Yep, i always feel like an idiot when i'm muttering english, suddenly speaking fluently and pausing again to search words. And it's always some tourist asking me for directions in Paris so we are both in a hurry and no time to pratice or warm up. Sometimes i feel like they aren't less lost after speaking to me xD
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You are good in French? I mean I would like someone who is in kinda in the same spot than me. Good in Writing, shit at speaking.
The idea is, i speak in English and the person answer me in French while we suffer both agony.
Speaking to myself in english long rants of nothing particular when the meds start kicking for about 10 minutes every morning just to practice is tiring xD
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A so called expert psychiatrist from a top hospital also diagnosed me ADHD once.
After two years of drugs I went just worse.
Later she asked me to went to see a doctor for a test.
After I gave her the results she said I am not ADHD and she doesn't know what to do to me and not to come back.
Short story is before believing every tag they put on us go find a real expert in that branch.
PS: I am much better now. I am working on stopping mind chatter, find serentiy.
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We are not all alike. At 32 years old I fucked my life in every possible manners, love, jobs, hobbies. I can't stay with one thing and stay with it without becoming bored.
Got meds about 1 month ago, i did more things in that month that in the past 2 years.
In France ADHD is underdiagnosed real hard. Seen 2 friends with kind of the same life story than me ending it and killing themselves because they couldn't cope anymore.
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I am from Turkey.,
32 years old.
At every job I applied I got fucked by a superior because I was simply be able to perceive things better and be more creative.
But you are right, no body is alike.
Ohh and I tried to suicide twice but it looks like I wasn't very succesfull.
Best advice I can give you is don't lose hope and don't pitty yourself.
Second best advice I can give you is spiritualism is real and if you can find a good theraphist they do wonders.
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I don't like therapists, they expect me to speak to them, with 100% transparency, to this total stranger without them saying a word that is useful or insightful and findind that "help", then they leave you with a huge note and that much less money that goes into food.
Spoke to many people for different reasons (social workers), none of it was help. Meds helped tho. That's a mechanical problem, physical, did adn testing too and i'm fucked on the dopamine side, having 7 rare SNP related to ADHD.
Once it's "fixed" all things roll as they are supposed to. Of course meds don't fix all the things but i swear... i don't want to speak to a therapist. Especially here, they don't know shit about adhd.
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Advice coming a little late after the conversation started but I thought I'd drop this here.
I was like you regarding therapy. I know there is a lot I need to unpack but I also always felt awkward just hearing myself talk to complete strangers about my parents and failed expectations.
Ended up telling all that to a kind physician (in French: généraliste) who told me that I didn't have to do the kind of therapy that meant digging through the dirt I didn't want to deal with. He recommended behavioral therapy, which is a different kind of therapy altogether and it's really worked in many ways.
Best of all: you get to feel better by getting rid of harmful patterns in your life without talking somebody's ear off about your first world problems. It's about finding coping mechanisms to cure the symptoms, and not spend 10 years in an office every week for 50 mn, hoping it will somehow make you feel better about yourself.
I know people who used it to quit smoking. I know friends who used it for ADHD when years of meds did nothing. My sister used it to lose weight and ended up also getting rid of her insomnia and anxiety issues. My girlfriend is working on her procrastination and phobias. It's not an easy fix or a cure-all but it definitely helps with things that talk therapy is useless at.
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I've heard about behavioral therapy but I have no idea how it could help, i'm stubborn as hell so the therapist is gonna need extra willpower x) (seriously, i gotta know, HOW does the guy help you, if the man can't explain himself i wont do a thing)
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i'm stubborn as hell so the therapist is gonna need extra willpower x)
Heh my girlfriend is also stubborn as a mule and tried talk therapy many times but it never took. She doesn't really like to talk to people about personal things so it was a bust. She was skeptical about behaviorial therapy just because it has "therapy" in the name lol
But seriously as every type of therapy, including physical therapy, it's a matter of finding the right therapist for you.
My experience has been that behavioral therapist are less closed off than psychotherapists because they need to participate in the process much more, so they really want you to get what the process is, and to work with you to tailor the process to your needs, your issues and your personality.
Anyway, it's well worth checking. Don't trust me about it. Talk to your doctor and find a behavioral therapist and try it for yourself.
I hope it works out for you.
Oh and for the other thing, I was really shy about my French accent when I moved here because I had learned with mostly Canadian French accents. I used movies to correct my accent. A lot. I would watch a French movie, then record myself saying some of the lines, play the correct line and try to see how it was different and what to change.
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So, do you have good resources/advices about behavioral "therapy" (huhu sorry) around Paris? Had to see a kid psychiatrist to get the first ADHD presc.... that's how fucked and unknown ADHD here. And i'm 32 xD
In truth i don't believe at all in those kind of therapy for a physical problem, i have genetic defects that litteraly make the "normal" in me, "anormal", for instance rs1800497(T;T), and i have 6 more SNP that are as fucked as this one. It's litteraly the biological manual to make me.
Anyways, gotta look into it but if that thing cost me a cent i just nope out. Meds are expensive enough and i'm poor AF.
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The one therapist I know personally is English speaking but I will ask my friends who I know saw therapists.
Had to see a kid psychiatrist to get the first ADHD presc.... that's how fucked and unknown ADHD here. And i'm 32 xD
Yeah it's totally misdiagnosed here, if at all. I read that in Canada, people are using medical marijuana for ADHD but its not a possibility here either.
It's not only here. My girlfriend's brother was never diagnosed in Portugal and now his 4 year old is being diagnosed, only because he's in a great school with a proper psychologist.
Anyways, gotta look into it but if that thing cost me a cent i just nope out. Meds are expensive enough and i'm poor AF.
Yeah I bet ADHD doesn't help you make a proper living here.
From what I know, it's like psychotherapy, meaning it's covered by normal social security coverage if you go to a regular psychiatrist.
The good thing about behavioral therapy is also that since it's goal oriented, you don't sign up for 20 years of therapy. Most people I know had less than a year of therapy.
Anyway, I'll look into names and I'll shoot you a message. For reference, in French, it's called Thérapie comportementale et cognitive or TCC if you want to look it up online to get some information about how it works.
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No harm in looking (but will have the motivation... oh boi that's a totally other matter ^^')
What does it have done for you, like, exactly (if that's not too much intrusive)
I mean i mostly feel that therapists aren't doing much more that the dude that tell you "don't be sad" when you are sad. Or just listen without any useful input. To be fair i don't want or care about emotional support either, since it's all fake and paid for (i mean, paying for emotional support feel just as depressing as prostitution). So, really, what do they do? In what form the help come? It can't rewire my brain and i don't need kind words either, so it's advices on how to behave?
Must be weird to read that but after years of being looked down and told what i should be doing when i had this fucking thing, not being able to really understand it or do anything about it... i developed a certain defiance towards people telling me how to be. (could be fun tho, drama is certainly a stimulating activity :D)
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What it did for me was help me with crippling anxiety I developed among other things from PTSD. I had panic attacks and couldn't move or breathe. I would just end up passing out. It lasted for months. I tried all kinds of therapy, and had attacks during therapy.
I ended up talking to a cool doctor who told me rehashing things in psychotherapy was probably bringing on more attacks than helping and that behavioral therapy to deal with the anxiety instead of the root of anxiety was probably going to help more.
And it did.
I mean i mostly feel that therapists aren't doing much more that the dude that tell you "don't be sad" when you are sad.
Yeah I get that. And what is interesting with behavioral therapy is that it's not about that at all. It's more about examining how whatever is blocking you works and finding actual ways to change it. It won't rewire your brain but it will help you change the way you react to your brain's conditioning; through your behavior.
It's very personalized, not like a one size fits all kind of therapy. Since it's very goal oriented, you usually spend the first couple of sessions fixing goals so that you can proceed to finding ways to achieve them. Your therapist is there to help you by providing you tools to fight your anxiety, to influence your thinking. Not to judge you or to say "you shouldn't feel anxious" but to give you means not to feel anxious, or at least to fight the anxiety, for example.
after years of being looked down and told what i should be doing when i had this fucking thing, not being able to really understand it or do anything about it... i developed a certain defiance towards people telling me how to be. (
It's not surprising. I lost my trust in psychotherapy for pretty much the same reasons. That's why I liked behavior therapy. It was about solutions and not about talking endlessly about the problems.
I'm trying to get you some names and if you prefer talking about it in French and in private, hit me on Steam.
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Thx for you imput man, i will look into it when i have more courage. Will add you on steam in the meantime :)
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Can confirm ADHD is a non-existent subject in our country but i think it's the same in EU in general.
Although my perception of it seems different than yours, what you guys just said made me wonder if i missed something about it. Sounds like you guys suffered from it much more than me. That being said i never spoke about it to anyone so maybe for me it's something else.
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We can't really compare, it's a diagnosis, not the exact definition of who you are.
I have a combination of shit genes that gives: me. They are related to adhd, You can get "lucky" and have a few, unlucky and get even more, none of it and have ADHD anyways because of birth conditions.
It's like comparing various bacteria and viruses and wondering why they are so different because "in the end you cough a lot". ADHD is the cough, not the origin of the problem, a symptom.
Also it's badly understood in many ways but one of the infuriating one is "yeah i have motivation problems sometimes..." or any variation of "i have that sometimes". With the disorder it's not sometimes, it's every minute. Comes with commodities such as, depression, dysgraphia, body focused repetitive behaviors... Oh and yeah the superpower "hyperfocus". Or the ability to obsess at a random thing for a very long time, forgetting actual important stuff.
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Yeah i need to see someone for a test or something but i always tell myself, i will, eventually... but it's been years now that i'm aware of it.
In my case there's no such thing as depression and other dark negative thoughts. It just had a negative effect my whole life on work related stuff. Like you said it's a combination of things, which is maybe why i see it from a different angle.
Seems like we're from the same area, i'm curious how did you find help there about this. If you got time to talk about it sometime and don't mind, feel free to add me. Anyways regardless thanks for sharing all this.
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France? You gotta start with the various associations who provide help here. Then depending on where you live you can get a list of "adhd friendly" psychiatrists. Or else it will be a huge hassle (and even with, it already is)
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It helps at lot that's true. But i can't help but thing i'm in too deep. Sometimes the meds aren't efficient enough. The diagnosis is well.. totally ignored here.
Also, i kinda don't want all those things "i lack", i learned over the years to hate them so i wont regret them. I'm isolated, doesn't desire a family (especially with those genes), dirt poor, huge "holes" in my resume.
It's like there is no point trying, i'm too far behind.
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If you're missing practice for pronunciation mostly, you could just find a group of other local people to practice with.
They may not be able to correct all your mistakes, but at least you'll get to practice in a less awkward way than just speaking out loud to yourself ^^
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Yeah i tried that one time because i got invited on a discord channel for a game but i stayed almost mute. Couldn't bring myself to speak. They all speaked fast and it was so draining that when it was my turn to answer my brain noped out. Gotta be for the purpose of learning in the first place.
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i tried that one time because i got invited on a discord channel for a game
As you said, that was for a game, not for practicing
Also, don't do Discord, do IRL: people will keep it to a reasonable group size (you can always split the group if it has too many people), and they can see you so they'll notice quickly if there's someone sitting there who never gets a chance to speak.
Edit: also I just realized maybe I wasn't clear: by "local" I meant local for you, i.e. French, not native English speakers or something
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Man, you are asking me to go outside and find people to sympathize with. It's... alien, to me.
(i'm good at making excuses)
I have a better one, wait for it: I live in the Paris suburbs and the transport system strike is too much for me to use it.
But really, i'd prefer it to be only one dude, make it a semi-regular thing and i would be perfectly content with that. Pants and shaving not required, it's casual.
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Try me, write a thing or two. Could be fun. If that's enough to work with i'm okay with it.
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Bonjour! Je m'appelle Alec. Je habite en Vancouver, Canada. J'étudie français beaucoup, parle très peu français.
Je ne sais pas... Je suis desolate haha
I hope I didn't embarrass myself too much there. I pretty much know nothing tbh, gotta find some better ways to learn than goddamn duolingo
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It's not too bad, not fantastic either. Like a chest x-ray. About 3.6 roentgen.
Idk about duolingo, tried it for shit and giggles and learn basic Latin for a dozen of hours.
For you to learn i don't know shortcuts. I was "forced" to learn english because all the content i want is in english. It's not the same thing for you so you gotta take on French content. Try movies, like the Depardieu movies (Tenue de soirée for example) or Asterix.
http://www.allocine.fr/film/fichefilm_gen_cfilm=1705.html
http://www.allocine.fr/film/fichefilm_gen_cfilm=4365.html
So, if you still wanna try, give me when you are avalaible and we see what's what x)
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my pronounciation sucks in all languages, including my mother tongues =P but luckily my dialect (north-western italy) belongs to the same family as French so while I can't pronounce French in a comprehensible way =P I can understand it 9 times over 10, we share the same grammar so I have never had to study it.. it's a wonderful language to me and I really hope you'll find the perfect people to practice with! =) learning new languages is always great, especially for those who are monolingual and talk only english!
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What is your level in French (written) and how well do you speak it?
Also, why the fuck steamrep is reporting this? https://steamrep.com/profiles/76561198096309644 I'm getting a huge warning when I visit your profile with enhancedsteam
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Oh wow, this is the first time I am seeing a warning there.
Anyway, good luck with learning and practicing! It is a wonderful idea to ask around SG since it can prove to be hugely beneficial to both of you guys, all the while you can still chat about video games! Fantastic! :)
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this is a mistake , my account history is clean but they tagged a random account that was banned on steamrep with mine. I appealed and provided all the proofs but wasn't enough. Funny thing is, i later found that i was trading with a steamrep mod on reddit and provided him a key that i traded few days earlier from someone on steam game trade subreddits and he kind of stole it. So when i posted him the key, they thought i am the same person but in reality, i was just swapping games like everyone did on the subreddit.. After trying to make them understand, i gave up and moved on.
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I took 2 years of French in Highschool and 1 year in college. But like the previous poster I hardly consumed any French media after I graduated. I'm native English, but I'd say I can at least read in French. Remembering conjugations is the hardest part for me for writing. I wish my teachers wouldn't make us watch French movies with English subtitles, but French movies with French captions. At least then I could catch on to the pronunciation better.
Anyways, I'm not much into talking about games. More into manga/anime.
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If you have games in common with me we could play and I'd be down to do it with open mic.
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I'm on the same boat as you. I really wanted to improve my English accent and speaking skills (as that's the only thing you can not learn from movies or games lol). So I tried to play destiny 2 raids with some randoms (as it is mandatory to communicate) but I ended up not talking the whole time probably because I was so nervous or something, and they were talking so fast and fluently, so I could not bring my self to talk much.
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Only needs a little more "hon hon hon" and you are good.
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Hi, I'm French and since I never leaned english over anything else than writing, listening to movies or gaming... I basically never talks and my accent would make a brit ears bleed.
So I wonder if anyone wanna suffer with me. Maybe you wanna learn how to speak French properly so I can help you and you can help me.
Can always talk about games so it's not awkward. Also i'm an idiot with ADHD so i might not be a very assiduous student but gotta try.
Also, mandatory gib
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