Potato?
bad rats has a new game xD if that counts as a joke..
probs even worse that I actually wishlisted it o_o
Comment has been collapsed.
How do you keep someone from Norway occupied all day?
You hand them a piece of paper where you've written "more info on the other side of the paper" on both sides.
Norwegian jokes work just like blonde jokes, and most of them are interchangeable
Comment has been collapsed.
Comment has been collapsed.
There were only two of us on the assembly line making Dracula figures. I had to make every second count.
Comment has been collapsed.
Here's an old one I have posted here a few times:
I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.
My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!
There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate.
She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived.
She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me."
I was stunned.
I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.
When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door.
I opened the door and stepped out of the house.
I walked straight towards my car.
My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
MORAL OF THIS STORY IS: Always keep your condoms in your car.
Comment has been collapsed.
And if you had seen that one, here is another one I saw posted in a GA which I found really funny:
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him.
St. Peter said, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,' and he leaves.
The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple are still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven. After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.
'Yes,' he informs the couple, 'you can get married in Heaven.'
'Great!' said the couple, 'But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?'
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. 'What's wrong?' asked the frightened couple.
'OH, COME ON!', St. Peter shouted, 'It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?
Comment has been collapsed.
"That's not a joke. This is a joke. A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog vendor and says, 'Make me one with everything.'"
— Robin Williams, Bicentennial Man, 1999
Comment has been collapsed.
"I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late."
— Mitch Hedberg
Comment has been collapsed.
RIP both of those whom you quoted :(
I thought I had heard all the Mitch Hedberg lines but I don't remember that one :)
Comment has been collapsed.
RIP indeed.
"I wrote my friend a letter using a highlighting pen, but he could not read it. He thought I was trying to show him certain parts of a piece of paper."
"I bought a $7 pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring."
"I write jokes for a living, man. See I sit in my hotel at night, I think of something that’s funny and then I go get a pen and I write it down. Or if the pen’s too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain’t funny."
Comment has been collapsed.
Why should you never fight a dinosaur? Because you'll get jurasskicked.
Comment has been collapsed.
Did you hear about the Catholic Iraqi? He was a Shite Muslim.
Comment has been collapsed.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
I don't know.
I don't know who?
I don't know you.
Oh.
Comment has been collapsed.
Two sausages were in a frying pan. One of them said, "Man! It sure is hot in here." The other one said "OH MY GOD, A TALKING SAUSAGE!"
Comment has been collapsed.
Once upon a time a chicken was crossing the street and then she got hit by a bus. So you shall not cross the street without look if a bus is coming.
Comment has been collapsed.
What's the difference between heaven and hell?
Heaven Is Where:
The French are the chefs
The brazilian are the lovers
The British are the police
The Germans organize the olympics
And the Swiss make everything run on time
Hell is Where:
The British are the chefs
The Swiss are the lovers
The French are the mechanics
The german are the police
And the Brazilian make everything run on time.
Btw, your poll is missing batata.
Comment has been collapsed.
20 : 12345678910111213141516
Comment has been collapsed.