How would you invade the British Isles?
Send more Polish immigrants there. We'll make it yours. And cheap to.
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All you really need to do is get somebody into a high ranking position in Health & Safety and have them take real guns away from the army because they might hurt somebody. It'll probably happen soon anyway.
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Depends on how you do it really. I'll admit I'm not living healthily at this exact moment in time.
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There are a few health enthusiasts I would launch into space on the strength of that statement. Would you believe that yesterday somebody told me that a sausage, bacon, black pudding, baked beans, mushroom and egg sandwich isn't healthy? That has, like, two kinds of vegetarian options. Three if you count the tomato sauce along with the beans...
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Living can't be healthy! Do you know that you die after living for some time???
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I always prefer reading 'Crécy' by Warren Ellis myself.
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Damn you and your UK-ness. I keep trying to find a copy of that in my area (I try to avoid buying stuff full-price online) but to no avail, thus far.
This is honestly one of my favorite works of historical non-fiction, it's scholarly without being dry as bones dating from the Battle of Badon Hill
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I'm of Welsh origin myself and I'm usually more interested in Celtic and Neolithic stuff - but that does look interesting and highly recommended and I may well check it out. I struggle with comics and graphic novel where I am but fortunately one of my school friends is assistant manager at a comics shop in a big city these days and helps me out!
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My ancestry is mostly Irish and Scottish, so technically I should hate England, but I cannot help being an Anglophile.Edited:My mother does have some English and French blood, though, so perhaps I am even Norman.
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There are obvious issues but plenty of people can move past what they 'should' do and I really think that is better. I spend a lot of time in Scotland and I find the rise in Scottish nationalism a little sad. I find it understandable given the political scene, but it is getting really vicious in places and it just seems so negative.
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Oh I was joking, very much indeed so. Nationalism is a blight on the world, although I don't believe there is anything wrong with having a vested interest in your own past and ancestry. Still, at the end of the day, we're all human beings, idealistic as that sounds.
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It's cool, joking is fine for me! It is just something I personally try and always be very delicate and reasonable about given past experiences!
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Incidentally, have you read any of Bernard Cornwell's works of historical fiction?
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I'm aware of him through the Sharpe stuff, my nan was a fan of the TV adaptions and I watched them with her while she was in ill health. I know he wrote some stuff about King Arthur and also the holy grail. Revisionalist stuff about those subjects usually makes me want to punch somebody really hard so I have avoided them like the plague - but to be fair I have no idea if those books are actually any good.
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Oh man, I wouldn't call Cornwell a Revisionist at all, he tries really hard to be as accurate as possible in his writing. He depicts the bloody, brutal, frankly horrendous conditions of the times. I fucking love his work.
Highly recommend the Saxon Tales and the Grail Quest series myself. I actually discovered him from watching Sharpe on PBS, though I've not read the books as of yet.
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I may well be jumping to conclusions - it is maybe just something I assume any time King Arthur or the holy grail is mentioned. I'll take your recommendation into consideration and give him a fair look!
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I don't blame you, in fact the "Grail Quest" series is about one of the fabled archers of England in the Hundred Year's War. When I learned of the subject matter I almost fell off my destrier.
The actual Grail Quest doesn't play that big a role.
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Ask spain how to fail or some germans :D If you find a true viking, you`ve won!
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Hrmmm I wonder if he considered that it's going to be tough to also find this many swordsmen and longbowmen to attack with? That part seems ill-conceived.
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Hire some of these guyshttp://hemaalliance.com/
http://www.sca.org/
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I dont think that you can defeat British army.. :( But you always can smash some potato with vodka in Russia ;)
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Potato bombs!
20(63%)
Is winning, how could I have known:P?
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If Daleks exist then The Doctor exists, and he always wins, so that is invalid. Besides, reading the quora.com post is much funnier than anything else:P
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Fill your army with dentists. That'll send em running.
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Historically, there is no reason to think that people in the UK had worse dental hygiene than any other parts of the world, and in fact there is evidence that the Saxon and later Viking tribes which settled there had better than average hygiene.
Hate to burst your bubble but...
TL;DR:A study performed by OECD, an international economic organization, on the state of dental hygiene in developed countries has concluded that the British have the very best teeth in the entire world, with an average of just 0.6 of a tooth decaying per citizen. Not just "not the worst"--the absolute fucking best! That's like routinely mocking the feminine lisp of a guy-pal and finding out he's boned every single girl you know, including your mother (especially your mother).
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I have to suggest you to watch Hellsing OVA (ultimate). I'd say it's a good how to invade britain 101.
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I wouldn't recommend it. However, I never liked Walker Texas Ranger either, but I still found some mild amusement by the some of the pop culture references to come out of it.
P.S. I do find this interesting and may attempt a more serious response later when I have time!
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I look forward to it, since I deem your interests in this align with mine:) The guy who replied to the original satirical question did a fine job of work, though.
PS-I have an overriding loathing for Chuck Norris and was simply annoyed at all the memes about him.
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Step 1: quit joking
Step 2: wars are definitely something you should NOT make jokes of
Step 3: you are not funny
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Cute.Are you just mad because I BL'd you a long time ago? I re-posted something written by an authority posted on a celebrated website populated by all manner of scholars, from Doctors to students in various disciplines, such as myself.
- Step 2: wars are definitely something you should make jokes of*
I think you meant: Step 2: wars are definitely NOT something you should make jokes ABOUT, non?
Please, no more.
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yeah, fixed that, my mistake.
you BLed me? hadn't see that! reason?
And, sharing something bad because a "wanna be" scholar shared it, is tragic.
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sat·ire
ˈsaˌtī(ə)r/
noun
noun: satire
the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.
synonyms: mockery, ridicule, derision, scorn, caricature; More
irony, sarcasm
"he has become the subject of satire"
a play, novel, film, or other work that uses satire.
plural noun: satires
"a stinging satire on American politics"
synonyms: parody, burlesque, caricature, lampoon, skit; More
informalspoof, takeoff, sendup
"a satire on Canadian politics"
a genre of literature characterized by the use of satire.Comment has been collapsed.
you live in a society, you must understand when something is allowed to be told and when something is not.
please, i know very well what satira (not e) is and it is way far away from what you wrote. with satira people laugh. if someone laughs with your "joke", he might be mentally disturbed
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Please... I was watching this exchange thoroughly, and you just don't understand that this is the Internet. People joke about things. You're not forced to read and engage in discussions about things that bother you. I follow simple rules that make me happy - see something I dislike on the Internet - close the offending site and never return.
Oh, and it's satire in english. Even dumb pollack as me knows it.
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nah, engaging through criticism makes me happy. so why should i ever stop it?
besides, if you have been reading my posts i have mentioned quite a few times that this is the internet.
and please, please... satira i don't care how it is being written it english, it is still satira
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Such well educated, and well manered man. I'd tip my fedora to you but I shat in it, taken it for a potty by mistake.
It's an English board, with English as main language. So it's satire here. I know etymology a bit, studied linguistics for some time. Not impressed dude. Not a fucking bit.
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Two Questions?
What if it is a joke about Star Wars? and how does the last Step work, I am all kinds of confused xD
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Create a plague. But at the end you will be a king of NOtTHINGham. :)
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I'm German and I personally thought the previous plan had been working great so I'd go back to that. But first I'd take out Japan so they don't annoy America, and I'd make sure to leave Russia for desert this time. That way I've actually got a military force to actually attack you with this time rather than just sending V2's over for a visit. Also I don't give a rats ass about Africa, you can have it (heck I'd even allow everyone in Britain to immigrate without any harm coming to them if they'd prefer not to see bloodshed), so those forces would also be able to head on over.
Don't get me wrong, the Nazis were a terrible evil that needed to be obliterated and that I would have never supported, but it would have been really cool if for at least a little period of history there the entire continent could have just been Germany.
Don't worry either, there's no chance of this plan succeeding anyways cuz Japan has Gundams so I'd already falter on step one.
Also I'm not actually German, I'm a resident of a former colony, South Africa (who have lots of things to love the Brits for....NOT, we know who truly started concentration camps, the Nazis only ended up grabbing the glory cuz theirs were slightly more racist), but I have German blood (South African born though) and speak the language and wish my passport agreed with those two things.
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I'm not an expert on WWII but I believe the battles for control of North Africa were mostly about oil. Not giving a rats ass about Africa is one thing, but I think the lack of fuel for panzers, etc was a serious issue in the later stages of the war.
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Fuel wouldn't have been quite so important (or rather scarce) if it wasn't all going to waste on the Siberian Winter.
Keep in mind that although he was one of the most successful conquerors in history, Hilter was actually a complete strategic moron. There would have been enough to go around if he handn't gone and opened every damn front he could find. Heck if we'd already had the space programs at that point he'd have probably invaded Mars too, cuz he wouldn't have like the idea of little green men with a planet all to themselves, all strategic logic be damned.
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That was a clear mistake, but tanks still needed something to actually make them move around. And I'm really not sure how many oil wells Germany had on its own soil.
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Not so much, but across all of already conquered Europe there would have been a bit to go around. Certainly enough to take a quick hop over to the Island in question.
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Hitler could have taken us out anyway if he had tried. I was raised by my grandparents who fought in WWII and although I'm not a historian it is clear that our defences were inadequate and overestimated and we could have been easily overwhelmed with a full scale assault quite early in the war.
I'm just saying that the fighting in Africa was strategically important. Oil was vital for the German navy, luftwaffe and panzers. Where in occupied Europe was that oil being produced? Controlling however much territory without the resources you need won't somehow magically give you enough to go around. Germany had no choice but to fight for control of North Africa even if it didn't give a rats ass about the territory or its people.
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Call the cops and charge the army with hate speech.
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Before clicking, hopes this is the Monty Python sketch about self-defense against fruit
Fist pumps and is heard to say "Haha yes!When it is revealed to be that sketch in point of fact.
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if the countries which were ruled by UK in past, got united now against it, it won't stand a chance.
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Dude, no kidding, although my favorite method of resisting their imperial claims was Gandhi's :) In an ideal world, more people would be like him.
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Okay, here are step by step instructions follow them carefully or something terrible may happen.
Go to London, find a reasonable pub, go to the restroom, remove your pants, return to the bar, order a bud light, swing your business at any female or male within 3 meters. Decide to march on the palace after your clear and unimpeded victory at the pub. Guys with those cool hats will flee in terror despite training. Walk to the Queen explain you are the Man and that's why your business is out. She marries you, You are the King. Simple anymore questions.
Remember order a bud light they will all be so appalled as they should be.
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You have one major obstacle in the way, well actually a couple... the Queen's corgis...
They will gnaw off your ankles and eventually work their way up to your knees and after a bit they will final have some vital parts at their level and thats when they really get mean. They are trained killers. They are trained to look cute to lure you in and then BAM! you're dead 45 seconds later!
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I planned for that, taking Wales first.
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Oh my God, that looks like the most amazing place on Earth!
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Ha! You replied just as I was replying to you in another thread.
Seriously though, this puts me in mind of a Mitch Hedburg (RIP) quote (he's talking about Koala Bears but still...) "It's the cutest infestation ever!"
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I'm not sure normal people are equipped to fight back against a cute infestation/invasion.
In high school, I developed a plan to create an army of kittens with sporks mounted to their heads. It was going to be Step 1 in my World Domination Plan.
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Training an army of kittens to be master fencers seems counter-productive. By the time they're good enough, they're cats. But my plan just requires a glue gun (or a staple gun).
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Oh nah, don't need much training, just teach them to run around people's ankles holding the saber in their mouth/specially made hilt for cat claws. That would put pay to any defense real quick.
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Line them all up one by one and punch them in the face until they fall over and stop moving.
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I particularly liked the title for Step 5: "Step 5: Taunt the Army a Second Time"
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- Use a Guy Fawkes mask
- Use black clothes
- Use home made explosives
- Turn the Big Ben into the Big Boom
- Make thousands of puns about the letter "V"
- ???????????
- PROFIT!!!
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Cut their tea supply, occupy major crumpets' deposits and wait for chaos and anarchy to engulf UK.
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need another awnser in potato bombs can u add fish ?
so fish and chips xD
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This is actually a joke question asked on the quora website. Here is the best answer, which is also a joke, but I think people (especially the people with whom I share blood in the UK) with a more than passing interest in history will be amused.
http://www.quora.com/I-want-to-attack-Great-Britain-How-can-I-defeat-the-British-army/answer/Carter-Moore
Full of good advice like "With a few exceptions, England hasn’t had to anticipate an invasion from the direction of Norway in the last 1,000 years; so it's unlikely that they will be expecting your army to come from there. The Norwegian fjords offer you plenty of opportunities to shield your army from detection until they’re ready to launch."
And "Step 2: Hijack a Vanguard-class ballistic missile submarine
Of all the contingency plans that might exist within the Ministry of Defence, I’m going to go out on a limb and doubt that they have one entitled, “The Bastards Use Our Own Ships Against Us.”"
*First paragraph enlarged because, honestly, sad as it is, some people don't understand that this is satire.
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