Totally imaginary and nonexistent end of the world giveaway group now recruiting (but not really)

I decided that it's the end of the world in a few days (cause I'm Mayan like that), so naturally I sold my house, moved into my neighbor's shed with his weird stinky black cat with white stripes running down it's back, and bought a ton of games to give away, and now I'm looking for the best of the best of what steamgifts forum has to offer.

Tell me why you should be in my awesome fake group with daily AAA giveaways and pies, and please be shameless and hilarious about it.

IMPORTANT: I also really need you to have at least 2k CV and 2 years on SG in order to join, but I'll accept people who just signed up to the site and gave away nothing at all, as long as they are sexy and nice.

If you say "thanks for ____!" I'll put you on my imaginary blacklist, and you will win nothing like the rest of us!

P.S. - I'm thinking of calling the group - The TIANEOTWG group, because it just rolls off the tongue, but I'm still open to suggestions.

P.P.(giggity)S. - If this topic makes my day an absolute blast, I may or may not post an actual non bundled giveaway here later.