3000th giveaway entered! Here's a giveaway to celebrate :D (SGtools) + random "contest" inside!

First (bump).

bump. :)

Congrats, 3000th GAs. Bump ;)

Congrats Nathanielvd and thank you for your giveaway. ^^

Congratulations on 3000 entered giveaways!:)

Here is my joke:

"What did the one cabbage say to the other cabbage?"

"Lettuce be friends!" ;)

Bump!

here's my go-to joke:

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!

There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate.

She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived.

She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me."

I was stunned.
I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.
When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door.
I opened the door and stepped out of the house.
I walked straight towards my car.
My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."`

MORAL OF THIS STORY IS: Always keep your condoms in your car.

Congrats!

Once upon time in a land far, far away lived three Cheerio worlds: Perfect Cheerio World, Mediocre Cheerio World, and Non-perfect Cheerio World. Anybody who was anybody wanted to reside in Perfect Cheerio World, but unfortunately only the lucky few got the honor of living in Perfect Cheerio World.

In Non-perfect Cheerio World there was a Cheerio named Joe. Non-perfect Cheerio Joe was a regular person just like you and me. Day in and day out though he wished for a better world to live in. He believed he deserved the chance to experience Perfect Cheerio World because he worked his Cheerio butt off 24/7.

One night when Non-perfect Cheerio Joe was on his way home from work, a Cheerio Genie visited him. The Cheerio Genie had noticed Non-perfect Cheerio Joe's constant dedication to his job, friends, and family and thought that he deserved a little loving himself. The Cheerio Genie allowed Non-perfect Cheerio Joe to have one wish. Non-perfect Cheerio Joe wished that he could go to Perfect Cheerio World for a day. The Cheerio Genie, being the good cheerio that he is, granted Non-perfect Cheerio Joe his wish.

Come Saturday morning after a long week at the office, Non-perfect Cheerio Joe awoke in a place unfamiliar to him. He knew immediately that he was in Perfect Cheerio World. A Perfect Cheerio soon approached him. Oh how Non-perfect Cheerio Joe was envious of this cheerio. He wasn’t cracked or broken and looked like he had taken a nice dip in Skim Milk. A world with Skim Milk? Non-perfect Cheerio Joe was jealous, that’s for sure. The Perfect Cheerio introduced himself and coincidentally his name was Joe as well. What are the odds?

Perfect Cheerio Joe started to tell Non-perfect Cheerio Joe about all the fun and exciting things that Perfect Cheerio World has to offer. Perfect Cheerio Joe offered to be Non-perfect Cheerio Joe’s tour guide for the day. “First things first,” Perfect Cheerio Joe said, “We must go get some breakfast!”

Perfect Cheerio Joe and Non-perfect Joe walked into a little café and went to the front of the line. The cashier politely told them that they had to wait at the back of the line. “Where’s that?” Non-perfect Cheerio Joe asked.

"Go five blocks down. Take three rights, and two lefts, and then six more rights. Then one more left and then you’ll reach the end of the line," said the cashier.

Perfect Cheerio Joe and Non-perfect Cheerio Joe obliged and waited on the long line to get their breakfast. Next, Perfect Cheerio Joe said that Non-perfect Cheerio Joe had to go to the National Cheerio Museum. Non-perfect Cheerio Joe loved museums so he happily agreed. When they arrived at the National Cheerio Museum, they first had to purchase tickets to see some exhibits. They walked up to the ticket booth where they were told to head to back of the line. “Where’s that?” Non-perfect Cheerio Joe asked.

"Go five blocks down. Take three rights, and two lefts, and then six more rights. Then one more left and then you’ll reach the end of the line."
Although the line was long, Non-perfect Cheerio Joe was ecstatic because he got to see the first Cheerio ever created. Perfect Cheerio Joe then recommended they go see a movie because Non-perfect Cheerio World doesn’t have any movie theaters. Non-perfect Cheerio Joe picked the movie, Unrequited Love for a Honey Nut Cheerio. Even Cheerios love romantic comedies. The movie theater was gorgeous and Non-perfect Cheerio Joe was so happy until they had to buy tickets for the movie and they had to go to the back of the line. “Where’s that?” Non-perfect Cheerio Joe asked.

"Go five blocks down. Take three rights, and two lefts, and then six more rights. Then one more left and then you’ll reach the end of the line."
Once they were in the movie theater, Non-perfect Cheerio Joe knew that he couldn’t have the full movie experience without popcorn. He quickly left the theater during the previews and went to buy some popcorn. He was told to head to the back of the line. These long lines were really starting to bother Non-perfect Cheerio Joe, but he knew he was only here for a day so he had to experience it all. “Where’s the back of the line?” Nonperfect Cheerio Joe asked.

"It wraps around the theater, so head south on Strawberry Street. Then make two rights. Next walk two blocks down and make a left onto Grain Road, then you’ll be at the end of the line."

Non-perfect Cheerio Joe hoped the popcorn would be worth it. Just as he sat down in his seat with his popcorn the movie was beginning. I know what luck! Damn previews. After the movie was finished, Perfect Cheerio Joe recommended going to a party so that Non-perfect Cheerio Joe could meet a bunch of Perfect Cheerios. Non-perfect Cheerio Joe loved all Cheerios so he was pumped! When they arrived outside of the party they had to wait in line to enter. Non-perfect Cheerio Joe was getting a wee bit frustrated when he asked where the end of the line was.
"Walk 1.37 miles. Then when you get to the fork in the road take a right. Then you need to make one right, one left, one right, and one left. After that you’ll be at the end of the line."

Although Non-perfect Cheerio Joe was exhausted by the time they got into the party he was still ready to dance the night away. Non-perfect Cheerio Joe and Perfect Cheerio Joe headed straight to the dance floor and boogied all night. Two hours in, Non-perfect Cheerio Joe got thirsty. Perfect Cheerio Joe mentioned that the punch at this place was the bomb dot com. Non-perfect Cheerio Joe decided that without punch he would probably pass out. After waiting all day on so many lines Non-perfect Cheerio Joe knew what to expect. He walked up to the Cheerio serving the punch and said, “Where’s the punch line?”

The server looked at him confused, “There is no punch line.”

bump

Jokes, even more so in english, aren't really my forte... so here is my lame entry:
What is the tallest building in your city? The library. It has the most stories.

Bump!

My long time favourite :

What is more dangerous than a pittbull which has AIDS ?

Think carefully. It's a freaking pittbull!

The guy who gave AIDS to that poor dog. He is the really danger!

Bump!

A Buddhist monk approaches a hot dog stand and says "Make me one with everything".

The vendor makes the hot dog and hands it to the Buddhist monk, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it.
"Excuse me, but where’s my change?" asks the Buddhist monk.
The vendor replies, "Change must come from within."

Thanks for the giveaway. I'm Dutch too; great choice of game. :)

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. I set the "winner" aside in a victor's pile until the entire population of the package has gone through one round, then square off the winners against each other.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to:

M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc.
Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A.,

...along with a 3x5 card reading: "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free half-pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

I can't make jokes T_T

Thank you for the giveaway.

I'm closing to 30 000 entered.... I'm not proud... I need help... but this is not my topic...
Congrats, Nathaniel. An the SGT works just fine.
Here's a bad hilarious joke.

Why did the baby crossed the road?!
Careful with the hidden answer, it's not for the feint hearted!
- Because it was stapled to the chicken

I know. I'm a terrible person.

have a bump!

p.s my humor is somewhat dark so here are corresponding jokes.

1) what is the hardest part to eat in a vegetable?

the wheel chair!

2) what is black small and doing the breakdance?

a baby putting his finger inside a socket.

3) what's the connection between dark humor and food?

not everybody gets it.

4) what's worse from having 10 dead babys inside a trashcan?

having a dead baby inside 10 crashcans.

REPLY FOR MOAR(assuming your heart can take it =p).

beump

My sister bet 100 dollars that I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti. You should've seen the look on her face as I drove pasta!

Off-color humor:
The Horse and the Chicken

One day the chicken & horse were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.

Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, the chicken searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for the farmer had gone to town with the only tractor.

Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope, hoping there was still time to save the horse's life.

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised but happy to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.

After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best buddies, best pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and as the chicken began to sink, the horse heard the cry, 'Save me!'

The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.

Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thingy and he would then lift the chicken out of the pit.

The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled up and out, saving the chicken's life.

The moral of the story?

(Yep. You betcha. There is a moral!)

'When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Harley to pick up chicks.'

Dark humor is like food: not everybody gets it.

Congrats :)

Humpty Bumpty ^^

bump

Perfect timing as I just passed 0.75 today. Thanks!