And yes alas this is not some sort part of a lyric, but real life.

I am on my wits ends, that i seriously am considering a possible burnout, atleast way too much stress, i told my shrink that and instead of repeating myself severa times,l that my physical and mental batteries are just down and i can't make it, they forced me to come, but i am stubborn and didn't go.

In result they won't prescribe me any further medication instead of showing a single point of empathy, get me going on my legs again, and then just say we understand and we will meet again in september (because they can choose to go on a 4 week holiday break, but i can't decline an appointment).
This happened before with another shrink and i been 7 months cut off without, but then i was still drinking alcohol and had some replacement, but now i don't want to go back to it, so i will have no idea how i can handle those feelings in the time to come.

A shrink that in 6 months never came with possible suggestions what to do in situations, about medicine, or diagnosis, or treatments such as possibly hypnosis, that all had to came from me like i was the shrink in this whole thing.
And there are no others, this one already works 2 days a week, our mental healthcare system is understaffed.

But i also had an electrician coming early, but because i have to hear the alarm clock i couldn't use earplugs so it made me get awake more because of the noises from neighbours, he had to get a spare part and come back later in the day, so i had to keep waiting again, to get a phonecall he didn't come. So i cleaned the whole floor, was ready to go to the bathroom "and start my day" to get another phonecall from another electrician about another issue that they wanted to come, so i let them with much chagrin.

Then i finally could go to the bathroom, but i had to await a call by that time, so what i normally wouldn't do, i took the phone with my in the bathroom but because i was so tired i accidently let my phone drop with the glass side on the tiles, repairing it would be 65-100 euro, which you practically better can get a new phone for.

And tommorow one of those electricians is already at my door again at 7:30..

https://www.steamgifts.com/giveaway/BCWA2/bud-spencer-terence-hill-slaps-and-beans

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTLTG4FTNBQ&ab_channel=NikKershawVEVO

"It's getting harder
Just keeping life and soul together
I'm sick of fighting
Even though I know I should".

1 week ago*

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Sorry for that day... Keep going and stay healthy, hope that you get better week ;)

1 week ago
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Thank you, appreciated.

1 week ago
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Sorry to hear about your mishap with your phone. As I'm the proud owner of four Sony Xperia Z5 since Sunday I'd gladly send one your way. This Phone was guest starring in the 007 movie Spectre and was a flagship phone at its time. I'm listening to Peter Gabriel on Spotify with this phone paired with a Sony WH-CH700N right now and audio is excellent.
https://i.imgur.com/jhuiCkT.jpg

1 week ago
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Thank you, i do really appreciate it but one is already in order (with the everlasting grace and love of my mom) and it's a phone that seems futureproof (like 5g), but also i should be able to just put it on my pc case and it would charge and i am guessing since my motorola g7 power was from 2019 that this one will have a (much) better camera and i am seriously thinking about looking into picking up photography as a hobby.

How and why did you get 4 and are they new or refurbed? Aren't many things like apps limited since it's so old and not seemingly get updates anymore, for a long time?

1 week ago
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Actually I looked for a cheap phone for a friend. So I found this all or nothing offer for 35 Euro and I had to take all four of them. I own a newish Samsung myself and it's better in many ways but I like the sleek design of this Sony phone. While it's android version is outdated you can still upgrade to latest versions of Google apps so it's still a viable choice.

1 week ago
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Ouch. Sounds like you've had a horrible day and the stuff with the doctors is so frustrating. We are always here for you and thank you for choosing to vent to us.
I hope tomorrow and next week are better. I'm so glad you don't want to turn back to alcohol, as it isn't good for you. Thank you. We care about you.

1 week ago
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It's very frustrating indeed also because there are no alternatives, if you are not satisfied with a general doctor we can pick from several, with this, it's either swallowing it all or not.

Okay i am considering and only have hypnosis left, but it's not covered by healthcare as it's alternative, but you also have to be open to it, and with my stubborn streak i don't know if i am open enough, i am open to trying it, but with 250-375 euro, that's expensive for just trying.

Alcohol only gives you ease of mind for a little while but it always hit you back afterwards yes, but i also got diabetes/heart thing and not perfect liver values (getting a liver mri in augustus near my birthday) so for that alone i already shouldn't drink.

After today it can only can get better (i hope) :p Thank you, appreciated.

1 week ago
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Sorry to hear about your bad day. Hopefully tomorrow turns out better (even if the electrician will be back early)

1 week ago
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Thank you, yeah i wish i could just hop back into bed for some more snoozing, but when i am awake, i am awake.
Just having to nod to myself, 1 more day, 1 more day.

1 week ago
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put a piece of solid clear tape over the phone to hold the glass in place, can use it for years.
my current phone is an iphone 6 i got for free from a friend cause it would reset nonstop so i watched 2 youtube videos and fixed it.
it cant use any new app and most website wont load, but it works for calls

1 week ago
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It's not the whole glass that broke i think it can hold on it's own, it seems useable, although 1 point it only opened up google each time while tapping other stuff.

Many people perhaps are okay with stuff like this (i am sure many kids that drop them all the time) but i feel like i am reminded constantly of my own stupidity and bad luck each time i would look at that broken phone, it wouldn't been the first thing i broken since i moved.

Sometimes i really don't even refuse to believe that i might have some curse or this ground is, i also had unexplained burning scratch marks on my right arm about 3 times (and my nails weren't sharp and i tried to scratch myself, i couldn't recreate it).

1 week ago
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A lot of times, doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists...they will stop offering prescriptions if they believe for whatever reason that their patient is abusing the pills or simply there for the pills in general.

That's not a judgement of anyone's specific situation. It's just a fact that they will sometimes err on the side of not prescribing things to see if their clients are faking it or not.

Can this have a negative impact of people who really need the prescriptions? Definitely. Will it? Maybe.

1 week ago
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True that i got a new one since december and he doesn't like my prescription at all what the previous one prescribed and had no problems with.
But we currently have 1500 medicine that are often out of order, like inhalers for children with asthma or medicine for heartpatients, and the most working med for me was temazepam, and i am already without temazepam since march, he hates benzo's and records clearly show i have been many times without and cut off cold turkey (also dangerous for the average person) even for 7 months to me there is no addiction side whatsoever, even with liquor, i can say no.
Does it leave me with a lot of stress and is that helpful towards a healthy mind and body? Not exactly.

But i heared a good story from someone with depression about seraltine, and how it made that persons day 1000x better, i am like let me try that then (or let him come with any suggestions himself but he never once did in 6 months beside complaining about the benzo's).

I am strong willed, but other weaker people they would and could have driven over the edge, very over the edge, or try to find refuge in alcohol or other substances, i find this a very dangerous situation they put me (and i am guessing others too) in.

And i know benzo's were a thing in the 90's (my mom is an user) and people started to abuse it, why they are so much stricter about it now.

1 week ago
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I've got my share of problems with psychiatrists and psychologists, some even abandoned the city where I lived hahah! Luckily I'm free from them at the moment (no medicines and no problems). May you get better soon, and with less angry after that bad day.

1 week ago
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May i ask what you went for? And did your problems just go away by itself or you sought other alternatives?

Thank you.

1 week ago
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I've got a seizure due to a psychosomatic problem from Panic Syndrom (when I was 19), and several Depression problems (along the years). It was a long treatment where I've been in and out of medicaments and medics. The last time, I was tired of psychologists and dropped. The psychiastrist and the medicine continued for a while, until she said we should try to stop it (there wasn't much benefit from it anymore). It was hard, there were some drug withdrawal symptoms, but I managed. It's been 10 years I'm "drug free" now, with my 41 years old. I might have mistaken some terms, it is hard to translate it.

In the end, it isn't easy, the fear of something similar happened again exists. The problems continue, but I don't have direct symptoms anymore and that's enough for me. Sorry, there's no "happily ever after" message, just a "keep fighting"...

Take your time, breathe, focus, drink water, be with your friends (virtual or not) and play some games hahah!

1 week ago
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You seem to be asking for some alternatives and there are some "procedures" and of course, talk to a doctor/shrink or someone that has more understanding of your situation than some random guy on the internet that said thanks on one of your giveaways lol.

The two I'm familiar with other than the classic "therapy + meds" is TMS (https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/transcranial-magnetic-stimulation/about/pac-20384625) and ECT (https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/electroconvulsive-therapy/about/pac-20393894).

TMS is recommended first and then ECT if TMS fails.

1 week ago
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But what if your shrink is the problem and you got no alternative? In some countries you have to pay your own, but here you can get one covered but you have to deal with what you get. I am on my third now (and not because of me but they all quit working at that place, after a year) and he is very different and harsh, no empathy unlike the other.

1 week ago
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Your shrink can suck as a shrink for you but that doesn't mean he won't refer you out to TMS and/or ECT if he think that it's beneficial for you. It's still worth a talk, especially if medication isn't working and you're considering hypnosis as an alternative. TMS, in case you didn't read the information, is very non-invasive. You don't go under, you don't take drugs. You just sit in a chair with a dome around your head and hear some clicks from the electromagnets firing on and off or something. This is ~30 minutes a day for maybe 30 sessions (mayo cites more or less but it's dependent on your TMS doctor on how they think you are responding to treatment). Unless I'm misinterpreting what you're saying.

Regardless, I understand you're frustration. And even if you do get to switch, you won't get to be able to talk to the new one for a long time during the whole process and that process may cut you out from your current shrink, which is even worse. And then you have to start all over to determine if this one is a good fit and go over things that you have already previously gone over.

1 week ago
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He never made 1 suggestion in 6 months, not medicine wise, not diagnosis wise, not treatment wise, he had all the opportunities to come up with all that sort of stuff.
I had to suggest hypnosis/EMDR and i don't know the terms you refer to (and i just can't even manage right now to find time to google that) but i think it might sound similar to EMDR which they can do but you have to have some trigger point of fear/trauma, and i don't really have that.

Some shrinks/pschyologists can do hypnosis themselves, then it would be covered, but he also didn't try to find me one, and when i said it won't be covered he was basically okay, sorry to hear instead of let me try find you one, it's not just frustration, it's also a very big loss in confidence (which you would have to need in such cases) especially now when they don't even want to grasp that my batteries are low and they still basically threaten you to show up or drop out, i always did everything they wanted, they go on vacation for 4 weeks in august, they won't call me or come back then either, so why wouldn't i had the right to cancel just 1 time, let me get my strength back and meet again in september? It left a very bad taste, and i am living basically around the corner and if i would come across him i might even give him an ear full like if he would be proud on himself looking in the morning every morner, and how a lack of feelings he has.

If you got something with a patient, okay, but even if you want to cut them off you don't ever do that cold turkey, i can handle it, but other persons much less, even so that they might end up doing something that hurt them, or worse and i find that even criminal behaviour against the oath they take as a doctor.
Perhaps i am being too stubborn for my own good but it wasn't like we were going anywhere on a good route anyway.

1 week ago
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The mental health system in so many countries is really shitty. Sorry you're dealing with that. I don't have any great advice, but hang in there. And I give you full credit for not going back to drinking alcohol, and I say that as someone that uses alcohol to deal with mental issues.

1 week ago
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Yeah very much, especially under youth, like they did a docu on tv and a kid was prescribed the same non working treatment which made her a little frustrated and the shrink just walked away and was like i am not helping you anymore.
But i also hear stories about abuse, and they are told often that they are just a kid and they just have "to listen" to the adult.

I am on my third shrink now because they quit at that place every year, while they already only work 2 days a week there and often things just go wrong with your prescriptions where you have to call the pharmacy, them etc, normally i had a prescription monthly, but for some reason that went to weekly creating a problem each week, and stress, while stress is my main issue right now, in which i sometimes "joke" saying they make me even more crazier then helping.

Well i guess i am lucky that i can easily say no to it rather then an iron will, before i moved out i was already 1 year sober (and another year before that) but i was hit by a wall of loneliness last may and i did go back to drinking, but when you got mental issues it's so easy to say oh one more and another, and before you know it you sink into drinking too much and that's what happened and i still don't know why and what happened but i basically slept through the weekend, so going through something really bad first can help.
And giving something positive to remember my cat bowy by that i had to let her go i also made her a promise to quit drinking, i am still sober since november now.

On the other hand not drinking and giving me so much stress is also not really good for ones body and mind, it's conflicting, i don't know about alternatives, and i know where to get online meds (bit on the grey side, more expensive while i am not made out of money) but even they are out of temazepam which is a thing since january here, and over 1500 meds they got a shortage of.

May i ask what your mental issues are, you dealing with?

1 week ago*
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Oh yeah, I remember you made a post awhile back about your cat Bowy. I like that she can still help you regarding drinking alcohol.

I deal with depression and generalized anxiety disorder. I have tried 7 different SSRIs but they all had really bad side effects. I stopped going to my psychiatrist because he just wanted me to keep trying pills and I got sick of it. I go to therapy, which is good because it was incredibly hard to find a decent therapist, but some days it seems helpful and other days not so much.

Best wishes to you on your journey, Lugum

1 week ago
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Thank you, yeah sometimes i still "got a moment" where i choke up speaking about her, thinking about her, i shed more tears over this decision then the loss of my own father, which might sound weird but maybe it's because Bowy is still out there alive, and i know my dad isn't, i dunno.

Unless you got a clear proven chemical imbalancement in your brains, i think you must see your (or mine or whoever)'s problems as a wound that is bleeding and you only patch the wound each time with a bandaid with pills, while basically your wound needs to be stitched more permanently which therapy can (or cannot do) the same as hypnosis (which might work for some people and some not).
Each person is different, and the brain oh so complicated, often i don't think even mental doctors know what they are doing, and with physical stufff you can usually get a scan to show what's wrong, but not in your brain (unless you get a cat scan but that's not something they do quickly).

Thank you and best wishes on your journey, JungleBoy.

1 week ago
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Sounds like a rough day, I hope things get better soon for you.
I was reading the comments and saw that you mentioned wanting to try hypnosis, I tried that once because my mom insisted and it didn't do shit for me, what ended up doing some good was finding a psychologist that actually related to my problems and offered some half-decent advice. But I wouldn't say I actually fixed anything to be honest, just that I'm a bit more aware of what the heck was/is causing the recurring depression. I keep postponing it into some nebulous "soon" but I should really restart therapy at some point and try to get a diagnosis for neurodivergence because I suspect I might have either autism (the last shrink mentioned this one) or adhd.
I always refused any meds tho, I guess because my best friend was under some heavy meds for years I saw the side-effects they had on him. Although that's not a good excuse given that what he had was epilepsy and that's a completely different thing, but trauma is rarely rational.

1 week ago
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Thank you, I had rough days, i would call yesterday hell..

With hypnosis you have to be open to it, you have to want to change things, if not then it will not work for you, i had an introduction talk with someone doing hypnosis (which was free) and he also honestly said that and suggest 2-3 sessions first, so they are honest.
And if you say insisted then it might feel like you weren't really open to it maybe in the first place?

Talking with someone about my issues, well maybe to some chagrin of others even here, while i thank the others that are supporting here, even in real life and i realized that i can talk till i am blue in the face but it doesn't resolve certain issues,
If your first help line like a shrink is just dropping you like a brick, with no further prescriptions then yeah one is screwed and helpless.

A previous shrink also suggested possible autism but i disagree, and the few people around me also don't agree with that, the original issue is certain focused germphobia's (particular directed towards high school and stool related, like diapers). But that kinda got snowed under because now more so there is an abundance of stress (which the shrink only made worse by constantly not getting my prescriptions in order and keeping it changed from monthly to weekly) the average people have their ups and downs, i just got downs, i also don't got people or fun things to balance out the constant negative things going on.

I hope you can find the courage to get yourself the proper help that you need soon.

1 week ago
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The usual theory about medicine in general is the comparison between benefits (the pills you take can heal you, or at least keep the problem at bay) and risks (the pills have huge secondary effects, or they are addictive)

So the usual approach is to find something that has better benefits than risks. Said like that, it seems nice, but sometimes, some practictionners (and espescially shrinks) tend to be "creative" in their way to find this balance.

But stopping completely a treatment seems really more risky than beneficial. For me you should change your shrink, if you can.

1 week ago
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I have been tried many things and nothing worked, the second (and first who i only spoken to through the phone during corona never even seen his face which he wasn't even allowed to do) were suggesting a certain diagnosis he always said he never had proof for and noone in my surrounding agreed with the assessment, but he always tried various new medicine for it on me with saying also that it helps against axxiety etc too.

The only real thing that ever worked for me is temazepam but there is a shortage of that since january along 1500 other medicine, i had experience with that because of my mom who started that in the 90's, and yes i even admit that it doesn't always work, but even as placebo, if it helps in my mind, it helps. But this shrink is just so anti benzo's, unlike the other one, who even said he would prescribe me benzo's for life if i wanted to and stop any other form of treatment, i wish now i accepted that.

I can't change shrinks, they are already understaffed in the whole country, and they only work there 2 days a week and each year they quit.

This is my third one and i didn't had much problems with the previous ones at all, basically i am bit screwed, and i only got hypnosis left to try (which isn't going to be covered and i am afraid my stubborn streak can get it the way) otherwise i don't know how to proceed right now.

1 week ago
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Sorry to hear that, it sucks to have noise from the neighbors. I have to sleep with the windows closed and is getting harder with the hot.

Hope things get better.

1 week ago
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Heat*, and yeah i understand you, i live next to a parking lot of a hospital, from 5:30 you can hear the cars rushing by so they stay closed too (and lots of insects).

Thank you, appreciated.

1 week ago
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Didn't thought about that regarding hospitals, something else to add to my no-no list for my apartment search :(

1 week ago
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Don't know about there but here we should be praise to even find a home, and in that regard i might have been lucky after 12 years on a waiting list to have found a newly build apartment (with the germphobia).
But these days everything is with a heat pump, ventilation system, even if it's 29c outside, inside it's still very doable even so that on those days, summer or winter i sleep with a bed cover not to be cold.

Hope you can find something that suits you.

1 week ago
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Well I hope it can't get worse for you mate- only look up to better days and times where crap is not here with you

1 week ago
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Thank you.

1 week ago
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Really sorry to hear this, Lugum. My psychiatrist pulled a similar (sh!tty) stunt on me last year and it was so, so tough, but it DID work out in the end and my new psychiatrist is SO much better. I’m in the U.S., so I don’t know whether the route I took (asking my primary doctor to temporarily prescribe me my meds) is feasible in the EU, but I’d be happy to talk if you’d like. All the best.

1 week ago
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Thank you.

But don't you choose (and pay) your own psychiatrists there? Like another one isn't really an option here and "waiting it out".
And perhaps like the others he might leave in at the end of this year, but i don't know but primary doctors are very hesistant because in the 90's they prescribed it, people abused it and now they are very hesistant, 1 even took away my oxazepam once, where i had to go to another doctor again to ask it back.

Atleast 10 years ago i could always get oxazepam, but when i had the moment of 7 months being cut off this particular primary doctor didn't want to prescribe me anything, it would also really be about finding the right one willing to do that, but the one who did it for me back then passed away some years ago, it was a very nice doctor.

1 week ago
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As long as the psychiatrist accepts your health care plan, yes. But I'm on a very limited plan that fewer and fewer psychiatrists are accepting (and then my former psychiatrist of 10 years suddenly told me that he would no longer be accepting it, either). So it was a bit of a wild goose chase to find someone who would accept it. But in the interim, my primary doctor did prescribe me something relatively similar to oxazepam, albeit very reluctantly.

I understand why doctors are so hesitant to prescribe things nowadays, but it makes me so mad when they withhold it like this. I hope you can convince your primary doctor or get a new psychiatrist soon!!

1 week ago
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I always say any doctor be it a shrink or oncologist as long as they never took certain medicine or had cancer they can have so much theoretical knowledge but never been the patient and thus know what meds can do for a patient, or understand being sick, and yes offcourse some people are more likely to form a habit of an addiction, but i was always clear i never wanted more then that i had.

I don't think either of those two options are gonna happen but thanks.

Wish you well.

1 week ago
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Sorry you had a bad day, Lugum. I wish you luck getting your medication sorted. I recommend looking into getting an insurance plan like AsurionHome to cover your electronics like your phone. I have that and with it, a phone screen repair is only ~$5 USD. It covers game controllers and headphones as well. I'm gonna try to use it for a 3d printer soon.

1 week ago
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Thank you, but i think i can really forget about it (or go the online route sort to say) and that my only remaining option would be hypnosis.

Sometimes you get it offered while buying equipment, but usually you end up with paying lots of extra's (when you don't have it big) and nothing happens to your equipment, and the phone was 209 euro in 2019, 5 years for a phone on itself wasn't that bad.
A special company that would insure your electronic equipment (my pc was 2500 euro when i bought it) and i got loads of computers, so it wouldn't be bad to have, but i never heard of it before, if they have it here.

You got your own printer or borrowing it? I feel it's a bit the same as VR that it only catches on to a limited group and thus it's never becoming mainstream like regular printers, and more affordable.

1 week ago
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VR is absurdly affordable these days in USA. As are 3d printers. I bought my printers. I have 3 3d printers, one of which is a resin printer. The non-resin AKA "FDM" printers broke with a short period of wear and tear, but the resin one has barely any moving parts, so it keeps going like a champ! I print very rarely on the resin printer because it's a ton of clean-up and takes a ton more thought and planning to use.

1 week ago
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Bluetooth headphones can replace earplugs
Alarm clock on mobile phone

1 week ago
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But i don't know how loud those alarm clock apps are (And without spam ad) and if i will awaken by them with something in my ears.
Because usually when i do set an alarm i am already awake by myself and turn off the app, i do have an alarm clock, but standard it's giving bird chirping in the afternoon, and the manual is in this big box with dozens of other manuals, haven't bothered looking for it, i just had this great normal one, but the plug broke.

I don't have bluetooth headphones any suggestions? What can be possible there is that with certain items like real earplugs that i keep hearing my pulse, like it goes boom, boom in my ears, i am using mostly pieces of cotton balls but it's not really sealing the ears.

1 week ago
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I bought a cheap in-ear headphone for 10$ (none ANC -Active Noise Cancellation ),
Comes with 2 pairs of ear caps, the air tightness is better than I expected.

I think the alarm clock app should have no ads, at least they haven’t appeared when using it.

Paired with white noise or sleep music at an appropriate volume, it may divert attention.

As for ANC (Active Noise Cancellation) earbuds, they are more expensive.

But don’t listen to headphones for too long while sleeping, as it can cause temporary deafness.

I tend to turn over when sleeping,
So I bought this one. In the picture, the outside is not very big and not easy to touch.
https://imgur.com/a/RESkikH

1 week ago
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Thank you.

1 week ago
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Bump!

1 week ago
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Sorry to hear this Lugum, changing a phone is easy, but finding a good doctor is very hard. I give up many times through the years trying to find help about my health problems, so my advice if you can don't give up it will be just harder next time you try. I know is hard, but don't give up.
All the best, and I hope tomorrow will be a better day for you.:)

1 week ago
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But did you eventually manage to find something/someone that did help you, and what do you have if i may ask?
The problem is that we got a big shortage of mental doctors, so just hoping my luck on finding another one is kinda done unless they get another one.

Thank you appreciated, and the best to you too. :)

1 week ago
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Right now, after few years from my last disappointment, trying with a new doctor and she is optimistic that she can help me. Only time will tell but she trying - sending me on test and so on.
I only go to supported doctors, not private (don't have the money), so I get what you mean - it is hard.
Thank you, all the best to you too.:)

1 week ago
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Sounds like a tough week/month. :( I've dealt with unsympathetic medical professionals before. Not a fun time.

1 week ago
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A tough year after i started moving, things suddenly went all downwards, a wall of loneliness that hit me, in november i received a physical ailment clashing with my germphobia, i had to wait till march for treatment, but only made it worse and the surgeon can't explain why and he also basically let me go.
Then that whole thing started to shift 3 weeks ago and i still don't know if things are healing, changing or not, but that took a lot of energy (water, electricity, but also my own because of the constant need to wash my stuff).

That's what drained my batteries and not even made me go physically to them, and instead of saying we understand, we will help you and have your meds (or new ones) settled and we will see eachother again in september and hope you are back up on your feet again.
Basically it's i am already on the ground, and instead of reaching out a hand they basically kick me further when i am down.

Aside from the benzo's helping calm me down somewhat (and sometimes not) it atleast made me fall asleep better, i still had a few left but slowly offcourse it will run out, and if i am going to have nights of insomnia again while my batteries are already low.

It's definitely not fun.

1 week ago
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You know, looking at the world today sometimes makes me wonder if this is all worth it in the end..

Haha, pardon me for the negativity. Given the abundance of heartwarming messages you have received here, I felt I should be on the other side to 'balance' it out.

I may not have much to offer, but just in case you forget, we are all in this together.
You're not alone.

1 week ago
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You gave Lugum an ear, that is your offering!

I think it´s essential to feel overwhelmed sometimes. It is at those points where we think about how to move on/ find a solution and how to accomplish this while keeping a good health and being content, if and as much as possible.
At least it´s how I try to tackle life.

1 week ago
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What part is all worth it or not?

Thanks.

1 week ago
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Often, before you find a good doctor, you would probably win the lottery... sorry to hear this, Lugum, that stinks.

In case you are not practicing this already, is there a way for you to transcribe your feeling in words, drawings or similar forms?
It doesn´t matter the visual or contentual outcome, just use paint, lines, forms, words or whatever medium you would like to try to let off steam and maybe get a little clarity.

Try to restrict or even stop (over) thinking and use your gut instinct for this, you may get a little rest.
At first it will be hard to get your head around it but see this practice as process-driven and ignore the results at first. After you gathered a big pile of work, you can reflect about it. Whatever the outcome, just have fun and enjoy it.

By now means is this a full substitute for a good doctor or needed medication. However, engaging in art processes on a permanent basis helps to get to know your feelings, needs and limitations better since your creations mirror yourself in one way or another.

In my openion, it can help a freaking lot (mentally and physically) if you are willing to invest yourself in creative problem solving.
At the end of the day, the stress we undergo daily has to be compensated for either way!

1 week ago
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I certainly hope to have atleast that luck to win the lottery some day. and yes that still wouldn't buy happyness or make everything go away but it certainly could allow you to enjoy things more that make one happier, having no or little money certainly never made anyone happy.

If you been on the forum enough, you can have seen i expressed myself more then enough, and there are about 3 people in real life i can also talk until i feel i am blue in the face, but in the end they all put their hands in the air saying they also can't do anything for me.
Beside some points, mostly of that is true and i realized that, so i already kinda stopped venting myself, this was also more of 1 time outing after a very frustrarting day, a parody on another thread here: "if you are angry today?".

But for example my phsyical ailment (clashing with my germphobia) and just the feeling of not having your body under control is not a nice feeling, i can't make people wanting to be my friend or moreso wanting me in a relationship, at a certain age it's just very hard especially when you don't go out, and if i can force myself to go out what can i and want to do? I don't know. Some just run into eachother, i met a few female friendships through all sorts of channels 20 years ago but those friendships went away and i don't know the reasons why it just never happened again.

I am not an artsy type in any way, i was even ridiculed by the teacher in grade 8 doing a paper on the police, and he showed the whole class how ridiculous i drew a police car.

Stress has to be compensated, stress is killing for mind and body but most "normal" people have that, have their ups and downs, have people to catch them from falling, but it isn't there in my life, if i had that it would already save me so much where perhaps i don't even need medication or something, i always take the example of my uncle who became unwillingly single his whole life (i don't know about friends).

Most people's life are destined for a family, home, pets the whole thing, and some not, it looks like i am one of them, i am not complaining about life, in ways it did make me stronger, and some people are way worse off, and i even understand suicidal thoughts, people who have/had them don't want to die, they just want to end the suffering and see no way out, i don't see a way out right now either, not that i have such thoughts of wanting to end it all, but i certainly don't want to keep on living like the last year either but also the possibility of never getting a kid is also killing and a no go for me, but i feel my clock is ticking. I am like okay if life wants to give me lessons fine, but enough is enough now, but it doesn't work like that.

And where i like to always use music in my giveaways, i would quote pink floyd - time: "Noone told you when to run, you missed the starting gun".

1 week ago
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Closed 1 week ago by Lugum.