😈🤣 All aboard the CHEEVO SPAM TRAIN!!! 😵💀

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Need to pump up those stats on your Steam profile? Do you embrace an unhindered, uninhibited, unashamed approach to filling your Steam library with utter garbage in order to one-up your friends and enemies alike with false statistical superiority? Well, then look no further, because I bring you this CHEEVO SPAM TRAIN!!!

Yes, the majority of these games are terrible. Seriously, they're freaking terrible games...heck, I think that a couple of them don't even qualify as games. But each title in the list will grant you at least 500 achievements, up to 5,000 for many of them, and often for doing nothing more than just opening the game and then letting your Steam client grind away for a little while.

I know what you're thinking: "geez, Grez, don't you feel a little...dirty for offering this stuff up?" Yes, yes I do. This actually makes me feel like Christina Aguilera (during her rubbed-with-grease-and-wearing @ssless chaps phase) grabbed me by the ears and demanded that I clean her filthy britches with my face. But hey, in my defense, I bought a bunch of stuff on GogoBundle really quickly one night that didn't look that bad...and then like a week later when I actually looked at it more closely, I saw all of these 5K-for-nothing games and was ~~shocked~~ mildly surprised. [note: this purchase may also have involved alcohol.]

But, you know, whatever. I actually played a few of these games...most were horrible, but I'll say that Pain Train 2 is not a total bucket of suck...I beat the whole thing (yep, all 12 levels and all upgrades) one night, which took about 2 hours and was relatively challenging. I mean, it's buggy and frustrating and completely unbalanced (the first two levels are the hardest, and then once you're fully upgraded, you're practically an unstoppable killing machine), but at least it's an actual game and is complete-able. I do like to play/beat the game when possible and feel like I at least halfway earned all of those achievements that dropped.

Hey, I say relax, have a good time with it, and try not to take any of it too seriously. They're just games, after all, and I still feel less ripped off than I did after a couple of really bad Atari cartridge purchases from when I was a kid (Tac-Scan comes to mind). So, sling some points toward the train and you can get some free profile padding, you dirty, dirty bastard. 🤣 ( ͡⊙ ͜ʖ ͡⊙)

🚅Choo-Spammy-Choo🚃🚃🚃🚃

[27 carts, mostly with multiple keys per cart - you must be at least level 1 - good luck]

6 years ago*

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Do achievement spam games make you an angry, angry person?

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No way. If I paid for or won the game and it gives me a bunch of cheevos, that's just all sweet, sweet statistical gravy as far as I'm concerned.

Whatever, I don't really care one way or the other. Good game, bad game...it's a +1 for my library and if achievements come along for the ride, it's all right by me.

Yes! You should be ashamed that you're even giving these keys away. In fact, the more I think about it, the ANGRIER I GET! THAT'S IT, I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE -- I'M GOING TO BLACKLIST YOU AND EVERYONE ON YOUR WHITELIST! SCORCHED EARTH, @#$^&%*!! I DON'T CARE IF IT'S A TWO-WAY BAN AND DON'T HAVE ACCESS TO YOUR GOOD GAs LATER, THIS IS JUST UNACCEPTABLE. Now excuse me while I take my prudishness outside and shoot myself in the foot. Good day, sir!

I like potatoes. Oh, and I like achievements. In fact, I like to smush them all together and roll around in them naked so that I feel extra dirty (and potato-y).

107 Comments

Calibr3

I said, good day! (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

6 years ago