Yeah forgot a birthday of a real life friend too on monday. o-O
Not an excuse, but i still say it's partially a man thing to forget such things. :p
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Forget and intentionally ignoring it, giving the fact you got over 2 notifications the moment you opened your eyes is different. The 2+ notifications is the fact about my "Friends"
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But people also get some "automated" crap that sometimes isn't interesting and maybe some people ("youngsters") wake up, and automatically skip them (dunno, i am not of the social media generation).
If they truely did it on purpose then they just aren't good real friends, and i wouldn't even be friends with them, have you asked them why by now?
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I dont actually wanna speak to them at this point as today they just go online in CSGO an playing. The little of it, they could at least invite me to play with them, they dont even do that...
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I agree ... our brains are different from women. =D
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Reality friends are busy. often forget.
Some friends on the net are not busy.
Both "reality" and "net" may be celebrated.
Celebrate someone.
It is proof that you are living in goodness.
Well, it's a lie a birthday, is not it? It is better than to be told.
oo (my birthday is April 1)
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Well call me crazy ,but I saw where they were online today my "irl friends" and all the places they were had notifications and they plain chose to ignore. Very heartbreaking tbh.
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Very heartbreaking tbh.
Interesting...
If I understand what you are saying, you have high expectations of what other people are supposed to do for you without direct input on your part (possibly because you place such demands upon yourself and therefore expect others to do likewise), then suffer disappointment when they fail to meet your expectations. Is that correct? If so, I find it odd that you would hand so much power over to other people. I suppose I should be thankful that my father taught me a couple of things.
- Take charge of your own life. If you do not, you will be at the mercy of others as they do theirs.
- Communicate. You cannot read other people's minds, nor can they read yours.
And from those two, I learned a corollary.
- You control your own reaction to life's events. Do not let other people decide for you what kind of day you are having.
I hope your day improves. You still have time to make it happen.
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To me, high expectations would be expecting friends to throw a surprise party or group up to buy you a TV.
Just having at least one of them say happy birthday isn't much of an expectation, in my opinion.
My psychologist has been telling me exactly what you said. But it doesn't remove the fact that when everybody forgets about you, you feel like you're not worth much.
And of course you can start making excuses for all of them and thinking that it's normal, and that if you had specifically asked them yesterday to wish you happy birthday, they would have.
But doesn't that defeat the whole point of it?
You can't control other people, that's for sure. But I don't think it's wrong to be sad that none of your friends wished you happy birthday.
If in addition to it you must start feeling guilty about your reaction, about not being communicative enough and all, then you're in for a really, really sad day.
Now, that being said.
You're right. You're totally right. And I'm not saying it sarcastically.
I've just gone through a very similar thing, albeit in larger proportions.
But when one is in a negative mood, they can't realize what you wrote, nor does it help them in any way to read things like that.
I think she relates much more to my above paragraph, and honestly when you're feeling crushed to the ground, all you need is a little understanding, not solutions.
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But I don't think it's wrong to be sad that none of your friends wished you happy birthday.
Feelings are neither wrong nor right. They just are. Our feelings are influenced by our outlook, and by our actions, and by our will, all three of which are directly within our control. People can choose to be governed by their feelings and be a victim of them, or they can choose to guide them and train them so that they might work in tandem with them.
But when one is in a negative mood, they can't realize what you wrote, nor does it help them in any way to read things like that.
It was words like that which started me on the path to understanding and healing.
I am intimately familiar with the feelings expressed above. Nothing inspires disappointment and a feeling of being "worthless" like having your father physically cast you away while shouting, "You keep him away from me!" What happened to me as a small child was devastating, but dwelling on what happened would simply be wallowing in pity and pain. Just like with physical injuries, the body and mind will tend to heal, but the scars will remain. I have spent a lifetime battling depression (old habits die hard), and I have learned that focusing on pain does not make things better. The past is behind us, and the future remains unknown. It is the present in which we must live. Understanding that our perception of life is completely within our own control is an important first step. With it, you realize that, when it comes to emotions, you have a choice.
This dog is a great example of that.
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Master Khalaq, could you please be the moderator of my life? Your words here have truly moved me, as did the doggo ;-;
The way I've come to look at it is much the same. I think that with times both good and bad, perspective is always important. Learning to distance yourself from what you think about what's happened to you, and what has happened to you is how you take control of your emotions, and in turn, your outlook on life. It might be hard when you're feeling down, it might feel like you're rejecting how you actually feel when you distance yourself like this, but you just have to remember that creating this distance isn't about repressing or changing your emotions -- it's all about changing how you cope with them.
But I dunno, I'm no shrink. So I'll just say the best life advice still holds true:
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Learning to distance yourself from what you think about what's happened to you and what has happened to you is how you take control of your emotions, and in turn, your outlook on life.
Absolutely brilliant. I hereby notify you that I am shamelessly cribbing your quote (with some minor tweaks) for future use.
"Learning to distinguish how you feel about what has happened from what has actually happened opens the door to managing your emotions and, in turn, your outlook on life."
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This is such a great post.
I like these kind of very thorough observation - This isn't pointless encouragement, nor pessimist outlook. Just pure, true observation about what is what. Thanks for taking the time to brighten my day, Khalaq.
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I aint a robot and they are friends from ~20 years, so I doubt I need to remind people 24/7 about it even with social media accounts spamming notifications.
And just because I look like a heartless monster on the forums, doesnt mean I dont need some love from time to time, by people I tough that cared about me.
And btw. I wrote the thread a little before my day ended, so neine. I had no time to improve my day.
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Same. The worst is when people at work mention it's my birthday and I'm like "How the hell do you even know my date of birth, isn't that supposed to be confidential?"
But well, here's a song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIy-_1KkDrM 👀
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I never heard that before, but it is just how I feel. Great song :)
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Have they been loitering around the tea room expectantly waiting for them to give them cake?
This is a bizarre practice unique to workplaces that bemuses me: "It's your birthday! Congratulations! Forget about the customs you have grown up with - no gifts for you here. Now you are obligated to feed us".
My experiences with human resources staff have not impressed me with their regard for confidentiality, privacy, or general professionalism. I once asked my HR rep about the notice provisions of my contract. Later in the day, my supervisor said that the big boss had told him I was thinking of leaving. I wasn't, I just wanted to see the details of my contract.
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Have they been loitering around the tea room expectantly waiting for them to give them cake?
Gladly, although I've had a workplace where things were like that, at this place they didn't manage to get my date of birth (it was a big company and I guess noone in my local department had the pull to spy into the HR department)
My experiences with human resources staff have not impressed me with their regard for confidentiality, privacy, or general professionalism
Yeah :/
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Quite often i don't remember even about my own birthday... not to mention the others.
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What a problem to have. Yay for only having online friends! 2 of them lol
But yeah, that really does suck. I wish you a happy birthday nonetheless!
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Thanks mate, even if it's over, here. Online friends, the only good friends Q_Q
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Happy Birthday? well if its today that is.... its probably people like me.
I go on FB and then see that their birthdays are today and think 'Ill give them a happy bithd- oh whats that?' then I brows FB for a little while then like 'what was I doing... oh well' close FB and then go on with the day.
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I made the thread a bit b4 it ended in my country, but I think it's still a thing in the US! Thankz douh! :p
And there's still other s tuff like viber sending 100 messages about someone's b-day douh douh! :d
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I don't use viber.... but if that is the case I know I wouldn't forget....
and no problem everyone should have at least have a happy birthday
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I gave them 24 hours already Q_Q It's already tomorrow! Dont even wanna talk with any of them anymore. :{
p.s thankz
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A bit late, but, happy birthday, kapy :)
Don't fret to much over it, it may happen :) ..as it may happen that you can make new friends if you grow tired of these ones =P
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Yeah. I'm starting to see my online friends as more real friends that my actual friends :{ at least my online friends listen to my issues and remember stuff like that!
Welp. Thankz anyways !
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it will be more like "Why is kapy pissed off?" as I well as I know them >.>
and thanks! happy holidays
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The crap day for me is when holidays end.happy birthday anyways :))
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I think I'm one of the few who enjoys holidays douh :d
Thanks! Enjoy your holidays
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That sucks, hope it doesn't ruin your day. Hope you still managed to have a great birthday!
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Had a horrible day since 5 am till the night. I needed that care from my friends to fix it and they pref to just play CSGO.
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https://youtu.be/B3QFJa5SdsA?t=49 !!! happy birthday <3
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happy you complete another spin around the sun day ^_^
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What do you think of the rule of reciprocity ? Basically treat them as they treat you :D So, when their birthday arrives, you "forget" to send them wishes as well, and make sure that you appear "Online" the whole day and have plenty of activity, so they get the hint.
On a more personal note, I turned 31 last Tuesday, and only like 20 % of of my friends on facebook wished me a Happy Birthday, I was a tad disappointed that I didn't hear from people that I came to consider as good friends, but it's not such a big deal, people can be busy and caught up with various things, no use getting upset about superficial stuff like this.
Anyway, Happy Birthday from a stranger, kapy!
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What do you think of the rule of reciprocity ? Basically treat them as they treat you :D So, when their birthday arrives, you "forget" to send them wishes as well, and make sure that you appear "Online" the whole day and have plenty of activity, so they get the hint.
Maybe. Except for the put-in-extra-effort-to-hint part. First of all, you're putting in extra effort. Second of all, if they don't notice then or react (what should they react, ask why you didn't congratulate them? can't expect them to do that if you didn't do that yourself) you're going to be even more disappointed.
And to be honest, someone like me, is quite likely to forget, or not congratulate you on a birthday, but that whole hinting thing, I'm definitely going to miss.
Nothing wrong with not putting in too much effort, but putting in effort for the sole purpose of coming across as not putting in effort, or making a statement, well, that's a recipe for drama.
Unless that's what you're after of course, then go for it.
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Thanks! And 10 seconds is never too much for a friend. Too busy is a horrible excuse :{
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well, fuck them friends!
good thing you've got us here. :)
happy birthday and expect a good new year ahead. or at least that should be the plan. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
also never rely on others to bring you some birthday cake!
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Food and drinks are always from me! Never expected the cake, just the love :{
I want 2017 back, 2018 is crap since it started.
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Be happy man. No one says happy birthday to me anymore. Except my parents =)
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on't hurt yourself about it. I know I'm swimming in notifications the minute I open my eyes in the morning and all through the day from all over the social place so sometimes things slip through.
My grandfather always said that you only need one good and true friends; the others are just for ego ;) so forget about it and be happy some people care enough to remember you without any need for notification. And a happy belated cakeday.
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I aint hurting myself physically dw. Just hurts my feelings, even if most think that Im a sociopath y.y
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Heh nobody thinks you're a sociopath. If you were a sociopath, you wouldn't get hurt feelings from friends. You woulnd't have any friends to start with.
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I mess up my moms birthday with hitler birthday every year .... so yeah >.>
Guess it could be worse :p
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Honestly, I don't know very many of my RL friends' birthdays (I probably have them in my address book or something though). It was never a big deal after we got shitfaced on each others 21st birthday.
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I use FB for that, but I always remember the months douh.
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Just ask your friends why they didn't gratulate you. Maybe they have a good excuse or something (although I don't know if there is a excuse for forgetting someones birthday, but it happens to the best).
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One of them knows im horrible with dates so he never writes his b-day anywhere and never tells me the exact date, but I know the month so I 100% wish him a happy b-day a bit earlier or a bit later and I never miss. The rest of them always get a funny wish in private, as I hate making it public. Y_Y
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I don't usually feel very special on my birthday because I have a lot of obligations to others. My birthday is also my mother's birthday as well as her father's birthday (I like to think that the pressure associated with perpetuating this tradition is the reason I don't have a girlfriend or a wife), and three days after her brother's birthday, and they are all celebrated on the first Sunday in September, aka Father's Day in Australia. I also have a young nephew with a birthday in the same week. Anyway, the anniversary of being born isn't super important to me - I certainly can't remember it happening. I think it's more important to make and appreciate as many opportunities as possible to spend time with the people you love without needing a calendar-based reason. However, some people revere these anniversaries, and if they are important to you, you should communicate that to your friends. Don't feel bad that they don't know how important it is to you without you telling them. The easiest way to get people to remember is by inviting them to celebrate with you. Tell them that it was your birthday during the week and ask them to do something fun to celebrate on the weekend.
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They all got an invite for a life-time ahead and I always make nice food and top quality alcohol. I dont even need them to bring gifts or anything. I got everything covered :{
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Don't feel insulted that they didn't spontaneously impose themselves on you at the same time. Passively expecting people to accept an implied perpetual invitation will inevitably lead to disappointment. It doesn't mean that you aren't important to them. Everyone has many things demanding their attention, so people need prompts and guidance. Just ask them to do something for your birthday (you tell them when and where). An overt invitation will focus their attention.
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When only your online friends remembered, about your b-day and they dont even have a social media account to remind them about it, while your "irl" friends, who have your facebook and get notifications don't even call whole day >.>
Welp... Would of made a giveaway today ,but my mood is too screwed up now.
Happy holidays folks
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