What do I do to get a female companion?

Stop being a shitty 13 year old that is shirtless with headphones.

Op can't inb4

Get a credit card.

Win the lottery.

I guess this should help
http://www.gamespot.com/walkthroughs.html

Buy Skyrim?

Come out of the closet. It's the 21st century.

Send smile faces, bitches love smile faces.

Lie down on the ground, roll over to them and say "Quick, sit on my face." Guaranteed way to get laid.

stop being a spaghetti monster

Eh, you can get Lydia as soon as you finish one of the main quests, d'oh. Everybody knows that.

I think if you talk to the Jarl of Whiterun and do some quests for him he gives you a female companion.

Also, NNJG says hi.

I dont know. It is like drinking wine next to the church and then talking some rubbish. If that is not enough then you can go and play with lego or ask some old lady for a candy. There might be a case where all previously mentioned failed then you can kill that fly on the wall.

alcohol and lots of it!

Buy cats, it worked for me.

Now i'm a crazy cat lady >_>

Send a public giveaway of skyrim

Play Portal for companion cube or Dinner Date

Roofies and Alcohol for all
Or say to her "I give you Skyrim you have sex with me?" and see what happens

hit em with a baseball bat. Or become and super villain and seduce a doctor, worked for joker.

Snort cocaine.

Duh...must likely your doing the "mating dance wrong" (I gave link on how to do it right)

Note: Play the same music when doing dance will increase success by 150%

Rohypnol.

For when all other avenues (charm, wit, good looks, intellect that exceeds the average arthropod, etc) have been exhausted...

Money is the answer.
To everything.

You have to have the Tardis. Bitches love the Tardis.