheer me up, despite mood, but I haven't felt like this before, so good call...
Doing other stuff is what everyone recommends. As I mentioned early on, I am working out (since quite a while back, have been continuing with it even after the news), and that's good. I'll also try to meet more friends and get out more in general. Also try other things to get occupied. I don't know the reason really, but today I ended up doing my taxes two months early. Felt really good to get something done, so I'll try more of that.Getting things done that is, not taxes ;) Learn something, do something, try something new. Takes the mind off the sad stuff and the bonus is the feeling of accomplishment afterwards that helps a bit extra compared to just being occupied.
I'm hoping to get the mood back for games soon, but I won't worry about it if it takes time... maybe I'll play an hour every now and then if I'm in the mood. If not, I'm sure things will change when I feel better again.
edit 2 (April): Thanks for more comments. I've been away for most of the time since the original post, but now I'm finally starting to feel a bit better, I've had lots of time to process my feelings, talk with friends, occupying myself with other things - and you know what? Today I got in the mood for playing some games again. Won't have the time today, but tomorrow I'll launch a game for the first time since February! :)
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