Hey YunieRozier,
Hug
I think we should have a discussion about sleeping issue and depression.
I'm sure we both want to get pass it.
Btw, I love your avatar! Such a cute piggy.
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I'm sorry to hear that, and I know it is hypocritical and somewhat selfish of me to say this but don't lose hope; the loveless family and the abuses u gone through weren't in ur control at all, and the way I see it is that yes life is deterministic and fairness is irrelevant to its functioning but that wouldn't necessarily mean that nothing good will ever happen if one wishes or desires it. what I'm so badly(eng not the first lang) trying to say is the old cliche:just hang in there, and ik I don't know u but I love u and I hope ur life gets better and be shaped the way u dreamed it to be. I'm sry for the incoherency of my reply 🙄
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Hey someonequeer,
I love you toooooooooooooo!
Receiving kind words from a stranger is always lighten me up a little and made my day a bit brighter.
Don't worry, English my 2nd language too!
Thank you so much for your heartful words.
Again, I love you too! 💙
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Im very sorry for the horrible things you have faced. You deserve way way better. And if from 2017 to 2023, you have grown in different aspects.
That can only mean that your future will be even brighter and better. Pls dont lose hope!
I can relate with the anxiety issue, as Im currently an absolute wreak in personal and professional capacity. But Im too cowardly to seek help, this year I hope to have the courage to do something about that.
And on the bright side I joined this site a few weeks back, and based on your experience. That can only mean that I will improve with time just like u!
Lets have hope and the courage friend :)
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Hey CultoPersonalitea!
It seem that on the anxiety issue we are on the same boat!
Anxiety meds may help but the side effects are pretty bad.
So I suggest smoking a bit of marijuana, it may help with anxiety. I tried, and it works, temporarily.
Sometimes anxiety give me headache, so I smoke a bit of marijuana. It empty your mind, literally.
But don't be too depend on it.
I only smoke once a week, or less.
I hope you will be anxiety-free soon.
Wish you all the best, friend!
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Hey dude. Sorry to hear about your misfortunes, went through some rough times too. If I could have given an advice to myself back then then it would have been probably to keep clinging to stuff you enjoy, like the little things: pizza, video games. Remove the people from your life who are just feeding onto your kindness, because clinging to them just to have company would just end up worse. You could try to go to events about stuff you're interested in and make new friends, it might seem scary at first but you'll have to be strong and overcome the fear, you might find great new friends, or not, but you might still have a great time, life is about ups and downs. And probably one of the most important is getting professional help.
In any case, I can't promise it will be better, but keep working on yourself and be strong and you will overcome anything! My best of wishes to you, and never give up!
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Hi JasonFilips,
Tbh I lost interest in many things that I used to enjoy (play games, pizza......).
I also rarely go out unless necessary (buy food...)
But making new friends seem nice.
Thank you for your wishes, I also wish all the best to you!
💙
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Tbh I lost interest in many things that I used to enjoy (play games, pizza......).
That's just textbook depression. Whatever fortitude you have left, focus it on getting access to a decent psychiatrist. Everything will get a lot easier once you get medicine.
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That's a lot to have to endure. But you HAVE endured! And we are here and we are your friends. I have no doubt you will always find someone here with whom you can speak in the most trying times as well as whenever you want to help prevent those most difficult times. It is easy for me to say to you... hold on things will get better because you are the one suffering at this time. But in my darkness moments, when I didn't know how much more I could endure, there has always been a "new day" at some point where life calmed down and joy crept back in a side door. Hold on and give it a chance to sneak up on you as well. 💙
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Hi Dominicanoed,
Thank you for your kind words. I'd love to be your friend 💙. I hope a new day will come.
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Now my love keep doing the unforgivable thing.
As long as you've predetermined that something is unforgiveable, you're only locking yourself into the pain it caused you. Get past it.
This next part you don't need to pay attention to if it isn't helpful, but if they keep doing it, it's not really cheating anymore. It's just who they are and you both know that. If you can both approach this as something that isn't being done to you, but for them, you can continue your relationship and work through why your well-being and self-worth are so tied up in their making you a promise they can't keep. Love each other for who you are, not out of loyalty and denial, but just out of love.
Of course, if the cheating is meant to hurt you as some sort of cruelty or payback, ditch this person and remove them from your life. You'll be better off.
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The cheating is not meant to hurt me. But rather because this person want to experience "something new". Like meeting and talking with a new person (probably) feel better than talking with the same person (me) every day. I am the opposite, I always like it when talking with the same person, going to the same coffee store, same restaurant....
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🤔…Will you come with me when I escape the earth?
It makes me feel that way.(Humanity was not adapted to extraterrestrial. ...🧠🥫)
In any case, it is as if the "state" or "municipality" is not tied to the "family" and pays taxes for public support. There is no doubt that the "national government" and "municipalities" pay taxes for public support.
The unfortunate people around you who "praise" your "family" and "common sense" will think nothing of you, but you should have a plan in place to distance yourself and ask the police and counselors to do so so that after you are gone, they will not come after you away.
If you can get the police or counselor to check on them after you are gone, you will at least feel that you have fulfilled your obligation to them and it won't be so bad if you can move on with your life.
Unfortunately, I can't claim to have much understanding of earthly common sense, but it seems that there are consultation services referred to by these names in every English-speaking country and state.
Unfortunately, I don't know the country you belong to, so I don't have direct contact information, but you might want to try a search using these words.
Family Violence Program
Family Abuse Center
I would recommend as much contact information listed in public sources as possible, as I do not want to be hounded by scams and exploitation.
If you find that you just can't let go of "things", try to stay calm and do what you can to gradually distance yourself from them. Take care.
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Hi Kappaking,
I am from Vietnam, the thing is: those family abuse issues, and mental problems, are underestimated in my country (not sure if underestimate are the right word). But the society here are different, people beat their children daily without any intervention from the police (Even if you call for them they just ignore, unless the beaten child is dead or serious harm). I witness my cousin being beaten from when she was a toddler until she is a highschool students, I tried to help but useless. They even have an idiom: "My Children my rights to teach" (it means they can do whatever they want, even abuse or beating the child.
Thank you for your concern, I appreciated a lots. Please also take care!
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Oh ....... There was a strict custom in that country.
A long time ago, I heard that many people pushed the nonsense that if you invested in your relative's children for their education and travel expenses, they would pay you back a hundredfold when they grew up.
Sometimes, family members and relatives would send them abroad like slaves, saying that they could pay back twice as much as they owed.
However, this did not work out well during the infectious disease era, and sometimes those who pushed such unreasonable expectations and investments would come all the way to the country where they were sent and try to steal the money, causing incidents.
You, students, and minors have a terrible problem.😢
[Derailed story (you don't have to read it)]
By the way, this is a mutual help site for Vietnamese workers in a certain country.
Here you can find the reality of the labor situation.
Các tổ chức tư vấn cho người Việt phải biết tại Nhật
https://www.kokoro-vj.org/vi/post_12008
It was a long time ago, but I have seen people from Vietnam who were happy to post that they are coming to this country to be mediated by this country.
I once told him that during that period, there were many disturbing stories about "unscrupulous mediators" (Yakuza, Chinese and Korean criminal organizations) in between and that he should make sure those stories were not suspicious.
The site above seems to have posted some of the stories of damage these people suffered in the field.
Some places are good, but many are terrible, and now I have seen people talking about how people in Vietnam may be sent to Australia next under the guidance of a placement agent. It seems that Vietnamese workers who leave and return are becoming priority recruits in their home countries, so hiring young people is tough.
I just thought of something unnecessary and wrote it down....
Back to you.
I think there are many adults in the world who are hard on "minors" because they want to "reduce their own burden as soon as possible," but there must be situations where everything can be discussed and solved little by little.
(If you can afford to escape from your hometown, it would be a good idea to go to an area where you can be sure that those cares are taken care of.)
(If you can afford to get out of your hometown, you can go to a place where you are sure to get the care you need.) You may want to plan some kind of way to get some distance and time with your "family.
There is a Blue Heart activity sponsored by UNICEF.
It is a good idea to bookmark or keep in mind the telephone number for consultation in case you might have to flee your home, even temporarily, in an emergency.
Chiến dịch Trái tim Xanh 2022
https://blueheart.org.vn/
💙📞111
I wish I lived next door but this is the only way I can be of help.🤔
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Hi Kappaking,
Sorry for my late response, I was out of town for sometimes.
I guess you're from Japan then! I once worked for JICA (Japan International Cooperation Agency - 独立行政法人 国際協力機構 ) in Vietnam. So I know the situation of Vietnamese people in Japan, and I am so sorry that many Vietnamese people are causing havoc in Japan.
"A long time ago, I heard that many people pushed the nonsense that if you invested in your relative's children for their education and travel expenses, they would pay you back a hundredfold when they grew up." -> This is not a long time ago, it's still happen right at the moment, at least for Vietnamese people to go to work or study in Japan and other developed country.
Thank you for giving me such detail support.
To be honest, I can't afford to get out of my hometown, financially speaking.
どうもありがとうございます 💙.
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To anyone who needs to hear this, you're not a problem and you did nothing wrong. People just suck, so stop beating yourself down.
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I just want everyone including myself to be happy.
Yes some people are suck, but most people are nice. I think
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Human relationships are complicated, my advice is that, to love someone else, you first need to lover yourself, no one can give you true happiness or love, you have to get them before you get in a relationship and then, share them with whoever you want. If you don't, you'd depend on the other person for both, and if they fail you or leave you, you'll get hurt and feel like you need them more than you really do.
But if you are happy by yourself, if you feel love, not to a person, but to yourself and the world, you can easily move on, and pick a better person to share that happiness with. I know words are easy, experiences and memories are an entire world, and some random on the internet writing about anything might come as senseless or hypocrite, but, you're not the first to have experiences like those and you won't be the last, I do not say this to downplay your experiences, but to say that, others have managed to overcome similar things, some probably had it easier, others, harder, but they did it, and I have absolute confidence that you can overcome this too, you said it yourself, you're a better person today than you were before, and you'll be even better, come tomorrow.
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Hi Ashtart, your advises are really helpful. I will try to be happy to myself, and eventually overcome this issue.
Thank you so much!
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Heyyyyyy LeonFowl!
BIG HUG
Thank you for the hug buddy!
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hey workerofsecret,
that's a lot for any person and I'm so sorry for your struggles... Luckily you still see positives too; like this community and you growing up and becoming a better person..Keep focussing on those positive elements in your life, cherish them and try to create more of them. More WILL come.
All the best!
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Hi Waxlor,
Thank you for your useful advice. I don't know what to say beside that I also wish you all the best.
Take care and have a wonderful life!
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That sounds like a lot of struggle, I'm glad you made through it. In my experience things get a bit easier the more control you have over your life (like not being a student) but that comes with new problems to be solved. Trusting yourself and being patient with yourself while learning into the new things is the best thing you can do :)
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Hi adam1224,
I thought I couldn't make it, but thinking about family (Grandmother, cousins, silbling...) help me got through.
Because once you die, everything is finished for you. But suffering began for your loved ones. I did think like that, and I stop myself from doing the suicide act.
I will try to follow your advice.
Thank you for your comment, I hope all best things come to you too.
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Hey stapasr,
Yes I saw your friend invitation on Steam, I already accepted and also send a message to you on Steam.
Waiting for your response!!!!
Many hugs and love from Vietnam to you toooooo.
Hopefully see you in the FOG too buddy!
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That was a lot...
Glad you found some community you can be comfortable on tho. Always helps if even a little.
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Yes I love this community and always be comfortable when I am here.
I hope you feel the same!
Have a wonderful day to you!
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Do you (still) have professional help to talk about the things you are experiencing and have experienced?
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Hi Lugum,
I live in a developing country. So professional help for mental issues and family abuses are not common.
It may have in big cities (like the capital). But I live in a small city.
Also, it is really expensive tbh (for me). Just because it is rare in this country.
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workerofsecret, did you try online therapy?
I am not familiar with specific sites, but I found this
It can be a good choice if you do not have professionals over where you're at physically.
I understand this may be too expensive for you, living in a developing country... nevertheless, maybe you can apply for government funding or something else that can assist with the expenses?
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Hey ThalesOwens,
Thank you for your recommendation.
I checked the site, filling all information. And it required some payment (65$/ week).
I may check back on it later.
For the "government funding" for these mental issues, there is no such thing like that here : (.
But there are some non-government funding, or funding from other nations I think.
For that I will find it on my own.
Thank you again buddy!
I sent you a friend request ^^
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Accepted your invite 💗
Feel free to contact me whenever you feel like it (:
I'm not always responding immediately but I will eventually.
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💗💗💗
Know that we are here for you, no matter what you need.
Don't give up on love and reach out to someone professional who can help you get up on your feet.
Make sure you eat well (+ fresh/frozen fruits and vegetables) and exercise, these things tend to have a significant effect on your mental health.
Again, most importantnly - know that you can share with us whatever, we'll be there for you.
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Hey ThalesOwens,
I avoid sugar and eat healthy, but I don't exercise much.
I will start to exercise more following your advice.
Thank you for your heartfelt comment!
💗
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I'm not a sentimental guy usually (I'm the opposite, straight and blunt), but if you need someone to talk to, you can add me on steam, I insist (especially after reading your "hidden" message)), my friends said that I helped them alot when they were down...
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Hey Addriano13,
I am happy to be your friend!
I already send you invitation on Steam.
Thank you!!!
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As someone who used to suffer from crippling anxiety and serious depression, I vigorously recommend antidepressants! Best thing that ever happened to me!
Nowadays I mostly find it motivating to intentionally spite my mother for never giving a damn about me but expecting me to take care of her in her old age. You get over the hurt of your parents being total crap as you get older.
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Hey Vercinger,
I used to take antidepressants and anti-anxiety drugs. But my doctor advises not to depend on it or use it in a long-term.
I also realize its huge side effects.
So I stop using them at the moment.
I cannot spite my own parents. At the end of the day, they are still my parents!
But I am not living with them anymore!
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But my doctor advises not to depend on it or use it in a long-term
That sounds like terrible advice! Generally these kinds of drugs can be taken for as long as needed, all the way up to the rest of your life. They get better over time as the body adjusts and the side effects mostly subside. I certainly dont plan on stopping any time in the coming decades. It's not like long-term brain dysfunctions can magically heal on their own.
If the side effects of any 1 drug are too bad, make sure to try combining lower doses of different classes of drug. I originally started with just an SSRI, but my body cant handle anything above minimal doses of it, so I eventually settled into a combination between that low-dose SSRI and a low-dose atypical antidepressant. And recently a new doctor replaced the atypical with a low-dose SNRI, and that combination works even better.
I still live with my mother, so spiting her is how I handle her continued shitty behavior towards me. But cutting contact is much healthier, so good for you that you're out of there already.
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I agree it's weird advice from a doctor. Maybe he just meant anti-anxiety meds as most doctors prefer you rely on those only for big panic attacks because they can become addictive and problematic. I know my doctor recommended therapy for my anxiety rather than meds.
Definitely not the same with anti-depressants. I get adjusting dosage after a while or trying other types but if the depression is still on-going, which it seems to be, it doesn't seem right for a doctor to recommend discontinuing treatment.
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Yeah, if it's drugs specifically in the anti-anxiety class, you're right. I just assumed the person meant anti-anxiety focused antidepressants, since in the OP they said they were diagnosed with anxiety disorder and not panic disorder.
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Hi workerofsecret. I see you have many problems and sadly, few solutions available to you.
Maybe try something natural and inexpensive if it's available in your country. It's not a drug and is known to detox your brain, helps with depression, anxiety and sleep problems.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_Pauk4HHxg&ab_channel=Dr.NickZyrowski
3:40 is the bit that is relevant for you.
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Oh, come on! Dont be that guy!
something natural
Natural things are generally worse for you than man-made things.
It's not a drug
If it has medical effects, it's a drug.
detox your brain
Not a thing that exists.
helps with depression, anxiety and sleep problems.
N-Acetyl Cysteine is awaiting investigation for effectiveness for those problems. It most definitely has not been proven or even considered likely to be effective. It's overwhelmingly likely it doesnt help with those things. And it has side effects, like all other drugs. On balance, I wouldnt advise trying it as an antidepressant given the chance of serious side effects is much higher than the chance of it helping somehow.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_Pauk4HHxg&ab_channel=Dr.NickZyrowski
That's the fakest "doctor" I've seen in a while. Typical alt-med quack.
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I honestly don't know what you are basing any of that on. NAC is not a drug, it's an amino acid. It's natural because it is found in the human body, rather than a synthetic chemical invented by pharma. There is no evidence of serious side effects. The brain is subject to oxidative stress and an imbalance called glutathione redox imbalance which researchers believe can be addressed via the NAC glutathione pathway.
I used this guy because he is accessible, presents his points clearly and doesn't get too deep into the weeds.
But here are some links for you which do.
https://www.hindawi.com/journals/bmri/2018/2469486/#abstract
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25405315/
https://www.nature.com/articles/tp201261
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Extra HUGS my friend!
Sounds very hard what you have to go through.
Change of habits, antidepressants, professional help would my first thing to do. I hope you will find power for that and you will find a way to have more enjoyment in your life. It does seem to worth it once you passed your dark forest.
Take care!
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Hey hgburu,
HUGS BACK WITH LOVE!
Thank you for your advice and encouragement! I hope I can pass this stage!
Please also take care. I hope all good things in life come to you!
XX !!!!
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I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and migraine in 2020. /
I keep having suicidal thoughts since 2022.
I think when my Grandmother pass away, I will follow her.
Before doing something so extreme try therapy. I know what it means to have shitty parents - and how it changes every single thing in your life. My mother is a textbook example of narcist, so me and my sister were born to basically worship her xD Though my sister had it worse, since as a girl she was a target for all kings of abuse (mental and physical). She was usefull scapegoat and treated as some sort of competition for old hag.
She had all kind of mental problems for whole life, and what helped her was not medicine, but going to psychologist to get all old wounds sorted out.
Life is worth living, even if you can't see good things - you can try to live in spite of your parents. Just imagine, when they will be old and expecting you to take care of them... only to see middle finger xD
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Hey 76561198082881386,
I am sorry to hear about your sister and what she has been through!
and I am glad that she found a way out!
But I live in small city of a developing country. Psychologists, or mental therapy here, is as rare as finding needle in a haystack!
I know that life is worth living, that's why I don't give up, yet.
Thank you for your useful advice and story!
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Stop scrolling through the comments, and just take this virtual hug.
🤗
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Sending virtual huggggggssss back to you!
This community is so wholesome, including you!
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So I barely had any friends
We are all your friends, here. And looking at this thread, it seems that there are a lot of people who care about you.
Please take care. And here's a heart just for you.-> ❤️
Also, as others have mentioned, if you ever feel the need, or just wanna talk, you can add me on Steam aswell.
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Hi Mudk1p,
You are so nice !! I am happy to be your friend!
Thank you for concern about me! ❤️
I already sent friend request on Steam!
See you there!
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- .- -.- . / .- / -... .-. . .- -.- --..-- / --. . - / ... --- -- . / .--. .-. --- ..-. . ... ... .. --- -. .- .-.. / .... . .-.. .--. .-.-.-
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A great life partner and great parents are the best and rarest blessings someone can have in my opinion. Sorry for your struggle, I also take on a similar battle.
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Hey Seffard,
I hope you win your battle!
I am also sorry for what you've been through.
Take care buddy!
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Just to clarify my general message, by great I mean sensible, empathic and trustworthy, basic qualities that make up a honorable person for me. I believe I've had one great partner in my 40 years life, but I was too young to realize the value of it at the time.
About my parents, I only really knew they were douchebags after 30 years of close contact, when bad situtations showed their worst and I was wise enough to see through their bullshit: my mother is a dumb disloyal narcissist and my father an arrogant unhinged hypocrite. So on the big "if" that I meet a great partner again and have children or godchildren, I would try my best to be their blessing and stop the "it's-your-turn-to-bare-my-shit" cycle.
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I know this comment will be not a revelation, but I would consider breaking all contact with parents.
You seem like such a nice person. I hope your grandma gets to live years and years more.
<virtual hug>
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breaking all contact with parents
I obviously can't speak for OP as I dont know them, but far too often this is a great first step. Unfortunately not many people are willing to do so, and in great part it's our own societies to blame. Going no contact with parents, and especially with mothers, still carries a huge stigma where people will judge you as if you're a heartless freak. In the past decade or so I've been seeing a positive change, albeit extremely small, in people's perspective on this matter.
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Hi himalaya,
I'm not sure about breaking all contact with parents!
I don't have the heart to do it! They are still my parents
I think you are also a nice person!
Sending you virtual hug too!
Thank you !!!
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If you come here for the gift. Here it is: • • • •
I barely have anyone to share my thoughts, and I love this community. So I think I should share this, I hope this is allow. •
I just discovered that the person I loved, cheated on me again, and this is not the 1st time, nor 2nd.
Back in 2019, I discovered that my parents raise me for a sole purpose: to have someone take care of them when they get old. • ─ • •
Only then, reality hit me hard. I think again and realize they never did care about me, never ask me how I feel, even when I got sexually abused when I was 5 years old. I told them but they just laugh it off. Their promises never came true. • ─ ─ •
I had insomnia in 2017.
I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and migraine in 2020. /
I keep having suicidal thoughts since 2022.
The sole reason I live was because of my Grandmother, my Great Aunt, and my love (and probably Mr. Beast videos :) ). I lost my Great Aunt during the COVID lockdown. Now my love keep doing the unforgivable thing. I think when my Grandmother pass away, I will follow her. ─ ─
I lost the ability to communicate properly. So I barely had any friends. I just don't know what to say in a conversation, and sometimes I stuttering.
I am a complete different person now compare to when I first registered in this community (2017?). Mentally and physically. I was not a nice person back then, I was still a dumbass student. I am sorry for that. I think I grown up a lots. •
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