Giveaways are running for 24 hours, a small train I could afford with some of my time. You don't really need to read the whole text below, it's more of a "letting it out" since I have no one to do that with. All in all, I at least hope life favors your choices, and I hope no one else has to feel this, purposeless.

Link to train

My campus recently moved away, very far. By very far, I mean about 4.5 hours of public transportation just to arrive, and the same to come back far, about 110KM times 2 (back and forth) in total far. I consulted my teachers about attendance, but they gave me a big certain nope. Right after that day we had a 5.7 magnitude earthquake, which reminded me of the upcoming said big earthquake I had forgotten about. There was finally some statistical evidence, and the situation looks dire.

First off, I'm quitting university. After graduating from Associate's Degree in Computer Programming, I couldn't find any work, with no experience. So I studied hard, got a full scholarship for Computer Science and Engineering. However what my scholarship didn't cover was the dorms stay. I became unable to afford it, I had to leave it. I thought like "Hey, I wanted to be an educator after this anyways, maybe I'll take on that one, somewhere closer to home so I don't have to worry about that!", I did again, I got in where I wanted. I'm about 3 terms to graduation, the university was divided into two, and a term after (this year), it was moved THAT far from where I live. I had tried to get in dorms again maybe, but they were already full.

I really had to evaluate the situation, since this is crushing both my dreams in a row now. What's even funny is I could enroll to another university with the same degree, however I won't make it to graduation again because of my "obligatory military" closing up by age. So, I guess I'm quitting, I will try to put up a proper portfolio to show (as a web developer) which I was postponing to post-graduation, I will find a below average paying work probably so I can at least get in (since I still have no "presentable" experience at the age 26 besides my past clients that already left me), and where I live the most proper way to put it in my profession, "slave myself away", make enough money to move cities, pay off "obligatory military", and hopefully go abroad, away from this place.

I do not know whether or not my current mentality will be able to handle all of that especially considering my country is becoming worse by day, my household is becoming worse by day, and I will be at my 30s with only Associate's Degree, and most likely no chance to ever teach which was about my lifelong dream alongside making a family, which I did already give up on. Besides those, I've been suffering from tendonitis from my fingers to wrist in both hands, for the past 3 months, since I tried to "game it away" all this stress a bit too much, so now that's gone, too. Maybe I'll just go full on software engineering and try to make out something with that. Besides that,

I genuinely feel like there's no point in trying anymore since I can't "restart" these, I don't particularly have any friends at all, and I do feel I'm an eyesore overall wherever I stay for too long, my life feels like it's way out of my hand. I would hope for things to turn out better in the future, but since hope has been my poison in the past half a decade, I'll just let it run it's course.

4 years ago

Comment has been collapsed.

"When things get rough, I feel ... "

View Results
so stressed that I can't do anything.
like I need to work through it fast so I can get through it sooner.
like a POTATO, I lay down and stay still.

Thanks for the train and cheer up.

4 years ago
Permalink

Comment has been collapsed.

Rough times indeed. Here's hoping the near future treats you better than the recent past.

4 years ago
Permalink

Comment has been collapsed.

I hope things will work out, EmptyKetchupBottle. It sounds you sure have done your part so hopefully that will get rewarded.

Thanks for the train.

View attached image.
4 years ago
Permalink

Comment has been collapsed.

Don't give up EmptyKetchupBottle! Have faith!

4 years ago
Permalink

Comment has been collapsed.

thanks a lot for chooooo chooooo!

4 years ago
Permalink

Comment has been collapsed.

cheer up dude!

4 years ago
Permalink

Comment has been collapsed.

Sounds rough and there's no shortage of web developers nowadays. However, you do have knowledge and some working experience already, so once you're done with the military thing, you should be able to manage fine... Although, you'll likely have to catch up on a couple of things because of how fast technology advances, thus making some API's, CMS's, and apps that you were familiar with become obsolete by the end of your military thing.

4 years ago
Permalink

Comment has been collapsed.

Yeah, especially it's really hard to find a job since I was backend heavy too. Frontend skyrocketed very quickly but I'm way too new for it still. I've been trying to think maybe I should wide spread and include desktop programming in my portfolio too? I do have experience with C#, Java and Python, but all has been simpler personal projects, with no commercial experience at all on that side, I still have doubts.

4 years ago
Permalink

Comment has been collapsed.

If you can somehow get military work in your field, I think that would be best. You'd get valuable real world experience and may even be able to get a decent job in defense afterwards. My friend at work did something like that. Don't give up. You'll make it (⊃。•́‿•̀。)⊃

4 years ago
Permalink

Comment has been collapsed.

Associating with military is the last thing I want to do. We're currently at war fighting for someone else's war, with our own (obligatory) military soldiers, while the war escapees reside in our country way, WAY more comfortable than I've been in the past 6-7 years. This country isn't strong on the intelligence part.

4 years ago
Permalink

Comment has been collapsed.

You should take some confidence from the fact that you have managed to win scholarships and get into the courses that you wanted, even if they did both take negative turns afterwards. This tells me that you are not "an eyesore overall", and you will probably be able to get what you want again in the future. I would recommend taking a step back and resting for a little while before planning your next move. I'm sure there are other aspects to consider. Dorms were full the last time you checked but you can check again later (some students always drop out) or register for the following semester. You mentioned that you will need to perform military service before completing your degree if you start at another university, but that is not a reason to not start at all. If your country has compulsory military service, I would expect the university to allow you to suspend your course part way through and resuming it when your service is complete. I would also expect that most universities would consider providing course credit for the study you have already completed, so you may not need to start from the very beginning as a student fresh out of high school would. The military might help with your education if you qualify to serve as an officer, although they might also require a longer service period, and I can understand that not being attractive. You might find that military service allows you to make some friends or valuable contacts, learn some skills that you may not have otherwise learned, discover some new opportunities or gain a new perspective on life. At 26, you are stlll very young to be worrying about what you can achieve in your life (especially a family! Most women want a man, not a boy and you are really only just becoming ripe enough). It might feel like time is running out but if you think back, you have probably felt similar concern about the future since before finishing high school, as many people do, so that should help you realise that it is an unrealistic pressure that people place on themselves. Unfortunately, it is only apparent in hindsight that all these worries are much less significant than they seemed at the time. I think you will still have ample opportunities to work in programming, to teach and to travel. Take a break from worrying about your progress but don't give up hope. You managed to get what you wanted before and I'm sure you can make it happen again. Somewhat related, I have noticed that there is usually a way to get a bit more out of a ketchup bottle after other people have declared it empty - if you hold it between your palms and quickly roll it back and forth (like trying to start a fire with a hand drill and no bow) while tilting it downwards, some remaining ketchup will pour out (ketchup is a shear-thinning non-Newtonian fluid, so the shear strain you put the fluid under by making the bottle wall rapidly change direction causes its viscosity to reduce, allowing it to pour). The point is that if you remain focussed and keep trying, you can achieve things that others thought impossible.

4 years ago
Permalink

Comment has been collapsed.

Our campus mostly has girl's dormitories, for men's I think they randomly select 20+5 (5 as a backup) students in every term, so they preselected in case of dropouts, too. Since our campus moved so far away, it's became very hard for everyone to come, so even people who didn't bother staying in the dorms past term, they all applied now, my chances are quite small probably in the next term, too. I did check private dorms outside of campus, but they're way too expensive (same rent as our own house, shared rooms with 3-4-5 people).

And yeah, when the military comes up, I can basically pause my education where I am, but the chances of me being mentally or physically okay after (if possible) returning from military is slim. The reason for that is, there's a political corruption going on in my country and while people from the corrupted side get the safe places and max benefits, opposing side usually ends up as "expansible human goods" in actual warzones, after the initial 3 month training at base. So besides almost literally paying for my life, there's not really another option to purse in military.

I mainly think this environment doesn't really give me hope, that's why my main objective is to first change that. Thanks though!

4 years ago
Permalink

Comment has been collapsed.

I wouldn't want to be somebody's disposable pawn in a warzone, either. However, I'm sure you will find that the people you are with will feel exactly the same, and sharing that intense dissatisfaction tends to forge powerful bonds of comradery and be mentally strengthening. People are social animals and we also have tribal tendencies, so sharing a common enemy gives us purpose and satisfaction that we share values and are working together, even when it is shared dissatisfaction with your own central command (or head office in a business - I feel like corruption and incompetence are universal). It is much easier to tolerate difficult situations when others are suffering right alongside you. I think your cynical attitude to the conflict will actually help you survive with mental health intact. I think that American veterans suffer so much because (among other reasons) prior to deployment, many believe that they have a righteous cause and that "the enemy" is "evil" (a very black and white, good and evil viewpoint born of a Biblical education and powerful propaganda) but they eventually discover that life is much more grey and "the enemy" is often just common men like themselves trying to do the right thing for their families, and they are in their own backyards, not invading (alternatively, they figure out that they are fighting rebels that their own CIA armed to overthrow a different government USA didn't like). This revelation leads to massive mental upheaval, questioning the entire basis of how they have looked at life, their values and the authorities they had previously trusted, and it tears them apart mentally. I'm not saying it will be fun for you or that it is without risk, but I don't think you are likely to get such a profound shift in perspective from your military service. Regardless, as with all things in life, I think it is best to do what needs to be done and try to make the most of the opportunities that present themselves along the way (they are easier to find when you are actively looking for them, like travel opportunities or meeting people that might be able to help find them). Of course, it is possible that you don't return from military service in a fit state to continue your studies (just as it is possible that you could die in a car accident next week), but it would be sensible to make preparations that keep your options open instead of pre-emptively denying yourself future opportunities just in case things go wrong.

4 years ago
Permalink

Comment has been collapsed.

Deleted

This comment was deleted 4 years ago.

4 years ago
Permalink

Comment has been collapsed.

The earthquake is scary.(ヽ´θ`) 
A big blackout occurred a year ago.
No matter how many terrible eyes you or I have, you can only “prepare”.

What do you do when you get lost?
What to do in a scene of despair?

If there is a person to consult, consult.
Set the “next goal” and never stop.

Sometimes time will be resolved.

At least you are doing “something” at least.
You will be “alive” in the real world.
Perhaps you in the future will appreciate doing what you do now.

It ’s okay, no problem.

4 years ago
Permalink

Comment has been collapsed.

Nice train! I really hope things improve for you, that you find some unexpected or undiscovered blessings.

4 years ago
Permalink

Comment has been collapsed.

Good luck. Thank you

4 years ago
Permalink

Comment has been collapsed.

Sometimes life looks like a long tunnel but there are gaps here and there and that's where you take your light.
It can be good to have goals and plans because it helps you get up in the morning sometimes but when they fall apart, it's hard to pick up the pieces. Find something that gets you out of the house and keep you busy even if it doesn't pay (much or at all). Seeing other people helps.
Don't give up hope, it keeps us going. But if you give up on plans, I get that. Just find your happy in small doses in little places. It makes the rest of life easier to breathe through.

Good luck to you and keep your chin up.

4 years ago
Permalink

Comment has been collapsed.

I know one bad thing on top of another can feel that much more hopeless and compound your problems, but try to take one thing at a time and not overwhelm yourself with the big picture. (Easier said than done.) Who knows what the future can hold or different paths that will open up, try not to give up on all of your dreams. Hang in there, genuinely wishing you the best with everything & stay safe with the earthquake.

4 years ago
Permalink

Comment has been collapsed.

ty bumpy

4 years ago
Permalink

Comment has been collapsed.

Deleted

This comment was deleted 4 years ago.

4 years ago
Permalink

Comment has been collapsed.

hope things work out better for u

4 years ago
Permalink

Comment has been collapsed.

I am quite sorry to hear about your bad string of events. Try perhaps to get into the dorms in a semester or for the new year, there might be spots open even two weeks from now. Some schools will take a teacher with any form of a degree, so your merely having an associate's degree does not doom you to not being able to teach. In fact, the fact that you have an associate's degree is more than some can say. The fact that you have won scholarships shows you are not an eyesore, that there is a point to continuing to follow your dreams.
One can often transfer credits from one college to another. Not, perhaps, every single one of them, as colleges are greedy for money, but a substantial and altogether sizable amount of them. Cheer up! I know of someone who transferred several years of credits from one college to another.

Things could be worse. I am very sorry about the transportation difficulties due to the earthquake and the move. Perhaps the folks who gave the scholarships could extend it to cover the dorms or know of another scholarship for the dorms? Perhaps an alumni of the university could pay for it or there might be a grant which would cover it?

Many colleges in today's world allow distance learning via the net. Is this a possibility?

As stated above by cicchis0, I would expect the university would make allowances and work around the military service. In fact, I suspect such a workaround might even be mandatory. The military could certainly help with your education, perhaps.

I near fully understand the pressure, and that things look bleak, but there is time. You're only 26, and there are years ahead of you. I know of someone who didn't even meet a girl who cared for him until he was very nearly 30, and now they are happily married and have a couple of children. I know of people who got married even later than that and now have kids.

On an unrelated note, when I am feeling stressed or down, I find that listening to Old-Time-Radio (OTR) shows (podcasts) of comedies really picks my mood up. When I am in a funk and listen to one or two episodes of the Jack Benny Show, Fibber McGee & Molly, Our Miss Brooks, the Bird's Eye Open House or an episode of the more recent The Vinyl Cafe shows, my outlook often ends up in a far better place than when I started.
The great thing is that most of these old radio shows are in the public domain, and thus are free. (The Vinyl Cafe is too recent to be public domain, but the creators have placed some episodes for free listening as of the last time I checked.)

If you prefer other genres than comedy, I can recommend you a whole list of them.

I do strongly hope that your life will be filled with health as well as grace, mercy, and peace, and that things will improve tremendously.

4 years ago
Permalink

Comment has been collapsed.

I suffer from depression and anxiety have had constantly started and restarted courses, just to have to quit out of them later because of my condition. I feel your pain there, but sounds like you have the motivation and ability down-pat, but you're struggling with your providers. Are there any providers that offer online courses you could do instead?

4 years ago
Permalink

Comment has been collapsed.

Hey it's never too late to learn, and that includes teaching. Don't give up on that dream, you might get another opportunity after your military service. All the best.

4 years ago
Permalink

Comment has been collapsed.

bump

4 years ago
Permalink

Comment has been collapsed.

bump

4 years ago
Permalink

Comment has been collapsed.

Life is hard. We don't really have much control over that. All we can choose is how we respond. Find strength in the things that have helped you through the difficulty and remember for all the bad there is usually some good to be found if we look for it. I hope life starts looking up for you here soon.

4 years ago
Permalink

Comment has been collapsed.

All I can say, dont give up completely and try again after some time. Give you some time to think about what you really want and if you want to continue go ahead.

4 years ago
Permalink

Comment has been collapsed.

Sign in through Steam to add a comment.