what do you think of over controlling partners?
I misread the "they should chillax" option as they should climax. U almost got my vote there.
Comment has been collapsed.
"Bullock, the world abounds in cunt of every kind, including hers."
Comment has been collapsed.
In the end, what matters is what/who you want in your life.
Edit: So whats the blacklist count?
Comment has been collapsed.
is it really? since i dont see anything i really want to get
surprisingly zero
edit : four
Comment has been collapsed.
Such a boring rant, you should try harder if you want those blacklists! xD
Unfortunately, I don't blacklist so I can't help here... =\
Comment has been collapsed.
im new to this man, teach me master, i wanna be the king of all black lists
Comment has been collapsed.
By the way, when you call the thing "overcontrolling" it already means it's wrong because 'over = too much', so the poll is kind of useless, what option would you choose if the poll was like "Should I be overreacting?".
Comment has been collapsed.
over controlling is also a kind of over caring, so i thought that some might see it positively , after all , some are INTO this controlling thingy
Comment has been collapsed.
I know a guy who lost his GF because of such caring and now he is suffering and trying to change so I guess everything is a poison and everything is a cure, it just depends on a dose, as everyone knows =P rhyme?no.
Comment has been collapsed.
seriously though,id like to talk to him, if you can invite him here or something, i wanna know how i can change that part of myself, talking to him would help, same monsters i guess
Comment has been collapsed.
I know him but our relations aren't any good.
But you still have the whole Internet at the other hand, when I have a problem, I google it and I advise you to do the same, works every time! almost, still didn't find out about the monstrous thing I saw, nvm, just found it!
Comment has been collapsed.
ah i see, my bad, also, you never know, sometimes you see hidden gems here.
Comment has been collapsed.
Yeah, you never know if you don't try first and nothing bad happens if you fail, people usually don't die because of it, yet. _)
Comment has been collapsed.
or they become total psychopaths who drink blood for breakfast and hate garlic, im half way there, allergic to garlic
Comment has been collapsed.
Also half way there, I love blood and hate sun, usually tasting only my own though =c
Should google where to get some! xD
Comment has been collapsed.
blood tastes good, i heard blood banks sell expired blood
JUST SAYING
Comment has been collapsed.
Turns out human blood is toxic because it has too much iron in it but if I'd grow a person who has a low level of iron, it would be okay I guess, the article also says it's worse than milk, nutrition wise and I thought it's much better, ah, everything is too complicated...
Comment has been collapsed.
its just lies to keep the truth hidden. dont trust the internet, instead trust this random person who is totally not fishy at all
Comment has been collapsed.
as a medical student , i guarantee you, blood can probably do something good to you , but if you managed to extract the plasma
Comment has been collapsed.
I guess medical students can be the creepiest because of their knowledge of anatomy and stuff like that, some translator has less chances to become a crazy scientist, mixing custom body parts to make a 'chimera'. xD
Comment has been collapsed.
also, why do i know? for,,, reasons, for reasons i prefer to keep my own >.>
Comment has been collapsed.
If one thinks about (even if it's just a little bit) controling his/her partner, it means that it's time to grow up and realize what is the true, MATURE love (if you don't trust your partner completely and you are constraining him/her, you have no idea what it is to love someone and there is a high probability you're lacking of empathy). In my case the very thought of controlling my gf has never crossed my mind. Why would anyone be with a person he/she doesn't trust? There's no point.
Comment has been collapsed.
i kinda see what you mean, but then again not everyone can be mature, it takes time and effort.
Comment has been collapsed.
I cannot feel any sort of empathy for you because I have never been in a relationship.
Comment has been collapsed.
i do not have any experience in this honestly, i dont know if i should apologize or thank you, or make a joke or tell you you will find someone worth it, so please, pretend that you heard the best thing you need now XD
Comment has been collapsed.
At my point in life, I should be more concerned with financial stability than being lonely.
Comment has been collapsed.
we all will be lonely, in life, or in grave, so better get used to it , but live life comfortably? understandable;.
Comment has been collapsed.
you even named her holly? cute , makes since since you have been together for a while she deserves a name at least.
Comment has been collapsed.
Make sure you work on the beard. Your devotion only truly shines when you get the awesome beard.
Comment has been collapsed.
see the problem there is that you need to speak to a female Hetero sapian
Comment has been collapsed.
The language barrier is hurting the communication here.
Partners who are controlling are pretty unhealthy to be around, and only sets a foundation for worse things to come. However unless you can keep a really clear head, be super articulate and stay tactful, there is almost no way you can change someone's mind on matters of romance. The heart and the mind speak two very languages. The heart cannot run on logic any more than the mind can run on emotion. Sometimes people need to learn from their own mistakes, and it's not our place to pave the whole road for them. All you can be is a good friend to her, and be ready to help catch her if the relationship sours or becomes more poisonous.
There is rarely a simple right or wrong in matters of romance or feelings, and it can be hard to separate your interest in her from your friendship, but right now you can only respect her wishes. This is going to be annoying to hear, but you're still young and there are so many other matches out there in the world for you to stumble on. It's hard to be patient when your heart craves company, but nobody deserves to be someone's backup plan or 'second place'. For now, it might be best to try let go. Just this outsiders opinion. Either way, try to be chill about it. Getting too hung up on things you can't help is good for nobody. Be there if she needs you to be, but she has to make her own way.
Comment has been collapsed.
i see, looking at it this way i agree with you, but i seriously dont like her THAT way, me being lonely emotionally =/= me enjoying her friendship
i mean, if she was a gender that i wasnt intersted in, id still love to be her friend
Comment has been collapsed.
Good point. I think I must have missed that part with the language barrier.
In that case it seems that you generally have the right idea. Loneliness is hard to shake off, but I suppose that's where videogaming is a nice distraction to pass the time with.
Hey if it gets too bad, you could always reach for the stars and ADOPT A WAIFU~
(please don't hit me)
Comment has been collapsed.
a way to annoy more people to get more black lists
so i can someday
reach
my
dream of being the black list king
Comment has been collapsed.
Just probably typed the post in a word processor before pasting it here.
I do that sometimes for long posts, just in case Firefox bugs out.
Comment has been collapsed.
yeah i did , if you didnt add :" i do that sometimes" i would have got paranoid and didnt sleep for days, ARE YOU WATCHING ME
Comment has been collapsed.
Just let things play out without forcing anything.
Comment has been collapsed.
we arent attracted , like even if she is single , i dont think we would date, not because im friend zoned or because she is, we live different lives, and im pretty sure i cant hold up a relationship, guy or girl, pretty or not (except if they are rich hehe)
so this rant is just ..i dont know, should i have stayed friends? or should i keep a distance? if i kept a distance it would be so she doesnt get in trouble, if i got closer its because i enjoymy time with her, and i dont have anyone else who would understand what i try to say XD
Comment has been collapsed.
ah, this comment was for your unedited comment, my bad
Comment has been collapsed.
Sorry, I removed the last part because I had misunderstood the fact that you had ended your friendship with her. So the last part of my reply was irrelevant.
Comment has been collapsed.
My experience tells me that moving from the "lover zone" to "friend zone" happens naturally.
The other way around, hardly ever.
One last thing. You say you're not good at relationships. That just means the past ones weren't the right relationships for you.
Comment has been collapsed.
maybe thats true! but i cant lie or hide the fact that i NEED to work on myself , like alot
Comment has been collapsed.
The right thing to do is what you think is right to do... imho if she's about to get married and she likes the guy she has there's nothing you can do about it , you won't get the S U C C from her. What i recommend is finding someone else to bother about this kind of stuff ya know,it won't be like staying with her 100% , because every person is different in a way, but it's the best way,(at least that's the way i see it). You seem insecure about what kind of relationship you'd have with her.. if you are,just don't bother.
P.S : Blacklist count? LUL
Comment has been collapsed.
Girls do not exist. They are legendary magic creatures.
Comment has been collapsed.
i dont want to stick anything in anyone >.< i just want a friend, im not being friendzoned nor she is being friend zoned, we respect that each of us has his own choice, she with her bf and me with my ...issues
Comment has been collapsed.
ah really? maybe you have a point! but then again, im not changing for a girl, nor a boy, i want friendship, im not ready for a relationship, no matter how manly i become, no matter how ladylike i become, im not fit to be in a relationship yet
Comment has been collapsed.
(I'm just going to say I not we because I don't know how many girls out there like me)
I have a boyfriend and I like him but that doesn't mean we have to get married. I probably wouldn't want to spend my life with him because we have nothing in common. And he's so different than me.
Sometimes things don't work out the way you want even you're happy. If I'm sure about spending my life with him then I'll think seriously. But spending your life with someone or picking the person you're gonna spend your life with is challenging so you kinda have to pick the right person for that. All that shit scares me that I will pick the wrong person so I'm slowly stepping away from 'marriage'. :D
I had a control maniac boyfriend once. If I can call him a boyfriend even.(He cheated on me) He wanted to know everything I do without him and who do I do with. And he wouldn't let me talk to me friends because they're boys and he gets jealous. I still can't believe I didn't say anything to him. Ohhh, and his jealousy. That was the most killing part for me.
I'm not like most people I think. I just don't get jealous about someone I care about because I trust them and I don't care about the others because I know he's going to do the right thing. Well, he didn't this time.
I think it would be mistake to marry him because all the time he's gonna force things that he wants. And that's annoying, really. It's your choice to end your friendship with her. If I were you I would probably talk to her first and say I know her and she deserves better than this. And if she tells me to stay away and she doesn't listen to me, than we weren't really even friends and she wasn't trusting me enough to even listen to me. I just don't like to keep my thoughts only for myself.
I'm sure you'll find someone who loves you for who you really are. =)
And don't ever try to change yourself for someone or something. Let them see the true you. I try to do that once and he cheated on me sooo. +_+
And don't worry about the blacklist, people bl you over anything. I have 11 for now :D
By the way, added you to my whitelist ^-^
Comment has been collapsed.
i have 50 so far T^T
anyway, thank you for your kind words, i told her what i think of her boyfriend, i told her im stepping away because me staying will most likely ruin her life.
she answered with : she wants to have her own friends
but the thing is, im pretty sure that id ruin stuff, so we agreed to only talk once in a while, but i still feel puzzled.
Comment has been collapsed.
Wow 50, love the people lol
There is no need to thank me, I just kinda like to tell what comes to my mind and tell about myself. :)
Yeah, you did the right thing about telling her.
And if she wants her own friends she will understand that he's no good. Soon or later.
Why would you ruin her life? I think I didn't get that part really.
Comment has been collapsed.
these type of people, they never stop, you see? even if he reads the chat, and found nothing wrong, hed think there is a second app, and a third, jealously is like fire that burns away the life, just a single message from me can trigger him and make them fight, its not worth it, im not worth taking someone's happiness away
Comment has been collapsed.
That's not the right thing to think. The most important thing in your life is you not anybody else. You shouldn't take someones happiness away, yeah. But don't think or say you're not ''worth'' it. You worth everything.
Have a confidence boost. (telling me lol)
Comment has been collapsed.
And the best thing to do is forget about her. It worked on me :D
Comment has been collapsed.
its true though, its not self confidence issues, its more like, no one has the right to interfere with other people's happiness
Comment has been collapsed.
You're right. But I think it's not about you and more about her boyfriend. He has a problem. And if she doesn't tell him to stay away from her friends than you're better off without her.
Comment has been collapsed.
Ever thought your ratio could also have something to do with it?
Also your title is confusing as heck, because it just comes across you want someone, period, comes of a bit desperate.
While it's more about being in love with someone taken, and trust me for many that's already a big no no.
Comment has been collapsed.
totally as planned ~
i think this is called clickbaits?
Comment has been collapsed.
I'm not like most people I think. I just don't get jealous about someone I care about because I trust them and I don't care about the others
Hah, agreed. I have a boyfriend (well, sort of :D) and I actually wish he'd spend more time with his friends/work colleagues. I think it's important that the partners have their own friends, their own hobbies, being together all the time isn't healthy.
And by the way, I don't want to get married, either :D I mean, I like the idea of a nice wedding, but that's it, just the idea :D
Comment has been collapsed.
Yeah, right? It's so nice to know someone thinks like me :D
It's probably because we didn't meet ''the one'', yet lol
My bf wants to be with me all the time, whenever I go out with a friend he wants to come too. I get it, okay. But you know it gets annoying sometimes. I don't know.
Comment has been collapsed.
I understand. I remember a situation when I was at a party with my ex-boyfriend (still a boyfriend at that time) and wherever I went, he was there shortly after. I was like: "Can't you go dance or just sit the hell where I left you for a while, I want to chat to my friends!" :D
Comment has been collapsed.
Wait, what? You are scared of the time when you'd grow close, and she loves her BF and wouldn't cheat him with you. You want to be just friends, she wants to be just friends, I don't see what the problem is O.o
Anyway, I think that relationships with a controlling partner are rather dangerous, they can often lead to domestic violence. I wouldn't stay with the boyfriend if I were her.
Comment has been collapsed.
im afraid of making her break up because i triggered his jealously
Comment has been collapsed.
Ah, I see. In my opinion, you're not helping her. I think you should stay and be there for her when she innevitably stars feeling unhappy in that relationship (and when her future husband innevitably starts making a hell of her life with his jealousy).
I mean, what do I know, I have no friends haha, but I think that is what friends do - support each other in difficult times :)
But damn, I can imagine that this whole situation is probably pretty difficult for you :/
Comment has been collapsed.
but supporting her through difficult times when im the one who caused it, wouldnt that be called hypocrisy ?
Comment has been collapsed.
You need to stop blaming yourself for it, it's not your fault ;) You know, you did nothing wrong, nothing to give him the reason to be jealous.
Comment has been collapsed.
"im not the best person in relationships, i know im gonna miss things up when we grow close, ill get terrified and start to drive everyone near me away."
This part resonated with me a lot, since it sums up my feelings when I was younger and in my first relationship + a few of my friendships, It took me a lot of time and self-reflection to be able to see what I did wrong and why, and I was only able to properly improve myself after figuring this out. Onto your question, I feel that if it's more helpful to you in the long run, you should try to stay away from her (or be in low contact). Not just for her sake, but for yours too.
Comment has been collapsed.
ah, thanks alot, im glad i didnt do the bad choice
Comment has been collapsed.
Trust me. It's not worth it. Coming from the perpetual 'safe guy', meaning the guy that NO girl EVER wants to be with, I've seen my fair share of this. My total time of relationships with girls in my life has been 9 months. And that's between different girls.
You are better off focusing on yourself and forgetting about trying to get with a girl that seems to want to be in that kind of relationship.
Girls choose who they want to be with. Guys don't get that luxury.
And besides, love is nothing more than the second cruelest joke played upon humanity by the fates. The first is life itself.
Comment has been collapsed.
all im asking for is friendship, thats all. sex and relationships are so over rated, i prefer a friend who i can talk to comfortably more than a goddess of beauty that ill get only sex from
Comment has been collapsed.
"It's time to bail this scene."
You did the right thing in ending that friendship. Go focus on straightening out your own head so that you can find a woman who's got her head straightened out. People with "issues" tend to wind up with other people who have their own "issues."
Comment has been collapsed.
thats why i prefer not to be in a relationship, im so messed up that id mess up any normal ones XD, thanks for reassuring me
Comment has been collapsed.
I know it sucks, right now, but really, it's for the best. I have a lot of personal experience in this matter, and I don't want you to suffer any more than you have already. It took me twenty years to free myself from all that crap. God willing, it will take you less than that. You can find me on Steam if you ever want to talk about it.
Comment has been collapsed.
thanks for the support, i really appreciate it, ill make sure to add you if i needed help
Comment has been collapsed.
Here are my thoughts:
First of all, what's her thoughts about this? You say that your broke the relationship with her, but did you explain why, and if so, what did she think about it? It was a mutual relationship, so I feel that she should have a say here.
Even more, I think that unless she agreed with your reasoning, you're making a mistake. Doing something because you think it's best for someone else isn't necessarily really the best for them. She's an adult, and she should be able to make her own decisions and face the consequences. If you've made a unilateral decision, and one that you don't even want yourself, then this sounds like the wrong thing to do.
Got to go, but might add some more thoughts later.
Comment has been collapsed.
its fine, but put yourself in her place, would you be able to tell a friend :" hey we cant talk since my bf doesnt want us to?" she is the type who would get in trouble rather than hurting someone
Comment has been collapsed.
Two people who are trying to care about each other without actually talking about what they want is a recipe for disaster.
Put yourself in her place. She was willing to get in trouble to be your friend, then she cared about that friendship, and her decision was to keep it. By undermining that decision you imply that you don't trust her to do what's best for her, and imply that you don't care that much about that friendship, which hurts her in more than one way. The end result is that she's stuck with a controlling boyfriend without the friendship of someone who cares about her. Which far as I can see is not that great for her, even if she's currently madly in love with him.
Comment has been collapsed.
Talking about it is probably best. Or even just staying her friend without doing anything, which is probably the easiest course.
What I think is that unless there's a chance (even very small) that he's going to kill her or cause some other irrevocable harm because she's your friend, there's no need to protect her. What's the worst that would happen? (Not a rhetorical question. You know him and I don't. It would be good to know what's the worst outcome you can think of.)
Assuming that nothing serious will happen to her, you can still broach the subject gently, like asking if she thinks it's okay with him that you're friends, and following based on that. And if she says something like 'sure, he's such a great guy' don't contradict her. She might at some point discover that he's not, but at least she'd have you as a friend to fall back on.
Comment has been collapsed.
well, body wise he is in the army, mentaly wise, he has tons of anger issues so, im kinda afraid of physical abuse.
but im scared more of emotional abuse, you know? closer to the heart, easier to hurt? emotional abuse could really make her feel bad for a long time, worst outcome could come in three phases,
physical abuse <all kinds>
emotional abuse < break up/ hurtful words/ breaking her confidence / and the list goes on you see?>
the thing is man, i dont want to cause suffering, no matter how kind, im a perfectionist, and i want to do things perfectly, me being there is ruining their relationship
thats not who i am, thats not who i want to be either
EVEN if im interested in her as a girlfriend, i would NEVER wish for her to break up so i , the nice guy/girl, get her --------------> nice guy dilemma
i want to end stuff perfectly, i dont want to regret this later on, im asking for help here so i dont regret it at all
i will NOT block her, she can talk to me whenever she wants, even if she broke up, even if i found a girl/guy
she can always talk to me.
i never wanna regret anything, i know i can never find the perfect answer, (NO offence intended, its just perfection is something close to impossible, no matter what i do i will trigger someone/thing)
Comment has been collapsed.
It's good that you say that you're not going to block her. I assume that you just plan to not actively maintain the friendship. She will still feel that, wonder why, and might be hurt, if she doesn't understand.
You say that you want stuff to end perfectly, but given how you see her boyfriend, it feels to me like she'd end up emotionally abused anyway. Winding down the friendship now might postpone it a little, but it will also deprive her of friendship when she needs it (not because you won't be there, but because she might not trust that you're her friend if you winded down the friendship without her understanding and agreement).
As a nice guy myself, I think I can understand what you're going through. But I think you're mainly trying to avoid conflict. You try to distance yourself from the problem and you're making some excuses to yourself which I don't think you truly believe in. You say you don't want to ruin their relationship, but it's obvious that you don't think it's a good relationship to begin with. Realistically, it would be best if this did run its course, if she wised up and saw him for what he is.
I'm not saying that you should try to break the relationship. It probably won't work, I agree with you there. But stepping away isn't being there for her, it's leaving her in a potentially abusive relationship with less outside support. It's perfectly fine to step aside if he asks her to break your friendship, and she agrees, but at least then it would be clear to her that it's his fault that you're no longer friends. It might not change the end result, but I think that even if it would matter just a little, it's better for both you and your friend that you remained friends as long as you were able to.
I have to add a disclaimer here that I'm not a psychologist or an expert on relationships, and what I say might not really be the right way to go. It's just what it feels to me, and it feels to me like the bottom line is that she'd be better off with your friendship and a chance of reprisal from him rather than losing your friendship.
Comment has been collapsed.
she understands my point, she agrees that its right, but she still doesnt want me leaving, she told me she would talk to me at night or when her bf isnt here so he wouldnt know, but thats me affecting her badly, she is gonna start hiding stuff, and possibly lie so they dont fight, i do not want her to change into a bad person because of me.
Comment has been collapsed.
Now I understand things a little better. It's better than I had thought, sorry if I jumped to conclusions. You're handling it decently.
I agree that hiding stuff from her boyfriend isn't a good thing to do. I don't think this will turn her into a bad person, but it does suggest that the relationship is already not good. I also don't think it's your fault, it's her decision, although you probably did add to her stress level.
Given this, I'd change my original suggestion. Under the circumstances I think it would be okay to force the issue. Make it clear that you love her company and would be there if she ever really needs you, but that you think that if she really loves him she shouldn't go behind his back. That doesn't mean breaking all contact, but if she decides to keep in contact, she shouldn't hide it.
I don't know how much you two talked about her relationship, but it feels like she doesn't really worship this guy as much as you initially made it seem. She does see the problems, and that's a good start.
Comment has been collapsed.
she is rather smart and wise, she sees the stuff from all angles, and she sees that he needs help as well, alright, thanks alot!
Comment has been collapsed.
Well, you both seem like good people, and it's only a matter of how bad her boyfriend really is. Given that you're not interested in a relationship with her, just friendship, I think that you shouldn't have a problem being as supportive and as open as possible. It seems that you're already doing a decent job of that. So just continue to discuss this with your friend. At some point it's she who will have to make a decision whether to leave you, leave him or try to work it out with him. It's probably best that you don't try to make her mind for her, just make sure she does try to resolve this in some way, instead of hiding your relationship.
Comment has been collapsed.
im not forcing anything on her, im showing her all outcomes, and in all outcomes id stay, thats why she agreed to make our communication to minimum .
Comment has been collapsed.
Mate, people aren't worth it at all. The extremely naive or those who only care about sex are the only ones who got a chance at happiness because relationships are a mixture or fakeness, lies, and manipulation.
But we chase after these because we for some reason care about these awful people and want them to care about us like we do for them.
But controlling relationships are the best.You're willing to give p all your other friends because of how much this one person cares for you, even if they actually don't. It's usually a lie, but you're willing to believe it because it's the best you've ever felt. Someone that cares about you so much they want you all for themselves. I had someone who carefully cares about me get me out of a relationship like that, and I honestly hate it, because I've never felt that good before. I want another relationship like that.
Comment has been collapsed.
this is exactly why im hesitating, why i sense my being there next to her is bad actually
Comment has been collapsed.
this is nothing important, and it will probably waste your time, leave now and blacklist me if you must.
/
\
/
\
/
\
yeah, just like the title says, i want a girl friend, i want to friend zone her to hell XD, we basically match in alot of things, we like the same games , laugh at the same jokes etc. she is just awesome, we both arent interested in dating though, she has someone, and im not the best person in relationships, i know im gonna miss things up when we grow close, ill get terrified and start to drive everyone near me away.
BUT
i know she loves him, crazy about him, worships the ground he walks on (this is an arabic proverb that shows the extent of love)
she wouldnt cheat on him, not with me, not with anyone, i trust her completely on that.
but the feelings arent mutual , her "boyfriend" apparently wants to drive her away from her friends, and make her have HIS friends as friends, she isnt allowed to talk to anyone other than who HE designs .
im writing this because this messes me up inside
i was a controlling partner, not that much, but i was a controlling partner and i know how it feels , im not judging him, but i just feel so tied up and i wanna write this out,
what do you guys think of over controlling partners? when i was one i was pretty pretty pretty SURE i was right, (i ended up being cheated on that time as well LOL) but i wasnt right, not everyone is bad, not everyone is thinking that way, there is nothing called "im a guy i know how they think"
i just ended up with a wrong girl, we werent good enough
i didnt try to improve myself, i was too annoying and controlling,
so im kinda lost, i just want to discuss with people about this stuff,
im facing the Xmen dilemma , which is the right side? who is right and who is wrong?
and yeah, yesterday, i ended up my friendship with her, he will probably marry her soon, and he can make her happy, on the other hand id ruin her life if i stayed, was that the right choice? should i have stayed?
you can comment and help, you can just ninja around, you can report my account , you can add me, i wont hate you no matter what you do
Comment has been collapsed.