I'm Okay

I sent you a friend request. Maybe a couple of gifts from a random stranger can help to cheer you up a little :)

Death is inevitable and hurrying up things wouldn't be a good idea.
I'm in a precarious position as well so I know how you feel. You probably heard this phrase many times but I'll still recommend you to try to enjoy the small joys of life as they're one of the few things that make living worth while.
Glad to see you back.

Quote: Y'all cared and worried about me, sorry for that, I'm not worth it.

I know you are in a dark place and you have problems you can't overcome (yet), but never ever think you are not worth attention or caring!
Everyone has value and virtue, every life has meaning and you are worth every nice attention you get!

And I hardly know you but if you really really wish you were a girl, you might be a transgender.
If that is the case: seek the help you need!

I wish you all the best and I hope that some day will be a better day for you and life will get a bit of spark back.

And yes....Cake Day to you!
The happy is scribbled in invisible ink, when you are ready for the happy, they say some lemon can make it visible

I'm glad you're OK, Tree. I hope the help you are getting results in good positive steps forward. Also, it would probably be a good idea to seek out a transgender support group or a counselor who understands those issues. Human beings are social creatures and we wither when we feel like no one "gets" us. It sounds like you could benefit from talking with supportive people who have dealt with the same thoughts and feelings.

Take care. Happy Cake Day. Keep looking forward :)

glad to hear you are safe and fell now better yourself

I feel deeply glad that you are ok. we all go thru heavy shit everyday and still we can make it... til the shit of the next day.
just focus to believe in yourself. maybe it is all you need. things... well things will work out by themselves as they usually do. :)

dude i alreaday told you this in another thread... killing youself is not an opition, nothing good will come out of it, nor for you nor anyone, so its better to suffer than to not be at all. you may think that you cant handle your stuff but you can and even if you dont time heals EVERYTHING and i am talking from experience there, dude if you need anything talk to someone , i made my best friend ever on the internet because i had no one else to bitch about my shitty life, and i dont regret it at all. just live, whatever it happens and whatever it takes... and have a happy cake day

English is not my first language so apologies are in order.

I don't know you and i wouldn't pretend that i understand the exact amount of shit you've been through and going through right now but as someone who suffered from acute clinical depression for over 10 years i think i can offer a piece of advice.

Firstly - learn your patterns. Emotional minimums, the ones that hit you hard, the ones when you wish you were dead, they 1) have a rhythm (for me it was every friday evening) 2) have a trigger. They are way more endurable when you are prepared.

Secondly - fuck social expectations. All of them. No exeptions. They are not for you. They are not working. They are useless. They are harmful. They only reinforce the loop of self-deprecation and self-hate you are struggling with.

Thirdly - happiness isn't a state. It's a process. It's incremental and consists of small pleasures. Create them. Embrace them. Don't let the faulty balance of neurotransmitters in your brain rob you of happiness.

Fourthly - motivation and persistence are like muscles. They can be trained. And, like muscles, the results will not be seen in a day or week. But in a year you'd be surprised.

Fifthly - there's no limit to your strenght but your own perception of it. As example - you're much more stronger then me. You admitted your issues. You are public and open about them. I, in turn, spend more then a decade faking smiles and cheering people up when all what i really wanted was not be at all. Or ever. But, in the end, i've made it. So you ought to made it faster then me. For that i don't have any shade of doubt.

Have a hug.

That other issue is that I wish I were a girl.

Hey, that's nothing to be ashamed or worried about. It's a lot more common than most people think, and there are ways to make it happen. So if you feel that that is something that would help you in life, then go for it! Remember, you're the most important person in your life. When you're feeling a bit stronger, you should seek out an expert on the field. Even if it's not a change you can do right away, they'll be able to give you some guidance. And who knows, maybe that will help you get the motivation you need to do the things you need to do to feel good about yourself?

I wasnt expecting to read this. Maybe somebody up there gave you a second chance. You just took your first step in here, you already admitted what you want to be. Take that off your chest with all the people you want to and be what you want to be. It may not be easy but fuck those squared people out there, the good ones will stick with you. Wish you a quick recovery.

Happy Cakeday.

Happy Cake Day, bro. Or sis. Whichever. My life's been pretty good. Rough at times, but generally good. Thus, I have no idea what you're going through. But I figure if it's bad enough that you tried to kill yourself, it can only get better. Also, people do worry, and I'm sure your mother loves you and would be heart-broken if you succeeded in your attempt.

Please don't do it again. I like the world better when people are happy. I hope you get to a better place sooner rather than later. Best wishes to you.

Glad to hear you're ok, and happy cake day :)

Welcome back. F*ck that job. You didn't fail it. It failed you. Sometimes life can suck, jobs can suck, people can let you down. It's okay to get a little angry. Obviously you can't change how you feel, but you can change how you think about things.

one thing i learned about life is that job is just a job and you can't worry too much about or you're done, it's bad, made evth to change it.
I learned that everyone has moments with happiness you have to notice it and wait, there will be better times for sure.
Thanks for ocming back to us and cheer up

I wanna hug you.

Also what you wrote about happiness and all reminds me so much of myself. Up until a few months ago, I didn't wanna live anymore either. Yet I'm still here. For what reason? I don't know yet. Maybe just for the beautiful sunsets or the birds singing. I have no clue. Whatever. All I wanna say is, I've been there before as well and if you wanna talk, you know where to find me.

I don't know you. Didn't know what happened outside of what you posted. Sorry to hear that life isn't bright and sunny for you right now. Not much to tell you that most other people probably haven't said to you in person or on the forums. But your life will and only can be as good as you try to make it. Things won't turn 180 and be perfect over night. You have to work at it. Cliche, I know. But really nothing more to say outside of that. Only you will eventually find the strength or courage to resolve all this demons you have. And then you will smile and make your life better. Good luck. I'm always willing to talk and hear people out if you need someone to message to.

treeb cant make giveaways? we will make one for him.

https://www.steamgifts.com/giveaway/o9PpQ/dungeon-defenders

Hey Tree it's good to have you back. Had the same issues with depression and anxiety. it's horrible. i feel you. but you can make the best of it and stand against it like i do.

This seems relevant, and it may help, so I'll drop it here.

I have a serious eye condition. I could go blind if it isn't treated. I went to a half dozen different optometrists and opthalmologists, and they were all telling me I'd need corneal transplants to ever see clearly again (or even halfway clearly). Obviously this depressed the fuck out of me, and over the past 6 months it got worse and worse.

This past month, the optometrist I was seeing retired, and I needed a new one to take over after an emergency with my vision. So I ended up with a new optometrist. I explained everything to him, about the transplants, and the first thing he says is "No, that's barbaric. You and I are going to fix your eyes without all this cutting and sewing." Since then, I've been putting all sorts of chemicals in my eyes to try and clear the scarring and try to re-attach my corneas, with weekly visits to this very positive-minded optometrist.

Anyway, the day after my first visit with Dr Coy, I was at work and a delivery driver (trucker) was unloading. A super nice guy, and always a pleasure to speak with, I always make a point of talking to him whenever I see him around (and I rarely speak to anyone). He asked why the long face, and I explained the situation with my eyes. He looked at me, smiled, and said "You know you can heal yourself, right?" I gave him a befuddled look, and he continued. "The problem is that you've heard from so many people that you'll never get your vision back that you've begun to believe it, and that's a very bad thing. You can change that, though." Okay, I was interested now.

"Why do people feel bad?" He asked, paused, then answered himself, "Because we hear all these negative things coming from people all around us, every day, for our entire lives, and then we repeat them to ourselves and pass them along to others like a disease." He went on, "But all you need to do to heal yourself is tell yourself you're getting better. Not once a day, not now and then, but tell yourself that your eyes are healing and feeling better so often that you can't hear all the negativity being passed around in the world around you. We get sick, we feel bad, and we cause others to be sick and feel bad by speaking and hearing the negativity so much that we block out or can't hear the positivity, and then we forget to tell ourselves what we need to hear."

Long story short -- I took his advice. Over and over throughout the day, I tell myself my eyes are healing and that I am seeing more clearly. For the past three weeks I've been doing this, and guess what? It's working ... and not only is my vision beginning to show dramatic improvement (so much so that my optometrist asked me what changes I made to achieve such improvement), but my entire outlook on the situation, and even life in general has drastically improved. Where I was morbidly depressed and constantly upset, now I'm happy, even cheery and smiling constantly -- and everyone around me has noticed it.

The guy's name is Dave (he is always smiling, and it's one of those infectious smiles you can't help but mimic), and he calls it "faith." He claims we can build our own faith in something by speaking it and hearing it over and over, all day, every day, and by building that faith, we can do anything. I know it sounds crazy, and I know it sounds like some "power of positive thinking" bullshit, but man ... it's working, even to the point it's got my optometrist legitimately confused. Just over a month ago, I couldn't read anything and couldn't make out details with my blurred left eye (it's much more deteriorated than my right eye). I couldn't even make out anything on the eye test. I can now type this with just my left eye open (still very blurry, but manageable) ... it's not fixed yet, but I have faith it will be.

I don't know what you'll take from this short story (that probably doesn't seem very applicable), but maybe it'll help you, even in some small way. Maybe it's all in my head ... but maybe that's the only place it has to be for it to work. Try it if you want. Maybe it'll help. :)

Regardless, good luck, and glad to see you're back. I have faith in you. :)

To others: I'm only posting this for TreeB, so please don't comment unless it's to him. Maybe this is happening to me so I can pass this message along to him (or to anyone else who needs it.). If it weren't for that belief, I wouldn't post it here at all. Thanks in advance for respecting that.

Sending love <3

I somehow missed this thread but I was glad to read you were ok. It's nice to see you back even if you think we shouldn't care.

And about what you call your "other issue", maybe focusing on that for the time being rather than "be happy" might help you achieve the other. It might even be part of why you felt into depression in the first place. As some other people probably already told you in those 5 pages of comments, it's not a curse or something to be ashamed of, and it isn't something completely out of reach either. In any case, best of luck with everything, and welcome back :)

I'm glad you didn't kill yourself. I'd say "I'm glad that you're okay", but lets be honest - you are not, you still have suicidal thoughts and I completely understand you. I have suicidal thoughts too and I fight them everyday. Having cats, taking small steps, trying to enjoy small things and not push my life too quickly help me. I could give you some advices, but I have only 2 or 3 that work pretty well for me - don't go to sleep too late, don't stay up in nights, try to go to sleep before 23 pm or at least before 1 am. Use daylight and go out for walks, if you think too much while walking try to play PokemonGO (even if you don't like it, I kinda forced myself to play it, because I noticed it is good for me), maybe it will help you to keep your head occupied, it helps me. Try to do a few simple things that make you happy daily (things that don't hurt and aren't toxic for you). If you need someone to talk to you can always message me. Take care.

what was the job that made you want to kill yourself?

Be strong and /w me