[FREE to add forever] Drekirökr - Dusk of the Dragon (GOG)

Thanks. No it's just daily life currently bothering me, like i promise myself not to wash a day (costing a lot) and then something happens again, by myself or my cat Bowy doing it next to the box or digging like crazy so half the grind is beside the box, i thought doing this 2 weeks or so and i would be very much over my germphobia, well i am afraid i was wrong.

And i am on medication which in essence i am fine with but also makes me very sleepy/tired even so sometimes i wake up at 12:00 while i got this job on sight but that requires offcourse you to be awake like at 7:00, the 5 hour differences is a big leap, so i am afraid to even send in a mail now (first i had some questions like if i could start part time, is it very phsyical also because of my cardiomyopathy i tire easily so unless it's combined with lets say administrative work where i can just sit, then i could easily make it 40.
And my shrink is on vacation (like everyone else) so i can't get alternatives right now.
Then there is this fight (while she was finally coming after 14 years) with my only last friend left, and offcourse when we are bound to meet something always happen, in which i said then just don't come, and how i said it, the chance will big..

It's just also being alone and my mom feels it too but i am used to it my whole life, but my mom not, she had an active life, i feel more sorry for her then myself, but sometimes right now i am at a crossroad to just ban all those people with their false promises or that serve no use anymore, maybe making me a hermit.
Offcourse i wish i could have a girlfriend, i think that would solve many of my things, but you can't just pick them up like a pack of milk in the supermarket. But i am going to buy a sweater with kiss me i am single as a joke, wearing it at this meeting up here on september 7 and perhaps just wear it doing groceries and such.
It's 40 euro so not cheap, but i guess i can say cheaper then a dating site or service even.

Yes tl, dr. Anyway thanks. Hope you are doing better yourself.

1 year ago*

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peterlol

Ah yeh. I read about the missing one. But I only read the openings post. But I am glad he is safe. :)

About germphobia I don't know much. I have agoraphobia The treatment that helped for me was "exposure therapy". Don;t get me wrong, it is still a nightmare, but a lot better than it used to be. You are doing pretty much the same. I assume that for you getting a cat was very scary with the germs. But you did it. I am sure cleaning the first times was extremely scary. but YOU DID IT! It is very hard, but you came so far, Rome wasn't built in a day,

It wasn't tl;dr, but I am not sure how to comment to the rest.
I did add you to steam if you want to empty your heart some time.
Take care man.

1 year ago

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Lugum

Yeah i thought exposure therapy would get the same results for me, and the litterbox is not an issue, although the things beside it, yeah took some doing (and i just shower shortly, not an issue) it's like with you it's better, but i kinda expected the whole thing to already be over, but i am afraid that is going to be a months worth process just like for you.

Like she wants to crawl through my stuffed animals, sit on the couch (but i allowed that part else she can do nothing) i am sure snooping on my bed and sleep on it (probably next to me), but because they dont "wipe" in "my mind" it's not clean and i don't even know how if i ever still get children how i would tackle things like diapers and some other stuff.

They got pills for ADHD, autism, depression, sleep issues, but somehow there isn't this magical pill against concrete fear it seems, it's atleast what the shrink hinted, but i hate therapy stuff, but like you said i am already kinda doing it myself.
Some people smoke or drink to avoid the stress, but with a bad heart and cholestrol issues, that's a no go zone anymore for me unfortunately, also with my new med clonazepam drinking would have been hazardous and dangerous to your heart (when you already have heart issues) 2 times i thought i just went to bed, but i woke up twice with some serious pains (somehow i hurted myself without knowing how), then i started to google reading how bad it is for your heart, but also some people forget they take too much clonazepam and can even result in faiinting, coma or death.
It's that i am smart enough to lay ahead my daily dosage each morning.
Yet no shrink, no pharmacy warned me about it, and that's something i will get back to them at.

That's okay, i just hope it will still turn out okay that the move isn't the only "good" thing coming in life (I also don't really got the urge to cook so my weight also dropped 6kg, am now almost below BMI), there are issues that can't be solved by talking about it. Like the girlfriend it may happen tommorow, next week, 7 september or perhaps never, or suppose i get my meds and sleeping habit changes and go for that job, and i get it, and things will happen there. That's when the future is so unpredictable.

Take care.

1 year ago*

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peterlol

I replied on steam as I am not very comfortable saying private things in public. :)

1 year ago

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