When it's hard to forget how many lies we've told
I don't want it to be a popular subject. I know the bs that causes, they end up outing you to people who abuse fine without knowing your most intimate secret. I don't need the "help" of people who have no idea again.
But anger, hatred, sadness, loneliness, depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation are things some of us deal with. Nad finding someone who you can relate to, who is going through similar things can help. I've had some long, deep, introspective conversations with certain community members here about serious and personal issues the last few years, and it was great and extremely helpful, and I can't do that here anymore.
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I don't need the "help" of people who have no idea again.
And here you have put your finger on heart of the matter. Distinguishing "those who know" from "those who have no idea," tuning in "helpful advice" while tuning out "damaging misguidance," and separating "feel-good words" from "practical implementation" is enough of a challenge for most people. The fact that "the right words" said at "the right time" in "the right way" may still be in vain if the one listening is not ready to hear them makes any kind of intervention a perilous thing indeed.. In the end, it really is up to the individual to find his or her way "out of the hole." Others may try to help or hinder, but how we respond to life's circumstances is still entirely our choice.
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Ugh, remind me to proofread my grammer before I post.
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How? By the time we would be able to it'd mean that the post is already up so it'd be too late to remind you to proofread before posting. Maybe I'm overthinking it.
Anyway, I don't think you ruined the topic, at most you just speeded a bit what was an unavoidable outcome. Remember what happened to posts about religion, politics and other touchy subjects before? They tended to turn into complete shitstorms that had to be closed within hours, anything that actually triggers (I kinda hate that term) people beyond the point were they can have a reasonable discussion can cause a complete collapse of logic and before you know it you have users openly attacking each other in a vicous manner, even tho the people involved are just a handful it was always enough justification for the thread to get axed. So the zero tolerance to troublesome posts was always there, it just happens that the topics that make the alarms go into full blast change as time goes on, and the list of not liked ones probably keeps getting larger.
That came out more pessimistic than I expected, kinda curious in how I rarelly know where this ranty replies will end up when I start writting them.
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Of course I can't speak about your posts that support closed because I don't think I've seen these (that, or I've seen them but never knew they had been closed by support) and therefore I have no context on whether or not closing them was appropriate or even justified.
But I've seen posts mentioning suicide recently and as far as I know, these were never closed.
Of course, it's one thing to discuss the topic and "spam" something some may consider "edgy" repeatedly - in which case I could understand how support may accidentally misinterpret the thread and decide to shut it down. As always, I won't ever make assumption without the full details/context behind whatever happened between users and support, and generally speaking I trust the support team to do what's deemed best for the community as a whole, but that judgment call sometimes results in wrong decisions.
Did support closed your threads without justification? I have no idea. But if they closed a thread in which you put time and effort to have a meaningful discussion with the community, then in my opinion this is wrong. Mostly all topics should be allowed on SG as long as the parties involved are looking to have a meaningful interaction.
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I mean, most of 'em were antagonist or, while not the intention, could sorta reasonably been seen that way, or at least would have caused a lot of conflict. So while I disagree they should have been closed or me suspended, I don't necessarily think its all bad modding. I mostly have issue with the reasons they provided. I got partly suspended for posting a nsfw image without warning, when I didn't. I got threads closed and suspended for talking about suicide when I haven't. Banning me for making a thread titled fuck you that is just calling everyone cunts makes sense. Telling me that I can't talk about suicide when I talking about my hatred doesn't. Telling me to not make blatanty offensive amd agressibe threads and titles, while I'd disagree with, I'd find okay. Telling me to remove a curse word from my title because the word itself is the problem, (not the phrase) when plenty of others don't have to isn't.
My two suspensions for being suicidal when I in no way was are my biggest issues. Unclear communication of conduct issues so yu can't learn from your warnings is another.
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I think it's just a matter of purpose and the current culture. Sometimes the intent of your posts is either misunderstood or possibly even interpreted correctly as being harmful. I'm glad that this (so far! :D) isn't one of those posts. (I never reply to those posts, for my own reasons.) And current world culture is more sensitive to "triggers" -- I don't think it's just SG.
I remember that whole situation that you mention -- though obviously not firsthand in the way that you do. Part of the rush to action on the part of fellow SG people was that very recently we had lost someone from the community who had asked for help here. You had generally been a great person on the forums, and yeah, I agree with you that the community's actions were definitely from a position of caring, genuinely. Although you regard it (fairly correctly) as something like an invasion of your privacy, I for one am thankful that their actions may have helped you reconsider how you might still move forward with your life, and I'm glad you're still around (in spite of some of those truly vitriolic shitposts! :D).
It seems that most of the posts on the topic of suicide or depression these days fall into the collective You Are Not Alone thread. I do wish that it had more significant posts than just bumps in it much of the time. But consider that it keeps itself going still all these years, reminding anyone that feels alone that they are not, even if it's still doing that reminding in a sort of introverted fashion.
From the morose vibe of the post, I don't think I dare wish you a "happy" Halloween, but I do wish you well, and that you might clear a path through whatever shit you're dealing with for now.
P.S. have it, but thank you for the hidden dot! :)
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As opposed to most other sites where you have democracy or some shit. Honestly, this whole comment looks like it was made to sound clever rather than to give a point.
I mean, perhaps if you gave some reasons for it being more authoritarian than other sites, then sure. Right now though, you've basically said "water has a temperature for some reason"
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I'm just saying that websites aren't nations. Things aren't as easy.
Do you want websites to have citizenship tests, official residencies, court systems because of it, complicated voting system, tax systems, ways of earning income, elected officials and so on?
You can do it. But you should also understand how we're limited here.
Saying "dictatorship bad" is a very basic statement that is completely useless. I emplore you to make a truly democratic website that isn't total shit. I genuinely do. You'd be the first person to do it and if you manage to do it, you'll probably make millions off of it.
You give a way you'd do it and you'll get around 5-20 reasons back as to how it's flawed beyond recognition.
So yeah, I agree that it's run like this. But you also obviously haven't studied political sciences or just thought about how damn hard, complicated and bloated a democratic system is.
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I don't think people say that you should blindly follow the rulings. I said that's it's not as simple and the other comment said that this is off topic for this thread and this site. To which, it's hard to disagree. I think you read a bit too much into it.
As to the idea, here are the reasons that I'd say it wouldn't work:
- How do you choose the users? Can't be at random because there are too many users who are inactive.
- What happens when you just say you don't want to do it.
- Who has the time to make a court case that'd last for days/weeks? Why should support have to present evidence and waste time with it? Why would random users have to be forced to judge some random user for an offense that is always going to be unimportant.
- Right now the cases would take longer than the punishments being dealt.
- How's the support going to be compensated for basically turning this thing into a full time job?
- How will the jury be compensated? In real life they'd be let off work with pay, be given free accommodation and food.
- Who will start managing all the archives for the cases? How will they be compensated for this massive endeavour?
- Who watches the watchers? Will there be an internal affairs type of unit to deal with support that files cases wrong or does the procedure wrong?
- How will the IA unit be compensated?
- Where will the compensations come from?
- This needs more people to work on it overall. How will they be found? Will they be elected, chosen by a non-democratic way or will they be hired irl to manage this?
- Why would cg waste time making this massive system instead of keeping it relatively simple like it is?
- How long would these things last?
- How would you get people to do it when everyone's in a different timezone and has different schedules?
- How would this be more beneficial than the current system?
- Why would a game giveaway site need a comprehensive legal system?
- Who writes the laws and starts plugging in the loopholes?
- Who accepts these laws into action?
- How can people debate these laws?
- Who has the final decision?
- What has to be done to appeal that final decision?
- How many lawmakers do we need to make it democratic?
- Do people need some sort of education to take part in the legal system?
- Where would the lawmakers debate those laws in private?
- Who'd create that platform for the lawmakers to debate these things?
- How long are the debates?
- How many rounds are there for the debates?
- What ensures impartiality for making these laws?
- Is there any campaigning for these laws?
- What are these limits for those campaigns?
There were a few more, but I started forgetting them halfway through writing these.
While your idea is nice and lovely, I don't think the benefits would outweigh the negatives.
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1, It must be random. Eligibility can be based on activity.
RNG choose... KonradS
Now only users that left on sg are his family members. Suddenly you start missing dictatorship xD
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It's a VIDEOGAME website.... this isn't REDDIT ....
We should keep things at least remotely on topic
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Then why is off topic a catagory?
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To be fair, your topic is off-category. Not his comment. As far as I'm aware, you can't just add a tag to your comment in the same way you can for the thread ;D
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That's why I petitioned for section 11 rights!
Also, #FreeKonrad2018
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in all honesty I don't remember much from the topics you post, but if you're making light of, or pretending to be suicidal when you're not in all honesty, Steamgifts and the rest of the internet could likely do without all the drama.. I get it, I was a pre-teen before, you get all excited about screwing with people on the interwebs, getting all happy and giggly when you tell lies and have people believe them..
Bottom line is suicide isn't a joking matter, nor is it something that should be mocked or made fun of.. People seriously suffer from depression and people seriously end their own lives.. to make light of such a situation for your own personal benefit in whatever twisted world you pretend to live in.. Maybe to you it's a joke, but as someone who has known depressed people, and had a family friends son hang himself in a forest, being discovered by his step dad and uncle dead after numerous hours, I think anyone who jokes, misleads or pretends to be suicidal for attention is scum, likely lower then scum..
Personally I'd hope the mods would ban you, especially when you've been warned but continue to post the same nonsense repeatedly.. Steamgifts isn't the place for that crap.. try instagram, or Facebook, those places have plenty of groups and what not you can join up with all the other posers who think Suicide is cool and post about how sad your life is when it's really not sad.. Until you've been in that place, you won't know..
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How tf did you get I was mocking suicide or making jokes about it. This whole thing started with my actual suicide attempt.
I've been in that place since I was eight, and still am in it. Although now I have a few things going so I'm only passively suicidal, not actively, for the most part at least.
I think people who bitch about nonsense 'cause they can't read are pests.
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"My two suspensions for being suicidal when I in no way was are my biggest issues."
Right there, you said your self you were suspended for being suicidal when you weren't.. IE you were mocking and making light of a situation.. As I already pointed out.. if you were really suicidal and not just trying to be an Emo tween looking for attention, other far more beneficial ways exist to get help. None of which are on Steamgifts.. As i pointed out already, you're better off going to facebook/Instagram or even Twitter and finding a support group to join... IF you're not just pretending for attention, which would be quite sad in and of itself considering people suffer from real issues and the last thing those people are wanting to do is post about it on a random message board..
That's the behavior of someone just looking for attention.. Maybe i'm wrong, maybe not, that's the thing with the internet you just can't tell, but as I already pointed out, far better places exist to get help then Steamgifts..
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You're an idiot. I'mma give you your words. Until you've been in that place, you won't know.
You don't know why I was suspended. I never mocked or joked about it. I didn't even talk about it in my problem posts. My problems posts were me telling everyone "fuck you". I get why I was suspended, I don't get the mods telling me that I was suspended for talking about suicide when I wasn't, I was expressing my anger.
I don't use social media, but a website of only pictures and videos and one where you are severely character limited I couldn't post what I post here. Those are stupid suggestions for a support group, whichis irrelevant because I don't want one. I don't want help from unreasonably optimistic people whose only advice is, "it gets better."
I want to vent, I want to share my poetry and songs. And when I do want attention I make shitposts. That is more helpful than an online "support" group. I do those here because I don't care for all but like 25 people on this site, and I've made most here hate me, so whatever shit I post here and gonna change anyone's opinions of me, or hurt or annoy someone I care about.
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yawn, attention seekers are so lame.. You're just looking for attention and trolling.. Shame you weren't perm banned, you seem to add nothing to any conversation.. This isn't a board to discuss your nonsense.. go elsewhere for that..
You want people to hate you... no you don't, you just want to troll and get some gratification by being annoying or bothering people.. you're not even a good troll... I remember being your age, only difference is I was a far superior troll then you are being.. Don't worry you'll eventually get tired of it..
As for me being an idiot.. just remember don't go side to side, but straight up and down...
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glad to hear you're doing better, but to be honest, those threads were kinda breaking the rules. maybe not because of the content, but the message you tried to convey.
they made support act to stop spamming, hostility, trolling, and you from getting unecessary attention. those kind of threads were destructive, trying to bait people into getting angry at you for nothing else than insulting them won't end well, unless you also appease their inner greed and you post $60 giveaways inside, then it's all fun and laughs *hypocrites-leeches*.
anyway, suicide isn't something to take lightly, especially in public (yes, this forum IS public). it's ok to laugh with close friends or if you go to a stand-up comedy show, though, but just like other topics you have to be careful.
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Where's your $60 comment ga? Mully T_T I can't find it
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i deleted the giveaway and now i'm idling it 🍉
profits, here i come!
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Its Scrooge Mcduck! RUN!!! Little kids with your candies, Adults with your pennies, Elders, With them Grannies!!! Run!
I just thought of writing something that rhymes for a reply. Hope you like it. :D
Hahaha, Cheers~
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^ Pretty much everything I wanted to say but I just woke up a bit tired so it was a struggle to write.
Thank you for doing my job.
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[xxx]
I'm not sorry for what I said, but I think it's fair to not insult you anymore unless you do it to me again.
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That was a bit uncalled for and unfair, bringing suspension ticket information into the open like that, knowing full well support cannot do the same.
Keep it chill.
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Nah, if he's gonna call me worse than someone who sends rape threats, I'll live up to that for him.
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And when you get suspended again, you can enjoy arguing it in tickets.
You could end the cycle, but you like the attention so much that you choose not to.
There are better ways to get attention, Treeb.
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:shrug: I shitpost for the attention.
I dont feel a need to antagonize the community anymore for it, but Xara is [xxx] and I just want him to know it. If he spews venom to me, I'll do the same.
I barely use this site so I could give a fuck if I get banned for it.
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Well, all that's left to say then is "enjoy the suspension."
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Xara is a cunt and worse than a pedophile
you start to sound like
The naziiis and those who defend them are far worse than pedophiles, animal rapists, necrophiles and child murderers.
consider how this guy ended on sg after spreading lies.
if you want to leave sg, there's a "delete account" button. no need to push others to kick you out of the site.
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I mean, I'm meh about sg and but do like to make ga's anf shitposts occasionally.
And if Xara's gonna call me worse than someone who sends rape threats, and bitches literally anytime I talk, I'm not gonna be the bigger person on that.
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Thinking about it, You may have a point. Xara seems to lessened with his bs, so I think I'll refrain from insulting him unless he insults me again.
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I'm well aware of the hidden ga trick, that's the only reason this thread has one.
And I totally get why those threads were closed and I suspended, I mostly have a problem with the reasons they provided. I got partly suspended for posting a nsfw image without warning, when I didn't. I got threads closed and suspended for talking about suicide when I haven't. Banning me for making a thread titled fuck you that's just calling everyone cunts makes sense. Telling me that I can't talk about suicide when I talking about my hatred doesn't. Telling me to not make blatanty offensive amd and aggressive threads and titles is good. Telling me to remove a curse word from my title because the word itself is the problem, not the meaning, when plenty of others don't have to isn't.
My two suspensions for being suicidal when I in no way was are my biggest issues. Unclear communication of conduct issues so yu can't learn from your warnings is another.
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I'm a little tired, going to nap a little. Before that, I want to put this out. I was probably depressed at a stage. I do not have many things going my way in life. My life was full of negatives. I've thought about suicide before and decide against it. Perhaps I am a coward but it takes more courage to own up, seek help and communicate.
I always believe in communication. In cases like suicide, the person with the thought must accept that even the person you've spoken to can't or did not help you at a certain stage. You still need communication, look for the right person or outlet to do so. You may not need the replies, you may not read the replies nor do you need to. However, speak out let it be known, let that stone get off your chest a little. Most of the time, i prefer to be the listening ear for others.
I may not physically or in anyway help anyone but providing a listening ear and allowing that person to open up is more than enough. When I was depressed, I couldn't find anyone to talk to. Noone seems to be an outlet. I am glad, I am an introvert and somehow I unlocked the key to the stuffed chest within my heart and opened a new perspective.
I clear the dark clouds off my thoughts and decide to think positively and influence others positively. Its a life journey and probably everyone have been through but the outcome and experience are vastly different. From then I self-proclaimed to be an advocate against suicide. Its too much a waste to end our lives like that where there people struggling so hard mentally on a hospital bed or physically in a warzone, trying the best of what they could, to just . . . survive the next day.
I may not do much nor am I trying to talk big but being alive everyday and doing what you do contributes to your surroundings every small way it could. There is no role too big nor one too small. As long as we keep within being legal and morality, we are doing out part. :)
I do not know what more could I say or to help but Warmest wishes for a brighter day, anyday, Cheers, Cruse~
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I think you should have taken that nap before writing this...
I do feel that you want to be sincere and positive, but in doing so it seems to me that you diminish and downplay both depression and suicidal thoughts to the point of belittling them as fixable by a mere attitude change. You also come across as way too preachy for my taste ("From then I self-proclaimed to be an advocate against suicide") even though you seem to not know much about the subject at all ("I was probably depressed at a stage" and "I've thought about suicide before and decided against it"). The reasons you describe as causes for your so-called depression are regular lows that can and probably will happen in anyone's life, it doesn't make it depression per say, just as if you have a bad day doesn't make you depressed. Also, who hasn't thought about or reflected over suicide? There's a vast difference between thinking about it and actually really considering and/or attempting it.
Sorry for being negative, but I felt like I had to point this out, especially in a thread like this.
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Actually, taking the nap probably does not matter much as I had mentioned in other posts in similar context.
There is no way I am downplaying nor belittling depression or suicidal thoughts. I just did not want to write a whole essay about it as often its more tedious to read and nagging. I said I was probably depressed because I never seek clinical assessment. My whole family was worried about me and I basically do not contact with my friends anymore due to my own doing as I do not have clear thoughts so I do not wish to lay a burden towards others and I felt they aren't readily to listen and understand what I had in my mind.
My thoughts were so messed up, everyday was tedious, I simply wanted to be alone, quietly. That's when all the negative thoughts start to creep in, at nights when I can't fall asleep I just have negative thoughts and my life was a failure. I have always been a sentimental person, also emotional per se, you can say I have mood swings.
My mum has polio so she is different from others, from young she unintentionally negatively influenced my thoughts. I had to be the understanding one, I have to be the forgiving, etc. Thus, I do not speak up, I was though a friendly kid/teen/young adult, i always have issues opening up. I'll always go to a corner in a auditorium. Always have the thought of nothing goes my way and nothing good will happen to me. Though the slightest I try to be positive, almost always I mess up or got a negative result in the end. I always have to be at the good end and accept the results.
From young, I have respect for uniform groups and in my teens I joined a Uniformed group as a young cadet. Military is mandatory here, when I entered the army, although physical fitness had always been my weakness I hope to sign-on as an uniformed personnel. I worked/tried hard and train everyday at the encouragement of my officer in charge. "Its all in the mind" he said. Training daily hoping to improve bit by bit. Instead, after 2-3 months of training I start feeling aches in my thigh, I seek medical attention from the Army but was pass off as a muscle ache.
During this time I was not examined further in the military. Subsequently, during a training as I previously was excused as the pain did not subside and the excuse ended, I execute the exercise. As I dropped to the ground, I injured myself. The week I injured myself, I was scheduled for X-ray at a government hospital after visiting a clinic about my ache. The injury I had was hairline stress fractured, all this time due to training and overexertion. Later in my military life, i was told we were only to train intensively for a day but not the next. That was the 1st time I hit a major barrier in life. I have the right attitude and discipline but not the fitness.
When I left the hospital, i was cast from thigh to the toes, basically the whole leg. When I was at home and my officer visited while I was alone at home, he told me that he did not know what to do with me. My contingent was his 1st batch and I need not remind you that when I was injured, I was called an idiot, left alone, siting against a pillar while grasping tightly on my thigh while the Sergent in charge continue the exercise while using me as a subject of ridicule.
After news of an injury spread, I was carried into the company office and feed water repeatedly. Why? Because heat-stroke has caused a death in the military during that time. As I was pale and sweating profusely they thought I was a victim of heat-stroke. My company officer rushed over, but when he was told it was an injury, he went back to smoke.
This is getting long and this is just one of the incidents in life that built up the negativity to reach the point of depression and suicide. There are nights when you can't sleep but nothing good you can remind yourself with. You start thinking about death, about you, about those around you. Then you think is it best that you may have left as I generate that much negativity? At 1st I thought of leaving home, leaving the country, just wandering around would be fine.
There is just so much more. NO, there is nothing to take lightly when someone say or even indicate that they might be depressed. Even if you are slightly knocking on the door of Depression and imagining yourself falling off a building and how high does it actually take for you to die and do not feel the pain? That is never a joke nor something to take as nonsense sprouting.
Best Wishes and Warmest Regards to you, Cruse~
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I'm sorry to hear about your hardships in life, and I commend you on trying to act more positive as a result - personally I aren't there yet in my healing process.
If your friends are real friends I imagine they still want to hear from you, even if you fear you may drag them down with your thoughts, so try to reach out to them before they become strangers.
I wish you the best. Warm regards. /Loket
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I am sure my friends will want to hear from me. I have personally pulled myself out of that ditch thus I try to be positive and influence others. I am always a listening ear. I may not be able to help but it always help to talk. Nowadays, I try to influence my mother positively in anyway I can. It'll be tougher for my dad as he is stubborn and we have a language barrier. I do see alot of positive results. Just not on the friends end, my friends probably most of them have their own family now. I want to check them out but I will say I have not come out of another ditch but only emotionally.
I regard any of my friends I met till now as friends for life. Even if its one-sided. As I mentioned I am a sentimental person, i do not believe friendship breaks easily if you are sincere and true. Which I felt I always try to be no matter the company I am with that is why I feel I was respected in that manner.
Tbh, I felt a little down, after the previous post and that is the reason, I tried not to post long. Its hard to explain, what one had been through and to understand that is another level. If you hard something you felt unhappy about, speak up, speak out communicate. My mother was that person in my life. Often she forgets what I told her and the nasty things I had done against her in the past, I still relive those moments and at times I raised my voice and be angry, I try to sit her down the next moment or the next day explaining to her my feelings and hope she understood. We develop a kind of link that was never there when I was growing up and seeking which also was one of the reasons I left I should leave home.
My siblings left home early in way as they are not often home past late teens or early 20s. I can't remember. Often I hear my parents talking about them and worrying about them especially they are females. I just, simply can't leave and be that selfish for my own to feel good and willful. That just isn't me thus I took a very long time to realise what I had been seeking and probably i should have used less time if I was more confident in myself.
Nonetheless, Have a great weekend and stay on the positive side of life, Cheerios ;D
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I hope your relationships with your family get better and that you can understand each other better.
Try to remember that the past is the past, and that you can't change it. I guess it's easier to forgive than to be forgiven (or at least to know that you have been forgiven).
I hope you'll have a great week. 🙇🏻
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My relationship my family did improved as I am now clear that I shouldn't remain unhappy for myself and my family. I try to be positive and in tough situations think of a solution if not an alternative.
Try to remember that the past is the past, and that you can't change it. I guess it's easier to forgive than to be forgiven (or at least to know that you have been forgiven).
Indeed, what past is past and I remember my past mistake and try my best not to let it occur again. Rather than forgiven, I guess for at least on my mother's part, i think its forgotten due to her aging memory. XD
Thank you for your well-wishes, I wish the same for you and beyond. If you have something heavy in your heart that you too want to drop, i hope you find the opportunity to drop it too. Cheerios, Cruse~
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yes all armies do that sadly. about the injury, from not exercising for so long then going so intense was obviously what caused it. it's not because you are week it's because you didn't have time to build up your bones. by doing short hard workouts you'll crack the bones but you need to let them rest and heal. you need to keep doing this but it takes months of breaking and mending before your bones could take that kind of stress. basically you had a hairline fracture that got bigger because it didn't have time to heal so it was more their fault than yours.
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it takes more courage to own up, seek help and communicate
That would be te easy way, if you could get someone to helpfux you. But most won't, or can't, and I think actually doing something about it takes courage.
From my experience, I thimk I've become the opposite of that kind of advocate. The goal of life should be to thrive, not survive. Why do we get so morally superior about prolonging someone's suffering so you won't have to suffer when you miss them? Why do we feel so strongly that everyone is entitled to life but noone is entitled to give it up? Why do we feel it's selfish for someone to make thier family and friends grieve, but forcing them to continue to suffer so you won't have to grieve ain't.
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It's never easy, even if you seek help you have to seek proper help, the right person to speak with, etc. I did not seek medical help as I do not wish to take medication, I've heard of the side effects of medications and I do not want to rely on them. Perhaps within, I am a stubborn, yes I am. I am also a strong willed person in certain situations such as so.
I've experienced being bullied, ridiculed, made use of, rejection, etc. Tough situations in life while others that is walking the same path as I do, did not encounter. I'll say I'm blessed, I am very fortunate for my actions in life may have a more negative impact if I allow myself to sink deeper. Generally I try to reach out a helping hand to anyone in need, when it comes to the time I needed help, its hard to reach out and say you needed help so I kept most emotions and thoughts to myself. Overtime that dark spot just grows on you.
The kind of help I've gotten and how I manage to be positive, be content and happy on simple little things, was my own creation. The best person that can and will help me is Myself. Medications and others words of comfort can't break me out from what I have set being the closed gate. I have quarrels with my family and decide to cut contacts. I needed the space and the time to think to clear my thoughts however everyday was hard as everyone else are moving on with their lives. I stayed stagnant.
I do not have anyone I believe understood me, my family did not know how to create that understanding either. One day, I decided, instead of finding or thinking someone will understand me, I went out on influence, communicate to my family, primary my mum. I showed them my understanding, my care, my words, my thoughts. If you do not speak to them they will never know, that does not necessary meant they understand. I stood by my believes and walk my path. Slowly, day by day, I build a bridge of communication and relationship with my family and towards anyone I was approached of.
Being true to myself and being sincere and true to others too. I can see and feel the effects. Others understood you more, they approach you with a smile more, they talk to you more. As you both have understanding of each other, they tell you more. Sincerely approaching and helping anyone it makes me happy and appreciate.
I may have used a strong word as Advocate. I do not have a better word to represent my thoughts, as someone whom thought of it extensively and there were 2 known suicides, probably 3 that I know visibly close to where I live. There was one morning I heard and felt a loud thud, thought the neighbor starts dropping things again. Only to know later that someone had gone with that thought. I often read about suicides from celebs from random news. I almost always tear up after reading, I am sentimental and emotions break so easily. I felt such a shame, I try to understand them. I therefore consider myself very lucky to break out of any dark emotions I have. Its not easy, its been at least a decade I will say. At least the last couple of years I feel much better and brighter. It was tougher for the family, I would guess. I can't even remember dates and the day of the week well at times as seemingly I just want the days to past and as they past so quickly you can't grab them back.
I thought why should I keep looking back? I look back once in a while whenever I read something I relate. I am still not at a condition where I wanted to in my life. Emotionally, I feel alot better, my thoughts are brighter so I do not allow myself to get negative again and try what I can to pass on that little positivity and bright spot to the next.
Best Wishes, Sincere Regards, Cheerios, Cruse~
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So much this!
If the grieving person couldn't spare the time and effort needed to alleviate the lost one's suffering enough to make their life worth living, then they have no right to complain. I know that puts people in a horrible position, but it's how things stand. It's unfair to shift that burden on the person who is already suffering.
I may be wrong here, but there seems to be a disconnect between what people think is plenty of help and the amount of help actually needed. Because what's needed is methodically breaking through a person's defences to get them to open up to you, then being there to listen to endless chemically induced pessimistic rants and being "supportive" while avoiding all the usual platitudes that make people feel worse. What's needed is firmly refusing to budge when they're trying to drive you away. What's needed is being physically present, a lot. What's needed is hounding them to keep trying new therapists and medication until they find the right one, and going with them to appointments so they aren't left alone to descend into hopelessness if it doesn't go well. What's needed is ensuring that they stay on the medication and helping them deal with the side effects. What's needed is financially supporting them if they can't afford the treatment. What's needed is helping them with anything in their life that's causing the depression, such as being stuck in a bad situation at home or at work, or having an unrelated medical problem.
(I'm trying to paint a general picture, please don't hate me if your needs are very different)
I put "supportive" in quotes because even though I've been through multiple periods of serious depression, I still wouldn't know what to say to someone else who's suffering, or even what I myself would need to hear to feel better. Seems like the best bet is to just keep persisting even if the person lashes out at you or retreats into themselves.
All that said, I'm not saying people who couldn't offer all the needed help should feel guilty. Just that they shouldn't expect people who are suffering to keep on suffering indefinitely.
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One of the things I like about SG is how supportive the community generally is towards people who are depressed or are having trouble with anything. I hope that support doesn't block that. I can't really tell the circumstances surrounding your bans or threads, but hopefully that doesn't extend to others. I know you've been abrasive in the past, and it's possible that someone in support has a trigger finger when it comes to your posts.
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I know two support members really had it out for me. One quit so luckily I don't have to deal with his bs anymore. The other hates me for 'changing' when I stopped pretending to be someone I wasn't, 'cause now I curse a lot more, due to me rejecting my fucked up baptist upbringing, and working in a warehouse. And I'm am also more agressive and depressing, which to be fair I was at the time. What's not fair of him is calling me worse than someone who sent rape threats, and bitching whenever I talk, even when it wasn't aggressive or depressing.
The rest of the staff has been good to really great and I kinda want to apologize for making them put up with my bs, especially Jatan11t.
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well it's good you're still with us and have found a way to deal with your anger.
it helps me to call my dog names in a low voice. like "who's a little shit licker? you are" then he'll go eat some shit without licking it to spite me. little bastard.
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One important rule about the internet is to never ever share infos you don't want to spread around, no matter what the community is.
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IMO all threads about suicide should be removed...
most communities have a rule against these topics FOR A REASON...!
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I do agree to a certain extent. Outlets like where the victim of depression and suicide hangs out probably is the 1st step in allowing them to open up with many others that may face similar issues or of similar age. However, there is never a place for threads on suicide guides or hate, etc.
Sincere Regards, Cruse~
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i agree too... the context of my post is that people will get unprofessional help and maybe fake advises or maybe trolls/psycos that make the situation alot heavier... i think that these rules first apeared when someone made suicide because people talked him into it when he searched help...
but what i can say is that SG is a pretty safe place to post these things because the community is primary respectful and healthy... has its bad parts like all communities but i have better feeling here,,,^^
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Yes, indeed. There's no place for such topics but there needs to be a place for such too. I was lucky from personal experience where I did not seek professional help, I was able to clear my doubts. There are also individuals, like a Korean star whom suicide while he had seek professional help for more than 4yrs.
Its a shame, its really a shame for him to pass on at 20+. Having an outlet which is amongst the group when people whom suffered feels most closely to them is a good way to start.
I've not been on SG long but I have not seen too much poison from the community and generally are sharing. Even topics like so I try to help generate positivity and if I can, comment.
Warmest Regards for being a part of a Sharing and Caring Community. Cheers~ :D
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sorry to hear that :( and that's exact what im talking about... in some countries even the platform on wich it happened can get in trouble for not taking action against it...
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"When it's hard to forget how many lies we've told"
--- I will do it better next time, tomorrow will be better. There is always next time, its okay, maybe.
"Hey, come out, we are meeting"
--- Its alrite, I am busy, I do not have time.
"Why do you do this? Why can't you be like the rest and do the same thing?"
--- silence
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Edit Paragraph: Yesterday was a minor roller-coaster emotions for me. I have received 3 Blacklist in a day, there was only 1 before in 4 months, I'll say its pretty decent. However, my emotional roller-coaster is not from the Blacklist instead from my emotions which I put forth in my comments/replies yesterday. I wrote the above comment when I was feeling melancholic, somewhat my answer to the poll above.
Of course, I am not pointing that this comment was the reason for the new blacklists but after reflecting, it can be passed off as a negative comment which isn't what I am trying to represent, nor am I trying to pretend to be the most positive person in the world. As such its a shame that the BLs occur and they occur for various reasons which I will not think about.
My mood was feeling a little on the downside but in light, I made a Thread which I had been wanting to make before yesterday. :D You can't win everyone, what I also had received was lots of love throughout the week as my WhiteLists increased. I still have to find out whom they are but Thank you!
In life, we have our ups and downs, at 1st I am not sure I should make a the above comment but it was my feelings then. Not using this reply as to rectify anything as I will not delete the above comment unless it was violation of rules and is deleted. I have keeping my conduct in check when I use the forums and do exactly so as that's the kind person I am, I can't be otherwise. :) All in all I wish Everyone whom had read this thread and my comment, Happiness, Positive and a Brighter tomorrow, Cheerios, Cruse :D <3 ~
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I was really invested in your story until I clicked on a link which told me to fuck myself. Nevertheless, I'm glad to hear you overcame the difficult periods. It was really saddening to read about the suicide attempts, I can't even imagine how hard it must have been. Hopefully things will appear more optimistic now that you're on the other side of the fence.
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I was really invested into this community until they outed me,so I feel it's fair.
I'm definitely not over it, but I am somewhat better, only full of self hatred 80% of the time.
Blind optimism and hope are such nasty things tho, I try to avoid them. That 20% of the time I had hope,and whenI realized it was pointless, my hope couldn't happen, it hit worse than it would without it. I wasn't numb anymore, so I could feel it. And it hurt.
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if i'm not mistaken there was a Suicide post here where comments where not so good to the person and well they took their life and i think this may have made mods a bit gun shy so they started coming down on the posts.
sorry the community outed you when trying to find out if you were ok. most don't understand that sometimes a parent can be part of the problem they should have just asked about your well being and nothing else but this is a problem with forums of random people. we are not fluent in these thing and screw up even with best intention.
i know you have alot of hate, alot of people do and we all need to work through it. the hard part is you need to focus on you. your not as awful as you think. there's nothing wrong with you you're just fighting against stigma's put in place by society norms. you need to find out that you're not what people say about you. you need to care about yourself. accept who you are and what you are, the good and the bad they both make up you. some people spend to much time on things they would or should have done but remember your past made you what you are today you can't change it only use it for future reference. all i can say is find friends that will support you. a strong base to fall back on will help you get through life also at the end of the day you need to be happy with yourself because they are the only person you can't run away from.
take care and i wish you luck
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I'm aware of that thread, and still for another year or 2 talking about suicide was fine. My suicide attempt was after it. It really wasn't until about a year ago when I started being unnecessarily aggressive and 'caused a lot of drama, they went hard on shutting down those posts.
And they were well aware of our relationship when they sent they sent him stuff. My writings was filled with how awful he was, and members of the community who knew told thise who sent it not to, but it was so important to tell tgem my private info so I could get the "help" I need.
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it's a judgement call. just going to parents/guardians without knowing anything about the issue or them could lead to bad thing but if they were informed before doing it then i can see going through with it. sometimes you have to be harsh with someone to try to help them. it's good it worked out and you shouldn't stay mad if it was truly out of caring. even with the drama your still here so that's a good thing
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forgiveness is not owed or necessary, and being outed ain't something I'll forgive no matter how "good" the intention was. Getting my father involved with anypart of me is not something I'll ever forgive, it's such a betrayal of trust.
And I don't necessarily agree that it is. The goal of life should be to thrive, not survive. Why do we get so morally superior about prolonging someone's suffering so you won't have to suffer when you miss them? Why do we feel so strongly that everyone is entitled to life but noone is entitled to give it up? Why do we feel it's selfish for someone to make thier family and friends grieve, but forcing them to continue to suffer so you won't have to grieve ain't.
I still want to die. I still hate almost everything about myself. I still can't function in society. I still self harm and other real fucked up shit just to make it through the day. "Still here" is not good, and I don't think it was the better outcome either.
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it's the little thing that count. i saw your profile and i'm sorry though you should get another pet (if you have not). it helps even though it's hard to want to care about a new one.
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that happened to my cat i also had to put down my one dog because of mental issues. i feel bad because she was in good health but was a danger to my other pet and i wouldn't feel right giving her to someone else with her mental state. you're never ready but it still helps to adopt another. after i put down the one i ended up with a mini-pin (dog) a week after because a family member od'ed (they didn't die) and it helped.
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yes, i would say you need to work out a few emotional issues. it's good you identified it and didn't act on it.
only you can give your life purpose. if you want your life to have meaning you need to define what that meaning is. most people don't get up and do what they do for themselves they do it because someone needs them kid's, spouse, pet's, causes, ect. that is their purpose in life. you need to find out what you want yours to be.
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sadly survival is this world, anything good comes about because we make it that way but it also works the other way around. to live in a better place we need to be better people. you should focus on others, people or animal it don't matter. helping does feel good becasu being the social animals that we are we need interaction but people are dicks so opening up sometimes leaves us open to get hurt.
the main issue with "putting down" people is the fact of who do you put in charge of it? who would you trust with that? even just letting people off them self. sometimes the issue causing them to want to end their life has a solution but the person either can't see it or or will not do it or dying do to a moment of weakness. it's more so around puberty cause you're imbalanced and many people will level off later in life. that said there are many good reasons to not want to be here but i feel you should atlest explore your options first.
the world is big but we close our selves into little boxing that is our town/city. while you're here why not try to see whats out there and if there is a place for you or a place you'ed like to be. people get wrapped up in their own little drama story and forget that your city is just a little dot on the map.
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I'm relatively new and don't know anything about any of this 'drama'. I can't say who did what or what's going on (nor would I).
But 1) No Matter your circumstances and whether or not people have reasons to dislike you, outing someone in the LGBT community is a huge act of emotional violence and should never be done, certainly not for bad reasons, but even if you believe it is best. It's really not their place, so I'm sorry that happened to you. It seems you have a lot of problems, so maybe people have a lot of reasons, but there's never a good reason to out someone.
2) if anybody is reading this and struggling with suicide, please reach out. Please don't give up. I know you're tired of the pain and don't feel like anyone well care, or maybe you feel it will improve their lives. This is not the case. Anyone who has lost someone to suicide can tell you. I'm so glad the times I attempted suicide as a young person didn't succeed. And that those I love also didn't succeed. Yes there are a lot of bad things, things are very bad for me right now, but there's always the chance the next day will be better. I've been dealing with this for 19 years so I know how it seems that's not true, but it is. Just because it's sucked for 19 years, doesn't mean it won't suddenly get better. And even if it doesn't, you will miss the good things. I never thought I'd fall in love or do anything with my life. The bad things don't negate the good.
And even if you think it doesn't matter to a single person, I care. I'll read about the suicide, I'll cry and so will many others. Every time somebody loses the battle, I feel a little more drained, a little closer to giving up. So please hold on and I hope that you can make it.
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You just wanted some attention like almost all ppl in the world.
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This is all so weird.. I know my English really sucks, it's late at night, I just came back from a long drive and most of all I can't really follow anything for more than some minutes but.. I didn't almost understand anything, I browse every week the forums here and I've never ever seen your posts so I'll go with "I never listened to a word, you never said" but just because I don't even remember all that shitposting you're talking about, all your controversial closed threads or whatever else..
No, I'm not drunk, I've been totally sober since 2004 (and before that I used to drink like beer or vodka once a week so..).. it's just too much text and the first post isn't really that clear to me XD
Guess I'll go and check for some giveaways to make and to enter, maybe tomorrow I'll get something more.. I don't even understand why websites and forums made up by people gifting games should become "nsfw".. aren't there so many groups forums pages and websites for these arguments? Well, ok, back to giveaways =P
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I'm glad this site managed to help in some way, but what happened to you sounds really shitty, and I'm sorry you had to go through that, even if it ultimately helped, because that's still an awful, shitty thing to go through.
As far as suicide, I don't know what the stance here is on that, but I find suicide posts are more likely to help than not but are still incredibly stressful for everyone involved. I mean, I see someone posting about suicide, and I want to try to prevent it, try to talk them out of it, but I'm not trained for this. I'm just winging it, trying to improvise things as I go. And I would hate to think that someone actually committed suicide because of something I said, or something I didn't say. And I think that goes for most people that respond to such threads.
I don't want to discourage threads talking about suicide - I think talking about it is the first step towards getting help. But, maybe also talk to someone who isn't on SG, someone like an actual therapist?
Anyway, I'm glad you're not committing suicide every couple months anymore, but if you feel the need, maybe reach out to someone who's trained for it, if you can? Because whatever else you've got going on, I think the world would be lesser without you, so I hope you'll stick around.
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There are many rows. The same number as the number of troubles.
There are many answers, the number exceeds the number of troubles.
In other words, the way to solve it is also buried.
I want to think so.
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Suicide used to be an acceptable topic here. We could have philosophical, or honestly just real and serious conversations about it in off topic threads. There were some joke threads featuring the subject, some threads by suicidal people considering it, and some for people who've know people who've attempted and succeed who were dealing with that. There was even a thread about me, where members of this community gathered up information to determine my well being, and then sent personal writings to my family and outed me as trans. And I wasn't apologetic about that. And I'm still not, that's not what I'm sorry about.
But because of that, the quantity of my shitposts faltered, and were instead replaced with aggressive posts and even more emo posts. I wanted to make you guys hate me, partly because you guys sent my most private info to the most harmful person in my life, and partly because your intention was good, y'all cared and I didn't want ya to.
My posts created a lot of controversy, and mods started closing them for nonsense reasons, such as cursing in the title, posting nsfw content when none was posted, or literally no reason, which is disappointing as intentionally provoking the community is a fine one, but the eventually came up with the unofficial rule that threads "implying" suicidal thoughts aren't allowed. And so much bs falls under this. Poetry, songs, and journalings that aren't even about the subject, but are just sad.I wrote an original chorus and outro to not feel guilty, and I can't post it here 'cause I'll probably get banned again.
Unless I like, hide it and a ga or somethingAnd I get that y'all are just trying to avoid the controversy, or avoid the posts of someone you hate, but I just want to let you guys know it was helpful. Before y'all outed me, when I was in a really rough spot with literally nothing going for me, attempting suicide every few months, this site helped. Talking about real things with y'all helped me. I'm gonna be honest, that's never gonna be me with this community again, but it could be someone else.
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