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Thanks for the giveaway! ✔

So an optimist, a pessimist and a policeman walk into a bar. The optimist says: "Hey look! Somebody left a Guiness standing on the counter and it is still half full." The pessimist corrects him: "You mean half empty!" The policemen runs towards the counter, throws the glas to the ground and grabs his gun: "Its OK guys, the glass is half black."

A similar to the above (in the sense of "-isms"):

A sadist and a masochist talk:
-hit me!
-nooooo;)

A man walks into a bar with a piece of tarmac under his arm. He says to the barman, ''A pint for me and one for the road.''

Thank you for this opportunity, darling =)

May my thanks be with u !

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Thanks for the giveaway!

What do you call a sister who works for you? Nun of your business!

I spent a long time thinking up ideas for a LEGO joke, but none of them clicked together

Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."

Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"

Doctor: "Nine."

I couldn't choose just one, enjoy:
A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov's dog and Schrodinger's cat. The librarian says, "It rings a bell, but I don't know whether it's there or not."

University: just the same as being unemployed.
But your parents are proud of you.

Most people write congrats because they don't know the spelling of congrajulashions

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says "Five beers, please".

View attached image.

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Luke and Obi-Wan walk into a Chinese restaurant. Ten minutes into the meal, Luke’s still having trouble with the chopsticks, dropping food everywhere. Obi-Wan finally snaps, “Use the forks, Luke.”