Here's the thing - I'm not old by any stretch, but I feel like time goes by the less I am willing to explain anything to others or even argue in order right wrongs or educate - it just feels like wasting energy in a pointless manner.

Here and there I'll feel rejuvenated and try to help others understand or try to discuss a serious topic, but most of the time I keep to casual chit-chat and my own projects and advancements.

This sort of apathy kinda worries me, but at the same time, does not, as it feels natural?

So I'm mostly wondering do any of you also feel that way, or what's your opinion on it.

1 week ago

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Well?

View Results
Yes
No
Sometimes
Potato

Welcome to being old...
You will start to not care about things, people, conversations.... everything... you will start to worry about the importat things. it happens to everyone! dont worry! Right now... i dont even care about what you wrote... but im trying to not let you go down without a reply :)

1 week ago
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btw im 31

1 week ago
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Well thanks for replying :P

It's consoling to see that I'm not the only one.

1 week ago
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💙😃 - Have a blue heart just because i feel you are a becoming a wise man! like me! :)

1 week ago
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Appreciated and reciprocated :))

1 week ago
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Man, and I thought I was going through some sort of existential crisis - not caring about people's stupid stories and 'having fun' all the time. And I'm slightly older than you.

1 week ago
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Welcome to the 3X, the closer I get to 40, the more I'm that way.
You value your time way more and educate those who worth your time and not trying to make justice all around you.

1 week ago*
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the less I am willing to explain anything to others or even argue in order right wrongs or educate

According to almost all religions and philosophical views, that's called becoming wise.

1 week ago
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That's an interesting perspective. Also it does sound nice calling myself wise. I might adopt this view.

1 week ago
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+1

1 week ago
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I think it depends on the person, to be honest. I've never felt less like explaining to others, and I'm older than the Internet. Now, I have learned, as I've gotten older, to understand my audience. If I'm talking to someone who seems receptive, and will actually listen, I'll keep going; if I'm talking to some ignorant ass, who refuses to see things any way than their own, I'm not going to waste my breath. You may be experiencing too much of the latter and burning out, and that's definitely understandable, but understand that societal change is not something that happens quickly.

I don't know if this is your situation, but a lot of the time, this sort of thing happens because people get so absorbed in their own lives and families. Most everyone feels like they have less and less time as they get older, and with everything on our plates, it's so easy to get caught up in all of that, and forget that there is a world around us; that others are in the same situations with their own worlds. This also makes it easy to write people off as rude or unkind, even though they're really just... distracted. Of course, with anything, it's hard to keep it up forever, and that might also be the source of your fatigue. My recommendation is to take a little time to just stop doing anything at all and collect your thoughts; understand and straighten your priorities, and go back to it. It doesn't have to be a whole week or anything; just an hour or two might be enough. Picking your battles, but fighting them well is important in staving off apathy.

1 week ago
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Could be that I'm burned out as you say. Also, as in your case, if someone is receptive, as I mentioned, I will take the time and discuss almost anything I can give at least a somewhat valid opinion on, but the thing is most of the time I could care less.

I might take a bit of time off as well. But, I'll also think of myself as becoming a sage, sounds empowering.

1 week ago
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If you're looking to become a sage, remember one thing: the path to wisdom is to understand that you know nothing. Never take anything you know for granted, because what we know is not always the truth; there are people who know that Earth is flat. Always take in new information and assess it; if it's true, it should hold up to scrutiny.

1 week ago
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Heh true, as a certain greek has once said: "I am the wisest of all the greeks, because i alone know that i know nothing".
There is simply no better way to put it. ^^)

1 week ago
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Oh yes, or as others have put it - The more I know, the less I know (or the more questions I have). So I don't delude myself of being omniscient or anything of the sort - I do like learning new things though :D

1 week ago
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This guy/girl, explained really well! -> Vote it as the top answer.

1 week ago
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Girl :)

1 week ago
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Sorry! As i'm older... i dont have the patience to go check those things for myself. It was easyer that way! don't mean no disrespect :)

1 week ago
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Oh, no offense taken; you didn't know, so I just thought I'd clarify is all.

1 week ago
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I'm old enough to know that there are no girls on the internet!! :) I'm not falling for your stories!!!!
💙😃 - Have a blue heart just because you are a mother, and me and my wife are trying to achieve that to :)

1 week ago
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You are trying to become a mother?Keep in mind that this achievement is followed by a lot of microtransactions. ;)

jk, good luck for both of you.

And for the initial question: Yes, feels like a waste of time and energy as everyone seems to be stuck in their opinions. But if you have a child you´ll have enough education/ explaining to do, so spare your energy ;)

1 week ago*
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You are not the boss of me! i can be a mother if i want to! stop assuming my gender!!!! :)
Have a blue heart to for making me laugh :)

1 week ago
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Good luck with that. It can be really easy for some couples, and a tough, years-long struggle for others, so I hope you'll have it easy. :)

1 week ago
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3 years and 2 misscarrieages later :) It's been a rolercoster :) But the day will arrive :)

1 week ago
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Oh no! I'm sorry to hear that. We went through two years and at least one miscarriage (possibly more, and possibly several chemical ones), but we had it easy compared to our friends - we thought one couple didn't want to have kids, and only recently learned that they had been trying for over 10 years before finally getting pregnant. Good luck!

1 week ago
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People should talk more about this... People tend to hide this. The pain is really big, especially for couple that really want a child. The pain of the miscarriages is often hidden from the world. More information should be available outside the normal "oh its normal", "1 in 4 pregnancies is lost"... Etc. More psychological help should be given to couples. :)

1 week ago
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Yeah, it's really tough. And I think you're right - it tends to be hidden. 25% of pregnancies resulting in a miscarriage is huge, but because no one talks about it, if it happens to you you feel like you're the aberration, like there's something wrong with you.

1 week ago
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And I'm happy that either you and your friends got to be parents. :)

https://youtu.be/IFuFm0m2wj0 hehehe

1 week ago*
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+1

1 week ago
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Not much more to say from this 61 y.o. writer, often quite tired, but taking care not to get burned out, cynical or complacent. Kudos :)

1 week ago
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Pretty much.

What I'll add to this is that I found that part of my "apathy" (which I don't agree is the right word, but I'll roll with it for the sake of not finding a better one at the moment) came down from the amount of explaining that has to be done sometimes, even about fundamental logic, coupled with the lack of any real change or appreciation.

I don't mean that from the perspective that something is always "right" or "wrong" and someone is being berated, I mean that from how a sound argument is formed and how many people lack a basic understanding of informal fallacies (they should teach that in school at a young age btw). A lot of times, the majority of a conversation is spent explaining how, for example, a slice of pizza does not necessarily originate from a bigger wedge shaped pizza, but rather it was cut from a circle (e.g. a part is not necessarily representative of the whole) and even by the end of it all, it doesn't seem to make a difference due to deep rooted tribalism or just "gut instinct" in someone's mind. Then sometimes you risk damaging a relationship as a result for something someone may not care to hear or want to hear even if they know better.

So then I fall back on the fact that there's only so many hours in the day and I have to elect to spend it on the things that matter, my daughters, my family, myself, etc. It's not so much that I've given up or become indifferent, rather that I've made a choice on where I spend the little currency I have, and on who. FWIW.

1 week ago
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Partly

One word is sometimes enough :o)

1 week ago*
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Complacent? Absolutely not. Has age made me more tolerant and patient with the intolerable and trying? Definitely. Age has simply taught me to prioritize, allowing me to disregard trivial or petty matters and focus on more important issues or the bigger picture. If anything, age has taught me to appreciate the time I'm given, and shown me how to get the most I can out of it.

Perhaps you're in the same boat, and realizing some things just aren't worth your time and effort.

1 week ago
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I'm not complacent, but I have (a) mellowed out, and (b) become more tolerant. More importantly, I take people as they are.
If someone is stupid, I don't expect them to think critically, if someone is stubborn I don't bother trying to change their mind, and if someone is an asshole I don't expect them to be kind.

1 week ago
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Definitely not complacent. Perhaps a little wiser and less tolerant of other people's bullshit. I used to be kinda naive when I was younger and saw the good in absolutely everyone. That actually was a very bad thing because I got kicked down a lot by "friends", and I let them back in my life over and over. I think you have to be able to put up with some BS, but at the same time, not enough to let them use you as a doormat. I am in my 30s now and I have learned to stand up for myself a lot more. Maybe I'm a little more cynical of the world, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Just have a better perspective on how things really are.

When it comes to topics, there are a few people I know in real life where I am like "Hmm, if they say black is blue, then black is blue." Why bother trying to change the mind of someone who has an unmoving opinion on something? It is better to just leave them, even if that opinion is full of ignorance or flat out intolerance, and move on.

1 week ago*
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Definitely not complacent. Perhaps a little wiser and less tolerant of other people's bullshit.
Why bother trying to change the mind of someone who has an unmoving opinion on something? It is better to just leave them, even if that opinion is full of ignorance or flat out intolerance, and move on.

I feel like you and I think the same way. :)

I don't feel at all complacent - far from it - but I do feel less tolerant of other people's crap. And it doesn't even have to be something controversial - I have no tolerance anymore for feigning friendship and friendly chit-chat with people that I know don't like or respect me. I'm going to be civil, but I'm not going to waste my time feigning interest or pretending to be your friend.

Likewise, I'll engage someone who seems open to reason, or to a discussion, but I'm not going to waste my time on someone who's set in their opinion.

1 week ago
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Exactly.

You know, I've done some work for some "friends" in a certain local society for free and the appreciation I got was being mocked behind my back. Some people mistake being nice for stupid. Since the day I caught one of them, I've said nothing, but when I got asked to design a logo I was like "I usually charge 500, but for you 200." They said they didn't want anything too professional and I was like "but I still have to put in x number of hours, and any work I do will take time and be professional." I don't need those people in my life, so stopped caring whether they continue to speak to me or not. You can be civil, while putting them in their place. =)

1 week ago
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Wow, you donated your time and expertise to them for free and they mocked you behind your back? How rude!

But yeah, we don't need people like that in our lives. I have to occasionally interact with some people that mock me and my family behind our backs, but try to strike up friendly conversations when they see me. I'm thinking, Seriously? You act like a complete jerk behind my back, and then try to pretend to be my friend? I'll interact with you as much as I have to, because I have to, and keep it civil during that time, but I have no interest in you telling me about your week or anything you have to say.

I'm glad you put those people in their place. That's really galling.

1 week ago
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That's people for you. They were of course just mocking me in general and not because I was helping them out. Anyone who works in any of the creative industries will tell you that "friends" or acquaintances don't actually put any value on their skills. They EXPECT it to be done for free. So when they set no value on what you do, the likelihood of them being grateful to you is pretty small. Them mocking me though, that was too far. haha!

And oh yeah, I'm the same with those types of people. Or... the ones who stop to talk to you in the street, then someone else comes along and they don't even excuse themselves, just stop mid-conversation to talk to that person. Yep... they only get ONE chance to do that. One. Next time I see them, I keep walking while saying "hello, nice day" or something equally generic. Sad thing is, they don't get it. =)

1 week ago
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Wow. I thankfully never experienced that latter scenario, but that's really rude too. What, you can't spare the few seconds it takes to say, "Hey, I gotta go talk to them, talk to you later?"

1 week ago
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Exactly haha! I could absolutely understand them running if I was a motormouth or something, but I'm actually a quiet-ish person. Maybe not as "cool" as they one they're running off to chat to in their minds XD. But even then, I'd expect them to be nice to someone who was a motormouth and excuse themselves. I've run into a couple people who never stop talking on many occasions, but I always make some polite excuse to get away, after a while. If I'm genuinely in a hurry to make an appointment, or get back to work, I can use that. It doesn't take a lot to be polite.

1 week ago*
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I guess it depends how it is defined.

Was I more idealistic and believed greater in the abiltiy of the world to actually change when I was younger? Absolutely.

1 week ago
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Yeah, defining it is kinda difficult, I didn't feel like writing an essay, and even then it might be incomplete. But I think I conveyed my basic idea, and that everyone (or mostly everyone) understood it. In one way it's nice to see that I'm not the sole passenger but in another I yearn for those idealistic days of youth as you put it.

Panta rei tho.

1 week ago
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I like your answer best. But that changes "apathy" to "disappointment" (at least for me), which is not at all like complacency. I don't think my idealism ever went away, but it's evolved into something sadder.

1 week ago
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It's true. I often feel sad about a lot of things in the world.

1 week ago
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Rather than complacent i would say that as you age and accumulate experience you become naturally wiser.

1 week ago
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Comes with age. Been dead inside for years.

I've come to accept the things I cannot change & pretty much given up on trying to change what I can. Go with the flow & hope for the best.

Just can't be bothered any more.

1 week ago*
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Hey, welcome, you're definitely not the only one :)

1 week ago
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Not complacent, just less inclined to waste my time.
Being complacent and passive would make time pass much faster, because it would reduce opportunities. And this would not be wiser.

1 week ago
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It's not complacency. It's concentration on the main. In several years you'll find out not only unnecessary contacts not worth your time, but sexual contacts too.

1 week ago
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Rather than age, I'd say it's time, and rather than making you complacent or apathetic, I'd say it just makes you less willing to put up with other people's bullshit.
Because, let's face it, at some point you might start having doubts, but after a while it becomes a certainty, that some things, or more often, people, are just not worth spending your energy to deal with - you're better off doing something entertaining or productive instead.

1 week ago
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The real reason you become complacent is that subconsciously you begin realizing that others very well understand what is right and what is wrong, but it is their choice and no matter what you tell them they won't act as you want them to act.

1 week ago
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less I am willing to explain anything to others or even argue in order right wrongs or educate

And what makes you think your opinion is the only correct one and that your views and understanding of something is valuable enough for you to try to explain it to others ? Take it down a notch and realize your own place in the world and that you are not better or worse then others and it is not your place to talk down to others or try to teach others. Yes - Im not talking about taking part in discussions and arguing for your opinion or being a teacher or lecturer for something specific you are specialist in.
But in general this sentence just shows me that you put your nose where it does not belong and try to be the smartest person in the room while in the end you just come off as arrogant. And that is why you start to feel complacent.

Not trying to offend you or anything so sorry if Im coming off hostile here, but Im just putting out my opinion on how you come off from this topic.

To be honest my general suggestion to people is to not care about what others say to you. I am vehicle engineer by education, so I know cars rather well. I cant remember the last time I tried to explain something to others. Why should I ? If someone asks my opinion I know he wants to hear it and I will give it to him, but if I hear someone going on about something that I know is wrong (talking about certain mechanisms you are either right or wrong after all, its not philosophy) I dont butt in. That person has his own opinion based on some kind of experience. Who am I to try to act smug and explain to him how he is wrong ? People are egoistic beings and everyone thinks their opinion is correct - there is a time and place for him to learn otherwise or it just doesnt matter and he will have forgotten that wrong fact after 5 minutes (but he will never forget you trying to be smartass)

So I think thats where your problems start - there is no need for you to explain anything to others and you feel let down when you have done something others didnt ask of you.

As for feeling complacent - yeah, I do feel like that from time to time, but thats related to different aspects of my life.

I suppose I am coming off a bit hypocritical here as well, but you did ask for others opinion on this situation :D Just think twice about how "try to help others understand" just sounds extremely arrogant.

1 week ago
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You may be jumping to conclusions there based on the limited information you can get out of an OP. If we were to take your example, the same advice would apply, FWIW.

It's easier to tackle those inferences as possibilities rather than absolutes (e.g. you mentioned x which sounds like y may be, however, if that's not the case, then z may be another aspect...etc.).

1 week ago
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If Id be butting in at him for no apparent reason then obviously Id be in the same bag. But as I said - if someone asks for your opinion, why not share how you see it. This is a discussion for the sole purpose of seeing what others think.

I definitely dont know OP so its plausible that my comment completely missed the point and doesnt apply to the OP.. But from what the topic is about - I dont think I jumped to any conclusions. If OP is up to it, he can definitely reply to me and prove me wrong :)

The point still stands - no one likes THAT guy who goes around and says "Ackchyually" and starts explaining everything without being asked for his input (again - not pointed at OP or anyone particular, just daily life)

1 week ago
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I'll clarify, I wasn't referring to the "butting in" part or disagreeing about the importance of exercising tact and respect but rather the importance of keeping an open mind and not jumping to conclusions just because you hear a few soundbites.

In this case, it seems you were right (at least based on OP's reply to you) but it could have just as easily gone the other way too. I would've said you need to ask more questions before arriving at that conclusion but that's redundant at this point. I guess the follow up now would be more along the lines of "why" does the OP feel the need to provide unsolicited advice and challenge whether that's for their own benefit or someone else's.

1 week ago
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No offense taken. And I do not butt into other's conversations in attempts to enlighten. To me that is somewhat rude.

But, for example, let's say a few colleagues are having a chat at a local cafe, and you know that something they are saying/explaining is partly or completely wrong. In the past I would perhaps try to share my knowledge, now I usually feel disinclined.

Yes, people are egotistic. But I think a quality of man is when he is able to admit his wrongs and lackings and correct or improve upon them. So sometimes I feel torn - yet since most of the time any kind of input would remain unappreciated I see where you're coming from.

1 week ago
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Thanks for answering :)

Im not even old but I feel like that a lot of times :D

It would be great if people themselves could see when they are wrong. But from what I see in daily life - they just shrug it off and forget about it. Tell them what you want, they will go the easy way - the easiest solution or the opinion thats most easily proven.. Can be seen everywhere, from politics to making food. Even if there isnt a single truth - you can go and just give him an opinion on how to climb stairs and they will get offended because they dont even care that someone else might have different opinion on that

I realized this fast - I was doing weightlifting and I studied it a lot - how to eat, how to properly lift weights etc. I usually tried to give suggestions to my friends (because surprise surprise, in fitness the easiest way is mostly the wrong way) and everyone just ignored me saying they know better and just keep on doing things wrong. One of my best buddies got angry and said "you do you and let me do me" and kept on eating like a pig and even doing pushups wrong. He is a good friend but I realized that if they are not looking for the opinion - they dont want it and wont take it..

Depends from person to person of course and this is getting philosophical :D But still - I think its just normal to start not caring at one point.

1 week ago
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Welcome aboard the merchant vessel "SS-FUKMENOT!!11". Admittance is realization that time isn't limitless and neither is anything else you can expend. Complacent ... you what now?! Toss the vanity, false hopes, blue pills, superficial courtesies and everything else you deem void of purpose off board. Hold on tight to that shred of humanity though, you'll need it for the journey. Oh and watch out for them ice-bergs!

View attached image.
1 week ago*
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There's a quote from a movie, or a play originally, that I enjoy quite a bit.

I found a clip actually.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUOxEwCuEgQ

1 week ago
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When you are 30+ and still need to be in the dating scene, i could do the chitchat in my twenties, as often women want to speak like 20 times before even meeting, now i am like just go to the movies or something and then we got stuff to talk about, now i wouldn't even know how to drag it out for more then 1 hour, i mean you can ask the usual questions like what you do, what are your hobbies, etc etc but then what.
I had 2 different girls i spend many hours a day with *mailing back and forth and such) or on MSN even a few times till 3:00, i couldn't do that anymore.

And maybe the more we are getting closer to the grim reaper we feel time is more important then for small stuff. :p

1 week ago*
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There's some variation, but I don't feel like it's a huge difference. Since I have less free time than when I was younger, I did some things more, like helping people on forums, participating in competitions or doing my own projects. (Or playing games, for this matter.) While I enjoy an occasional argument, I never really was into that in a big way.

1 week ago
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Not neccesarily complacent, but experience means you realize earlier wether someone or a subject is worth debating, maybe arguing about.
Some people aren't interested in really learning how something works but just want a quick fix (technical stuff etc.)
Others just want confirmation that their view or bias is correct.
Some again are just so dumb that it's pointless anyway.
Why make your own moment in time complicated or frustrating on relatively unimportant things?
Edit: Can depend a lot on the relationship to the other person, of course. Are they friends or family? Prior experience will determine future actions. A stranger may make you take the time because you have had no bad experience with them. Yet :D

1 week ago*
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Yeah, it definitely depends on the person. When it comes to family sometimes I might be more reluctant in the beginning (for I am somewhat lazy in general) but will end up putting in more effort and time than I would for strangers - and again, it all depends, all families are different and sometimes strangers can surprise you.

1 week ago
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Thought the exact opposite from your tittle but I guess I misread; agree with recent posters before me said, as you grow old there's little to no point in wasting your precious (and theirs, mind you) if you can see before hand how it is. I used to have lots of patience, helping others just because it was the right thing to do, felt nice and (some of) those asking for help dang well know how to manipulate you into doing what they want/need.
It may very well be that experience lets you notice them earlier/clearer than before and you value your time more now, thus this is us now.
I've been out of dating for like 10 years and I don't even care anymore. It's getting increasingly hard to meet true people, honest and maybe blunt, and since I also can't do like LittleBibo1 said, I rather stay away of toxic fake people..
I didn't chose a hermit life it kinda chose me, heh
Of course I'd go out, travel and make fun stuff IF i find the right girl or friends, but alas, maybe internet and phones isolate us instead of bringing us closer.

1 week ago
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I don't understand what you mean with "since I also can't do like LittleBibo1 said"
Please take the time to explain it to me :D

1 week ago
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I meant that most times you must forgo the way you usually do things when it comes to family and/or close friends; like if we have an easier YES to them.
Actually, you're right not understanding, I messed up and was thinking in Lugum's comment, the part of not knowing how to put through all those hours talking, most times leading nowhere anyways. MSN times huh?
So yeah, I agree with what you said too and sorry about the confusion.

1 week ago
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Ah, okay.
cheers ;)

1 week ago
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I can relate to the helping people thing. I was bullied in school, so when I went to university, I had this idea in my head that people who were sitting on their own were like me. That they had lost their confidence because of others and I could be a friend to them. On the first week, I made a group of friends, then I saw this girl that I recognised from my class sitting on her own. I went over and asked her to come join us. That was one of the first major mistakes I made. That girl ended up clinging to me and getting really jealous. When she got a boyfriend, she turned him against me because she thought I would steal him or something. If she really knew me, she'd know I'd never do that. It was manic. Then he started following me around town to intimidate me.

I learned a valuable lesson from that and one my mum had tried to warn me when I had done similar things... "Shannon, there are often reasons why some people don't have any friends. You can't save all the lame ducks." She was right.

1 week ago*
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On that last point, it's always a challenge balancing that with those who are just unlucky or find themselves in bad circumstances.

It's never a bad thing to want to help, but you also can't risk sinking your own ship to help others. It's definitely hard to discern but I'd encourage anyone to try and hang on to their initial intention to help, but to tread more carefully. I recall learning a long time ago about that quite literally in a canoe (rescuing someone who is in the water and needs help), and the guidance was to ask some preliminary questions first to assess their state of mind. If they're too agitated / panicked / etc., then you need to wait until they're calmer and able to collaborate as otherwise they may just tip you over as well and now you're both in need of help.

1 week ago
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Oh boy, yeah! when someone warned us about someone or something and we just didn't want to listen.. sigh
Saw a pic in my YT feed that fits right in with this experience, it was something like "Its the wrong people that teach us the right lessons"
It came to mind after reading what you said.

Unfortunately there's almost no way to know beforehand whos best to leave alone, and our way of being could bite us in the arse often than others, I guess it's the price to pay for thinking we can help everyone and idk, empathy? sometimes there's no switch that we can turn off to stop caring, but I rather keep my soul clean you know and be okay with myself thank you very much

1 week ago
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I think, with age, I've come to be able to tell the difference between what my mum described as a "lame duck" and someone who is just a little shy in a new environment. Subconsciously, I check for those signs. Someone nice will probably smile and say hello back when greeted. They'll have positive mannerisms while at the same time maybe feeling a little out of place because they don't know anyone. Heck, I feel like that myself in those situations. It's not easy walking into a place where you know absolutely no one. It's the ones who seem unfriendly and withdrawn that you need to watch out for. Not saying every person who is like that would be a bad egg, but I just protect myself from that now. =)

1 week ago
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Thanks Shannon, yeah no harm in being a bit cautious. One thing I didn't mention before was the gut feeling, it can go wrong of course but I think it's a nice thing to hear or at least consider for everything in life.
While having our shields up all the time may protect us from harm and ill intentions, it'd also makes it harder to connect with those that might nourish this feeble life, to each-other I mean.
Many years ago a girl I talked over the way back home bus, told me something along the lines of "you dont let yourself be loved" think even today I don't fully get what she meant. How come someone seems to be (b)locked away to others on the outside while deep down feeling like nobody cares about oneself?
Heh interesting topic, think I've said enough :P
if we'd lie less and love more, what a incredible world could it be!

1 week ago
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It's funny, I read your post and while I'm married with children, it made me think that's probably what I would sound like if I was still single (hard to meet true people...rather stay away of toxic fake people).

I couldn't agree more. It's odd because you tend to do certain things as you'd want others to treat you. For example, you may want someone to challenge you if you were doing something without fully understanding the circumstances or potential consequences, etc. yet I find most people just want someone to be supportive of them, regardless of whether what they are doing is "right or wrong" (keep in mind, things aren't always that clear cut, but for the sake of brevity I'll keep it that way) or how much pain may be created through their actions. Despite saying they want something (e.g. "give me your honest opinion"), people often mean something else (e.g. "find ways to support my mindset").

What I used to try to remind myself about those people (or experiences like that) was to still hold on for the true ones. If I was still out there, I'd still want someone to make the effort and if I don't at least retain that, then how could there be any hope. Now you have to spend a lot more time learning how to read people, maybe making a small single effort on something inconsequential and read how that goes. It's always harder to read intentions (accurately) rather than actions, but its a better determinant for where to spend your time.

1 week ago
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Thank you, I can relate as well, it's mostly as if it would be me, while reading.
It's not that I don't want a wife and children, I think I do, it's a matter of responsibility IMHO, that if I'm not able to provide for the kids then it's best if none depends on me but myself. A partner cannot hope I pay everything, same way I cant hope to be covered forever. Support and honesty.
Indeed is a lot harder to read people, sometimes we're spoiled and sabotage ourselves by thinking in ulterior motives, when it might no be anything like that. I've also noticed I had? have? the "yes I will" easy, then I get to hear people saying I'm selfish and pessimistic, like they don't know me at all.
I wonder if I'll ever find what you have. I could bond real easy with people that I feel I get (and that they get me as well) but then it gets cold overtime and you're just somebody that they used to know..

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1 week ago
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I wouldn't get too hung up on your ability to provide because honestly, most of what you give (and is important) is intangible. I worry far less about what toys my kids have and a lot more about how often I'm able to be there for them. And I don't mean physically, where I'm tired and just watching a movie with them, I mean genuinely with them, where I'm interacting with them and trying to learn about them or help them do something they want to do (the stuff we often neglect because we're just tired or short on patience, etc.) Now within reason, of course, if you can't afford rent or clothes, then yeah, become self-sufficient first before you start becoming responsible for providing for someone else.

What I will say is that it's a TON of work. I feel there's a lot of dead dogma out there when it comes to rearing kids and people talk about avoiding teenage pregnancy or how amazing it is, but there's very little honesty out there with respect to the practical aspects of having kids. I won't go into it here because it's a whole other topic and its too easy to misunderstand (which I think is why many people don't talk about it), but I will say that having kids changes people...forever (Dark Knight tone intended). It's hard enough to find someone you bond with that you expect to be a best friend in the same geographic vicinity along with all the other criteria that may be important (gender, looks, intelligence, responsible, decent with money, sex, caretaker, etc. take your pick), then you go and add kids which is a monumental undertaking, which depending on your support structure may leave you with no time to yourself, let alone each other. Then if you're not sleeping either, you're cooked. It's incredibly easy to cause damage to yourself and to other people.

So I say all that not to be discouraging, but rather to not feel at a loss about whether you end up with one lifestyle or another. It's more akin to choosing between two different high profile professions rather than one being the rainbow and the other one being something less. Imagine becoming a world-renowned doctor, except in one scenario you are required to constantly travel around the world and in another you're based in a major city. Assuming all other things equal (salary, benefits, bonuses, etc.) neither trumps the other objectively, only people's subjective preference would make you lean one way or another. I bring that up because I myself once used to think my life was less without kids (we had a hard time when we started trying) and now looking back, I feel ignorant about ever thinking I was somehow worth less or had less of a life because of it (and don't get me wrong, I love my kids and would do it all again / wouldn't change anything / etc.).

Lastly (sorry this is so long), my favourite shortcut to learning about people (since you mentioned things tend to go cold over time) is to have to either work together (I don't mean job wise) or have to deal with some sort of struggle / conflict while around each other. I find people can be plenty nice to each other when things are going well. It's when shit hits the fan and you're low on everything that you get to see a lot of the essence out of people and what their nature defaults to. Of course, sometimes things can be isolated incidents and people can make mistakes, but once you get a trend going, it's far easier to be confident about what you're looking at. At the end of the day, if you choose to share your life with someone, it needs to be someone you feel you'll love even when they default back to their worst qualities (but you have to discover what those are first).

1 week ago
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Thank you, I don't mind reading something that long, as long as it's interesting (and it was)
That last paragraph, oh man, it's exactly that! when shit hits the fan that you see peoples true colors, if you stick with them and they with you while deep down the barrel then it's pretty much a solid relationship and trust.
I kinda lost touch with both irl people and internet friends, I get everyone has a life and it's not the same BEING there in the flesh than trying to be there over distance. In the end it didn't made a difference, they still fell apart despite me trying to talk, keep'em in the loop, etc
You can't force anybody nor would I like that either, so let things flow run their course I guess.

I'd be willing to move, cross the goddamnworld if I have to for that someone special, alas, haven't found it yet, not sure I ever will.
Thanks again for your comments, I deff see where you're coming from.
Cheers

1 week ago
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No worries, I hope it helps in some way. Hang on your your approach and if you’re ever in doubt because of circumstances just remind yourself about what it is that you want to contribute to your surroundings. There’s no guarantees in life but hope you do find someone who you can share your life with.

Now I guess we go back to what matters most, complaining about the (lack of) merit of the next humble bundle (lol).

1 week ago
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Hahah it's bound to get better before it gets worse! (or was it the other way around?) :P
I meant humble bundle's but its funny because it applies to our other matter as well!

There's some interesting games in there but it's not worth for me for the current Argentina's economic situation, meaning it's perhaps cheaper to buy the game you want rather than the bundle. 21% tax plus another 30% on top. No thank you, I'll see you in the next thanksgiving (?

1 week ago
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Are you from Argentina? Che boludo!

5 days ago
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Haha (or jaja) yeah, for better or (for) worse... :P Did you know there's also a restaurant/pub somewhere, called exactly like that?
Aparently, it's in Valencia, Spain.

5 days ago
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That’s funny, had no idea.

4 days ago
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28 and I'm far less complacent. I used to quietly sit and let things slide a lot. The older I got, the more I realized I cared about not wasting my life letting garbage happen, not letting people get away with nonsense, not letting the world fall into disrepair for the next generation, and so on. I feel like my past complacency allowed a lot of bad things both in my personal life and in the grander picture. I'm intensely more concerned about issues around me, to the point it almost feels like a duty. I wouldn't know how to better describe this than "fed up." Maybe if my silence hadn't allowed so much bad to happen around me, I wouldn't have become so harsh about things, but again, to me it's also about not wanting to see more people screw things up like I did, and wanting to protect those that I still can.

Quick edit though - I do also feel like there's no time to waste on someone who isn't even trying. Or to bicker about small things. Those I now shrug off (or more like ignore those people), but for the bigger things - I absolutely can't stand to sit quiet anymore.

1 week ago*
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Mostly these days I keep quiet even if I could give some advice, old dog trying to teach pups who just don't want to listen seems to be the norm these days.

Level 50 this year. :D

1 week ago
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Damn, that's a nice level, congrats? on leveling-up xD

1 week ago
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I can't wait to prestige xD

1 week ago
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I'm 26 lol and feel same about my age. Option: "Sometimes".

1 week ago
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33 years old here.

After you hit 30 you just don't give a fuck and live your life the way you want for yourself :)

1 week ago
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