"I wouldn't trade you for the whole world.

Pff. I would. You're a subset of the world. So, I'd trade you, get you right back and now I'm king of everything and a net loss of zero girlfriends. Christ, it's obvious."

"A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success."

• Robert Purvis

Hey dumbass eat this rocket and die.

"Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world."

This is

SPARTA!

An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest

The mind is like the stomach. It is not how much you put into it that counts, but how much it digests

I dress to kill, but tastefully
-Freddie Mercury

bump

NEVER push too hard on a fart

-me. about 5 minutes ago...

"Give a man an arrow and he will hunt for a day, give a man an arrow and put it through his knee and he won't hunt ever again"

tl;dr

In a paralel Universe...
Karl Marx : add my handsome, clever,rich friend on msn! Friedrich Engels - friedrichrock4ever@hotmail.com
Gandhi : God save the queen!
Sigmund Freud : damn..I get laid because of brazzers again..fuck this shit..
Einstein : I gave that bitch E=mc^2 , bitches love E=mc^2's.

,,So many believe the world was created by the hand of a divine power – but I see only the designs of a madman, bent on celebrating destruction and desperation. Our origins seem chaotic.''
Altaïr ibn-La'Ahad

(-(-(-(-(-(-(-(-.-)-)-)-)-)-)-)-)
The Chinese mafia is watching you

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." - Woody Allen

"No matter how bad things seem, they couldn't be any better, they couldn't be any worse, because that's the way things fucken are, and you better get used to it Nancy... Quit your bitching"

"Quick, think about an funny quote!"

You, an couple of seconds ago.

Friendship among women is only a suspension of hostilities

"They call me mysterious..

• Or do they??"
  Haha, gave it a try!

What's easier to pick up the heavier it gets?

Women..

The Muffin Man is seated at the table
In the laboratory of the Utility Muffin Research Kitchen . . .
Reaching for an oversized chrome spoon
He gathers an intimate quantity of dried muffin remnants
And, brushing his scapular aside,
Proceeds to dump these inside of his shirt . . .
He turns to us and speaks:
"Some people like cupcakes better. I, for one,
Care LESS for them!"
Arrogantly twisting the sterile canvas snoot of a fully charged icing-anointment utensil,
He poots forth a quarter-ounce green rosetta
Near . . .
(Let's try that again . . . )
He poots forth a quarter-ounce green rosetta
Near the summit of a dense-but-radiant muffin of his own design
Later he says:
"Some people . . . some people like cupcakes exclusively,
While I myself say there is naught, nor ought there be,
Nothing so exalted on the face of God's grey earth
As that Prince of Foods . . . The Muffin!"

"There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass! Who's been pinching my beer?"
-Terry Pratchett

There are two types of people in the world, those who say there are two types of people in the world and those that don't.

3. “Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!”
   • Homer Simpson