I'm not gonna lie. This is a hard thread to make. Let's open with a giveaway, for old time's sake, and to start on a lighter note. No CV, no rules, anyone can enter. Now, let's get down to it. Please read it all carefully before you comment.

I love this site. I started off with a "hey, free stuff!" mentality, but quickly discovered the community. I still remember my first giveaway and the colossal disaster that turned into. I still remember my first puzzle, the first time I won, the first time I met quite a few of you who I'd later consider my friends. I still remember the first time lokonopa cryptically messaged me and I knew what he was asking. I still remember being made a chat mod. I love that chat. The members have changed over the months, like they have here, but I enjoyed being in it, I enjoyed keeping it clean. I remember advising cg on my opinions of who has it in them to be mods. Those opinions still hold true. Then, I left.

For obvious reasons, I don't regret that. That was the happiest time of my life and I'm now engaged. The problems started when I came back. Six months gone, even with frequent check-ins, and the site had changed. I missed a lot of people I thought where major parts of the site's community leave. I missed a lot of policy changes, new people come in, new groups live and die and live again. But the longer I tried to fit back in, the more I had to force that fit, the more it felt like pushing a square block into a circular hole.

I hate this site. I feel like a lot of the people that held the true spirit of it together have left it and there's nothing but a few of them left, in the midst of CV complaint threads and begging and general pointless spam. There's been disagreements, both with you guys and with the other moderators. Most of them have been minor, some of them have been major. I've had disagreements with the admin on numerous topics, a lot of them related to the abilities of the mods to do our jobs well and suspensions. cg is far, far more lenient than myself. Maybe he's right. Maybe that time I spent trying to clean up SteamTrades, where I had to make a hard and brutal line you do not cross, ever, to get anything done on it, poisoned my ability to work on SteamGifts. Maybe they need a different touch and I lost that touch and haven't been able to get it back yet. I don't know.

Moving on to a personal note right now: when I left was the happiest time in my life; now is probably one of my lowest. The site staff are aware of it and certain contingency plans were put in place. I've been constantly depressed since I was a child in various strengths and I'm currently in the middle of a seriously deep depression. Every day is a struggle to wake up, I'm perpetually fatigued, very little to nothing feels truly fun any more, I fake a lot of smiles, laughter, and lie about it when asked. At various points in the last few months, I've been the closest to suicide I have been in years.

I love this site. It wasn't as severe then, but I was still depressed when I first joined. I'm not going to lie: this site has kept me alive. Modding this site, helping people with their issues, being a part of the community has given me a reason to get up in the morning. I have sacrificed so much of my time here, I didn't even have time to game most days, I forgot to eat or sleep and I didn't even feel bad about that, I was doing good work (hell, a couple of times, I even sacrificed time with my fiancée to work through a problem someone was having, though, yes, I felt bad about that one). But the returns nowadays are dwindling. It's not as much fun any more. Lately, it's been a chore. I check support, scroll through the tickets, and move on, answering a couple at most. I check the forums and feel like I see nothing but spam and complaints and rulebreaking and just general annoyances. I've tried taking a small week or so break, get my head in gear again, but something always drags me back in. When I'm not apathetic, I'm angry and I'm sure the longtimers here have noticed that I am far more aggressive than I used to be, even when I try my utmost to rein that back in and I truly have tried.

Am I doing good any more? Is this worth my time and effort? Is this doing more harm than good to me? These questions have been going in circles in my head for a long time now. I have no answer. My love of this site is greater than the frustrations of this site, far greater. So I put these questions to you, the community, the reason why I love this site. It's not the gifts. It's not the puzzles. It's you. Am I doing good any more? Am I worth your time and effort? Am I doing more harm than good to this site, to this community? This has nothing to do with any one incident, but a continuing trend. I love this site and I love this community and I want to do right by you.

Give me your thoughts. Is it time for me to step down, is it time for me to go? Based on the Wikipedia process I took this idea from, this is non-binding. I reserve the right to ignore everything anyone says and continue onwards, but I value your thoughts, all of them. I may or may not reply to individual comments, but I will read all of them. This community is truly important to me and, regardless of our differences in opinion, I respect you all and thank you for my time here so far. It has been truly great.

Moderators, I've made a support ticket as well. Please post in-depth analyses there. Thank you.

11 years ago*

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going hardline is something that i always advocate.

11 years ago
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tl;dr

Sorry Jade.

Ps: I blame the giveaway being at the start!

11 years ago
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I pity you for various reasons.

11 years ago
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A badass approaches!

I'm just messing around with him, just a fyi.

11 years ago
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I'm not the best at advice, but the very best of luck with whatever you choose to do with regards to both SG and life in general. It'll be sad to see you go if you do.

11 years ago
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I respect you very much and I wish you would continue to be a staff member, but if it does make your condition worse then don't do it (that depression part).

11 years ago
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You are clearly an intelligent man, and I've no doubt you've come across the work of Rollo May. If not, try reading some of his stuff, it may help you with your condition.

11 years ago
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Fuck, that's a lot of quotes, and Jade is a guy? I honestly had no idea. Now I feel dumb.

11 years ago
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Well, so what do you have in mind for your next course of action?

11 years ago
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I think it's hard giving advice on such matter, all I can say is do what you feel is right, but saying you've done any harm to the site is just laughable, quite the opposite :) Also, I am all for more strict rules!

11 years ago
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Chat mod, cannot comment on support ticket.

You, cult, lokonopa, yatterman, kaitlyn, wesley, you all have done good. Plenty of good, more than people give you credit for. Honestly, I'd love to see you lot all in action with leomoty, SleepyCat, the other current support and a few more, just so the load isn't so heavy, and the shit you have to put up with isn't so grating.

I have seen you get mad, but even then you keep yourself in check and don't go overboard with dealing with the wingnuts, yahoos, bozos, and skyrim survivors that are out there.

Keep on keeping on until you feel it's not fun for you, then retire, or go on hiatus, or flip cg the virtual bird and dance on the virtual table topless while you twirl your virtual shirt around in the virtual air. Don't stick around if you're getting pissed, or if the outside world becomes troublesome, but do stick around if you're still able to enjoy it.

11 years ago
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You are a great mod and whatever you do is up to you, I hope you can get over your depression.

11 years ago
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To be honest you shouldn't let a website effect your personal life in any way. Instead of leaving maybe just stop being a mod if it is causing you stress.

11 years ago
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It's more I'm worried that my personal life is affecting the website negatively.

11 years ago
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I don't think it isn't... You are that kind of mod that follow the rules as they are meant to be followed, you are the most active mod (atleast the one I most see), you talk with all of us about everything and help everyone when they need to be helped. What else would someone want from a mod?

11 years ago
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Personally I've found some of the witty comments you made to people on forum posts (just as you served them a suspension) quite amusing. If you feel you can't do your job correctly you could step back a bit and take a break from being a mod. Just enjoy being part of the community instead.

I'm far more concerned about the thankless job affecting your personal life and sending you deeper into depression.

11 years ago
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I went through a period where I was modding a site and it made me very jaded. I'd carry a lot of anger and most of the time I was encouraged and spurred on by the other users who liked my 'straight talk' style.

Problem was, I'd hold onto that darkness, carrying that anger in my life. I'd be short tempered with my wife and shout at her, or something would anger me on the site causing me to be short tempered the rest of the day with her and friends.

Once I spotted this, I walked away. I left the bitterness and I'm a much better person as a result. Sometimes we can become so mired in it our defences never get a chance to recharge and so we no longer have them, just becoming one walking open festering wound who lashes out at all around us.

For me, dropping all I could, focusing on healing myself, finding gratitude even in my brokenness was what I needed to once again find my light and let it shine. Hopefully, you will also find the path you need to walk to help regain your own light and I'd argue you already know in your heart which decision you need to make.

“The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind”

11 years ago
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It's ok to worry about that as a mod. But you shouldn't worry about that MORE than you worry about the inverse..

11 years ago
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Well im not good english speaker(Agentina user here).- First of all, You have to LOVE your life. Then this site. Not all people are bad, and not all good, i think you are a good mod, sometimes maybe you are so brute(dunno the exact word) but, some people need that someone put a strong hand in him. I like the comunty, and im sure that threads that ask about cv or that things have to carry a ban to the user for not reading the FAQ as well. For me you can stay here and don't go. Live is hard, obviusly it is. Thats the awesomnes of the life =D. Want to play chess vs me? :D. Listen to music, do some sports, things that make you happy, i dont smoke, or drink, but i like sports and gaming, be with friends etc, you only have to start looking the smalls things that make you happy (or put you very angry too). Because when u love something it hurts more when u fail. But hey, just keep going until all things start to go well! :D.
you can add me if u want a annoying friend if u want =P.(you will hate me i advise you xD)
Im sure jade give a f*** of what i said u.u

11 years ago
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It's hard as fuck to voluntarily moderate something for a long period of time. It's thankless work, don't feel bad about being jaded

11 years ago
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zing.

11 years ago
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This guy speaks the truth. Just take a break. See how you feel in a few days, weeks, or even a year. It is something that will never change until you see how you are after it is gone.

11 years ago
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If you like it you should keep doing, nothing better than doing what you like to do.

11 years ago
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Take it easy, and take care of yourself first, however it may be. Find something that keeps you going and stick to it. If it turns out to be SG, so be it.

Whatever you decide, best of luck, and keep on keeping on.

11 years ago
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4moreyears #dontresign #keepthebanhammer #kateupton

11 years ago
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Why the hell is this bolded and so big wtf

11 years ago
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it sensed your great leadership

yolo

swag

11 years ago
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because xarabas.

11 years ago
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Dem headers.

Hashtag FAQ

11 years ago
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This guy should be a mod too, xarabas is fuckin hilarious. You are the best mod jade, keep on!

11 years ago
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He should be a mod because he is "hilarious"?

11 years ago
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No, he should be a mod because he is "fuckin hilarious", please get it right!

11 years ago
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Nope, I just said his most noticeable feature, being hilarious that is, but he's a well known and active member of the community, I believe he would be a great mod, handling things in the most hilarious way.

You guys aren't funny :3

11 years ago
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Just because he is hilarious, that doesn't make him suitable for a cargo such as this, reason why i specified chat moderation to suit his role better.

And i wasn't even trying to be funny... >_>

11 years ago
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I think you ignored the part I said that he was a well known and active member of the community. Besides, I just said that you guys aren't funny because I clearly made a joke saying that he should be mod because he is hilarious, you just didn't get it.

11 years ago
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I guess you are bad with jokes then, don't blame us! :P

Ps: It's 2 on 1, we got the higher ground!

11 years ago
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I agree and disagree to this fact, i think Xarabas suits more for a chat mod, not a support role, but hey, that's me and my 50 cents coming into play.

11 years ago
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I vote that you quit.

And spend more time with your smokin' hot fiancee.

11 years ago
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:P

11 years ago
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:P

11 years ago
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yes, just don't quit the site since you love/hate it, quit being a mod, maybe it's stress you can't handle now, you could ask being a mod again later on when everything feels better again.

11 years ago
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This is the most important opinion you will get here Jade. But, if you do quit modding, I hope you still stay active on the site. You could always take a break and come back when you are ready.

11 years ago
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Silence, wench.

11 years ago
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Or maybe it's not the most important opinion:p

11 years ago
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This deserves a response from the one with whom it was directed towards.

11 years ago
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Silence, wench.

11 years ago
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I'm not a wench, I'm a pretty pretty princess!

11 years ago
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Pink up the Jester, I demand it.

11 years ago
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I would really miss your feisty replies to trolls/tards to be honest. They always make me giggle.

Anyways, I hope you can get through this depression, don't wanna pull my own shit in here but you're not the only one going through one and I know it's not a good time at all. But I'm sure you'll get through it. So, chin up and good luck with whatever decision you'll make.

11 years ago
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Well, I keep reading the whole text trying to find something nice and appropriate, trying to use the right words, but it's not easy, anyway:

Your role here makes you happy? Do you enjoy spending time on the site helping other people or just chatting? Then go on, stay here have fun, we'll give you full support :)

It's hard to deal with depression I don't know if you are under any kind medications but you should talk with someone who could give you a concrete help :3

I wish I could help more, but I don't really know what to say. :o

11 years ago
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Yeah I think you should leave. You are too emotional and affected. And your replies towards some people here are indeed too crude, too arrogant, too way out of line at times.

But it's ok. So now we know you have issues which you should obviously fix first so I don't hold it against you. But it's best that you not post anything in case you let your depression affect someone else.

11 years ago
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Jade... I love you like a brother. and on Wednesdays maybe a bit more than that. ;) You might be a tougher on rule breakers than some of the other support staff, but that is a good thing. Every staff needs someone to be an enforcer. Someone that doesn't let things slide as far as everyone else. Doing so takes a lot of stress off the other staff. But you are shouldering a lot more stress when you do this.
All I can say is, do what is right for you. You have my support in anything you choose. That said, this community is a lot better with you as a staffer, than it is without you kicking some ass. I hope you stick around.

11 years ago
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You do good work and of course people are going to want you to stay, but you should do what's right for you. It certainly sounds like you're having a hard time with a lot of things in life, maybe leaving would cross one thing off that list. If you're thinking too much about it, it's probably what you want - or at least, that's how I try to make decisions. If you love something, let it go. (or however that terribly annoying song goes)

11 years ago
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You may agree or you may disagree with me, my 2 cents is as follows.

You are one of the only mods i actually respect and like due to you being the only once that acts in a manner of common decency and decorum, I have seen you at work on the forums. I have witness some of your colder comments, i have even recieved one before xD but i dont mind

But if being here as a mod makes you feel worse then just quit, i mean that in a nice way i have personally struggled with high's and Low's and its not good to continue if it gets to you.

That said if things are good then i would like you to stay but only if you can manage it and want to.

maybe a temporary hiatus if need be.

11 years ago
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+1.

11 years ago
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Im kinda new, help me?

11 years ago
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Do what you think is right.

11 years ago
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Just from my personal experience, there's really two faces to you. One post can be a delight to read, the other is filled with fucks and cunts from start to finish.

And then you ban me for 'calling out', a two day ban during my damn birthday giveaways for something that was in no way, NO WAY calling out anything whatsoever.
As such, moderators need to be strict but just. You really shouldn't be swinging that banhammer when you feel bad, injustice is murder to any community.

I'm in no position to tell you whether you should stay. Despite my minor problems with you, I can also see you truly work diligently for this website. Do whatever makes you happy.

11 years ago
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Jade's always been like that, even before SG. Sweet, romantic, a delight, and then foul mouthed and almost scary when he's mad! It's not SG, that's just him.

11 years ago
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I haven't been around all that long, and I certainly don't see everything on the site, but I have never run into anything you've done that didn't seem to be the right thing to do. You have been (and continue to be) a positive influence on SG, and I would miss you if you were to leave. Even so, you don't save someone drowning in quicksand by jumping into it yourself. If you feel you need time off from moderating the site, whether for a little while or permanently, then that is what you should do. Yes, you are "doing good," but we will understand if you decide to step down.

In the meantime, you can find me on Steam if you want someone to chat with. I am no stranger to depression, and you might find talking with me to be of benefit to you.

11 years ago
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"...might find talking with me to be of benefit to you."

Guess that's where the gifts come into play? haha xD

Also, you are still on 0 wins, how the hell is that even possible khalaq? -_-

11 years ago
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The system automatically does a re-roll if Khalaq gets a win, didn't you know that?

11 years ago
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Closed 11 years ago by thejadefalcon.