Generally speaking, I don't like being lonely. There are some people that I love having around. Still, there are moments that I want to calm down and prefer being alone at that moment. I also want to solve my problems alone, without any help, so that's another occasion when I like to be alone. But these moments are scarce and with an extremely short duration. To conclude, I don't want to be lonely, but in some occasions, I prefer being alone for personal reasons.
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Basically for the past year I have -- despite my opinion on the concept -- been in a long distance relationship. I'm talking constant skyping. Sleeping with the webcams on. First thing on waking up, messaging the other. Every moment I could spare. Then my partner's psychotic parent did his thing. The result: partner on the job market with no wifi. I've gone from having the best company in the world to being completely and utterly lonely. My friends have always been 'too busy' to spend time with me, which was fine, I guess, because I had someone who DID want me around. Right now idk.
The shit thing is my 9 year long depressive spell was actually over the last few months as I began to understood the importance of, you know, love I guess. I was actually doing well. I havent had suicidal thoughts since October. I'm even prepared for accepting another presence in my daily routine, and as an antisocial that's a big thing.
Ofc this doesnt change much but the fact I now have nobody to talk to, especially late at night where i'd usually technically not be sleeping alone, and it's bumming me out. I can't sleep, i have no reason to do anything, but above all else I dont want to regress. I want to stay positive and avoid getting back into the habit of depressing myself. Is anybody else in a similar boat? Lack of company, loneliness causes depression? Idk just someone to talk to without feeling unnecessary would be great.
Self indulgent rant over.
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