Tell me a joke :D

Mum mum, at school say i'm agressive motherfuckers.

EA.

There are 500 bricks on an airplane. If you drop one out, how many are left?

There are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator. What are they?
Open the fridge, put the elephant in, close the fridge.

There are four steps to putting a deer in the fridge. What are they?
Open the fridge, take the elephant out, put the deer in, close the fridge.

The Lion King is having a birthday party. All the animals are there but one. Why is that?
The deer is in the fridge.

A woman wants to cross an alligator infested swamp. How does she do it?
She crosses normally because the alligators are at the Lion King's party.

She dies anyways. Why?
She gets hit in the head with a brick.

Why the blonde girl opened the bag of cookies on the supermarket? Because it was wrote "open here".

Not really a joke... Here Wrong kind of help....
And also

roses are red violets are blue
im not funny because fu :*

How do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator! :o

What do a blonde and a barn have in common?
They always have a cock in them.
Here is one more.
A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat.

"No!" yells the blonde.

Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again.

"For the last time, no!" says the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asks, "Well, why the hell not?"

The blonde says, "Because I wanna stay up here with you!"

You want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it’s pretty cheesy.

Or even better..What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.

My GF likes to pretend she's 14 when we have sex.
I don't understand her, she'll be 14 in 6 months anyway! :D

Why does everyone love hanging out with the mushroom?
Because he's a fungi.
But if he was such a fungi why didn't they ever have parties at his house?
Because there wasn't mushroom.

What happened when the red ship crashed into the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.

Man to woman: Want to hear a joke about my penis?
Woman: Go on...
Man: Nah it's too long.
Woman: Do you want to hear a joke about my vagina?
Man: Yes.
Woman: You won't get it, so there's no point telling it.

A girl goes to a 7-11 at midnight.
She gets some batteries and a big cup of chocolate.
When she gets @ the clerck, he asks. Still single?
She answer yes, how did you know?

Oh, it was very simple, because of the batteries, you should have a vibrator, because of the chocolate, you might feel a bit lonely, but most likely..... Because you are so F**** Ugly.

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel on his crotch,
the bartender says "man, that looks uncomfortable"
pirate says "aaarrgh, it's drivin' me nuts."

Your life...
just kidding

A woman calls the nursing home to see how her father is doing.
Nurse: He’s like a fish out of water.
Woman: You mean he’s having trouble adjusting?
Nurse: No, I mean he’s dead.

I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it. It was a Shih Tzu.

Two hunters were resting.
One asked: "How did you know that bear was a man eater?"
The other replied: "Easy- by that look it had in its eyes. It looked at me just like my wife."

Two lumberjacks were in the woods. One of them remarked: "Ahh, isn't nature beautiful!" and the other replied: "What nature? I can't see anything from all these trees.".

For more jokes I take payment in cash and muffins. :P

How do you call a cheap circumnsicion? a ripp off

Left 4 dead 3;

Half Life 3;

Roses are red, Violets are blue, in Soviet Russia, Strike Suit gives You!

tuck tuck tuck who is it? Monster truck (I´m sure no one will get it...)

Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poetry, Pikachu

Mom tells to eight:

Wake up! You can't sleep in the infinity.

I don't know if i should use "to" instead of "in" :s My english is so weak ._.

No.

Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Cause it couldn't be stuffed :D !!!!