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I posted a lot of threads here about myself, my dad included and his health and particulary his cancer. He recently had one kidney removed but things were still looking bright, he started picking up on daily life stuff again the last 2 weeks.
Then this morning he woke up with a heavy breathing problem and he was rushed before to the hospital with "false alarm" and i thought it was another case also because of the heat, but unfortunately this time it wasn't, and when you know someone is past his age you can prepare yourself, but when it's rather unexpected it comes as a major major shock.
My dad and i had our differences, but he was a loving kind father, i always thought we would make up properly someday, but now when you don't get that chance anymore.
A reminder this thing can always happen in an instant, and it sounds just like words but appreciate eachother when you still can please.
It's region restricted. If anyone wants to say a kind word, thank you i appreciate it, i probably won't reply because i am still in a bit of a shock.
[Edit] Overwhelmed by the reactions thank you very much, really appreciated.
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Sorry for your loss, stay strong Lugum
I'm sorry for your loss, Lugum.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Stay strong <3
The moment between having a person in your life and then suddenly them being gone is one of the hardest realizations we can experience. So hard hitting, so much impact, it's almost extraordinary, impossible, ludicrous to event fathom it, let alone understand it... and then? Pure sorrow. Please make sure you give your grief time and space. Let it breathe, let it cry and let it wallow. You'll know when you're ready to make peace with it all. For now hold yourself in your arms. It's all you can do.
Too sad to see you lost your dad... I know it is quite a blow, especially when you do not expect it.... I actually lost mine less than two months ago, but in my case it was because of the pandemic... long story short: he was OK but suddenly took a turn for the worse and never recovered... So, I can relate to your pain and I am sorry for your loss... I know it is hard but we have to shelter on the enjoyable moments we could share...
I lost my father recently as well. Never got the chance to say goodbye, we were not really in good terms and everything happened suddenly. These things can be really tough.
Sorry for you loss. I wish you all the strength during these hard times.
Make sure to take care of yourself. Eat meals if you can, it can be a tiring experience and it helps to have some energy.
Lost my dad back in January, out of the blue. And it's a tough experience that is different for everyone. It's okay to cry and it's okay to not always be upset. Take your time and grieve how you need. Personally I found writing down my feelings to help.
Not really sure what else to say, terrible at expressing sympathy and giving advice. But have an internet hug from me
So sorry to hear about your father, Lugum. I'm guessing that even though you didn't get the chance to make up "properly" with you dad, that there were moments of genuine connection between you, and that's really, you know, the same thing.
Stay strong man!
Wish you the best Lugum! To you and everyone around you!
But while it can be great to have a full reconcilliation over arguments or bickering, sometimes it really isn't necessary. A big part of families is that they can in fact be quite uhh... combustible. Families can often bicker, even those that are close and very loving. If anything, closeness can make it easier to argue over things because the sense of trust (or openness) lets us drop our guards and let our feelings pour out. It can make certain people volatile around each other.
But y'know what? As nice as a perfect peaceful make-up session would be, it's not necessary. You obviously loved the guy, and I have no doubt that he loved you too. I know I make this sound easy and I honestly, truly appreciate that this is awful to go through, and that it naturally gives you no sense of closure, and your sadness will manifest through regrets, or maybe even anger or self-blame. But you were there. You were around. You tried. You helped. That means a lot. When the times get hard, some people will straight out run for the hills and try to vanish so that they don't get caught up in the toll that caring for someone comes with. But you didn't. And no, maybe you weren't a superhero that did everything perfect, maybe you weren't so trancendental that you were always able to keep your feelings perfectly under control and always put others first.... but you're only human. You can only do so much.
You did what you could. And you were there.
Those two things are very important.
Its okay if you feel regret, or self-blame, or any of the other burning aches that come along with grief. They're valid manifestations of your sadness. But please try to remember that this is just your heartbreak trying to find meaning in all this, trying to give you a handle, some way to grasp onto the painful subject. Now more than ever, try to be kind to yourself, just as you would be kind to your family as they are hurting too. In the end, when things are rough, emotions run high. People say things they don't mean. And they also don't say the things they should. Its hard to get everything right, when you're so desperate to protect one another while also balancing your own heart. Those days can be rough.
But you had the bond of family.
Even if you never got a perfect goodbye and a perfect moment of closure to your arguments?
He knew you loved him.
Some things don't need to be said explicitly. It helps if they are, but people know.
Sorry for running this reply so long, but... just look after yourself okay? This is going to take time, and your hurt will sometimes try to take the shape of nasty things, like punishing yourself for not somehow being more than just human. But you were part of his life. The pain you feel is the truest testament of what he meant to you. Even if you hit a period of total numbness, this is all only an ordeal because he meant something to you. And that kind of love isn't invisible, even if you try to hide it.
So for now, give yourself time, and try to be kind to yourself.
So sorry to hear about your loss. Take care
I am sorry for your loss,stay strong.
He will always be in your heart.
Jezus, Lugum, das mooi kut, gecondoleerd :/
Verwacht of onverwacht, het gaat uiteindelijk om het gemis, zelfs als de band niet super was.
Succes met de verwerking.
I am so sorry for your loss. I have a family member battling cancer right now. I really want to believe that the hope that I have will come true, but you can never know, and that is terrible. Do appreciate your loved ones, everyone. Be well.
Sorry for your loss. My condolences.
please hang in there, not just for yourself but for your family and perhaps those who are still close to your father (eg. friends).
life is never simple and as easy as we hope it will be but you must focus on what is now and how to carry forward. I can't pretend to know how you are feeling and what you are dealing with but please know you're never alone; and as many here have shared, they can imagine what it's like for they've had similar losses.
Your next tasks will be difficult but will be the "next steps" -assisting with any last rites and traditions, helping to execute his last wishes (if he had any), helping to arrange funeral services as per your family's direction and choice and remember to notify loved ones and his friends. take some time or find some help to post an obituary or a small memo for a memorial signing. If you wish to dig up any photos/keepsakes for the service, it'd be nice to share some stories and memories with others. Perhaps in remembrance you can find a way to bridge that difference and gap.
Maybe you can also find stories and confirm any memories with/from others. Distributing his estates as per his will (if any) and then going through the formalities of closing his accounts, updating his contacts/identification with government and other utilities/services. In doing so, you are doing your last service for your father. I would imagine he would be grateful and proud to have his son's help one last time.
My condolences for your father, i wish you all the goods these days.
Having lost both of my parents far too soon, one to cancer, please know that you have my heartfelt condolences, Lugum.
Sorry for your loss...
My condolences. I am sorry for your loss.
Sorry for your loss, Lugum.