[ENDED] Who wants to try Faction War ?

A newborn baby laughs and laughs and holds the two fists up ...
The midwife is at a loss!
She gets the doctor. He carefully opens the two clenched hands.
And an anti-baby pill falls out of each hand.

One of my favourites:

A couple were walking home from a night out when they came across a drunken old man trying to cross a busy road from the opposite side. The man shouts over "Hey, there's a zebra crossing just down the way!" The old man shouts back "Is he? Well I hope the fecker is having better luck than I am."

What did the fly say after smashing into the water barrage? - Dam!

Found this a few days ago, happy to get a chance to share it :)

A Scottish man goes on a skiing trip to Canada. After a hard day on the slopes, he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain.
After about five or six whiskys he looks up and notices a large, stuffed animal head with giant antlers hanging from the wall.
"Barkeep," he said, "What the hell is that?"
The bartender said, "Oh that's a moose!"
The Scotsman bugged out his eyes and cried, "Fuck me! How big are the cats?"

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. They both get pissed. The giraffe falls over. The man goes to leave and the bartender says, 'Oi. You can't leave that lyin' there.' And the man says, 'No. It's not a lion. It's a giraffe.'

What do you get when you mix a gullible and an optimistic person.

[Read it again]

I don't want the game but you asked for jokes so you get jokes. :P

Two lumberjacks were taking a break. One said:
"Aahh, isn't nature beautiful!"
And the other replied:
"What nature? I can't see anything from all these trees!"

Two hunters were taking a break. One asked the other:
"How did you know that bear was a man-eater?"
And the other replied:
"Easy, it had that look in its eyes! My wife looks at me the same way."

"I expect to win AAA games from public giveaways on SG"

"Joe Biden"

How do you drown a hipster?

In the mainstream.

A girlfriend is like a good US president
I'd love to have one

What do you call a dog magician?
.
.
.
a labracadabrador
(a horrible joke, isn't it?)

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

My life

A gorilla dies of old age right before the zoo opens. It is the only gorilla at the zoo since they are not very profitable. However, the gorilla is their most popular attraction by far, and they cannot afford to go a day without it. So the zoo owner asks one of his workers to wear a gorilla suit they have in storage for an extra $100 a day if he will go in the gorilla cage and pretend to be the gorilla until the zoo can afford a new one.

Quickly, the new "gorilla" becomes the most popular craze at the zoo. People from all over are coming to see the "Human-like" gorilla. About a month in, the craze has started to wear off. So, to get peoples attention back, he decides to climb over his enclosure and hang from the net ceiling above the lions den next to him. A large crowd of people gather watching the spectacle in awe and terror. Suddenly the man loses his grip and falls to the floor of the lions den. The man starts screaming "HELP!! HELP!!!" Suddenly a lion pounces him from behind and whispers in his ear, "be quiet or you're going to get us both fired."

What does the cop say to the condom?
" Cover me,i'm going in !"

also bonus pick-up line i made haha
" Say,were your parents NASCAR Speedracers?
caz gurl you are fiiine ! "
get it ,speeding ticket fine xD

Thank you for the opportunity,i hope i win one :D

I stopped wearing glasses because they weren't cool in the 9th grade and was just about to get into wearing them a couple years ago, deciding it was what my look needed, but to my horror, when I got the exam, I learned my vision is now 20/20.

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. I set the "winner" aside in a victor's pile until the entire population of the package has gone through one round, then square off the winners against each other.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to:

M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc.
Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A.,

...along with a 3x5 card reading: "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free half-pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.