So I'm kinda poor, but not so poor that I don't have a meal every night or have basic entertainment.
And I don't have shoes for gym. These 2 guys at school know that I can't afford to get shoes (Anytime soon anyways)
So they said that they raised 70 dollars to take me to go get new shoes. I honestly didn't know how to respond.
What should I do? Should I be offended or thankful?

8 years ago

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Take the money and get new shoes

View Results
Politely say no.
Say yes and go get new shoes.

Should I be offended or thankful?
That's up to you to decide, how do you feel about it? What does your heart tell you?
I think it's a very kind and sweet gesture of these 2 guys. More people should be like this. :)

8 years ago*
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I told my mom and brother and they're pissed about it. Which is why I'm here asking what I should feel.

8 years ago
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We don't know how you should feel about this (and don't let strangers tell you how to feel), only you do. Let them be pissed, I'd say.

8 years ago
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Yeah. I think I'm gonna try to take the offer tomorrow. I'm not sure how it will turn out (considering I'm not the most popular kid in school lol) but I think I'm gonna try it.

8 years ago
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Glad to hear that. :) Read below that they're your friends, I'm sure it'll work out then. There always seem to be that pressure of being a popular kid in HS, don't mind it.

8 years ago
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Having been very poor literally my entire life, I can assure you, that's just because they want to be in denial of their circumstances, while holding on to the American conception that if you're poor it's somehow 'wrong' and 'your fault'.

Rather, here are two people trying to change how the poor are treated, and actively considering others, and you're considering giving them a reason not to do so.
The ones who have the right to be offended are them, not you.

That being said, what is right for you isn't always necessarily in line with some abstract social ideal.
Likewise, if it's going to- rightly or wrongly- offend your family each time they see you walking around in those shoes, it may not be worth the stress.

Though, the fact that they're more interested in being angry at others, than at seeing you have decent shoes..

I'm not going to make assumptions about your family, I don't have the information or right.
But I will say, in my case, that meant my family simply didn't care about me.
Which isn't to make an assertion about your circumstances, but simply to note:
At some point in your life, you're going to learn, you can't let others hurt or hinder you just to appease them, their feelings, or their ego.
That doesn't mean that you shouldn't consider the feelings and circumstances of others- to the contrary.
It just means you can't let it, or the fear of conflict, prevent you from doing what's best for you.

On the flip side, it's just shoes. If you think you can go without them, that's up to you. But be willing to give a clear explanation as to why you're declining them to the people involved, you owe them that respect.

As far as them- they're either honestly generous and intending to give you the money, in which case, even if there ARE patronizing or otherwise dubious factors involved, what you've seen is a truly rare thing in this world: Unsolicited generosity and consideration for others.

If they were just saying that to tease you, well, that's harsh, but it happens. If that ends up being the result, don't take it to heart, people suck, and you're worth more than the circumstances you happened to be born into.

Good luck either way :)

8 years ago
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Well said, glad there are people like you and those two guys that helped OP.

8 years ago
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Offended? They are trying to help you. Accept the money and be thankful that they helped you.

But then on the flipside don't abuse the fact that they are trying to help you. Take the money, and be grateful - but don't leech off of them.

8 years ago
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Yes of course. I hate leeching. Which is another reason I'm asking if I should take it or not.

8 years ago
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Deleted

This comment was deleted 2 years ago.

8 years ago
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ROFL, man, that's some crazy idea! XD

8 years ago
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+1 Take the money and run

8 years ago
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You don't mention the quality of your relationship with these 2 people. I'd hate to think that it's some sort of prank or taunt or something, but I've heard of worse. Assuming you're on friendly terms with these 2 people then I would absolutely accept the gift thankfully. It's kind of funny that you're asking this question on steamgifts :)

8 years ago
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Yeah I know. I'm not sure where else to post stuff like this lol. "the teenager fourms"? lol.
But I am friends with one of the dudes but the other guy I know but I'm not really on terms of BEST friend.

8 years ago
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^^ The key point here...intent is everything.

8 years ago
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You know that made-up Confucius saying about intentions? lol

8 years ago
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If you were in a position to help somebody else out then would you? How would you expect that person to feel?

Sometimes it is fine to help other people out. It doesn't have to be a big deal.

8 years ago
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U should be thankful , they are awesome

8 years ago
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"So they said that they raised 70 dollars" What does this mean?
They steal 70 dollars to give you or they give you 70 dollars?

If that is the first case i totally reject it. If is the second one, accept and be thankfull, and consider to give back in future if you can (not the money, a favor)

8 years ago*
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Wow.. You're overthinking the issue little too much. Good way of thinking, but how on Earth should they know if their friends actually stole the money from someone to give them? There's no way to find out. Good old saying comes to my mind:

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth...

8 years ago
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Sorry if i didn't answer before, i didn't notice that (there is no messages notifications)

I'm not english speaker and for me "raise" is to elevate something. And one of the meanings in spanish is "levantar", that could be a colloquial way to say steal.

So, i think that is weird and want to confirm if my translation was right or no. Now i now i was wrong.

8 years ago
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I apologize for misunderstanding, I am not a native english speaker either, but I will try to explain. I replied to your post under impression that you assumed that the way they got the money could be illegal. Now after reading this post, I understand that you were just confused about the meaning of "raise money" and wanted to know what does it actually mean, so basically it means that a group of people donated money to the same fund to financially support the same cause. I hope this explanation helps to understand it better.

8 years ago
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You don't need to apologize.
Thank you so much for taking the time to explaining me this. Now i understand that.

8 years ago
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It's like giveaways.. While people create giveaways, they don't (or shouldn't) expect anything in return (otherwise it's no longer a giveaway but a trade), when we manage to win some game, we are happy and want to give back to the community to return the favor..

As for your situation, personally I would accept the offer only if I was sure that I can return the favor at some point in which case I would let them know that while I appreciate that they care and offer help, (which is what good and caring friends usually do and it's to be expected if you have good and caring friends), I will only accept it under one condition - that I will return the favor in one way or another at some point, such things help to build character and strengthen the friendships, otherwise I would thank them for caring and a nice offer, but would have to refuse and I would also explain why - because it's not easy for me to accept such a nice offer when I don't know for sure that I will be able to return the favor.

Then again, that's just me, like some other person pointed out, we can't tell you how to feel about this and naturally if what I said here doesn't appeal to you in any way, then you might want to make your own choice based on your personal feelings.

8 years ago*
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Of course you should be thankful! In some countries and cultures, people are ashamed of being poor, don't be(but at the same time don't brag around about it), be humble and take some of the money. Buy a training shoes, and give the change back. If they yet refuse the change and say to keep it, don't force and accept it. Make good use of it in respect for them.

Friends like that don't appear that easily. Keep them close to you, for whenever they need you, you are there to help them.

8 years ago
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Good advice.. Man, I wish there were more people like that, really..

8 years ago
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Hi Shim! How did it go? Let us know (if you want to). ^^

8 years ago
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He said he forgot the money last last friday. But after we had a long week break. Unfortunately, I'm sick, so I haven't been able to go yet.
Will find out tomorrow or after tomorrow.

(btw, sorry for the late reply. I've been moving stuff to my other house this week)

8 years ago
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Ooh, I see. Get well soon!

8 years ago
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Hey Shim - you don't know me but I'm a mother and I can definitively state that what your friend and erst-while friend have done for you is a really nice thing. By accepting their gift you are allowing them to feel rich and good about themselves. Too often we forget that accepting a gift, while difficult for us personally, makes the gifter feel magnanimous. So yeah, let them buy you the shoes. Hopefully someday you can repay their gift. For now, being gracious is the best gift you can give them. :-)

8 years ago
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"have basic entertainment"

Nig ga, have you EVER considered visiting your school library and furthermore if they close early visiting your town library?
god dammit mane I spent more than 5000 hours reading at my school and two local libraries since I was in junior highschool, and you know what?. I GOT ENTERTAINED and a lot and fucking hell I LEARNED a fuckload of interesting facts that make me understand a little more about myself and the world, and have many topics to comment about. Knowledge will take you to lots of interesting places.

Also always have hope the people around you are trying to be genuinely friendly and just want you to have nice shoes. Remember the balance between trust vs mistrusts is HOPE.

8 years ago
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If anyone offers you something as a gift, it is best to accept it. Once it belongs to you, you may do as you like with it, including throw it away. It belongs to you. (You don't want to throw it away in front of the person who gave it to you.)

Beware, however, of people who give gifts with "strings attached." This kind of person confuses giving a gift with doing you a favor, and so gifts you with something so that you might "owe" them something in return. That is wrong, and it is bad (on their part). If someone ever tries to lay a "guilt trip" on you for something they gave you ("Hey! I gave you this gift! You owe me!), then offer to return the gift. The whole "strings attached" thing is rubbish and you owe nothing for receiving a gift.

8 years ago*
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If anyone offers you something as a gift, it is best to accept it. Once it belongs to you, you may do as you like with it, including throw it away. It belongs to you.

Are you implying that regifting is fine? Damn, our support is corrupt!

8 years ago
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As you very well know, I was speaking in general. While the SteamGifts' User Agreement requires you to redeem your won gifts, and if you have agreed to use the site, you have agreed to redeem your won gifts, none of that applies to the cookie I gave you last week. I would be sad if you threw it in the garbage...

If you truly knew me, you'd expect Hell to freeze over before I ever became corrupt.

8 years ago*
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Aww, you know we wouldn't seriously even think of you being corrupt, of course. :3

8 years ago
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Step 1 - jbondguy007 takes over Hell
Step 2 - Hell freezes and Khalaq becomes corrupt
Step 3 - ???
Step 4 - Profit.

8 years ago
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Take it
It kinda monetary fund from UN for the developing country

8 years ago
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take the shoes, lay low with any public spending you think might seem extravagant and as soon as you have enough funds take them out for a celebration of sorts - start of a great year, game victory, etc... Tell them the night is on you and go do something fun together. or donate some time and energy to helping some people in your class with stuff.

8 years ago
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Take it with a good thought.

8 years ago
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Ignore what other people think about it and accept the gift. I mean, they will be happy after you get the shoes. That's why people give games away here as well.

8 years ago
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You should say no. Till you are part of a family you have to consider your actions may affect your whole clan.

8 years ago
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As people said before it all depends on the situation, if they are your friends and truly raised the money to buy you shoes for the gym i think you can accept it. Selfless people are rare nowadays, especially in high school i'd say, it's good to see teenagers doing the right thing and being generous like that. But as Khalaq said don't let them remind you for the rest of the year how they helped with the shoes and be mean to you or asking you to do bad/weird things for them in exchange. If it's their state of mind politely decline.

If they do that as a way to tease or mock you just ignore them and move on. Don't take it personally though, people can be mean to others sometimes.

Regarding your family, they got pissed for people offering to buy you shoes, i'd say it's pride talking. Some people instead of accepting a helping hand will reject it as they may feel people are looking down on them for wanting to help. Anyway if they can slowly accept you got new shoes people offered you it's all good. But don't go into Cold War with your parents over this, except if you really don't have decent shoes anymore and really need some new ones.

8 years ago
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