This is a personal event, please don't share the link of this post or the train carts

Please read the whole post

May the 12th, 2021

Celebrating the life of the best person I ever met

On May the 4th, my beloved girlfriend fell asleep, calm and in peace, and she never woke up again. She passed away quietly, as quietly as loud and great was our love. It was no surprise, as it was the end of a long illness we both knew would end like this. It might sound horrible, but I really felt relief for both of us. No more suffering for her, no more endless nights waiting in despair for me. So, time to pass the page?

No, I'll never be able to forget what this person has done to me, with me, for me. She still brings me strength and inspiration in these rough times, which have lasted half and two years of a terrible illness, went worse around the beginning of past year, and gone totally downhill from October to now. Now you know why I've been invisible for more than a year. I still have managed to get out of the hole I made with my life since I was young, and that is thanks to her. I'm not overstating that everything good I'm doing now to repair my life is thanks to her, and I make sure that the people who are helping me with myself know it. When she found me I was really a disaster, but she got the best out of me as no one has ever done in my almost half-century of existence, made me confident, strong, daring... Now, besides rebuilding from scratch my life, I also have to repair my broken and empty heart and learn to keep going on. Some gaming again, read more, reconnect with friends online and offline, listen to music again too... But, pass the page, no I can't, I'll keep reading forever. She'll always be with me in one way or another.

Once again, I'm not exaggerating it. I'm old enough to know she's the love of my life, until my own end.

Of all the things I've done and I'm going to do about this situation, this train is probably the only thing 99.9% of you will ever know, and actually the most trivial one. Yet it's because of her. It was actually her who gifted me my first Steam game (American Truck Simulator), kept making me gifts, pointing me to nice games, and the ball kept rolling when I joined SteamGifts, groups, met people in Steam, and despite my (almost permanent) silence in the last 16 months, I have a nice friend list in Steam.

But the importance I give to my Steam library is based on the feeling that it's mainly a gift from her, although other people have gifted me games, I've won giveaways, etc. When she started to gift me bundles, she insisted that I should trade the repeated games so I get a better library. She always giggled about me being such an eclectic gamer and collector. However, after almost one year, I've not been able to trade all of her remaining gifts, with nine left. I decided to stop trading (which I hate) and to make something else out of those gifts months ago.

The train

Thus, it's only appropiate that one of the things I do about her passing is gifting as many games as I can, including the few remaining gifts from her, in a big train, as big and good as I can. I've been preparing this train since end of January, and it's far from what I wanted to do. I wanted to make a +100 carts train with AAA and most wishlisted games, spending a few hundred dollars on only the best games in Steam. Instead, I am making a 67 carts train with 81 keys of limited quality and a total spending of bit less than €20. But I managed to get and keep more than a few gems. And I'm doing this train with the best intention, so that everyone who participates can find something they'd like to get, and also so they know and understand why this train is special to me.

Due to SteamGifts limitations and errors, I've had to split the train in two. The first and current part is 53 carts with 62 games; at least I made the wagons for the important ones. The remaining ones will go in a second train which will be announced in the comment below by monday night or tuesday morning and run for 4 days starting the next day of the announcement (UTC). I'm sorry for this, but SG said I could do 69 simultaneous giveaways but the more I made, less were remaining than calculated by that number, and deleting some didn't help. E.g. making the last giveaways, SG told me I could do 12 giveaways, but after the tenth, it told me I couldn't do more. So the smaller train next week will have the remaining 14 games (19 keys). Extended celebration train.

All of you have been invited to read this through various means, and some of you might not even know or remember me to hear this kind of personal stuff. But for whatever reason you've read all this, and I ask you a few things:

  1. Please forgive me and be understanding of any error or mistake I've made in the train, as I'm not in the best situation to really do things right, plus working a bit against time and SG limitations. If you spot anything wrong, please comment in the giveaway (or in the previous one) and I'll fix it ASAP. Updates, changes and announcements will be logged in the comment below this post.
  2. Enjoy the train, choose well which games you want to enter for, I wish you can find interesting or wishlisted games for you, and good luck to everyone.
  3. No comments in the giveaways about the actual reason of the event, please. I don't want condolences, encouraging words, sorries, hugs, pats in the back, etc, and most of all I don't want questions. Yes I'm depressed, but I want to keep going on and advance, not stay in the same place. And with the best of your intentions, all those things would make me do exactly what I don't need nor want.
  4. A few of these keys (nine) are a bit old, or for whatever reason keys might have been revoked, expired or transmuted into invalid. I'd ask you to allow me to delete a giveaway if there are troubles with it. However, most of them are from bundles or promotions in the last 4 months, since end of January, and most come from legit, trustable sources, so I'm confident all keys will work.
  5. And most important, please keep all these links, including this post, private. Don't share them with anyone, please. Don't post them anywhere no matter how private or likeable is the place. With one exception.

The exception is that this train is one simple and trivial way to celebrate the love she and me shared, so you can share this post, and the ticket(s) to the train, with your significant one. Not a friend, relative, or good coworker. No matter how you love your son or mother, or infatuated with your neighbour. But share only with the one you really love, that person you can't live without, that person that makes you feel as if everyday is Valentine's (says someone who didn't like Valentine's).

Also, the train will be for levels 0-3+, with the carts increasing quality with level every ~10 carts; then three special sections, one of level 1 and two of level 0. So keep advancing even if you find giveaways of higher level than yours, you'll reach the special sections. However to reach the last games, you'll need a special ticket. If you don't have it, don't ask for it. Otherwise, you're welcome to participate in all the games you want and are able to reach. My most personal gifts are at the end of the train, not necessarily being the best games in the train, but my most special gifts to you. And yes, the best games are at the very end.

And now, being this an invite-only train (I usually make them public), I tell you that I'll go back to sparse giveaways when I can and a short public train maybe in xmas or who knows... Until I get tired of ungrateful people and I stop doing them public.

So without further ado, enjoy the train: The ticket code is eHjnd (lowercase Echo, uppercase Hotel, lowercase Juliett, lowercase November, lowercase Delta).
(Remember that SteamGifts giveaways are in the form of https://www.steamgifts.com/giveaway/CODE/ where CODE is a five character code made of numbers, and upper and lowercase letters, like the one above; and the last slash is important.)

My final words about this subject

If you have a significant one, don't be shy to show your love, with words or actions. If you don't have one... It's never too late to find someone. If you want one, never surrender. If you had past bad experiences, forget them. You really never know how a new relationship can turn your world upside down, for the best.

In any case, enjoy your life.

Regards, J.

1 year ago*

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Announcements and updates of the trains

12th: posted the post, announced the train, it'll start tomorrow around noon UTC.

12th, later: forgot to close the thread. I appreciate your words, but I prefer to close this post and don't get comments here. Thanks for your understanding.

12h, even later: my mistake by not closing the thread before posting the text has caused this to get to the top of the thread list of the events section. I wanted to keep this private, I chose an one year old post so it wouldn't appear at the top when I changed the text. But useless, now too many people have read it and have access to at least the majority of the train. In any case it was my own fault, and I'll not change anything. I just feel disappointed and angry with myself for being so stupid. As I said, I was/am not in the best situation to make everything correctly, but this is probably the worst mistake I could have made. I bet many of you are laughing at my naiveness. Feel free to participate or not according to your own ethics, or lack of them, up to you. But the train goes on.

14th: not many participants, feel free to enter more.

16th: closed the thread again, so it disappears from the first page. Only two giveaways have less than 5 entries and I'm not worried cuz that's not the reason I made the train. So there are 4 lucky people who have right now 100% chances to win in those giveaways.

17th: First part of the train ended, all keys sent. There are some double and even triple winners, familiar names, people completing a game with its sequel... Satisfied and glad to have made many people smile with one or two little gifts. Only one exception, but not going to talk about it. I'm today physically and emotionally tired after an intense weekend, so I'll announce the ticket for the 2nd train tomorrow. Be ready.

Second train

I lied.

17th: second train is open for entering, ticket is f2VzW. It's made of 29 games, with a total of 34 keys. It's again for levels 0-3+, with one level raising every six carts, as the quality of the games also raises. As in the previous train, the last five carts have the best games, but you need a special ticket that only certain people have received so don't ask for it. The only difference is that these special carts require level 1. Enjoy this second part.

18th: since there have been way fewer ungrateful people in this train than in my last post-xmas train, I'm going to open the thread for a while and let strangers enter. This will also be the last time I make any level 0 giveaways unless there's a specific reason.

19th: closed the thread again. For strangers, it might be the last opportunity to enter the train. The rest should have had their chance already.

22nd: second and last part of the train ended, all keys sent except one reroll. I forgot to write who could enter based on what you already have from the bundle, but having two thirds of it goes straight against the guidelines. Again familiar names, multiple winners, people who won something on first part of the train, etc. Nice ending.

Now for the real ending. I knew that, despite explicitly asking to not comment on the reason of the train, my words, and not wanting condolences or encouraging words, I knew I'd get them anyway. Thanks to everyone who had a sad or happy feeling about my words, be it expressed in a comment, or respecting my wishes and keeping it for yourself. Thanks for participating in this train. Congratulations and wishing hours of enjoyment with the games for the winners, and best luck for the ones who didn't get anything this time. Now back to spare giveaways and small trains, as I intend to lower my acquisition of games - tho there are two bundles I want right now. Good thing the last two announced bundles in HB and Fanatical are not of my interest...

Have a happy life everyone, even the ones who are going to be blacklisted...

1 year ago*
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I don't think that you should be angry with yourself. I understand that you wanted to share with only selected people, but there's nothing bad in showing your heart to more people. I certainly thought it was a nice post, and I'm happy that I've read it. I don't enter giveaways, so don't care about the train. I'd write more, but you asked not to.

4 weeks ago
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Out of respect I won't enter.

I will say I was initially inspired reading your post to want to participate in the train which is not something I normally do around here.
Don't beat yourself up, you've written a beautiful thing there is no shame in it spreading wide.

4 weeks ago
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I know you don't want condolences or anything like that, but I wanted to say a huge thank you to you and to her. She sounded like a wonderful person. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

1 month ago
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Thank you for the lovely words and the lovely train.

1 month ago
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14th: not many participants, feel free to enter more.

4 weeks ago
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No comments in the giveaways about the actual reason of the event, please. I don't want condolences, encouraging words, sorries, hugs, pats in the back, etc, and most of all I don't want questions. Yes I'm depressed, but I want to keep going on and advance, not stay in the same place. And with the best of your intentions, all those things would make me do exactly what I don't need nor want.


Umm...Words necessary for this place.
I think this is only to be allowed.

[BUMP] 

4 weeks ago
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View attached image.
4 weeks ago
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Anything we could say to you facing such an irreplaceable loss feels awkward. Thanks to you and your girlfriend for the generous gifts.

4 weeks ago
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hello i have no words to say it to you for i know many people have already told you and im not the last person to tell you that i hope you really need to continue your life i know its hard and all but you have to for her i would think she would want you to continue and live for her and hope u find happiness somehow and somewhere thx again for the generous gifts.

4 weeks ago
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4 weeks ago
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4 weeks ago
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Your words are beautiful. Thank you.

4 weeks ago
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Thanks for the train but, mainly, thanks for sharing your story. My English sucks so it's difficult to me answering to such a complex theme. Surely your right about a thing: never be too shy to share your emotions to your beloved ones. Hugs!

4 weeks ago
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4 weeks ago
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:)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

4 weeks ago
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I just read this for the first time. I hope I am not breaking the 3.rd rule, but I just wanted to say that the fact that you are celebrating the day because of the brightness she brings to you warmed my hearth. I am glad I read this post, and have a great day/night/life.

4 weeks ago
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Thank you for the Train.

4 weeks ago
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I know you don't want any words but I just want to say best of luck moving forward. It isn't easy but it seems like you have the right mindset to try and move forward.

4 weeks ago
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Thanks JMM72 !

4 weeks ago
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I know you said you don't want any words of encouragement. But I would like to say it's beautiful to hear you talk about your girlfriend. Good luck

4 weeks ago
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thanks for that last paragraph, man, hit close to home

4 weeks ago
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I'm not sure if a "heartfelt bump" sounds like nonsense (it might, my English skills do leave much to be desired), but have a heartfelt bump anyway!

4 weeks ago
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Man, this hit so close to home. I have had many loved ones pass from long illnesses and I know exactly how you feel. You should not beat yourself up over this or feel angry. I know it will be hard but if you need anyone to talk to I'm here if you need to talk.

4 weeks ago
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Since there have been way fewer ungrateful people in this train than in my last post-xmas train, I'm going to open the thread for a while and let strangers enter. This will also be the last time I make any level 0 giveaways unless there's a specific reason.

3 weeks ago
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You said no to comments about the event in the giveaways, but you've said nothing about comments in the thread. I even don't mind getting blacklisted, because I've entered only one giveaway and I just want to write this comment. You're a very strong person and I could feel love while I was reading that post. Sometimes I feel very lonely because I can't hug people that I love, we live far away from each other for now. And while I was reading that post I understood that even if I can't see them it doesn't mean that there's no love. Thank you.

3 weeks ago
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Thank you is so inadequate for what you have stirred in my heart but thank you. I've never had what you have, and doubt I ever will, but I do have living family. Thank you for the reminder to express my love to them while I still can.
Never regret taking the time away from this or any other website for the things that actually matter.
Blessings on you. Please also accept this 💙 as a token of my appreciation.

3 weeks ago
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Much appreciated your inspirational words & wish you much strength and luck in the future, thank you so much!

3 weeks ago
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I just want to say: Thank you. Thank you for sharing your own personal growth and gratitude for the one responsible for it. Appreciate the seed of gratitude you've planted in me and I'm sure in many other fellow readers(╥﹏╥).

3 weeks ago
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Closed 3 weeks ago by JMM72.