If you got problems you cannot overcome, go around them. Or go in a different direction. Nothing's so bad there isn't a solution that will make your life better (suicide ends life, it does not make it better). So enjoy the cake on your profile, play some games, and talk to someone who can help you instead. Nothing's more depressive than sitting home alone feeling excluded from the world. Get out there and meet people, do some exercise and focus on the small things for a while. No one really gets to live out their big plans anyways.
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Well first Happy Cake Day, no train or GA is needed or relevant with what you've had going on. I struggle with the same depression and suicidal thoughts. I spent last christmas in the ward over a suicide plan that family got wind of.
Basically what I'm sayin is I'm glad you didn't succeed and if you need a friend to talk to, I'm about alot due to the disabilities that have made me have the same self loathing. If you wanna talk cool, if not cool. But the offers there if you decide to use it.
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I'm too weak to deal with depression and anxiety and other issues
That's not true. You aren't weak. You are just human, nothing less, nothing more. The only reason you feel weak is because people around you seem so much stronger, but they aren't, because they probably aren't dealing with what you are going through right now. And if they are, they're just better at hiding it, but everyone, without exception, who is dealing with depression feels like they aren't strong enough to deal with it, to overcome it. You aren't weak, you are strong. And I'm not saying this just to sound like some motivating bullshit pamphlet or something, I say it because I believe it's true.
Y'all cared and worried about me, sorry for that, I'm not worth it
If you wouldn't be worth it, we wouldn't bother. We care for you because we love you, and that's all that really counts. Don't ever tell yourself otherwise. Lots of people here are there for you, whether you need to talk or for anything else, there are dozens of us here who were worried enough to "investigate" this. I don't care if you believe me or not, it doesn't matter. I just say it because it's true.
You're a very awesome person, much better than you think you are, and I'm really relieved to hear that you are still with us.
Remember, you're much stronger than you think you are, and please, never hesitate to reach out to me, other Steamgifters, or professional help if you ever feel the need to do so for whatever reason. Anything beats ending one's life.
I wish you the very best, and happy cake day. :)
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I second this. All what jbond said is true.(sorry to hijack your post little dragon)
You are know here, and appreciated by a lot. The proof? Everyone who write something to you here, they are showing how important you are for them. And I really think what I wrote.
And a friendly reminder: Mental health issues usually alter your perception, You don't know, I'm just a random user that never changes his avatar and still have the default one on steam after many years and not planning to change it. But this random stranger likes you. But this random stranger ask you for a little something. To reach out for help from people willing to help you whenever you feel bad. And if you are not sure, then do it anyway. I am sure people will prefer to talk to you or listen even if finally, you were not going bad. And maybe that would prevent you from falling to deep.
I wish I could do something to help you. And I don't know if anything I said will help you. I only hope it did not make you feel worse. And one last thing. You can be a girl, a boy, someone crossdressing, or anything else, you are still our magnificent tree.
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This is true. I think i'm one of the many here that went through a depression. And it makes me smile to see the Community reach out to you. You are not alone. Although you might have Different issues leading into it. Talk to is, or take someone to be confidential with.
Someone pulled me through. We are willing to pull you through.
And if your Brother called the emergency, doesn't that show he cares.
During my sessions in therapy, I had to write down what I needed/wanted to achieve, to say i'm out the depression. Somehow I manager it, even though it took years of achieving. And now I can savely say, i'm glad I held onto Life. So don't give up. If your down so far, everything seems like Big Mountains. But if you start climbing, yes it's difficult, you will see slowly more things that make you wonder.
I wish you All The best. And I will pray for you ( even if you do not gelieve)
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Sorry to hear about your struggle, but I'm glad you were successful in not succumbing to the unrelenting disease that is depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation. Not that you have defeated it--it wins battles against you every day, I am sure--but it still has yet to win the war. That is still something to celebrate, even if in a muted fashion.
I always liked the speech from V from Vendetta:
"I hope that whoever you are, you escape this place. I hope that the world turns and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you. I love you. With all my heart, I love you."
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Hope you start to figure out whatever you need to figure out. There's always people and places that can help! You are cared for by everyone around here and I'm sure at home as well.
Happy cakeday too mate! Hope I keep seeing you around and getting chance to chat!
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Tree dear, you are one of the strongest people I've met. I and many others respect you a lot and want what's best for you. I'm glad to see you here and to "hear" your voice, no matter how disappointed or sad or upset you are.
I hope one day things will get better. this is not me being wishful and hopelessly optimistic. But I see so much potential in you.
I want you to know I'm here for you to talk to. I respect you for who you are, whatever you want to be, whatever you aspire to become. I am so happy to see you in chat when you are in it, and it always brings a smile to my face.
You are worth worrying over because you are cared for and loved and I think you an amazing person. Maybe my words don't mean much now, but I hope one day you look back and know you hold a very special place in my heart.
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I'm glad you're okay. It must sound ridiculous, for everyone to call you okay when you feel anything but that.
I've dealt with severe depression for a few years and I know at my worst I thought of nothing but suicide and really horrible negative thoughts. It got to the point where it became normal, I didn't think twice about thinking of killing myself all day long. It wasn't until my family reached out to me (they were the only reason I was still alive in the first place) that I realised I wasn't living, that I shouldn't be in this neverending darkness forever. I felt very "weak" too, I needed a lot of assistance to get back on my two feet, to get me to these appointments when all I wanted to do was be in bed all day every day. It took me about 6 months to a year of therapy and treating my body well, but I was starting to find glimmers of happiness that I didn't imagine I'd ever find again.
I truly hope you find it some day too. It's not easy and it takes a whole lot of effort to keep pushing through day by day but I hope you find the little bits of joy and surround yourself with people who love/accept you as much as you can. You're stronger than you give yourself credit. Wishing you all the best and hope to see you around here still. :)
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This may sound corny, but find something you love about life and hold on tightly. Reach out when you need a helping hand and I'm certain plenty of people will be there. Stay strong and good luck Tree. :3
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You can reach out to me if you like. I've come through the other side of at least some of what you're in now. I wish you the best.
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I'm not working or have a job like that I wish there's part time job at my country, so I can study + work
But
I think you shouldn't get a job with a boss and co-worker in it
That was worst job for me, because probably you have to learn to "lick" your boss' shoes and sometimes your co-worker
Ehh.. I'm no good at speech, especially serious thing
Glad you're ok... Well you replied to me personaly :)
Happy cakeday!
Take it easy like the river water
Nothing good comes from thinking it too hard, really... I'm doing that in the past and I almost killed myself too
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I'll probably catch shit for this, but whatever. I envy you for being able to actually go through with it.
Sorry SG has become less than a sanctuary for you after the event, though. I imagine that sucks. Glad you are back I enjoyed reading about your life whenever you would make the occasional post.
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Ha, as if. I made it way futher than my last attempt, but I still backed out. The plan was to take drugs, walk to creek and pass out and drown. I sat in rhe creek for about an hour and then sorta regreted it and went back home figuring what I took would kill me on my sleep or knock me out for a while. Instead, I threw up and my bother noticed my pill bottle was empty and called an ambulance. Wish I had the confidence and motivation to buy a gun, I think that's the only way I can go if I again decide to do it. That or starving.
But yeah, I guess I'm back to shitpost another day.
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Still much further than I've ever gotten. I couldn't do guns. It just seems too scary, loud, and messy. How would you go about starving? Wouldn't that be incredibly painful/noticeable?
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My appetite goes when I'm really depressed. I've gone a week without food or water a couple times ago, I didn't feel anything. It's not a death I would intentionally aim for, but when I get real depressed I lack the energy and motivation to do anything, including kill myself, but it'll eventually happen if I stay in that state.
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Ah, that makes more sense. I'm the opposite. It's a good thing I can't afford unlimited amounts of chocolate.
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Sadly I don't know well enough to know what kind of help would be needed here. Wrong kind of words might actually do more harm than good. There are many reasons why people are how they are, and each are special in some way. It is impossible to give the right words without knowing you personally and being an expert at reading people. Also would need to know your environment and everything around it.
Wish you find what you need that makes living through life useful for yourself.
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I'm not the right person to give advice on these things so I won't. I'm also sorry that this ended up in your privacy being breached in the way it was. Having said that, I'm glad to hear from you TreeB and Happy Cake Day :)
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Glad to see you back! Hope your life getting better everyday, stay positive & happy cake day~
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Well, I had no idea, Tree, but if you happen to read this, don't let go, don't even think anything, I mean, just focus on the right now and whatever makes you feel fine or safer.
Let all the shit slide, pay no attention to others wishes but yours.
This isn't private anymore? so what? good riddance! I mean, since the birth of internet man lost privacy, why would be different now? everybody is creating and destroying identities all the time, nobody gives a crap so maybe you shouldn't either. Think about what you want, focus on that that makes you feel better and ignore the rest.
It's your life, and as cheesy as it may sound, you are in control and only you can turn it the way you need.
Suppose the best person goes to visit you, assume this person has the power to make anyone happy or at least feel better, nothing would happen if YOU don't want to, if you don't let it happen..
Nowadays you can do pretty much whatever you want, you feel you don't belong there? move out, you think your body isn't reflecting what you want? change it, I'm not going to think of limits and negative crap that slows you down, first instinct is survive, then move on, step by step, get better, stronger, thicker. If you need to isolate for a while, do it, if you then feel you want company even if no talking? go for it!
I remember crossing paths with you here and there in the forums, not that you care, but didn't think you stroked me as someone to avoid, not something you can say for everybody, right?
Forget about the hate and pain, there's a lot of that and you only need a tiny amount of it to prove a point, to make you feel alive, to feel something, to make you realise, like you said, you want to live. That's it.
It may seem stupid now to say happy birthday, but hey get this, this community seems to like you, most wont know you but I'm guessing they, us, have no reason to hate you or cause you pain.
It's worth it that you have options, choices. As long as you aim for things you want/need, time would heal everything, it does!
I don't judge, who am I to do so? who is anyone? no, don't take shit from anybody, not even your family. You deserve to be happy, you owe it to yourself. Do whatever it takes, persue your dreams. If you cant TODAY, maybe you will tomorrow; you just need to be there, alive, ready to embrace it.
Wish you well Tree..
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Give yourself more credit. Not one person is worthless or not worth getting to know. Welcome back.
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I'm relieved to hear that you're alive TreeB. I was worried because I could recognise many of thoose trains of thought, I also found myself thinking that way sometimes. I guess the main difference is that I have a strong fear of death, a fear so strong that it aborts that line of thought every time. I'd like to be able to give an advice, but I can't, I'm just a few years older than you and have yet to figure out this thing called life.
Happy cake day and don't give up :)
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So happy to see you're OK. I know how hard it is to see an exit when you are dealing with depression and feeling of hopelessness, everything seems dark and neverending, but there is hope. Even if you feel like you lost your privacy on SG, everyone here loves you just the way you are.
Anyway, I'm not the best at that, but I just wanted to tell you to stay strong and hang in there <3
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Glad you are here. Stay strong as much as possible!
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Good luck, feel better. I've never had a good day in my life. I've contemplated killing myself but I don't believe in taking the easy way out.
There are things worth living for. Just remember that.
Sorry, that's the best advice I can give.
Edit- Just think of this when you feel down. makes me feel a bit better when I hear it.
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oh tree.
i can only offer a hug (virtual) and a promise to talk if you need it.
be strong. i have faith in you
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From one of the biggest hypocrites ever who can't take his own advice... Keep your head up. I too am constantly plagued by Suicidal "Ideation" being the wonderful winner of being diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder. It's taken a lot of time, but I've finally come to realize some days aren't as bad as others. I didn't actually post in the other threads but I've been keeping an eye on them hoping the best, and I'm glad to see you're still around. Good luck.
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In case any of the people who where worried didn't know yet, I'm fine.
I'm guessing some of you want to know what happened. That new job I got? Couldn't handle it. So I tried to kill myself. There's a long story with that, but it ended with me being hospitalized for the past week.
I guess, for once it helped. I don't want to kill myself anymore.I still wish I was dead, and am still plagued with constant suicidal thoughts, but it's a start. And if I'm not going to kill myself, nor do anything dangerous that may lead to it because I'm a pussy, I can at least make my life not as bad as possible. But I don't think it will ever be good. I can't make it, I don't have to motivation. I can't do it for me, because I hate myself too much to do something good for myself. And for others, I've changed myself into what I am now to do right by them, and I've failed horribly. I can't fucking do it again. I faked it 'till i made it into a someone that most don't completely hate, I'm too scared to be myself who I already know people will.
Happiness isn't something I think I'll reach. I got problems I can't overcome. Others have way worse, but I'm too weak to deal with depression and anxiety and other issues. That other issue is that I wish I were a girl. That's a secret that I haven't told anyone, but fuck it. privacy ain't a thing to y'all. I mean, my mom figured that out by what you sent my parents, so I guess I might as well confirm it to anyone of you wondering so you don't assume I'm gay like everyone else does. Btw, my mom wanted to say "thanks for reaching out."
I guess I shouldn't be mad. I saw the two posts, I'll reply to some of the replies later. Y'all cared and worried about me, sorry for that, I'm not worth it. You also made they past year of mine a little more bearable. I can't talk to people, and while this ain't a good enough substitute for a friend, it made me feel better than I would have felt without it, so thanks for both of those things.
I not doing giveaways right now, swing by lugum's post if you want them.
I don't really know what I'll do with sg in the near future. I don't even know what I'm going to do with my life. This is still a place of comfort, but it's no longer private. Anyway, thanks again.
Love Y'all!
-Tree
Edit: Hahahaha, it's my cakeday too? Fucking hell.
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