Why is the National Institute of Health substituting rats with lawyers for lab tests?
Three reasons:
1. There are more lawers then rats.
2. When rats die many people feel bad for them.
3. There are some things a rat will not do.

A guy was walking to a bar and on his way he found a girl tied up to the railroad tracks. He untied her and they had sex. Guy gets to the bar, friends ask why he's so late, tells them about the girl he found and all the different positions they fucked in. Friends give him props and ask if he got head, guy replies "I couldn't find it."

Hey, I wanted to burn some calories today, so I set a fat kid on fire! :D

Dad, I don't wanna go to Europe.
Dad, I don't wanna go to Europe.
Dad...

• Shut up and keep swimming, you spoiled brat !

Hmm, don't know about a joke...
...
How about this: Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.

This isn't black humor but it's my favorite joke:

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!

There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate.

She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived.

She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me."

I was stunned.
I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.
When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door.
I opened the door and stepped out of the house.
I walked straight towards my car.
My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

MORAL OF THIS STORY IS: Always keep your condoms in your car.

Why did the dead baby cross the road?

It was stapled to the chicken

Thank you! sorry but I'm terrible at jokes :S

Build a man a fire, keep him warm for the night.
Set a man on fire, keep him warm for the rest of his life.

An old woman walked around the well.
The old woman thought her life was meaningless and attempted suicide.
because her husband failed in business and ran away from creditors,
and her children also left her.
When she looked down at the bottom of the well,
she sighed and said that...

So! You are all here...

The thing with black humor is like food, not everyone gets it

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a light bulb?
To get to the other side.

My grandpa has dementia and has been living with us for three years now. You have to laugh it off when you can. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Thx for the gib, didnt enter though ;)

Here you go:
Josey wasn't the best pupil at Sunday school. She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question. "Who is the creator of the universe?" Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up. Josey jumped and yelled, "God almighty!" The teacher congratulated her. A little later the teacher asked her another question, "Tell me who is our lord and savior?" Joe poked Josey again and she yelled out, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher congratulated her again. Later on the teacher asked, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 26th child?" Joe poked Josey again and she shouted, "If you stick that thing in me again, I'll snap it in half and stick it up your ass!"

Hope you liked it ;)
Aaaand gratz on Lvl 3!

What's worse than 10 babies stapled to a tree?

A baby stapled accross 10 trees

Thanks for the GA and have a nice day!

I don't have jokes atm, but have a cat gif.. :3

View attached image.

My favorite one is from Terry Pratchett, you probably heard it before though.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Edit: I see someone already told something similar in this thread, ah well :p

This attempt

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.

Can't get any good ones right now, will probably edit if I will come up with something.

Also thanks for the giveaway.

You asked for it :)

Why can't you fool an aborted baby?
Because they weren't born yesterday.

Do you know what the very first symptoms of AIDS are?
Sharp pain in the ass and rapid breathing behind your back

what are doing 4 epileptic guys in a pool????

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a foam party!!!!!!!!!!

thx for the chance!!!

A guy was walking to a bar and on his way he found a girl tied up to the railroad tracks. He untied her and they had sex. Guy gets to the bar, friends ask why he's so late, tells them about the girl he found and all the different positions they fucked in. Friends give him props and ask if he got head, guy replies "I couldn't find it."